Читать книгу Work. Mama. Life. - Ali Young - Страница 14

While my support systems were there, I was creating stress for myself and within my family because I was striving to fill a ‘perfect child and perfect mother’ ideology. It wasn't a conscious thing. I just did it because that's what I thought I was supposed to do. I know I'm not alone here. It's well researched. It's the intensive mothering ideology that we will explore as we move through this book, and how it impacts the stress load of mothering. This ideology is creating a cycle of burned-out working mums trying to do and be all to everyone, except for themselves. A bit more on that soon.

Moving through this as an individual, and reflecting on it over the years since my first child was born, highlights to me how, even as a highly knowledgeable mother, this matrescence period can really impact us, our future health and the lens through which we view motherhood.

As a mum, the stress load of life external to our ‘self’, and internal within our specific environment can impact us so innately that it alters our health, our vitality, our zest and, ultimately, our mothering. The amazing support systems we are gifted by our Western culture can be lifechanging. They can literally turn a really crappy, depressive and anxious experience into something joyful and vital.

The support systems offered to mothers, as reported anecdotally in my practice, have at times been overwhelming, and ‘too much’. As mums have told me, there can be conflicting advice, given within short time frames, that can raise anxiety levels. And when mothers look externally to find all of the answers, it can also be a hugely overwhelming experience. Instead, giving ourselves permission to listen within, to listen to our calm and that inner voice, can allow us to support ourselves in a way that suits us.

The level of stress that comes from a lack of our own knowledge and because we continually have to source information from external sources can be the first step towards burnout in my experience. When we then add in mum-guilt and returning to work, it's a recipe for disaster.

Unsurprisingly, my daughter Matilda one day began to sleep, and we then decided to jump on the child number two rollercoaster. I mean, of course we did, ha ha. This journey was completely different and I often reflect on my second birth as being my healing delivery. No intervention, the instant love was there and the shift to a family with two children was a wholly different experience.

And while this was a healing birth, it didn't mean that I didn't get stressed … that I didn't search outside of me for answers on how things were going and what I should be doing. It just meant I began with a little bit of a head start on the time before.