Читать книгу Chistmas In Manhattan Collection - Алисон Робертс - Страница 16

CHAPTER SEVEN

‘BIT COLD FOR the park today, isn’t it, Doc? They’re sayin’ it could snow.’

‘I know, but the boys are desperate for a bike ride. We haven’t been able to get outside to play for days.’

Jack brightened at the prospect of leaving the tiny space that was his office by the front door of this apartment block.

‘Stay here. I’ll fetch those bikes from the basement. Could do with checkin’ that the rubbish has been collected.’

‘Oh, thanks, Jack.’ It was always a mission managing two small boys and their bikes in the elevator. This way, he could get their coats and helmets securely fastened without them trying to climb on board their beloved bikes.

As always, he cast more than one glance towards the door at the back of the foyer as he got ready to head outside. He remembered wanting to knock on it when Grace had first moved in and that he’d been held back by some nebulous idea of boundaries. He didn’t have any problems with it now.

They’d come a long way since then. Too far, perhaps, but they’d obviously both decided to put that ill-advised kiss behind them and focus on a friendship that was growing steadily stronger.

And Charles had news that he really wanted to share.

So he knocked on Grace’s door. He knew she had a day off today because he’d started taking more notice of her name on the weekly rosters.

‘Charles... Hi...’ Was it his imagination or was there a glow of real pleasure amidst the surprise of a morning caller?

He could certainly feel that glow but maybe it was coming from his own pleasure at seeing her. Especially away from work, when she wasn’t wearing her scrubs, with her hair scraped back from her face in her usual ponytail. Today, she was in jeans tucked into sheepskin-lined boots and she had a bright red sweater and her hair was falling around her face in messy waves—a bit like it had been when he’d come home to find her sound asleep on his couch.

Horse sneaked past her legs and made a beeline for the boys, who shrieked with glee and fell on their furry friend for cuddles.

‘I have something I have to tell you,’ Charles said.

Her eyes widened. ‘Oh, no...is it Miranda? Helena texted me to say she was involved in that subway tunnel collapse—that she’d been trapped under rubble or something.’

Charles shook his head. ‘She’s fine. She didn’t even need to come into the ER. A paramedic took care of her, apparently. No, it’s about Toby. I just had a call from PICU.’

He could hear the gasp as Grace sucked in her breath. ‘Toby?’

‘Yes. He woke up this morning.’

‘Oh...it’s been forty-eight hours. I was starting to think the worst... Is he...? Has he...?’

‘As far as they can tell, he’s neurologically intact. They’re going to run more tests but he recognises his parents and he’s said the few words he knows. And he’s smiling...’

Grace was smiling, too. Beaming, in fact. And then she noticed Jack as the elevator doors opened and he stepped out with a small bike under each arm.

‘Morning, Jack.’

‘Morning, Miss Forbes.’ His face broke into a wide grin. ‘Yo’ sure look happy today.’

‘I am...’ There was a sparkle in her eyes that looked like unshed tears as she met Charles’s gaze again. ‘So happy. Thanks so much for coming to tell me.’

‘Can Horse come to the park?’ Max was beside his father’s legs. ‘Can he watch us ride our bikes?’

The glance from Grace held a query now. Did Charles want their company?

He smiled. Of course he did.

‘Wrap up warm,’ Jack warned. ‘It’s only about five degrees out there. It might snow.’

‘Really?’ Grace sounded excited. ‘I can’t wait for it to snow. And I’m really, really hoping for a white Christmas this year.’

‘Could happen.’ Jack nodded. ‘They’re predicting some big storms for December and that’s not far off. It’ll be Christmas before we know it.’

Charles groaned. ‘Let’s get Thanksgiving out of the way before we start talking Christmas. We’ve only just finished Halloween!’

Except Halloween felt like a long way in the past now, didn’t it? Long enough for this friendship to feel like it was becoming something much more solid.

Real.

‘Give me two minutes,’ Grace said. ‘I need to find my hat and scarf. Horse? Come and get your harness on.’

The boys had trainer wheels on their small bikes and needed constant reminding not to get too far ahead of the adults. Pedestrians on the busy pavement had to jump out of the way as the boys powered towards the park but most of them smiled at the two identical little faces with their proud smiles. Charles kept a firm hand on each set of handlebars as they crossed the main road at the lights but once they were through the gates of Central Park, he let them go as fast as they wanted.

