Читать книгу Chistmas In Manhattan Collection - Алисон Робертс - Страница 12

CHAPTER THREE

‘SO HERE’S THE THING...’

‘Mmm?’ Grace was still trying to get her head around hearing Charles Davenport’s voice on a phone for the first time ever.

The twang of a New York accent had probably been mellowed by so many years at exclusive, private schools but his enunciation was crisp. Decisive, even. It made her think of someone in a suit. Presenting a killer summary in a courtroom, perhaps. Or detailing a take-over bid in the boardroom of a global company.

She was sitting cross-legged on the couch in Helena’s apartment, a take-out container of pad Thai on her lap and a pair of chopsticks now idle in her hands. She was in her pyjamas already, thanks to getting soaked in the tail end of the storm during her long walk home from the nearest subway station.

Was her attire partly responsible for hearing that slightly gravelly edge to Charles’s voice that made her think that he would sound just like that if his head was on a pillow, very close to her own?

‘Sorry...did you say your neighbour’s name was Houston? As in “Houston, we have a problem”?’

The chuckle of laughter came out of the phone and went straight for somewhere deep in Grace’s chest. Or maybe her belly. It created a warmth that brought a smile to her face.

‘Exactly. It’s their dog that’s called Houston and they chose the name on the first day they brought him home as a puppy when they found what he’d left in the middle of their white carpet.’

The bubble of her own laughter took Grace by surprise. Because it felt like the kind of easy laughter that she hadn’t experienced in such a long time? The kind that made her think of a first date? Or worse, made her remember that night. When Charles had found her, so stressed before the start of their final exams that she was in pieces and he’d tried to reassure her. To distract her, by talking to her rather like this. By making her laugh through her tears and then...

And then there’d been that astonishing moment when they couldn’t break the eye contact between them and the kiss that had started everything had been as inevitable as the sun rising the next morning.

It was an effort to force herself to focus on what Charles was actually saying as he kept talking.

‘The boys call him Horse, because they weren’t even two when he arrived and they couldn’t pronounce Houston but he’s quite big so that seemed to work, too.’

Grace cleared her throat, hoping her voice would come out sounding normal. How embarrassing would it be if it was kind of husky and betrayed those memories that refused to stay where they should be. Buried.

‘What sort of dog is he?’

‘A retro doodle. Half poodle, half golden retriever. One of those designer, hypo-allergenic kind of dogs, you know? But he’s lovely. Very well behaved and gentle.’

Grace closed her eyes for a moment. This was so weird. She hadn’t seen Charles Davenport in more than a decade but here they were chatting about something completely random as if they were friends who caught up every other week. And they’d never been friends, exactly. Friendly, certainly—with a lot of respect for each other’s abilities. And they’d been passionate—so briefly it had always seemed like nothing more than a fantasy that had unexpectedly achieved reality. But this?

Thanks to the memories it was stirring up, this was doing Grace’s head in.

On top of that, her noodles were getting cold and probably wouldn’t appreciate another spin in the microwave.

The beat of an awkward silence made her wonder if this apparently easy chatting was actually just as weird for Charles.

‘Anyway...I’m sorry to disturb your evening but it occurred to me that it could be a win-win situation.’

‘Oh?’

‘Houston’s parents are my neighbours on the ground floor of this block—which, I should mention, is about two minutes’ walk to Central Park and ten at the most to Manhattan Mercy.’

‘Oh...’ How good would that be, not to have to battle crowds in the subway and a long walk at the end of the commute?

‘Stefan’s an interior designer and his husband, Jerome, is an artist. They’re heading off tomorrow for a belated honeymoon in Europe and they’ll be gone for about six weeks. They’re both fretting about Houston having to go into kennels. I suggested they get a dog-sitter to live in but...’ Charles cleared his throat as if he was slightly embarrassed. ‘Apparently Houston is their fur child and they couldn’t find someone trustworthy enough. When I got home this evening, I told them about you and they seem to be very impressed with the recommendation I gave them.’

