Читать книгу Summer Beach Reads - Natalie Anderson - Страница 16

CHAPTER SEVEN

‘PUT these on while we get your things cleaned and dried.’

‘I didn’t think I’d need more than one pair of jeans. I wasn’t expecting a mudbath,’ Ellie said with defiance born of embarrassment as she took the jeans and tee Ruben held out to her and then dived to her bedroom to get decent.

She figured that at least he was never going to get off on the ‘she’s wearing my clothes’ thing—they totally swamped her. But suddenly she was feeling decidedly ‘his’ now wearing his jeans and tee. It was pathetically primeval but utterly seductive.

When she went out to the kitchen he was waiting with two giant mugs of coffee—perfect, as she’d been having some dangerous thoughts about heading to a nearby bed.

‘What do you do when you’re here alone and the weather’s closed in like this?’ she asked, desperate to make innocuous conversation.

‘I read.’

‘Let me guess, thrillers? Gory crime stories?’

‘No.’ He lifted his mug and led her down the hallway, pushing open the door to the large, plush study. He walked to a bookshelf around a corner, further away from the others. ‘Non-fiction.’

‘Oh, wow.’ Ellie gazed at the partially hidden display. Architecture books. Big, expensive, beautiful architecture and design books. Covering all kinds of buildings—not just hotels but homes and castles, inner-city apartments, outback homesteads and skyscrapers. The works.

‘You’ve got a ton.’ She moved in front of the shelf and pulled a couple out, then folded to sit cross-legged and opened the first book. It was the perfect safe time-killer.

He followed suit, leaning opposite her, soon burrowed in cushions and flicking through books. They talked, compared favourites, argued about the ugly. Almost two hours passed and Ellie couldn’t help thinking that, despite his outrageous flirt moments, his life appeared to be all work.

‘So where do you hang out most?’ she asked, chuckling when she saw his startled expression. ‘Don’t worry, I’m not about to start stalking you.’

‘At the hotels.’

‘But where do you exercise? You play rugby or something?’ Surely he was in a team. He totally had the fitness for it.

‘I use the gyms in the hotels.’

Oh, of course he did. ‘You don’t actually have a home of your own?’

‘There’s no point.’ He kept flicking pages and didn’t look up to answer her. ‘I visit the hotels on a constant rotation. I use a room in them. That way I can keep an eye on the quality of the service.’

Ellie glanced around the pristine interior of the place. ‘Don’t you have any personal stuff?’ Aside from architecture books?

‘Like what?’ he asked absently, still looking at the book spread on his lap.

‘Family photos?’ Anything?

‘I have some on my phone.’ He shrugged. ‘I guess I’m minimalist. I have an office at the chateau but most of the stuff I need is on my laptop.’

‘And what do you do for fun?’

‘Work is fun.’ He looked up and smiled. ‘I love what I do. Don’t you love what you do?’

‘Sure I do. I really do, actually.’

Ruben, now back in position leaning against cushions, had a sly look in his eye. ‘You’re meaning social fun, aren’t you?’ he asked.

She shrugged as if she weren’t that interested. ‘I’m guessing you enjoy your guests’ company.’

‘Some more than others,’ he answered glibly. ‘But not in the way you’re thinking. You were an exception and you know it.’

Yes, but nothing could come of the flame between them—there was no future in terms of a relationship. She might bring tours here but she could avoid him completely if she wanted to.

Thing was, she didn’t want to.

But she knew that if she agreed to a fling, when it was over there’d be no contact at all between them. It was how she worked and she was pretty sure it was how he’d work too.

The thought of not ever seeing him again squeezed her vulnerable heart hard. She wanted to see him. She wanted to know how his current deal worked out. She liked hanging out, she liked the aura of freedom he had, she liked how he made her laugh. Yeah, she wanted more of his company and she shouldn’t. But if she worked out some boundaries—where she wouldn’t give too much and thus not expect too much either—then maybe she could live with it.

‘I think we should try to be friends,’ she blurted decisively. ‘We should put this on a friend level.’

Ruben choked on nothing but fresh air.

‘I’m serious.’ She smiled as she watched him gasp. ‘We have a lot in common. We laugh together. We’re similar in that work is important to us. We get on well.’