‘Phew...I think we’re safe now. I’m pretty sure the tourist carriages don’t use this path.’

‘Do they do sleigh rides here when it snows?’

‘I don’t know. I’ve seen carriages that look like sleighs but I think they have wheels rather than runners. Why?’

Grace’s breath came out in a huff of white as she sighed. ‘It’s always been my dream for Christmas. A sleigh ride in a snowy park. At night, when there’s sparkly lights everywhere and there are bells on the horses and you have to be all wrapped up in soft blankets.’

Charles smiled but he felt a squeeze of something poignant catch his heart. The picture she was painting was ultimately romantic but did she see herself alone in that sleigh?

He couldn’t ask. They might have reached new ground with their friendship, especially after that oddly intimate case of working to save little Toby, but asking such a personal question seemed premature. Risky.

Besides, Grace was still talking.

‘Christmas in Australia was so weird. Too hot to do anything but head for the nearest beach or pool but lots of people still want to do the whole roast turkey thing. Or dress up in Santa suits.’ She rubbed at her nose, which was already red from the cold. ‘It feels much more like a proper Christmas when it snows.’

The boys were turning their bikes in a circle ahead of them, which seemed to be a complicated procedure. And then they were pedalling furiously back towards them.

‘Look at us, Gace! Look how fast we can go.’

Grace leapt out of Cameron’s way, pulling Houston to safety as Cameron tried, and failed, to slow down. The bike tilted sideways and then toppled.

‘Whoops...’ Charles scooped up his son. ‘Okay, buddy?’

Cameron’s face crumpled but then he sniffed hard and nodded.

‘Is it time for a hotdog?’

‘Soon.’ He was climbing back onto his bike. ‘I have to ride some more first.’

‘He’s determined,’ Grace said, watching him pedal after his brother. ‘Like his daddy.’

‘Oh? You think I’m determined?’

‘Absolutely. You don’t give up easily, even if you have a challenge that would defeat a lot of people.’

‘You mean Toby? You were just as determined as I was to save him.’

‘Mmm. But I’d seen that look in your eyes before, remember? I’m not sure if I would have had the confidence to try that hard when I had absolutely no experience, like you did back when we were students.’ She shook her head. ‘I still don’t have that much experience of arrest from hypothermia. That old woman that we worked on is the only other case I’ve ever had. Bit of a coincidence, isn’t it?’

‘Meant to be,’ Charles suggested lightly. ‘We’re a good team.’

‘It’s easier to be determined when you’re part of a team,’ Grace said quietly. ‘I think you’ve coped amazingly with challenges you’ve had to face alone. Your boys are a credit to you.’

He might not know her story yet but he knew that Grace had been through her own share of tough challenges.

He spoke quietly as well. ‘I have a feeling you’ve done that, too.’

The glance they shared acknowledged the truth. And their connection. A mutual appreciation of another person’s strength of character, perhaps?

And Charles was quite sure that Grace was almost ready to tell him what he wanted to know. That all it would take was the right question. But he had no idea what that question might be and this was hardly the best place to start a conversation that needed care. He could feel the cold seeping through his shoes and gloves and he would need to take the boys home soon.

‘Come and visit later, if you’re not busy,’ he found himself suggesting. ‘The boys got a train set from my parents for their birthday and they’d love to show it to you.’

The twins were on the return leg of one of the loops that took them away from their father and then back again.

‘What do you think, Max?’ he called out. ‘Is it a good idea for Grace to come and see your new train?’

Later, Charles knew he would feel a little guilty about enlisting his sons’ backup like this but right then, he just wanted to know that he was going to get to spend some more time with Grace.

Soon.

It seemed important.

‘Yes,’ Max shouted obligingly, his instant grin an irresistible invitation. ‘And Horse.’

‘And mac and cheese,’ Cameron added.

But Max shook his head. ‘Not Daddy’s,’ he said sadly. ‘It comes in a box. I don’t like it...’

Charles raised an eyebrow. ‘This is your fault, Grace. I have at least half a dozen boxes of Easy Mac ’n’ Cheese in my pantry—my go-to quick favourite dinner for the boys—and they’re useless. Even when I try adding bacon.’