‘Oh...?’ Good grief, she was beginning to sound like a broken record. ‘But...I work long hours. I couldn’t look after a dog...’

‘Houston has a puppy walker that he loves who would come twice a day on the days that you’re working. That’s another part of his routine that Stefan and Jerome are worried about disrupting because he gets to play with his dog friends who get taken out at the same time. Even more importantly, if he was still in his own home, he wouldn’t miss his dads so much. And I thought that it could give you a bit of breathing space, you know? To find your feet in a new city and where you want to be.’

Not just breathing space. Living space. Sharing a tiny apartment, even with a good friend, was a shock to the system for someone who had guarded their privacy so well for so long.

‘I know it’s all very last minute with them being due to drop Houston at the kennels in the morning but they’re home this evening and they’d love to meet you and have a chat about it. Stefan said he’d be delighted to cover your taxi fares if you were at all interested.’ Charles paused and Grace could hear something that sounded like a weary sigh. ‘Anyway...I’ve only just got the boys to bed and I need to have a hunt in the fridge and see if I can find something to eat that isn’t the boys’ favourite packet mac and cheese.’

Again, Grace was aware of that tightness in her chest. Empathy? Charles might have the blessing of having two gorgeous children but he had lost something huge as well. Something that had changed his future for ever—the loss of a complete family.

They had a lot more than he realised in common.

Her new boss had also had a very difficult day, coping with a crisis in his department and the added blow of having to deal with a personal crisis with his nanny being put out of action. And yet he’d found the time to think about her and a way to possibly help her adjust to a dauntingly huge change in her life?

How astonishing was that?

‘Thank you so much, Charles.’ Grace dropped the chopsticks into the plastic bowl and put it onto the coffee table as she unfurled her legs. It didn’t matter that she would have to get dressed again and then head out into this huge city that never slept. Despite so much going on in his own life, Charles had made a very thoughtful effort on her behalf and she knew exactly how she needed to show her appreciation.

There was something else prompting her, too. A niggle that was purely instinctive that was telling her not to miss this unexpected opportunity. That it might, somehow, be a signpost to the new path in life that she was seeking. The kind of niggle that had persuaded her, in the end, to come to New York in the first place.

‘Let me grab a pen. Give me the address and I’ll get there as soon as I can.’

* * *

‘Morning, Doc.’

‘Morning, Jack. How’s the weather looking out there?’ Not that Charles needed to ask. The view from his penthouse apartment over Central Park and the Manhattan skyline had shown him that any residual cloudiness from the storm of a few days ago had been blown well clear of the city. It was a perfect October day. But discussing the weather was a ritual. And it gave him the chance to make sure that the twins were well protected from the chill, with their jackets fastened, ears covered by their hats and twenty little fingers encased in warm mittens.

‘It’s a day for the park, that’s fo’ sure.’ Jack had a passion for following meteorology and spent any free time on door duty surfing weather channels. ‘High of sixteen degrees, thirty-two percent clear skies and twenty-one percent chance of light rain but that won’t happen until after two p.m.’

‘Perfect. Nice change, isn’t it?’ As usual, Cameron’s mittens were hanging by the strings that attached them to his jacket sleeves. Charles pulled them over the small hands. ‘That was some storm we had the other day.’

‘Sure was. Won’t forget that in a hurry. Not with poor Maria crashing down the stairs like that.’ Jack shook his head. ‘How’s she doin’?’

‘Good, but I don’t want her coming back to work too soon. She won’t be up to lifting small boys out of trouble for a while.’ Charles tugged Max’s hat down over his ears. ‘You guys ready?’

‘Can we say “hi” to Horse?’

Charles glanced behind the boys, to the door that led to one of the two ground-floor apartments. He’d been tempted to knock on that door more than once in the last few days—ever since he’d heard the news that Grace had taken on the dog-sitting gig—but something had held him back.

Something odd that felt almost like shyness, which was ridiculous because hanging back had never been an attribute that anyone would associate with the Davenport family.

