Читать книгу With Love From Cape Town - Joss Wood - Страница 16

‘DADDY says we’re going out all together today. And I can choose.’ Ella was practically hopping from foot to foot in her excitement. It was Saturday and for once neither Robina nor Niall planned to go into work.

Niall lowered his paper and looked at Robina. ‘If that’s all right? We did promise her.’

‘I think it’s a great idea,’ Robina said, ruffling Ella’s hair. ‘We’re all yours, sweetheart. Where do you fancy going?’

‘I can’t make up my mind. Swimming or ice-skating or the beach.’

Robina shuddered. ‘I think it’s a little cold for the beach. And I’m a hopeless ice-skater and not much cop in the water either.’

‘How do you know you can’t ice-skate?’ Niall asked, cocking his eyebrow at her. ‘Have you ever tried?’

‘Not exactly,’ Robina admitted. ‘But I have two left feet, so I’m bound to be hopeless.’

‘You can’t be hopeless. You are good at everything,’ Ella replied. ‘Anyway, Daddy can’t skate either. Can you, Daddy?’

‘That’s what you think, pumpkin.’ Niall chucked his daughter under the chin. ‘Just wait until you see my moves.’

‘He can’t even dance,’ Ella said scornfully. ‘My first mummy said he always stood on her feet.’ She looked glum for a moment. ‘At least I think she said that. I can’t really remember her any more.’

‘Tell you what,’ Robina interrupted hastily, hoping to distract Ella. ‘There’s a place I know, not too far from here, that I hear has a swimming pool with lots of slides, and an ice rink. What if I go swimming with you and Daddy takes you ice-skating, then we can all have dinner together? How does that sound?’

But to her dismay, Ella shook her head. ‘You said I would have both of you—together.’

Niall rose from the table. ‘So we did. And so you shall. If we have to pull Robina around the rink, so be it. Off you go then, and get your costume.’

Ella shot upstairs as if she were scared Niall would change his mind.

Niall grinned at Robina and her heart flipped. Damn the man, why did he still have the power to make her pulse race? It would be so much easier if she didn’t still fancy him rotten. It had been so long since they had spent any time together and, despite the horrors of the ice-rink in store, Robina couldn’t help but look forward to spending time with Niall and Ella. Perhaps this could be the start of them being a proper family?

‘I’ll just go and get my costume as well then,’ Robina said, feeling suddenly shy under Niall’s amused stare. ‘I may not be able to ice skate, and not be much of a swimmer, but I can paddle with the best of them.’

The pool was busy with schoolchildren and the noise was deafening when Robina and Ella emerged from the changing rooms. Ella was wearing water-wings, but Robina warned her to stay close in case she got into difficulty. As soon as they spotted Niall, looking lean and sexy as hell in his Bermudas, Ella ran up to him, dragging Robina by the hand.

Robina was acutely aware of Niall’s eyes raking her body. She felt the heat rise in her cheeks as his eyes travelled from her face down to her toes and back up to her face. He could only have looked at her for a couple of seconds, but to Robina, her body tingling under his gaze, it felt like for ever. She resisted the impulse to shield her body from his gaze. Once he had known every inch of her, and she of him. She recalled the scar he had below his left shoulder, where he had fallen from his bike as a child. She remembered tracing the grooves with her tongue, after tracing the contours of the raised skin with her fingertips. And how Niall had whipped over and grabbed her hands, pulling her down on top of him, kissing her until she was breathless. And then slowly, ever so slowly he had…She shook her head, horrified to feel languorous warmth spreading across her body. She had to stop thinking like that. She had to stop thinking of how it used to be, or she would go mad. But from the way his eyes darkened she guessed he was remembering too. Whatever their differences now, there had been a time when they hadn’t been able to keep their hands off each other.