‘And your point?’

She figured she could have him in her life as a friend, or not have him in her life at all. And though she knew she probably should, given how attractive she found him, she wasn’t ready to cast him out of her life completely. She was still too curious. ‘We can be civilised, can’t we?’

‘There’s nothing civilised about the things I want to do with you.’

She closed her eyes for a second and waited for the blood to recede from her cheeks. ‘But if we have a fling what do you think will happen in the end?’

He didn’t answer.

‘What usually happens?’ she prompted.

He began to smile, that wry, rueful smile.

‘Are you in contact with any of them?’ she asked softly.

His shoulders lifted. ‘If our paths cross we smile and wave and it’s all lovely and amicable.’

‘Because they have too much pride to show you how hurt they are inside,’ Ellie said dryly.

His brows lifted. ‘Honey, I’m not with any one woman long enough for her to get hurt.’

Ellie’s laugh came out as a snort but his words made her all the more resolved—she didn’t want too few hot nights, she’d rather have long-term laughs.

‘Well, okay, what about you?’ he said firmly. ‘Are you in contact with your exes?’

As if. ‘I haven’t had as many as you,’ she said pointedly. ‘But usually what happens is I have a relationship and, not too long later, the guy moves on. I used to try everything to please him, so he’d stick around longer, but I’m not going to bend myself into any more boxes in order to try to keep anyone.’ She was never doing that again. ‘I don’t see any of them any more.’

‘So you’re not going to bend into any boxes for me?’

She shook her head with a laugh.

‘I’m feeling a little insulted,’ he said mildly.

‘Don’t be. Actually you should feel pleased. I want to stay in touch with you.’ She really did.

‘And that’s a first? None of your other men?’

‘How many do you think there’ve been?’ She rolled her eyes when she saw the amused look on his face. ‘No, I’m not in touch with any of the two hundred and eighty-four. They were jerks.’

He laughed. ‘I don’t want to be a jerk to you. I like you. I like talking to you.’

‘Exactly!’ Great, this was easier than she’d thought it would be.

‘I still want to have sex with you, though.’

Okay, maybe not so easy. ‘You’ll get over that.’

‘You’re saying you’re over it?’ He moved towards her.

She darted sideways out of reach. ‘Look—’ she held him off firmly ‘—everybody says you have to feed passion, indulge it, have so much until you don’t want it any more. But the only way to kill a fire is to starve it.’

‘And you want to kill it?’ He paused, clearly in disbelief.

‘Well, that’s best, right? Because I don’t want us to lose all contact. I like hanging out with you.’

‘I don’t know whether to be pleased or insulted. You want me to be your buddy?’ His unbelieving smile became positively evil. ‘How about buddy with benefits?’

‘No benefits. Too messy. It would never work.’ She was adamant on that.

He stared at her. ‘You really want to be friends more than you want to have sex again?’ he asked, utterly incredulous.

She inhaled deeply. ‘Yes.’

‘I don’t believe you. In fact I reckon I could get you to change your mind in about a minute or less.’

‘If you put your mouth to that task, then I’d probably have to agree with you,’ she admitted. ‘But then I’d walk out of your life and that would be that. I don’t want to have a fling with you. But I do want to be a friend.’

‘You’re giving me an ultimatum?’ He sat an inch from her, clearly astounded.

‘Think of it as a challenge.’

‘Why would I put myself through that kind of a challenge?’

‘How many friends do you have?’ she asked, deadly serious.

‘I have hundreds of friends.’

‘I mean real, true, deep friends?’ she asked.

‘Friends are friends.’ He shrugged off her scepticism. ‘I like lots of them.’

‘Then this should be easy, right?’ she teased.

He sighed. ‘You really don’t want to be friends with benefits, or even just little perks?’

‘That way lies mess and complication. This way lies companionship.’

‘Companionship.’ He all but spat the word.

‘I know there’s no such thing as commitment from a guy like you, Ruben.’

He turned into a statue before her eyes.

‘To be honest, that’s not what I want in my life at this stage either,’ she reassured him with a smile. ‘Things are exciting for me. I’ve got this great job with awesome opportunities...’ She wanted to focus on succeeding with that.