Maybe he was just waiting for it to happen naturally so that it didn’t seem like he was being pushy? He was her boss, after all. Or he would be, as soon as he got back to work properly. There were boundaries here and maybe Grace didn’t want to cross them, either. That might explain why she hadn’t knocked on his door.

He turned, holding out his hands. ‘Let’s go. Or you’ll be wanting a hotdog before we even get to the playground.’

Jack was holding open the front door, letting sunlight stream in to brighten the mosaic tiles of the entrance foyer, but the boys weren’t moving to take their father’s hands. They were going in the opposite direction, as the door behind Charles swung open.

‘Horse...’

The big woolly dog looked as pleased to see the twins as they were to see him. He stood there with what looked like a grin on his face, the long plume of his tail waving, as Cameron and Max wrapped their arms around his neck and buried their faces in his curls.

Grace was grinning as well, as she looked down at the reunion.

‘Oh, yeah...cuddles are the best way to start the day, aren’t they, Houston?’

She was still smiling as she looked up. The black woollen hat she was wearing made a frame that seemed to accentuate the brightness of that smile. A smile that went all the way to her eyes and made them sparkle.

‘We’re off to the park,’ she said. ‘It’s my first day off so I’m on dog-walking duty today.’

‘We’re going to the park, too,’ Cameron shouted. ‘You can come with us.’

‘I want to throw the ball for Horse.’ Max nodded.

‘I think he has to stay on his lead,’ Grace said. ‘I’ve been reading the rules this morning.’

Charles nodded. ‘And he’s not allowed in the playgrounds. But we can walk with him for a while.’

Grace’s smile seemed to wobble, as if a shadow was crossing her face, and Charles had the impression that this was a bigger deal than he would have expected.

‘If Grace doesn’t mind the extra company, that is,’ he added.

‘I’d love it,’ Grace said firmly. She was clipping the dog’s lead onto his harness so Charles couldn’t see if she really meant that but then she straightened and caught his gaze.

‘You can show me the best places to walk. I don’t know anything about Central Park.’

Her smile was strong again and he could see a gleam in her eyes that he remembered very well. He’d seen it often enough in the past, usually when they were both heading in to the same examination.

Determination, that was what it was.

But why did she need to tap into that kind of reserve for something that should be no problem? A pleasure, even...

It was puzzling.

‘Have you never been to New York before?’ Juggling two small children and a dog on the busy pavement meant that Charles had to wait until they were almost at the gates of the park to say anything more to Grace.

‘Never. I was born in Australia and then my family moved to Florida when my dad got a job with NASA.’ She was smiling again. ‘He thinks it’s hilarious that I’ve got a job looking after a dog called Houston. Anyway...coming here was always a plan once I got to medical school in Boston but there never seemed to be enough time. I was too busy studying...’ The glance Charles received was mischievous. ‘Trying to keep up with you.’

‘I think it was the other way round.’ Charles kept a firm grip on small mittened hands, as he paused to wait until a horse-drawn carriage rolled past, carrying tourists on a relaxed tour of the park, but he was holding Grace’s gaze as well. They would have to part company very soon and it felt...disappointing?

‘Okay...we have two favourite playgrounds close to here but...’

‘But dogs aren’t allowed, I know. When I looked on the map, there was a track called the Bridle Path? That sounds like a nice place to walk.’

‘It is. Come with us as far as the playground and I’ll show you which direction to take to find it. Next time, I’ll bring the boys’ bikes and we can all go on the Bridle Path.’

The way Grace’s eyes widened revealed her surprise, which was quite understandable because Charles was a little surprised himself that the suggestion had emerged so casually. As if this was already a thing—this walking in the park together like a...like a family? A whole family, with two parents and even a dog.

And her surprise quickly morphed into something else. Something softer that hadn’t been fuelled by determination. Pleasure, even? Was she enjoying their company as much as he was enjoying hers?

Charles was silent the rest of the way to the playground. Not that anybody seemed to notice because Cameron and Max were making sure that Grace didn’t miss any of the important attractions.

