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March 2014

Desperation drove me into the rooms of AA on July 10, 1983. It was not my first attempt. I had gotten three months together, moved to Florida, and once again became the important, self-sufficient person I always thought I was. After a year of more drinking, I got fired from my job and was about to become homeless. The desperate can be sweetly willing. So when I finally made it into the rooms, I had no doubts this time. I got old-fashioned, no-nonsense AA, and a lot of love from the old-timers. But this story is not all about me.

I had four grown children at the time, all of them out there in partyland, Florida. They had followed me after my move. I did know enough not to enable them, but I also was so self-centered that, of course, it was still all about me. So I let them each stay with me for three months, until they found a job and an apartment. I’m blessed because I never lost my relationships with my kids. I didn’t start alcoholic drinking until I was in my 30s, so thankfully we had developed a foundation with each other.

Thankfully, I heard my sponsor when she told me my children had their own disease, and that I was powerless over it. She instructed me to just keep doing what I was doing for my own sobriety—and to be an example. I used to drink with them, but by this time they were doing their own thing. I did coerce them into coming to my AA meeting each year when I picked up my anniversary medallion. They would sit there wondering which ones were alcoholics and which ones were there to support someone. But that was OK. They saw things and heard things.

My party-girl daughter (just like her mother) decided she’d make more money waitressing at a bar than in her office job. My oldest son was in the Army in Germany, and my youngest son didn’t present many problems. But my youngest daughter was out there somewhere; every now and then she would come and stay over for the night. I knew that my oldest daughter was getting more and more into the 24-hour Florida nightlife. She was losing her car and doing some of the things that alcoholics do. So I prayed and prayed and prayed for her.

No, there was no miracle. But one night when I was four years sober, I got a phone call from her at 11 p.m. She said, “Mom, I think I have a problem with drinking.” So I asked her to come over. When she got home, my 26-year-old daughter sat on my lap and cried. We hugged each other until she stopped crying. The next morning I took her to a meeting, introduced her to another woman and left.

I had been around long enough to know that I had to let her go. I knew I had to do it for the sake of my own sobriety and sanity, but mostly for hers. Boy, did I stick with my sponsor. My daughter went out briefly for some more experimenting; today she’s 26 years sober.

My Army son had now moved to New York with his family. I found out about his alcoholic drinking when his wife left him and took the kids back to Germany. By now we were all down in Florida, so he followed us. In one conversation, after he mentioned how things had gone the night before and that the “bottle clubs” were going to get him, I said, “You might want to be careful before the bottle gets you.” Like a good alcoholic, he said, “I know, I know, mom.”

About six months later he was sitting in front of me, hungover and jobless, and I simply said, “Maybe you should take a look at your drinking.” This time, in a different tone he said, “Mom, I’ve been wanting to talk to you about that.” I took him to a meeting that night, pointed to a chair, and said, “That chair’s yours; you’ve earned it.” Then I introduced him to some guys and left. That was in 1988. When he was seven years sober he remarried and moved to Pennsylvania where his wife was from. Strangely enough, he didn’t like the meetings, people weren’t as friendly, etc., etc. So he went out for a couple of years. A DUI brought him back in. Today he has 17 years sober and he’s a good husband and father. Thank you, God.

My youngest daughter has been around the program since about 1988. She stayed around for 15 years and had a daughter. Most of the time she didn’t have a sponsor or a home group. Then she went out for several years. All I could do was pray. A year ago she got a DUI. But her denial was at its peak. This past Christmas she got another one and spent almost a month in jail. I believe that was God doing for her what she could not do for herself. She’s now seven months sober and swears she’s thrown in the towel. I love seeing her smile today. She’s living with her sober older sister, who also has gone to some Al-Anon meetings. A day at a time they’re mending their relationship, which was pretty damaged.

I have another wonderful son who happens not to be an alcoholic. He too drank and partied with the rest of us. But he stopped, turned to faith and walks the walk. Today he’s a wonderful husband and father, and an elder in his church.

The time came for me to leave Florida. I moved to Pennsylvania five years ago. God was there before I arrived: he had gotten everything ready for me—my home, my sponsor, my home group and even a part-time job four blocks from where I live. How good is he?

My oldest daughter, who is 26 years sober and has been divorced since 1989, has had a few relationships that were all learning experiences. She kept on keeping on, and a couple of years ago she met Mr. Right, who has 27 years sober. This August when I went to Florida, they got married. She asked her 17-year sober brother to give her away and her seven-month sober sister to be her maid of honor. What a joy.

Three of my children and their families are still in Florida, so every summer we have a family reunion down there for a couple of weeks. I also meet with my old friends and sponsor, and pack my heart full of wonderful memories and gratitude.

So here we are. My children and I today total 73 years of sobriety—and now with my new son-in-law, the total is 100 years! Is that a fairytale or what? It’s been hard work practicing letting go, and each giving away what we’ve so generously been given. We stay out of each others’ programs and “live and let live.” Each one of us has learned to live life on life’s terms without picking up a drink or a drug.

We love our lives and our time together. I have 10 grandchildren, most of whom have never seen their parents drunk—and certainly can’t imagine their grandmother drunk! What a blessing. I have sponsees here in Pennsylvania, I make plenty of meetings and I love fellowshipping with the ladies. It gets better and better. And when you think it can’t get any better, it gets better.

Jeanne R.

Monaca, Pennsylvania