‘Do you really think we can get past the physical attraction?’ Ruben really wasn’t sure that was going to be possible.

‘Sure we can. We’re adults, not animals.’

‘You like it animal,’ he taunted softly, pleased that she still blushed for him.

‘You’ll forget that, eventually.’

He doubted that very much.

‘Are you afraid you’re going to fail at this, Ruben?’

Oh, she thought he would, didn’t she?

‘What do you get out of it?’ he asked softly. ‘Surely you have other friends already, right? So what is it you get from me that you get from no one else? If it isn’t going to be stellar sex, what is it?’

Her flush deepened and she looked away.

He moved closer—not to touch her, but to really see her response. ‘Answer me, or I say no to this and get you panting for it in less than a minute. Be honest. What do you get from me?’

‘Just that, I guess.’ She shrugged. ‘I can be as rude as I like with you. I can be honest and you laugh at me and with me. I can completely be myself and it doesn’t matter.’

That struck some long-buried nerve deep inside him. ‘And you can’t do that with anyone else?’

‘Not quite the same, no.’ She inhaled. ‘I don’t feel like I have to please you. I don’t think I have to do anything but be me with you.’

Ruben looked into her blue eyes, trying to read her. He’d decided never to give a damn what anyone thought of him in life. Ellie’s approach couldn’t be more different. She cared too much about what people thought—she worked stupidly hard to please them. But it was both a weakness and a strength. It was part of what made her so good at her job, but clearly it had caused her some misery in terms of affairs. And she felt as if she could be free in his company?

Ruben narrowed in on the vulnerability in her blue eyes—and recognised blossoming fear. She was afraid he’d refuse her—that she’d asked for something he didn’t want.

And what did he want? To have her in his life for a sex-filled night or two, or for longer as someone to hang with? He tried to think but looking into her eyes was a distraction. They were beautiful—wide and deep, like a vast ocean. Oddly he realised that her wanting just to hang out with him, feeling as if she could, made him feel good in a way he’d never felt before. A way that he didn’t know how to analyse—couldn’t—what with that weird ringing in his ears.

‘Saved by the bell,’ Ellie was muttering grimly.

Oh, there really was ringing—the doorbell. Ruben took her hand and marched her to the door with him. He didn’t want her stropping off to her room because he’d taken too long to answer.

‘Ruben?’ An older woman stood in the entranceway, impeccably groomed and dressed in summer country casual. ‘I’m so glad you’re home.’

‘Oh, hi.’ He drew a quick breath and put his photographic memory to good use. ‘Margot, isn’t it?’ He’d placed her face—one of the society matriarchs in Queenstown. Lovely woman, very proper, probably wanted something for a good cause. He let go of Ellie and stepped forward to shake the older woman’s hand.

‘Yes.’ She smiled.

‘Margot, this is my friend Ellie.’ He introduced them coolly, avoiding Ellie’s eye as he labelled her the way she wanted. ‘How can we help?’

‘I’d heard you were in residence this weekend and stopped by to remind you of the gala in town tonight. Given you’ve donated so generously to the hospice, I thought you might like to attend.’

He donated to all the local hospices near his hotels. The care of people in the last stages of cancer in a homelike environment, with family able to be near, was something he felt very strongly about. He and his mother had cared for his father at home, alone. Had a hospice been nearby it might have made some moments almost bearable.

‘My donations are supposed to remain anonymous.’ He wanted no credit for it. No public recognition. Hell, his business was not built on personality but by private perfection. Quietly satisfied customers were his reward—return customers. He had no hunger for this kind of public approval; his assistance with hospices was intensely personal.

‘Yes, and they will remain so.’ Margot spoke with soft care. ‘I only know about it because I’m the treasurer. But I thought you might like to see how your generosity has helped?’ Margot smiled. ‘There’s a beautiful display at the restaurant and we have a wonderful speaker.’

He cleared his throat. ‘Actually, Margot, we’re really tired. We got bogged in the mud for a couple of hours this morning thanks to this.’ He gestured to the damp fog—it had closed in even more while they’d been in the study.

‘So you’ll be spending the night here anyway as the airport is shut,’ she noted brightly. ‘Why not come just for the dinner? It doesn’t have to be a late night. It starts at seven. It would be wonderful to see you there.’

