Читать книгу The Child’s Secret - Amanda Brooke, Amanda Brooke - Страница 15

Sam pressed his chin against his chest as he concentrated on pushing the mower steadily down the length of the garden towards the house, careful to keep in line with the neat stripe of newly cut grass he had already made. He had wanted to begin the task hours ago but knew his neighbours might have taken exception to being woken up by the buzz of a lawn mower on a lazy, hazy Sunday morning. Even at ten o’clock, he suspected some would think it too early. He looked towards the house for signs of life. The curtains were still drawn on the ground floor, but as he cast his gaze higher, he spotted Anna sitting on the ledge of his bedroom window with a cup of coffee in her hand, wrapped in nothing but an old shirt she had taken from his wardrobe. Her smile warmed his heart more than the sun on his back.

She had transformed his life in such a short space of time. His previous existence had been little more than a long list of chores with his future laid out like a to-do-list. When he wasn’t working, either in his official and unofficial capacity, Sam helped Selina with jobs around the house and if she didn’t need anything doing then he had been known to extend the offer to her friends. The time he had left was focused on either running or sketching.

That wasn’t to say that he was completely comfortable with his newly acquired social life. He tried to tell himself he was out of practice and it would take time to adapt, but there was more to it than that – there always was. Anna was distracting him from the memories that might otherwise haunt him, but rather than a blessing, it made him feel guilty. He deserved to live with the pain.

Sam reached the edge of the lawn and promptly did a U-turn before steering the mower across the next strip of grass waiting to be cut to within an inch of its life. He could feel Anna’s eyes boring into him. She was unlike any woman he had ever met. Kirsten had been calm and considered, a mirror image of Sam in many ways, whereas Anna came across as not only sure of herself but of him, too. He could feel himself being swept along by her enthusiasm for the potential of their relationship. Unlike Sam, she wasn’t interested in the past. Yes, they both had histories, but she looked only to the future and was helping Sam lift his head to the horizon too.

When he turned the mower again, he looked up to find Selina standing on the decking area that ran the full length of the house. The old lady was bent double, with one hand banging desperately against her chest. Sam was horrified to see her face contorted and tears flowing down her cheeks. He cut off the engine and was about to rush over, then stopped himself. He had to wait a full minute for his landlady to compose herself and bring the gales of laughter under control.

Sam scratched his chin as he waited, which only made the old lady crease up again. ‘Stop it!’ she cried, wiping the tears from her eyes. ‘Oh, Sam, you’re such a sight!’

Clenching his jaw and refusing to even smile, Sam asked, ‘Why? What’s wrong with you, woman?’

Selina bit her lip. ‘I’m sorry, really I am. You look …’ There was another burst of laughter. She took a deep breath. ‘You just look so different without a beard.’

Sam glared at her but couldn’t wipe the smile from her face.

‘I suppose we have Anna to thank for that,’ she said, still giggling.

‘I practically had to lock him in the bathroom,’ Anna said.

She had appeared from the house behind Selina and the two women smiled at each other. ‘He looks so young without it,’ Selina said, then started breaking up again. ‘That’s it! He looks baby-faced!’

‘He has this hang up about me being ten years younger – but look at him now, you’d never guess the age gap, would you?’

Selina came towards Sam and put her weathered hand softly against his cheek. ‘He’s like a new man.’

‘So what was so wrong with the old one?’ he said.

The off-the-cuff comment hung in the air as the old lady held his gaze. ‘He wasn’t the real you,’ she said. ‘He was just someone to help you forget the person you were and could be again.’

‘What did she mean?’ Anna asked when Selina had disappeared into the house, promising to make them a cooked breakfast to give them some energy for the run they were planning later that afternoon: Anna’s promise to go out for a leisurely jog with him had been part of the negotiations for Sam’s traumatic shave. She wasn’t keen on exercise, but she had wanted to please him, just as he had wanted to please her the night before.

‘Oh, pay no attention to her. I think she was a white witch in a previous life.’

‘And what were you in your previous life, Sam? A devoted husband who should never have given into his midlife crisis and walked out on his wife?’