‘Oh, dear...’ Grace was smiling. ‘Guess I’d better teach you how to make cheese sauce, then?’

His nod was solemn. ‘I think so. You did promise.’

Her cheeks were already pink from the cold but Charles had the impression that the colour had deepened even more suddenly.

‘I think I promised to write it down for you.’

‘Ah...but I learn so much better by doing something. Do you remember that class we did on suturing once? When we had that pig skin to practise on?’

‘Yes... It was fun.’

‘Tricky, though. I’d stayed up the night before, reading all about exactly where to grasp a needle with the needle driver and wrapping the suture around it and then switching hand positions to make the knots. I even watched a whole bunch of videos.’

‘Ha! I knew you always stayed up all night studying. It was why I had so much trouble keeping up with you.’

‘My point is, actually doing it was a completely different story. I felt like I had two left hands. You were way better at it.’

‘Not by the end of the class. You aced it.’

‘Because I was doing it. Not reading about it, or watching it.’

Why was he working so hard to persuade her to do something that she might not be comfortable with? Because it felt important—just like the idea of spending more time with her?

There was something about the way her gaze slid away from his that made him want to touch her arm. To tell her that this was okay. That she could trust him.

But maybe he managed to communicate that, anyway, in the briefest glance she returned to, because her breath came out in a cloudy puff again—the way it had when she’d sighed after confessing her dream of having a Christmas sleigh ride in the snow. Her chin bobbed in a single nod.

‘I’ll pick up some ingredients on my way home.’

‘We don’t want to go home, Daddy,’ Cameron said. ‘We want to go to the playground.’

With their determined pedalling efforts, their feet probably weren’t as cold as his, Charles decided. And with some running and climbing added in, they were going to be very tired by this evening. They’d probably fall asleep as soon as they’d had their dinner and...and that would be the perfect opportunity to talk to Grace, wouldn’t it?

Really talk to Grace.

He smiled at his boys. ‘Okay. Let’s head for the playground.’

‘And Gace,’ Max added.

But she shook her head. ‘I can’t, sorry, sweetheart. I have to take Horse home now.’

‘Why?’

‘Because Stefan and Jerome are going to Skype us and talk to him, like they do every Sunday. And he needs his hair brushed first. Oh...I’ve just had an idea.’ She held the dog’s lead out to Charles. ‘Can you stand with the boys? I’ll take a photo I can send them, so they can see that he’s been having fun in the park today.’

It took a moment or two to get two small boys, two bikes, a large fluffy dog and a tall man into a cohesive enough group to photograph. And then a passer-by stopped and insisted on taking the phone from Grace’s hands.

‘You need one of the whole family,’ he said firmly.

Grace looked startled. And then embarrassed as she caught Charles’s gaze.

It reminded him of Davenport family photos. Where everyone had to look as though they were a happy family and hide the undercurrents and secret emotions that were too private to share. The kind of image that would be taken very soon for their annual Thanksgiving gathering?

Charles was good at this. He’d been doing it for a very long time. And he knew it was far easier to just get it over with than try and explain why it wasn’t a good idea.

So he smiled at Grace and pulled Houston a bit closer to make a space for her to stand beside him, behind the boys on their bikes.

‘Come on,’ he encouraged. ‘Before we all freeze to death here.’

Strangely, when Grace was in place a moment later, with Charles’s arm draped over her shoulders, it didn’t feel at all like the uncomfortable publicity shots of the New York Davenports destined to appear in some glossy magazine.

It was, in fact, surprisingly easy to find the ‘big smile’ that the stranger requested.

* * *

It wasn’t a case of her heart conflicting with her head, which would have been far simpler to deal with.

This was more like her heart arranging itself into two separate divisions on either side of what was more like a solid wall than a battle line.

There were moments when Grace could even believe there was a door hidden in that wall, somewhere, and time with Charles felt like she was moving along, tapping on that solid surface, waiting for the change in sound that would tell her she was close.

Moments like this, as she stood beside Charles in his kitchen, supervising his first attempt at making a cheese sauce.

‘Add the milk gradually and just keep stirring.’

‘It’s all lumpy.’

‘It’ll be fine. Stir a bit faster. And have faith.’