Thankfully, Ella was oblivious to the tension between her parents and was soon dragging them up several flights of steps to the slide. Robina tried to protest, the thought of being even the height of the slide frightening her, but one look at Ella’s face and she knew she had to put her fears aside. This was Ella’s day and Robina wanted it to be perfect.

Ella insisted that Niall go down the slide first, and then she followed, leaving Robina to go last. Telling herself she was being ridiculous to be scared and holding her nose, Robina flung herself down the slide and was soon caught up in a circular basin which spun her around in everdecreasing circles. Taken by surprise, she let go of her nose and by the time she plunged into the bottom pool, she was gasping and spluttering. Her head popped up and then Niall was by her side, grabbing her under her arms. Instinctively, she wrapped her legs around his waist to keep her head out of the water. Niall’s hands tightened around her waist and she felt her body being pressed into his. Despite her panic, she could feel the heat of his muscles through the cool water and the solid strength of his hips supporting her. Again there was that dizzying sense of the world spinning. She looked down to find Niall looking up at her, his expression unreadable. All of a sudden he released her and in her surprise she sank beneath the water again. This time he grabbed her arms and dragged her unceremoniously to the edge of the pool where Ella was waiting in fits of giggles.

‘I thought you said you could swim,’ Ella accused Robina, still laughing.

‘I can swim,’ Robina said, trying to hang onto her dignity. ‘But no one told me about that bowl thing. It took me by surprise.’ She was damned if she was going to admit there was another thing she couldn’t do. Mairead probably swam in the Olympics, she thought bitterly. And then as Ella and Niall shared a grin, she had to laugh. She wagged her finger at the pair of them. ‘Just you wait, you two, I’ll get my own back.’

But her fear had left her, and for the next hour they swam and slid down slides and splashed each other in the wave machine. Robina couldn’t remember the last time she’d had so much fun. It was the first time since she had lost the baby that she hadn’t felt an overwhelming sense of loss and sadness. It was almost as if they had put the last few terrible months behind them and were the family they had been in those early, blissful weeks following their marriage. Seeing Niall laugh, Robina realised that it had been a long time, far too long, since she had seen him so relaxed and carefree. Why hadn’t they tried to do something like this before? How could they both have been so stubborn? Even if their marriage was dead, was there a chance that they could be friends at least?

Ice-skating turned out to be just as embarrassing as Robina had expected. She just couldn’t get the hang of gliding forward on her skates; instead she pushed herself around like a baby giraffe finding its legs for the first time, while holding onto the side. Niall and Ella, on the other hand, soon had the hang of it, and while not contestants for the next celebrity ice-skating TV programme, were making valiant attempts at getting around the rink.

Eventually they skated up to her.

‘If we hold your hand, can you let go of the side?’ Ella asked.

Robina could see that Niall was having difficulty controlling his amusement.

‘I don’t think so, darling.’ Robina said. ‘I will definitely fall on my bottom if I do.’

‘No, you won’t. Not if we hold onto you.’

Reluctantly Robina gave in and with Niall holding one hand and Ella on the other they skated off, with Robina doing her best not to wobble. Soon they had completed a circuit, but just when she thought she might be getting the hang of it, she tripped, pulling Niall and Ella down in an untidy heap beside her.

Robina hoped that with her woolly hat pulled low on her ears, no one would recognise her. The last thing she wanted was to spoil the day, or to have pictures in the press of her collapsed on the ice. Somehow she doubted her viewers would be impressed to see the normally cool and collected Dr Robina Zondi making an enormous idiot of herself.

Still grinning, Niall got to his feet and helped Robina to stand. But as he pulled her up, she lost her footing again and fell against him, knocking him to the ice with her on top of him. Ella stood by, watching, in a fit of giggles.

The world stopped as Robina felt the length of Niall’s body underneath hers. Once again, the feel of him brought vivid memories back of their love-making. She looked into his eyes to find him regarding her with what? Pain? Hurt? Desire? She couldn’t tell. Hastily, she scrambled to her feet.