‘Look, Gace...it’s a sk-wirrel...’

‘Oh, yes...I love squirrels.’

‘Look at all the leafs. Why are they all on the ground?’

‘Because it’s autumn. The trees get undressed for winter. Like you do when you’re getting ready for bed. Aren’t they pretty?’

Why had it felt so natural up until now, Charles wondered, to add feminine and canine company to his little troupe when it could be seen as potentially disturbing? He and his boys didn’t need extra people in their lives. Against quite a few odds, he had managed perfectly well up until now and his children were happy and healthy and safe...

At least things would go back to normal any second now. Grace would continue her dog walk and he’d stand around with the other parents, watching the children run and climb and shout, until he was summoned to push the swings.

But when they got to the wrought-iron fence surrounding the playground, it seemed that his boys wanted a larger audience for their exploits.

‘I want Horse to watch me on the slide,’ Cameron said.

‘And Gace,’ Max added. His face was serious enough to let them know that this was important. ‘Gace can push me on the swing.’

* * *

‘Um...’ Grace hadn’t missed the slightly awkward edge to the atmosphere in the last minute or two because it had left her feeling just a bit confused.

She’d been happy to have company on her first walk to Central Park because it was always so much easier to go somewhere new with somebody who knew the way. And because it had been so good to see the twins again. Especially Max. Cameron’s smile was identical, of course, but there was something a little more serious about Max that pulled her heartstrings so hard it was too close to pain to be comfortable. That was why, for a heartbeat back at the apartment block, she had wondered if it wasn’t a good idea to share even a part of this walk. But she’d pushed aside any deeply personal misgivings. Maybe it did still hurt that she would never be part of her own family group like this, but surely she could embrace this moment for what it was? Being included, instead of watching from a distance?

Having Houston walking by her side helped a lot. In fact, the last few days had been a revelation. Due to her work hours and never settling in one place for very long, Grace had never considered adopting a dog and getting to know Houston had been a joy. She wished she’d learned years ago that a companion like this could make you feel so much less alone in the world.

Charles’s company was surprisingly good, too. When she’d told him of her father’s amusement about the dog’s name, the appreciative glint in his eyes made her remember how easy that telephone conversation the other night had been. How close to the surface laughter had felt. He’d caught her memory of how focused life had been back in medical school, too, but twisted it slightly, to make it sound as if he’d been a lot more aware of her than she had realised.

And then he’d made that comment about them all coming to the park again together, as if this was the start of something that he’d expected to happen all along? That was when the awkwardness had sprouted.

Had he somehow heard the alarm bells sounding in her own head or did he have a warning system of his own?

Maybe she should just say goodbye and head off with Houston to explore the park and leave Charles to have time with his boys.

Except...it felt like it would suddenly be less interesting. A bit lonely, even?

And the way Max was looking up at her, with those big, blue eyes, as if her being here was the most important thing in the world to him. He had eyes just like his father, she realised. That amazingly bright blue, made even more striking by the darker rim around the irises.

‘I have to stay here, on this side of the fence. To look after Horse.’ She smiled at Max. ‘But I could watch Daddy push you?’

Houston seemed perfectly happy to sit by her side and Grace was grateful for the dog’s warmth as he leaned against her leg. She watched Charles lift the little boys into the bucket seats of the swings, side by side, and then position himself between them so that he could push a swing with each hand. She could see the huge grins on the children’s faces and hear the peals of their laughter as the arc of movement got steadily higher. And Charles finally looked exactly as she’d remembered him. Happy. Carefree. Enjoying all the best things in life that automatically came his way because he was one of life’s golden people that always had the best available.

Except she knew better now. Charles might have had a very different upbringing from her solid, middle-class existence, but he hadn’t been protected from the hard things in life any more than she had. His world had been shattered, maybe as much as hers had been, but he was making the best of it and clearly fatherhood was just as important to him as his work. More important, perhaps. He hadn’t hesitated in taking time off when his children needed him.