He hesitated and glanced at Ellie. She was watching him closely. For a second he thought he saw sympathy in her eyes but she blinked and it was gone. She knew he didn’t feel like socialising tonight. And she was right—he’d wanted to be utterly alone with her. He’d planned for them to be miles from anyone up in his mountain hut away from everything but temptation. The damn weather had thwarted those plans. And Ellie herself had thrown Plan B into complete disarray.

Nowadays he often had that nagging question as to whether a woman was interested in him mainly because of his business interests and accompanying bank balance. Ellie had been the one perfect exception to that. She’d had no idea who he was, she’d wanted his body, then she’d laughed with him. Apparently now she wanted to be some kind of buddy with him. He didn’t get that at all—figured she’d partly done it because she didn’t think he could. She thought she’d set him an impossible challenge and he understood there was a part of Ellie that liked to set a challenge. Just as there was a part of him that loved nothing more than a challenge. But she had no idea how determined he could be. He’d taken over a property aged seventeen, for heaven’s sake. He was totally capable of reining in his desires as an adult now. Of course he was...

But he was still looking at her and now a dozen other images flashed in his head.

Okay, the charity dinner wasn’t his number one idea of fun but he could see himself failing on the friends thing if he stayed home alone with her tonight. She tempted too much. It would be safer to get out—and prove a point to her at the same time. After all, failure was never an option. And ultimately he had no intention of failing on getting what he really wanted from her. But he’d play it her way for now.

‘Of course,’ he said, turning to Margot, going for all-out charm. ‘Ellie and I would love to be there. Thanks for stopping by.’

Somewhat stunned, Ellie watched Ruben’s smile flash to mega-impact. Poor Margot actually reddened, her expression morphing from that of polite hostess to one suffused with genuine pleasure and surprise.

‘Oh,’ the older woman gasped. ‘That’s wonderful.’ She flicked a glance to Ellie. ‘It’ll be lovely to have you both there. I’m looking forward to getting to know you better too, Ellie.’

Ellie merely smiled and saved her tongue for when the smartly dressed socialite had slipped back into her silver car and driven away.

‘She seems very nice.’ Ellie walked into the giant homestead. ‘You’ll have a great time.’

‘You’re coming with me,’ he called after her, shutting the door behind them.

‘No, I’m not.’ She smiled sweetly as she shook her head and headed straight for the kitchen for some icy water. ‘This is an opportunity for you to spend some time with your neighbours.’

‘You’re worried because you don’t have anything to wear?’ he asked. ‘There are a bunch of expensive boutiques in Queenstown. We have time to hit them.’

He thought that was why she didn’t want to go? ‘Oh, please, don’t make the mistake of thinking you’re going to make me over.’ She turned to face him tartly. ‘Of course I have something to wear.’

‘You only have an overnight bag with you.’ He rested his hip against the kitchen counter, watching her fill her glass. ‘And you said yourself you don’t have a second pair of jeans, that’s why you’re wearing mine.’

His lascivious look told her he was all macho about her wearing his gear. She tried to ignore the hot clench of feminine satisfaction.

‘I have a slip that doubles as an evening dress.’ She faux demurely took a sip.

His jaw dropped. ‘That blue thing?’

Ellie choked as she tried to swallow water while snorting with laughter. How could he sound both scandalised and horn-dog desperate? She shook her head and swallowed safely that time. ‘No. Not a slip, it’s a dress that doesn’t need ironing so I can roll it up. I always have it in the bottom of my overnight bag.’

‘What about shoes?’

‘I have teeny, tiny strappy numbers. And I have make-up and glittery jewellery too. You never know when you might get that last-minute invite to a red-carpet event.’ She was spouting complete rubbish of course—she’d never been to a red carpet event. But she had learnt a trick or two from hanging around on the set of a few ultra-budget short flicks. The make-up artists could work wonders with a tube of Vaseline and an eye pencil. And after the nightmare that had been Nathan and his insulting comments about her attire, she’d gone shopping for a kill-’em-at-any-occasion dress. And okay, it hadn’t been Nathan she’d been thinking of. She’d been channelling her new-found inner seductress—basking in the conquest that had been Ruben and revelling in supreme sexual confidence for five seconds of madness in the shop’s changing room.