‘I think I’ve had enough,’ she said, hoping that Niall would put her breathlessness down to her exertion. ‘You two carry on for a bit while I grab us some burgers and drinks.’

Ella protested half-heartedly, but Robina could tell she was happy to have her father to herself for a little bit. They accompanied her back to the side, and she left them to it.

As she waited for them to join her, Robina thought back to her earlier resolve. She was the one who had pushed Niall away after the miscarriage and it was up to her to make the first move. On the other hand, Niall wanted more children, children she couldn’t give him…She shook her head. What was the point? She kept going round in circles. She needed to speak to someone. Maybe her mother? Although she hated the thought of revealing the pathetic state of her marriage to Grace, she had to talk to someone. Later that evening, once a happy but tired out Ella was in bed, Niall joined Robina in her sitting room. She had showered and was wrapped in her silky dressing gown, toasting her feet in front of the fire.

‘It was a good day,’ he said softly, coming to stand beside her. ‘We should do it more often.’

‘I know,’ Robina said equally softly. ‘Ella had so much fun.’

‘Why don’t we rent a cottage near Ella’s grandparents for the weekend?’ Niall suggested. ‘Ella hasn’t seen Mairead’s parents since we got married and they are desperate to see her and her them.’

Robina’s heart skipped a beat. Did he want to spend time with her or with Ella? And did it matter? She had promised Ella a trip, but the thought of being away with Niall was unsettling.

His eyes were on hers, and if she hadn’t known better, she would think that her reply really mattered.

‘There are some great easy walks, and some of the most beautiful hills in Scotland to climb. I haven’t really had a chance to show you my country,’ he coaxed.

‘Okay,’ she said finally. ‘Why not? I’ll ask my PA to try and find something in the area, shall I?’

‘No,’ he said firmly. ‘I’ll arrange it. I have the perfect place in mind.’

‘Oh?’ Robina felt a chill run down her spine. ‘Somewhere you and Mairead stayed?’

‘For God’s sake, Robina. Of course not. I’m not that insensitive.’ He pulled a hand through his thick dark hair then smiled sheepishly. ‘Sorry. I know I deserved that. No, it’s nowhere Mairead and I have ever been and you don’t have to do anything except pack a bag. I’ll see to everything else. In fact, I’ve already booked it for this weekend.’

Monday was spent watching Niall in Theatre as he collected eggs from three patients. He looked more relaxed than Robina had seen him for a long time. Gone was the distant, polite man she shared her home with. Instead, here was the man she had met twelve months before—the man she had fallen in love with.

As he worked he seemed oblivious to the camera, explaining to each of the patients exactly what he was doing and why. Every now and again he would catch Robina’s eye as if he wanted to be reassured that she was okay.

The last patient of the day was a young, single woman. Maisie had been an unexpected appointment so Robina hadn’t had the opportunity to meet her in advance. However, as soon as the woman, a pretty redhead in her mid twenties, had heard about the filming she had been adamant she wanted to be part of it.

‘I want other people in my situation to know if there is anything that can be done,’ she said firmly.

Maisie was attending with her mother. At twenty-four, Maisie wasn’t married, not even in a relationship, but earlier in the week she had received the devastating news that she had cervical cancer. Luckily the doctors had caught it in time, so while Maisie would need to undergo chemotherapy, as well as radiotherapy, the prognosis was very good. However, the treatment that would save her life would destroy her ovaries and any chance of her having children. Maisie was still reeling from the news that she had cancer, but she was friendly with one of the specialist nurses at the clinic who had suggested she see Niall.

‘They’ve told me that it’s likely I’ll go through the menopause as a result of the treatment,’ she said quietly, but Robina could see from the whiteness of her knuckles as she gripped her hands together that she was struggling to maintain her composure. ‘And that it means that it is unlikely I’ll be able to have children. Hearing that was almost the worst thing about finding out about the illness. The doctors reckon that with treatment I should make a full recovery, but that I should accept that children aren’t for me.’ Her voice cracked a little. But she took a deep breath and continued. ‘I have always wanted children. Ever since I can remember. I can’t bear it if I can’t. Mairi said you might be able to help me.’