That said a lot about who he was, didn’t it? About his ability to cherish the things that were most important in life?

A beat of something very poignant washed through Grace as she remembered those whispered words in the locker room.

‘Nina was the absolute love of his life...he’ll never get over it...’

The death of his wife was utterly tragic but how lucky had they both been to find a love like that? She certainly hadn’t been lucky enough to find it in her marriage and she wasn’t about to stumble across it any time soon.

Grace closed her eyes for a heartbeat as she let her breath escape in a sigh. How good was this kind of weather, when she could snuggle beneath layers of warm clothes and a lovely, puffy jacket? Nobody would ever guess what she was hiding.

Charles was smiling again as he came back towards her. He hadn’t bothered with a hat or gloves and he was rubbing his hands together against the chill of the late autumn air. The breeze was ruffling his hair, which looked longer and more tousled than Grace remembered. Maybe he didn’t get much time for haircuts these days. Or maybe how he looked wasn’t a priority. It would be ironic if that was the reason, because the tousled look, along with that designer stubble, actually made him look way more attractive.

‘That’s my duty done. Now I get to watch them run around and climb things until they either get hungry or need to go to the toilet. Probably both at the same time.’

‘I should get going. Horse isn’t getting the exercise I promised him.’

‘Wait a bit? The boys won’t forgive me if you disappear before they’ve had a chance to show off a bit.’

‘Sure.’

With the bars of the fence between them and Charles’s attention back on his children, it felt curiously safe to be standing this close to him. It was safe anyway, Grace reminded herself. The last thing Charles Davenport would want would be another complication in his life and nobody could take the place of the twins’ mother, anyway. With another wash of that empathy, the words came out before Grace thought to filter them.

‘You must miss their mom so much...’

The beat of silence between them was surprisingly loud against the backdrop of happy shrieks and laughter from the small crowd of children swarming over the playground attractions. She couldn’t miss the way Charles swallowed so carefully.

‘So much,’ he agreed. ‘I can only be thankful that the boys will never feel that loss.’

Grace was silent but she could feel her brow furrowing as Charles slid a brief glance back in her direction.

‘Oh, they’ll know that something’s missing from their life as they get older and notice that all the other kids have moms but they never knew Nina. She didn’t even get to hold them.’

‘I’m so sorry, Charles,’ Grace said quietly. ‘I had no idea until Helena mentioned it the other day. I can’t even imagine how awful that must have been.’

‘We had no warning.’ His voice sounded raw. ‘The pregnancy had gone so well and we were both so excited about welcoming the twins. Twins run in the family, you know. My brother Elijah is my twin. And we knew they were boys.’

Grace was listening but didn’t say anything. She couldn’t say anything because her treacherous mind was racing down its own, private track. Picking the scab off an old, emotional wound. Imagining what it would be like to have an enormous belly sheltering not one but two babies. She could actually feel a wash of that excitement of waiting for the birth.

‘The birth was textbook perfect, too. Cameron arrived and then five minutes later Max did. They were a few weeks early but healthy enough not to need any intervention. I had just cut Max’s umbilical cord and was lifting him up to put him in Nina’s arms when it happened. She suddenly started gasping for breath and her blood pressure crashed. She was unconscious even before the massive haemorrhage started.’

‘Oh... God...’ Grace wasn’t distracted by any personal baggage now. She was in that room with Charles and his two newborn sons. Watching his wife die right in front of his eyes. Her own eyes filled with tears.

‘Sorry...’ Charles sucked in a deep breath. ‘It’s not something I ever talk about. I feel...guilty, you know?’

‘What? How could you possibly feel guilty? There was nothing you could have done.’

‘There should have been.’ There was an intensity to his voice that made the weight of the burden Charles carried very clear. ‘It was my job to protect her. I was a doctor, for God’s sake. I should have seen something. Some warning. She could have had a medically controlled birth. A Caesarean.’