For a moment, Sam was stunned. Anna had been inquisitive about the break-up of his marriage but hadn’t pushed him on the matter. Had she thought that shaving off his beard would reveal a little more of the man beneath? What she didn’t – and couldn’t – know was that his wife of fifteen years had already tried and failed to break through the outer shell he had acquired in his later years. Anna didn’t stand a chance, but he could at least allay one of her fears. ‘I’m not still in love with Kirsten, if that’s what you were wondering.’

Anna was still wearing his shirt, her bare legs exposed and her toes digging into the sun-warmed decking. For someone who came across as so confident, she looked suddenly vulnerable. ‘Yes, I suppose I was,’ she admitted. ‘You’re a hard man to get to know, Sam. You may not realize that you put up barriers, but they’re there, and it would be nice to know that one day I’ll be able to break through them.’

The comment, rather than help Sam open up, only served to push him away and he stepped back. ‘I just need to take it slowly. Is that OK?’ he said, grabbing hold of the mower and preparing to start it up again.

‘OK,’ she said, sensing the not-so-subtle withdrawal. ‘You set the pace and I’ll follow.’

Sam had started up the mower but Anna was talking again and so, reluctantly, he shut it off.

‘You still want me to go with you to Jack’s leaving do, don’t you?’

‘Could I stop you?’ he said more harshly than he intended.

Anna narrowed her eyes in response. ‘No, Sam, you couldn’t.’

When he saw her lip quiver, he felt awful. He reminded himself that she was a rare blessing in his life and deserved better from him. He abandoned the mower and came over to wrap his arms around her. ‘Good,’ he said.

Anna didn’t immediately respond and kept her hands by her sides. She had acquired a pout. ‘I suppose you still want to go ahead with your harebrained idea about bumping into Finn in the pub first.’

‘You don’t think it’s a good idea, do you?’

‘I think you’re a lovely, kind-hearted man,’ she said. ‘But Finn’s a proud one. He wouldn’t take kindly to an offer of charity.’

‘It’s not charity.’

Anna placed both hands on his chest as if getting the measure of his heart. ‘No, it’s a little girl’s wish.’

‘Exactly,’ Sam said and then pulled Anna closer until she was bending to his will – and yet still he felt her resistance.

Anna had talked a lot about her local. Apparently they had held quite a few family wakes in there and it was where her dad had taken her for her first legal drink. Sam had pictured a quaint little pub but the reality was somewhat different. Although the imposing facade had all the trademarks of a Victorian public house, the interior had been transformed into a modern eatery that was full of light, although at five thirty on a Saturday evening, not particularly full of life.

Staff flitted between empty tables, tidying up as they went to take advantage of the lull before the evening rush. While Anna searched out a clear table, Sam scanned the faces of customers as if he would recognize Jasmine’s father instinctively.

‘Is he here?’

Anna looked momentarily puzzled. Clearly, Sam’s mission was playing less on her mind than it was on his. ‘Oh, you mean Finn. Are you sure you want to do this?’ When Sam nodded, she tutted quietly before looking around. She waved at a couple of regulars at the bar but then quashed Sam’s hopes by saying, ‘No, it doesn’t look like it. It’s usually heaving at this time during the football season but I suppose it does get quieter over the summer. Sorry, we can always try again.’

‘I’ll get us some drinks,’ Sam said, trying not to let his disappointment show. Meeting Finn had been the only part of the evening he had been looking forward to; the rest of the night would be filled with dread as he introduced his new girlfriend to his colleagues.

Standing at the bar, he ordered a glass of wine for Anna while debating whether to have a double whisky for Dutch courage or a soft drink to make sure he kept his wits about him. He settled on a pint, only to be told the barrel needed changing. As he waited, he leafed through a discarded newspaper on the counter and didn’t look up when a man squeezed onto the bar stool next to him until he realized he was being watched.

‘Sorry, is this your paper?’ Sam asked, closing it up and offering it back before the stranger could reply.

‘It’s all right, mate. I’ve read it from cover to cover and the news won’t get any better second time around.’

‘Aye, it does seem like the only news these days is bad.’

The man nodded then turned his attention to the last two inches of beer in the glass he had left on the bar. ‘And there’ll be more bad news waiting for me at home if I don’t get a move on.’

From the corner of his eye, Sam spied Anna giving him the thumbs-up sign which confirmed what he had already suspected. Jasmine hadn’t inherited her father’s dark looks or his rather squat stature but there was something about Finn that was a reflection of his daughter, if only the shadows under the eyes.