‘Hmm...okay...’ Charles peered into the pot, frowning. ‘How did your Skype session go?’

‘Houston wasn’t terribly co-operative. He didn’t want to wake up. I showed them the photo from the park, though, and they said to say “hi” and wish you a happy Thanksgiving.’

‘That’s nice.’ Charles added some more milk to his sauce. ‘Where are they going to be celebrating? Still in Italy?’

‘Yes. They’re fallen head over heels in love with the Amalfi coast. They’ve bought a house there.’

‘What? How’s that going to work?’

‘They’ve got this idea that they could spend six months in Europe and six months here every year and never have winters.’

‘But what about Houston?’

‘I guess he’ll have to get used to travelling.’ Grace pointed at the pot. ‘Keep stirring or lumps will sneak in. You can add the grated cheese now, too.’

Charles was shaking his head. ‘I don’t think Houston would like summers in Italy. It’d be too hot for a big, fluffy dog.’

‘Mmm...’ Grace looked over her shoulder. Not that she could see into the living area from here but she could imagine that Houston hadn’t moved from where the boys had commanded him to stay—a canine mountain that they were constructing a new train line around. From the happy tooting noises she could hear, it seemed like the line was up and running now.

‘I’d adopt him,’ Charles said. ‘Max and Cameron think he’s another brother.’

‘I would, too.’ Grace smiled. ‘I love that dog. I don’t think you ever feel truly lonely when you’re sharing your life with a dog.’

The glance from Charles was quick enough to be sharp. A flash of surprise followed by something very warm, like sympathy. Concern...

She was stepping onto dangerous territory here, inadvertently admitting that she was often lonely.

‘Right...let’s drain that pasta, mix in the bacon and you can pour the sauce over the top. All we need is the breadcrumbs on top with a bit more cheese and it can go in the oven for half an hour.’

The distraction seemed to have been successful and Grace relaxed again, helping herself to a glass of wine when Charles chased the boys into the bathroom to get clean. She had to abandon her drink before their dinner was ready to come out of the oven, though, in order to answer the summons to the bathroom where she found Charles kneeling beside a huge tub that contained two small boys, a flotilla of plastic toys and a ridiculous amount of bubbles.

‘Look, Gace. A snowman!’

‘Could be a snow woman,’ Charles suggested. ‘Or possibly a snow dog.’

He had taken off the ribbed, navy pullover he’d been wearing and his T-shirt had large, damp patches on the front. There were clumps of bubbles on his bare arms and another one on the top of his head and the grin on his face told her that, in this moment, Charles Davenport was possibly the happiest man on earth.

Tap, tap, tap...

Would she be brave enough to go through that door if she did find it?

What if she opened her heart to this little family and then found they didn’t actually want her?

‘Nobody’s ever going to want you again... Not now...’

That ugly voice from the past should have lost its power long ago but there were still moments. Like this one, when she was smiling down at two, perfect, beautiful children and a man that she knew was even more gorgeous without those designer jeans and shirt.

Even as her smile began to wobble, though, she was saved by the bell of the oven timer.

‘I’ll take that out,’ she excused herself. ‘Dinner will be ready by the time you guys have got your jimjams on.’

The twins were just as cute in their pyjamas as they had been in their monkey suits for Halloween but another glass of wine had made it easier for Grace. The pleasant fuzziness reminded her that it was possible to embrace the moment and enjoy this for simply what it was—spending time with a friend and being included in his family.

Because they were real friends now, with a shared history of good times in the past and an understanding of how hard it could be to move on from tougher aspects in life. Maybe that kiss had let them both know that anything other than friendship would be a mistake. It was weeks ago and there had been no hint of anything more than a growing trust.

Look at them...having a relaxed dinner in front of a fire, with an episode of Curious George on the television and a contented dog stretched out on the mat, and the might-have-beens weren’t trying to break her heart. Grace was loving every minute of it.

Okay, it was a bit harder when she got the sleepy cuddles and kisses from the boys before Charles carried them off to bed but even then she wasn’t in any hurry to escape. This time, she wasn’t going to go home until she had cleaned up the kitchen. She wasn’t even going to get off this couch until she had finished this particularly delicious glass of wine.