‘Impressive.’ Ruben’s expression went evil. ‘So you have no reason to be able to refuse me, then.’

Too late she realised she’d been trapped. Oh, he was good. There was nothing for it but straight refusal. ‘I’m not going as your date.’

‘You have to. We’ve already told the immaculate Margot we’ll be there and we can’t disappoint her now.’

‘Look.’ She sighed. ‘She’s thrilled about you going. She won’t mind my not being there. You don’t need to do the host thing, I’m happy to have a nice quiet night here on my own. I’m really tired—it’s been an exhausting day out facing the elements, you know.’

‘And yet you’re going to send me into the wolves’ den, knowing I’m every bit as exhausted.’

‘Hardly a den,’ she mocked softly. ‘They’ll welcome you with open arms.’

‘It’s a dangerous place, the charity dinner. I’m not sure you understand the threat I’m facing.’ Somehow he’d moved nearer.

‘From all the women throwing themselves at you?’

He nodded soberly. ‘It’s frightening. I need you to protect me.’

‘Oh, as if.’ Arrogant sod. ‘You need no protection. It’s the other way round and you know it. You’ll be waggling your eyebrows at all the waitresses and they’ll fawn all over you.’

‘I only waggle if they’ve got good racks. Of food.’ He caught her eye and laughed. ‘None of those women need fear me. Come with me. Please. It’s what friends do.’ He looked sly. ‘And you’re my friend now, right?’

Her eyes narrowed. ‘I’d like to think that’s possible. It remains to see whether you can manage it.’

‘Well, friends support each other, don’t they? Here’s some truth for you. I’m shy.’ He dropped his voice to a whisper. ‘I admit it. I like my privacy and I find small talk...difficult sometimes.’

‘Shy?’ she scoffed. ‘You’re the guy who was happy to stand buck naked in a hotel corridor the morning we met. You’re anything but shy. You’re outrageous.’

‘That was a special occasion.’ He stared, all big brown puppy eyes.

‘Oh, it was not. You don’t care about what people think of you.’

‘That’s true.’ He shrugged off the bashful routine.

Ellie nodded. ‘You’re stunning at schmooze. You just reduced society matriarch Margot to a blushing, tongue-tied wreck.’

‘Doesn’t mean I enjoy it. I have good managers at each of the lodges. I don’t mix with the clients all that much. I’d rather wander round—’

‘Looking like the gardener.’

‘Exactly.’ He’d edged closer still. ‘Go on, come with me.’

She nibbled the inside of her lip, steadfastly ignoring the less than subtle undertone to his invitation. There was that irresistible desire to see what he was like at one of those events—to be out in public with him at her side. To indulge in that dangerous fantasy for a few hours would be far safer than to stay here another night alone with him.

‘Okay.’ She shrugged, feigning nonchalance. ‘I’ll go with you.’

‘We have a couple of hours before—’

‘Yeah, I’m going for a lie down.’ She walked, quickly. ‘Alone.’

* * *

Two hours later she was running late, having spent too long messing around with all the luxury bathing products in the bathroom and thinking up movie-tour spiels. Wrapped in one of the luxurious robes supplied in the wardrobe, she raced to the kitchen to hunt out a snack. Munching a cracker, she caught him in the corridor on her way back to her bedroom.

She stopped, spilling crumbs as she unconsciously clenched her fist and crushed the cracker. How could any woman think ‘friends only’ when he looked as sex-in-a-suit as that?

He grinned as if he could read her thoughts. ‘You like it?’

Oh, yeah, her like was all over her face. Way too late she pulled her jaw from the floor and got her tongue back behind her teeth. ‘You’re not playing fair.’

‘I just thought it might be good to lift the challenge for you. Make you think about what you’re giving up.’

As if she needed to think about that any more than she was already.

‘You were wrong once—isn’t there the possibility you might be wrong twice?’ he asked slyly.

‘What was I wrong about?’

‘That it was fantasy sex that couldn’t be repeated. But that kiss in the spa was way better than any fantasy. Just imagine what a whole night together would be like.’

‘This is you meeting the friendship challenge, is it?’ she asked.