‘It could still have happened.’ Grace could hear an odd intensity in her own voice now. Why did it seem so important to try and convince Charles that he had nothing to feel guilty about? ‘A C-section might not have made any difference. These things are rare but they happen—with no warning. Sometimes, you lose the babies as well.’ She glanced away from Charles, her gaze drawn to the two happy, healthy little boys running around in the playground. ‘Look at them,’ she said softly. ‘Feel blessed...not guilty...’

Charles nodded. ‘I do. Those boys are the most important thing in my life. They are my life. It’s just that it gets harder at this time of year. It sucks that the anniversary of losing Nina is also the twins’ birthday. They’re old enough to know about birthdays now and that they’re supposed to be happy. And it’s Halloween, for heaven’s sake. Every kid in the country is getting dressed up and having fun.’

‘That’s next week.’

‘Yeah.’ Charles pushed his fingers through his hair as he watched Max follow Cameron through a tunnel at the base of the wooden fort. ‘And, thanks to their little friends at nursery school, they’re determined to go trick or treating for the first time. And they all wear their costumes to school that day.’

Clearly, it was the last thing Charles wanted to think about. The urge to offer help of some kind was powerful but that might not be something Charles wanted, either. But, he’d opened up to her about the tragedy, hadn’t he? And he’d said that he never talked about it but he’d told her. Oddly, that felt remarkably special.

Grace bit her lip, absently scratching Houston’s ear as he leaned his head against her leg.

‘I wonder if they do Halloween costumes for dogs,’ she murmured.

Clearly, Charles picked up on this subtle offer to help make this time of year more fun. More of a celebration than a source of painful memories. His startled glance reminded her of the one she’d received the other day when she’d told him what a lucky man he was to have such gorgeous children. As if he was unexpectedly looking at something from a very different perspective.

If so, he obviously needed time to think about it and that was fine by Grace. Maybe she did, too. Offering to help—to become more involved in this little family—might very well be a mistake. So why did it feel so much like the right thing to do?

Charles was watching the boys again as they emerged from the other end of the tunnel and immediately ran back to do it all over again.

‘Enough about me,’ he said. ‘I was trying to remember the last time I heard about you and it was at a conference about ten years ago. I’m sure someone told me that you’d got married.’

‘Mmm.’

Charles was leaning against the wrought-iron rails between them, so that when he turned his head, he seemed very close. ‘But you’re not married now?’

‘No.’

He held her gaze. He’d just told her about the huge thing that had changed his life for ever. He wasn’t going to ask any more questions but he wanted to know her story, didn’t he?

He’d just told her about his personal catastrophe that he never normally told anyone. She wanted to tell him about hers. To tell him everything. To reveal that they had a connection in grief that others could never understand completely.

But it was the recognition of that connection that prevented her saying anything. Because it was a time warp. She was suddenly back in that blip of time that had connected them that first time. Outside, on a night that had been almost cold enough to freeze her tears.

She could hear his voice.

‘Grace? Oh, my God...are you crying? What’s wrong?’

He hadn’t asked any more questions then, either. He’d known that it didn’t actually matter what had gone wrong, it was comfort that she’d needed. Reassurance.

‘Come with me. It’s far too cold to be out here...’

He could see that there was something huge that had gone wrong now, too. And maybe she wouldn’t need to say anything. If that rail wasn’t between them, maybe Charles would take her in his arms again.

The way he had that night, before he’d led her away to a warm place.

His room.

His bed.

It was a very good thing that that strong rail was there. That Charles couldn’t come through the gate when he had to be in that playground to supervise his children.

Even though she knew it couldn’t happen, Grace still pulled her layers of protective clothing a little more tightly around her body. She still found herself stepping back from the fence.

‘I really should go,’ she said. ‘It’s not fair to make Houston wait any longer for his walk.’

Charles nodded slowly. His smile said it was fine.

But his eyes told her that he knew she was running away. That he could see a lot more than she wanted him to.

He couldn’t see the physical scars, of course. Nobody got to see those.

Grace had been confident that nobody could see the emotional scars, either.

Until now...