And then Charles came back and sat on the couch beside her and everything suddenly seemed even more delicious.

Tap, tap, tap...

For a heartbeat, Grace could actually hear the sound. Because the expression on Charles’s face made her wonder if he was tapping at a wall of his own?

Maybe it was her own heartbeat she could hear as it picked up its pace.

He hadn’t forgotten that comment about being lonely at all, had he?

‘Have you got any plans for Thanksgiving tomorrow, Grace? You’d be welcome to join us, although a full-on Davenport occasion might be a bit...’ He made a face that suggested he wasn’t particularly looking forward to it himself. ‘Sorry, I shouldn’t make assumptions. You’ve probably got your own family to think about.’

Her own family. A separate family. That wall had just got a lot more solid.

Grace didn’t protest when Charles refilled her glass.

‘I had thought of going to visit my dad but I would have had to find someone to care for Houston and I didn’t have enough of a gap in my roster. It’s a long way to go just for a night or two. He might come to New York for Christmas, though.’

‘And you lost your mum, didn’t you? I remember you telling me how much you missed her.’

Good grief...he actually remembered what she’d said that night when she’d been crying on his shoulder as a result of her stress about her final exams?

‘She died a couple of years before I went to med school. Ovarian cancer.’

‘Oh...that must have been tough.’

‘Yeah...it was. Dad’s never got over it.’ Grace fell silent. Had she just reminded Charles of his own loss. That he would never get over it?

The silence stretched long enough for Charles to finish his glass of wine and refill it.

‘There’s something else I should apologise for, too.’

‘What?’ Grace tried to lighten what felt like an oddly serious vibe. Was he going to apologise for that kiss? Explain why it had been such a mistake? ‘You’re going to send me into the kitchen to do the dishes?’

He wasn’t smiling.

‘I treated you badly,’ he said quietly. ‘Back in med school. After...that night...’

Oh, help... This was breaking the first rule in the new book. The one that made that night a taboo subject.

‘I don’t know how much you knew of what hit the fan the next day regarding the Davenport scandal...’

‘Not much,’ Grace confessed. ‘I heard about it, of course, but I was a bit preoccupied. With, you know...finals coming up.’

And dealing with the rejection...

He nodded. ‘The pressure was intense, wasn’t it? And I was trying to stop my family completely disintegrating. The intrusion of the media was unbelievable. They ripped my father to shreds, which only made us all more aware of how damaged our own relationship with him was. It tarnished all the good memories we had as a family. It nearly destroyed us.

‘We’d always been in the limelight as one of the most important families in New York,’ he continued quietly. ‘A perfect family. And then it turns out that my father had been living a lie. That he’d had an affair. That there was a half-sister none of us knew about.’

He cleared his throat. ‘I was the oldest and it was down to me to handle the media and focus on what mattered and the only way I could do that was to ignore how I felt. My only job was to protect the people that mattered most to me and, at that time, it had to be my family. It hit my mother hardest, as you can probably imagine, but they went to town on Miranda’s mother, too. Describing her as worthless was one of the kinder labels. I didn’t know her and I probably wouldn’t have wanted to but I did know that my new half-sister was just a scared kid who had nobody to protect her. She was as vulnerable as you could get...’

Grace bit her lip. Charles couldn’t help himself, could he? He had to protect the vulnerable. It had been the reason why they’d been together that night—he’d felt the need to protect her. To comfort her. To make her feel strong enough to cope with the world.

That ability to care for others more than himself was a huge part of what made him such an amazing person.

And, yes...she could understand why his attention had been so convincingly distracted.

Could forgive it, even?

‘By the time things settled down, you were gone.’

Grace shrugged. Of course she had gone. There had been nothing to stay for. Would it have changed things if she’d known how difficult life was for Charles at that time?

Maybe.

Or maybe not. It was more likely that she would have been made much more aware of how different his world was and how unlikely it would have been that she could have been a part of it.

‘I can’t imagine what it must have been like. Life can be difficult enough without having your privacy invaded like that. I couldn’t think of anything worse...’ Grace shook her head. ‘I get that a one-night stand would have fallen off your radar. You don’t need to apologise.’

But it was nice that he had.