He shrugged negligently. ‘Oh, I can meet that challenge. But if you wanted to change your mind at any time, all you have to do is ask.’

And he’d do her? She merely smiled and went to set a challenge of her own. Twenty minutes later she walked into the lounge and waited for his response.

He stared—up and down, up and down, paused just north of her centre, and then up and down again. ‘That was really in that tiny overnight bag?’

She twirled. ‘It’s a tiny dress.’

It was and all Ruben wanted to do was peel it off her. It was black and sleek—like cobwebbing over her breasts and an equally clinging skirt. Her legs were lightly tanned and framed with a pair of barely there sandals on her feet—only a strip of black sequins across her toes and a heel that gave her a slight chance of levelly meeting his gaze.

He managed to haul a couple of words together. ‘We’d better go.’

There would have been a couple of hundred people there. The place glittered—diamonds adorned ears, necks, wrists and fingers everywhere. He glanced at Ellie’s beautiful skin; diamonds would look good on her. Or sapphires to match her eyes. Although no gem, no matter how precious, could sparkle the way her eyes were now.

She was laughing at how he’d just waylaid a waitress and hoovered too many of her canapés before she’d been able to offer them to anyone else. But honestly, he’d not eaten for ages. The two hours Ellie had had her lie-down, he’d been working.

‘You really don’t give a damn about what these people think of you, do you?’ Ellie teased.

‘Why should I? It doesn’t matter to me what anyone thinks.’

‘But what about your business?’

‘It speaks for itself. Each hotel or lodge is its own advertisement. I create them and then disappear into the background. It’s not about me. Never about me. People don’t go to a luxury retreat to hang out with the owner. They go for space, rest, privacy.’ He shrugged.

He watched her talk with one woman about the scenery. Snowboarding. Turned out Ellie had never been snowboarding herself, but she got that other woman talking about it for the best part of twenty minutes. She really was interested in what the other was saying. Asked intelligent, thoughtful questions. She was so good at listening and paying attention to other people. At seeming to care. Watching her in action, he realised it was the skill set she’d learned as a lonely kid. By giving others attention, she got attention. It made her included.

He watched her show all through dinner. For the most part he just enjoyed her enthusiasm—as did those at their table. But she was interested in being friends with him because she didn’t have to maintain that vivacious front the entire time with him. She could be ribald. She could be outrageous. She could be tired and grumpy. She could be selfish and take what she wanted. Hell, he wanted her to take what she wanted from him again. His body ached for her to.

Fortunately the band started up. While dancing was a very, very risky idea, it was also irresistible.

‘Friends kiss each other, don’t they?’ he asked idly as they barely moved, swaying in the small, heated dance space.

‘Oh, you’re bad.’ Glittering blue eyes sliced through him.

‘We’re also in a public place, so it’s not like we can go overboard. Just a little, friendly kiss.’

‘How friendly?’

‘Well, given our history, I’d say we’re very close friends.’

He stole a kiss and felt the fire both sharpen his need and melt his soul. This was what he wanted. Her giving in to him. Wanting him. Hot and sweet and soft. He pulled her closer, ached to have her lush body blanket his. Her warm lips welcomed. Oh, it was good. Blood fired—revitalised—around his body. He actually relaxed, the pressure in his head easing.

But she broke free. ‘That was almost overboard,’ she muttered, not looking at him.

He nodded but refused to let her out of his hold. Thank heavens for a crowded dance floor.

Ellie was almost out on her feet. No way could she handle more of this dancing and certainly not another ‘friendly’ kiss. She insisted on heading back to the bar where she stood alongside him and watched him attract people like the Pied Piper summoned every child in his town. He talked with men about farming, sport, politics, building developments. With the women it was more about the hotel business, the restaurants, the local events. Utterly sociable, he was the kind of person hosts loved at a party because he could carry conversation so well.

But it was all safe conversation. She noticed he never talked about himself—all topics were out in the public domain. While she made conversation by talking about the other person, he made conversation by talking about things or events or policies. He never broached the personal with any of them, but was utterly charming. And as the evening wore on it dawned on her that they were at a charity dinner for a hospice and he’d never once mentioned it in any of his conversations here. So that was too personal—she’d suspected so.

