Читать книгу Thirty Years Among - Dead Carl Wickland - Страница 13

Spirit Forgive me! Forgive me! I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't mean to kill you, Minnie. I was very nervous and the children made such a noise. I was so sad because my wife had died. Give me a chance! Just give me one more chance! I, too, have suffered. If I had only lived! I have been in the dark so long and cannot be helped, and I cannot come near my child, she is so afraid of me. I have tried to reach her to ask for forgiveness, but she is so scared when I come near her that I cannot reach her.

Don't any of you ever strike a child, else you will suffer for years and years. I did not mean to hurt her; I loved her, but I killed her. If there is a God, lift this trouble and sorrow away from me! Give me some light and comfort, in my suffering! I cannot rest -I have no peace. I can only see my work that I did in anger. Try to control yourself if you get angry, else you, will suffer as I have. God help me! Oh, God! Give me one more chance - just one!

Dr. Do you realize that you are dead?

Sp. No; I ran away when I killed my child. Somebody got after me and ran very hard, then something hit me in the neck, and I fell down. (Evidently killed.) I got right up and ran, and I have been running so long it seems years. Many times I have seen my wife, accusing me for killing my child. I did kill her, God help me! I have tried to find just a little comfort and light.

Dr. You cannot find light until you have understanding.

Sp. God give me light and understanding! All I see is that poor child's head, split open where I struck her. I tried to ask Minnie for forgiveness, but she shrank from me and I could not get near her, and there was my wife, always accusing me for what I had done. Dr. She will not accuse you any more.

Sp. Will she forgive me?

Dr. Yes. What is your name?

Sp. William Day.

Dr. Can you recall what year it is?

Sp. My brain is in such a turmoil. I have been running and running for so long, trying to get away from that crowd of people that were after me. Everybody I saw, I ran from, knowing that they too would accuse me for killing Minnie. At nights my wife has stood by me accusing me, and then there was the child, with her head all split open, and the blood pouring out. I have had hell. It could not be worse. Is there no help for me? I prayed and prayed, but it did no good.

Dr. Do you know that you are in California?

Sp. California? When did I get here? Did I run all the way from St. Louis to California?

Dr. Do you understand that you are a spirit controlling the body of a mortal?

Sp. Do you mean that I am dead?

Dr. You have lost your physical body.

Sp. Won't I have to stay in the grave until the dead rise?

Dr. You are here now; how did you get out of the grave?

Sp. I have had no rest for I don't know how long.

Dr. There is no such thing as “death.” When you pass out of your physical body you lose your five physical sense organs, and unless you have understanding of the spirit life, you are in the dark, and can only see when coming in touch with some mortal.

Sp. The people are hounding me until I am tired out.

Dr. Now you must try to become reconciled with your wife and child.

Sp. Do you think they will ever forgive me? Please, forgive me, wife! I was not worthy of you. You were an angel and I was such a brute. Will you please forgive me? If you will only give me just one chance, I will try so hard. I have suffered so much. Carrie, Carrie! Is it really true that you will forgive me? Is it true? You were such a patient woman and tried so hard to help me, but I was no good. I loved my children, but I had such a bad temper. I really killed my wife by letting her sew just to keep the family together. I made good money, but there were always men around, telling me to come with them, and I did not know anything until my wages were all gone, and I went home feeling like a devil.

Dr. Perhaps the trouble was not all yours, for you might have been obsessed. When you leave here with your wife, you will find a wonderful spirit world.

Sp. I am not worthy to go with my wife, but I will try to do good. I don't want you to go away from me any more, Carrie! (Crying) Minnie, can you forgive your Papa? My dear child, I killed you, but I did not mean to. Forgive your Papa. Will I wake up after a while and find myself in darkness again? Am I asleep or dreaming? Minnie, don't go away from Papa! Please, forgive me!

Dr. You are neither asleep nor dreaming, but are beginning to realize your condition.

Sp. Did they kill me when they hit me in my neck and head? They shot me.

Dr. We can't say certainly, but they probably did.

Sp. If I can just have one more chance I will do my level best to keep my family together.

Dr. There is something else you can do, also, after you acquire understanding - it will be your duty to help poor, unfortunate spirits who are obsessing mortals, making devils of some of them. When you had your own body you may have been obsessed by some spirits.

Sp. I did not care for drink; I hated the very sight of it. But when once I got just a smell of it, something took hold of me and made me feel like a devil and I could not resist it. I could not do anything with myself. God help me and give me just a little comfort.

Dr. When you leave here you will be reunited with your family.

Sp. Are you sure about that?

Dr. Positive; but you must do as the advanced spirits instruct you.

Sp. If there is anything I can do to help you, I will do it, because you have reunited me with my family. I came home drunk and you don't know how I felt when I realized that my wife was dying. I was so drunk that I did not fully realize things until the next morning when I woke up, and there was my wife - dead! I could not understand it.

What was I to do? What could I do with the children? My wife dead!

My wife and Minnie say they will both forgive me, and now I have my wife and two children, and I am going to start all over again. God bless you all for what you have done for me and my family.

The confusion and mental suffering existing on the earth plane is vividly portrayed by the spirits who are brought to our circle for help.