‘It was a lot more than a one-night stand, Grace.’ The words were quiet. Convincing. ‘You need to know that. And I asked about you, later—every time I came across someone from school at a conference or something. That was how I found out you’d got married.’

Grace was silent. He’d been asking about her? Looking for her, even? If she had known that, would she have taken her relationship with Mike as far as marrying him?

Possibly not. She had thought she’d found love but she’d always known the connection hadn’t been as fierce as the one she’d found with Charles that night.

‘It was just after that that I met Nina,’ he continued. There was a hint of a smile tugging at his lips. ‘Even then, I thought, well...if you could get married and live happily ever after, I’d better make sure I didn’t get left behind.’

The silence was very poignant this time.

‘I’m sorry,’ Grace whispered. ‘Everybody knows how much you loved her. I’m so sorry you didn’t get your happily ever after.’

‘I got some wonderful memories. And two amazing children. You reminded me just how lucky I am, on your first day at work.’ Charles drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. ‘I hope you have things to feel lucky about, too.’

‘Of course I do.’

‘Like?’

Grace swallowed hard. She was leaning against that wall in her heart now, as if she needed support to stay upright.

But maybe she needed more than that. To hear someone agree that she was lucky?

‘I’m alive,’ she whispered.

She could feel his shock. Did he think she was making a reference to Nina? Grace closed her eyes. She hadn’t intended saying more but she couldn’t leave it like that.

‘I found a lump in my breast,’ she said slowly, into the silence. ‘I’d been married for about a year by then and Mike was keen to start a family. The lump turned out to be only a cyst but, because of my mother, they ran a lot of tests and one of them was for the genetic markers that let you know how much risk you have of getting ovarian or breast cancer. Mine was as high as it gets. And some people think that pregnancy can make that worse.’

‘So you decided not to have kids?’

Grace shook her head, glancing up. ‘No. I decided I’d have them as quickly as possible and then have a hysterectomy and mastectomy. Only...it didn’t work out that way because they found another lump and that one wasn’t a cyst. So...I decided to get the surgery and give up any dreams of having kids.’

She had to close her eyes again. ‘Mike couldn’t handle that. And he couldn’t handle the treatment—especially the chemo and living with someone who was sick all the time. And later, my scars were just a reminder of what I’d taken away from him. A mother for his children. A woman he could look at without being...’ her next word came out like a tiny sob ‘...disgusted...’

Maybe she had known how Charles would react.

Maybe she had wanted, more than anything, to feel his arms around her, like this.

To hear his voice, soft against her ear.

‘You’re gorgeous, Grace. There are no scars that could ever take that away.’

She could hear the steady thump of his heart and feel the solid comfort of the band of his arms around her.

‘You’re strong, too. I fought external things and I’m not sure that I did such a great job but you...you fought a battle that you could never step away from, even for a moment. And you won.’

Grace’s breath caught in a hitch. She had won. She would never forget any one of those steps towards hearing those magic words...

Cancer-free...

‘Your courage blows me away,’ Charles continued. ‘You not only got through that battle with the kind of obstacles that your jerk of a husband added but you took yourself off to work in places that are as tough as they get. You didn’t let it dent your sense of adventure or the amazing ability you have to care for others.’ His arms tightened around her. ‘You should be so proud of yourself. Don’t ever let anything that he said or did take any of that away from you.’

Grace had to look up. To make sure that his eyes were telling her the same thing that his words were. To see if what she was feeling right now was something real. That she could be proud of everything she’d been through. That she could, finally, dismiss the legacy that Mike’s rejection had engraved on her soul. That she was so much stronger now...

How amazing was this that Charles could make her feel as if she’d just taken the biggest step ever into a bright, new future?

That she’d found someone who made it possible to take the kind of risk that she’d never believed she would be strong enough to take again?

And maybe she had known what would happen when they fell into each other’s eyes again like this.

As the distance between them slowly disappeared and their lips touched.

That door in the wall in her heart had been so well hidden she hadn’t even realised she was leaning right against it until it fell open with their combined weight.

And the other side was a magic place where scars didn’t matter.

Where they could be touched by someone else. Kissed, even, and it wasn’t shameful. Or terrifying.

It was real. Raw. And heartbreakingly beautiful.

No. It wasn’t ‘someone else’ who could have done this.

It could only have been Charles.