But his roguish smile and occasional outrageous joke had so many women giving him that look. And giving Ellie that look of envy.

She fell asleep on the drive home. Ruben pulled into the entranceway and quietly went round the car and opened her door. He scooped her up and carried her inside to the big sofa in the lounge. He didn’t want the night to end just yet—not with them going to separate bedrooms.

So much for phases two and three being so easy. No matter the weather problems, the fact was she’d turned the tables on him and somehow he’d agreed to it. Friends? It was crazy.

With a soft murmur she stirred, looked at him, all big, blue drowsy eyes. Her heart right there in them—longing. His own heart did a weird flip-flop thing. It wasn’t comfortable in the suddenly gaping cavern of his chest. Usually in this situation, when all the blood in his body had rushed south, he’d be on course for some highly satisfactory action. But today, despite the screaming tension from that most masculine part of himself, his brain wouldn’t shut down. Amazingly the clarity of his thoughts was more acute than ever. And all he could think was how lovely she was.

‘I’m really sleepy,’ she said, scratchy-voiced.

‘I’m not going to bed without you.’ He didn’t want to let her go.

‘You’re not going to bed with me.’

He smiled. A kiss and he’d have her mind changed. The glittering look she gave him beneath her lashes let him know she knew it too. But it had hit him hard—he didn’t want to lose her from his life. Not yet. And knowing what he did—of her need for attention, her habit of running from rejection, of her refusal to ever communicate with an ex...not to mention his own dismal track record in maintaining any length of a relationship...

Yeah, now he knew he had to do what she’d asked. Reluctantly. ‘Then I guess I’m not going to bed.’

He sat on the sofa, still holding her in his arms. She was soft and warm. He rested his head on hers.

‘I had a nice night,’ she murmured, settling closer.

So had he. And he was tired and too human to resist the temptation to kiss her again. Her sleepy, soft response deepened. She was deliciously lax in his arms, as if she’d let him do anything. Her breathy moan pretty much confirmed it. But they were friends and while friends kissed, that was all. And frankly? He’d never found kissing so rewarding. Long and luscious, kiss after kiss after way more than friendly kiss.

‘Ruben.’ She sighed.

He knew she was almost asleep, but she was also begging.

‘You could kiss me all kinds of places.’ A butterfly whisper.

Utter temptation. She had him so hard. And that was what she wanted, huh? To have her cake and eat it too. Or, more to the point, have him eat it. He smiled at his sleepy wanton woman and couldn’t help trailing a finger up her thigh.

Just once. Just once he wanted to see her shudder in ecstasy thanks to him. Yeah, he was that selfish. He’d dreamed of it for too long and, breathing in her fresh scent now, there was no resisting. He was touching only a little. Delving into the soft heat. She clenched on him. He rubbed a couple more times and she was there—right there in his arms—vulnerable, beautiful, and, in that moment, completely his. He watched for a moment, but some emotion deep inside drove him to kiss her, to catch the last of her sighs, to inhale her energy.

The ache tearing him apart inside wasn’t purely sexual. The craving ran too deep to be only that—but it was a yearning for something he couldn’t ever admit wanting. So he clamped it—shutting it down, forcing his own need away.

Breathing hard, he looked at her peaceful expression. She was both vulnerable and strong. His sharp clarity returned. He didn’t want her trying to bend into a box to keep any fling with him going. He had no illusions that a fling wouldn’t end. Of course it would. In the past, a woman in a relationship with him soon grew tired—of his long absences due to constant travel, his mental and emotional absences. Ellie would soon get to the point where she’d had enough. She’d get mad and shout how selfish he was. How he didn’t care.

Frankly he didn’t want to care.

But he didn’t want Ellie walking out on him in anger. She recognised his faults already. Knew what would happen. So she was removing that eventuality with immediate effect because she didn’t want to lose touch with him altogether. She didn’t want to disappear in the sunrise as another one-night stand. There was something in him she liked and wanted—other than sex.

And maybe all that was, was his acceptance of everything she was, without question or criticism. And he felt a simple honesty in return—he didn’t want to screw her over. He didn’t want to let her down. That was the last thing she deserved. And the only way he could ensure he wouldn’t was to do as she’d asked.