Niall leaned forward in his chair. His voice was gentle. ‘The most important thing is to ensure that your illness is treated successfully. You do realise that?’

‘Of course. I know that they wouldn’t recommend I have chemo and radiotherapy unless it was necessary, but they say they won’t be starting until next month.’

‘When I read the referral letter from your GP, I phoned your oncologist,’ Niall continued. ‘I wanted to be clear what the treatment plan was before we spoke. I didn’t want to get your hopes up.’

The spark of hope in Maisie’s eyes cut Robina to the core. Why was life so unfair? Just when the woman in front of her thought she had everything to look forward to, her dreams were snatched away.

‘When did you last have a period?’ Niall asked.

When Maisie told him, Niall looked satisfied. ‘The timing is good, then,’ he said. ‘What we can do is to stimulate your ovaries to produce eggs, then freeze them using a process called vitrification. Then later, when you are ready, we could thaw them and fertilise them with your partner’s sperm. It would give you a chance at a pregnancy. Your oncologist would be happy for us to treat you as long as we act quickly. I’m afraid it doesn’t give you much time to think, but it is an option.’

Tears were rolling down Maisie’s cheeks and Robina felt tears prick her own eyes. She blinked rapidly. Despite the tears, hope had brightened Maisie’s eyes. Robina just hoped Niall knew what he was doing. Surely he wouldn’t take chances with this young woman? What use would she be to a child if she were no longer alive to care for it?

‘But won’t the hormones you need to give her speed up the spread of her cancer?’ Maisie’s mother asked anxiously. ‘Because, darling, if they do, can’t you see it’s not worth taking the chance?’

‘I wouldn’t recommend this course of action if I wasn’t absolutely certain that it won’t affect the outcome of Maisie’s treatment,’ Niall said. ‘The level of hormones we use in order to stimulate your own hormones is tiny compared to that which floods a pregnant woman’s body. The latest research shows that the amount we would be giving you, along with the very short time span you’d be receiving the hormones, has no material effect on your cancer, but of course it’s entirely up to Maisie. All I can do is tell you what is possible, along with the pros and cons—but the decision is entirely up to you.’

‘Mairi said if anyone could help, it would be you.’ Maisie smiled before turning to her mother and taking her hand in hers. ‘Mum, I need to do this, do you understand? Can you support me? I don’t want to live if it means not ever being able to have children. And my treatment won’t be starting for a few weeks anyway.’

‘You can always adopt, darling. Have you thought about that?’

‘I could, Mum. Possibly. But who knows if it would ever happen? There’s such a shortage of babies. Besides, I know this is really selfish of me, but I want a child that is mine genetically. If it is at all possible.’

‘Well then, my love, it’s up to you.’ Maisie’s mother tried a smile, but it didn’t quite work. ‘I’ll go along with whatever you want.’

Maisie hugged her mother. ‘Thanks, Mum. I don’t want to go through this alone. I need you with me every step of the way.’ Then the two women were in each other’s arms, crying as if their hearts would break. Niall indicated with a nod of his head that they should be left in privacy.

Robina mumbled an excuse and fled for the privacy of the ladies’ toilet. How could Niall do this every day and not be affected? she wondered. And what about the nursing staff? They saw the patients on a regular basis throughout their treatment, became involved, she knew they did, because they had told her it was impossible not to. But they had all said that for each sad and disappointing outcome, there would be successes, some against all odds. And they had hundreds of photographs of happy families to prove it.

She had to keep believing that. Just because life had been unbearably cruel to her, it didn’t mean that these women didn’t have every chance. The irony was that it was Niall who was helping them when he was patently unable to help her.