‘I envy you,’ Sam said as he scrambled for something to say. He tipped his head towards Anna as he added, ‘I’m being dragged into town but I’d rather be heading home myself.’

‘Anna’s your girlfriend?’ Finn asked to which Sam nodded. ‘Don’t tell me, she’s forcing you to see some highbrow play or something educational.’

‘Actually, it’s a leaving do for a friend of mine.’

Finn shook his head and cursed under his breath. ‘Don’t tell me it’s someone else who’s lost their job? It’s getting tough out there.’

The barman had returned from the cellar and promised Sam he wouldn’t keep him much longer. Time was running out. ‘Actually, he’s moving on to pastures new after looking after Liverpool’s parks and gardens for the last twenty-five years. How about you? What do you do?’

‘Nothing. I do nothing,’ Finn said with a snort before downing the last of his pint. ‘I was a foreman at a builders’ merchants, there ten years and then they let me go, just like that.’ He snapped his fingers to drive the point home. ‘Been looking around for ages, but you know …’ He shook his head. ‘It gets to the point where you think – why bother?’ Finn stared at the dregs of his glass. ‘But I do bother because I’m supposed to provide for my family.’

If Sam had any doubts about helping, they disappeared in that instant. ‘Any good at landscaping?’

Finn smiled. ‘I’ve an eight-year-old daughter at home who’d like to think she can do a better job mowing the lawn given half the chance. The wife’s mostly in charge of the garden, but I’m good with a shovel. I couldn’t even guess how many tonnes of sand I’ve shifted in my time,’ he said before turning to Sam, the look alone asking why the question.

Sam rubbed his chin, the touch of warm flesh still a surprise to him after two weeks of being clean-shaven. He did his best to look as if the thought was only just occurring to him and managed to sound dubious when he said, ‘I might be out of order here, and I certainly can’t promise anything, but the pal I’m off to see is taking on labour. His new job is with a building contractor, working on new-build projects all over the city and I could always put in a word if you’re interested?’

By the time the barman had placed the beer in front of Sam, the deal was done. Finn and Sam swapped numbers and Sam promised to do his best to help.

‘And if I do get a job, then I want to see you back here so I can buy you a pint. Hell, if the job pays enough, I’ll treat you to a meal!’

Sam only realized how anxious he had been when his nerves started to dissipate after leaving Finn at the bar. While Jasmine’s father looked nothing like what he had imagined, in all other respects he had met his expectations. He was someone who was down on his luck and had lost his way because he couldn’t support his family; a man who was reluctant to go home to his wife because he felt like a failure – and Sam knew that feeling better than most. He was going to do his damnedest to persuade Jack to take him on, so Sam’s spirits were high, but nowhere near as high as the man who gave him a wave as he left the pub to go home to tell his eight-year-old daughter that maybe, just maybe, her wish had come true.

Sam’s runs were getting more frequent and longer despite the summer heat, and the latest had been a gruelling one. He was leaning over with his hands on trembling knees as he tried to summon up the energy to drag himself up the last few steps to the front door. He was still a little hung over after Jack’s party the night before and the run had left him even more dehydrated.

Sweat trickled down his nose and dripped onto the block paving, creating dark crimson splodges that quickly evaporated upon contact with the sun-scorched cement. His lungs burned and his heart thumped so loudly that at first he didn’t hear the sound of the yard brush being swept across the ground. Its rigid bristles appeared in his peripheral vision as Selina swept up nothing but dust, and by the time he had straightened up, she had stopped what she was doing and was leaning on the brush handle watching him.

‘That was a long one,’ she remarked.

‘About an hour.’

She looked at her watch and said, ‘Try two.’

‘You must have been out here a while then,’ he said between gasps for breath. ‘I’m surprised you haven’t worn away the paving stones.’

Without even trying to deny that she had been loitering, Selina asked, ‘Did I hear Anna leaving before?’

Sam managed a nod.

‘She’s not coming back today?’

He shook his head.

‘I’ve got a roast in the oven, enough for two which is lucky because it looks like you’ve built up quite an appetite. There’s beer in the fridge too.’ Selina could see the refusal forming on his dried lips so added quickly, ‘Right, that’s settled then. I’ll give you a chance to cool down and get showered, so shall we say four o’clock?’

Sam leant back to stretch his spine and allowed himself a smile. ‘Yes, that would be lovely,’ he said, glad that the old lady had stopped him spending the rest of the day retreating into the safety of his apartment and sealing the door on the outside world. Too much time on his own would do him no good. He had thought the run would help but he had only managed to tie himself up in more knots.

After years of becoming accustomed to living in the ruins that constituted his life, the world around Sam was transforming before his eyes. To some degree he had been a willing participant, but the pace of change was overtaking him and he didn’t know how to adapt, or even if he wanted to. What he really needed was to talk it through and there was only one person he had come close to opening up to in recent years and she was standing there in front of him, resting her elbow on her broom with a satisfied look on her face that eased the wrinkles of her concern if only a little.

But there were more pressing needs to deal with first, such as a long drink of water and a shower so Sam left Selina to her sweeping and heaved himself upstairs as fast as his aching legs would carry him. Within minutes he was stepping into a strong spray of water that was cold enough to make him gasp. He dipped his head and let the water run down his back and, despite chattering teeth, refused to turn up the temperature.

Arriving with Anna on his arm at the party had caused quite a stir, not surprising given that the majority of his colleagues hadn’t even been aware of her existence. Everyone was at pains to tell him what a lovely couple they made and, from his beardless appearance alone, how she had already had a positive effect on him. But while Anna had taken it all in her stride, Sam had become increasingly uncomfortable and had drunk far more than he had intended.

The shower helped ease Sam’s muscles, although it hadn’t been quite cold enough to numb his thoughts. Once dressed, he headed back downstairs, his heavy footfalls giving Selina warning of his arrival and she was at the door before he had the chance to knock.

‘Much better,’ she said with a nod of approval as she invited him in.

Selina’s apartment, although more or less the same size as Sam’s, had a different configuration. Most notably, she had sacrificed living space in favour of a large and homely kitchen with enough room to accommodate a family-sized dining table. There were other differences too. Selina was by no means short of homely adornments and had accumulated enough bric-a-brac to cover every available surface, making the décor as demanding of attention as the woman herself. There was no discernible theme to her collection of china figurines and carved animals, nor any co-ordination of colours or styles. Likewise, the paintings on the walls were an eclectic mix and obscured so much of the wall space that there was little evidence of the wallpaper Sam had helped Selina put up six months earlier. The only thing Selina did have in common with Sam was an absence of family photographs on display.

‘Sit yourself down,’ she said and returned to the oven where the makings of a roast dinner was ready to serve.

It smelled delicious, as always, especially compared to Sam’s usual diet of defrosted ready meals, but on closer inspection the roast potatoes were crisp to the point of being charred and the vegetables were on the verge of disintegrating.

‘I know,’ she said, ‘it’s a little overcooked.’

‘Sorry,’ he said, knowing full well that Selina’s timings had only been off because he had stayed out so long.

Selina put her own plate on the table, her portion sizes dwarfed by those she had imposed on her guest, before taking a seat opposite Sam. ‘So what kept you out so long?’

‘I had a bit of a heavy session last night and needed to sweat it out.’

Selina narrowed her eyes. ‘You can’t fool me, Sam McIntyre. So which was it? Were you trying to punish yourself or make your mind up about something?’

Sam played with his food as he wondered how to begin. ‘A bit of both,’ he said at last.

Not satisfied with the answer, Selina waited patiently for further explanation.

‘I knew I’d get comments when I turned up at the party with Anna, but it was her reaction more than anything that bothered me,’ he said. ‘She was talking about her ideas for publishing that children’s book she’s been going on about and it only took one comment about a partnership for Jack’s wife to jump to the conclusion that we were practically engaged. And even though Anna kept telling her it was early days … I don’t know, it was the way she looked at me, as if we were keeping our plans a secret rather than there not being any plans at all.’

‘But there could be one day,’ Selina said, posing the statement as a question.

‘I like Anna and I keep pinching myself that someone like her could be interested in me,’ he said. ‘I enjoy her company, Selina, but if I’m being brutally honest, I can’t see us taking things beyond what they are now.’

‘Never?’ Selina asked, genuinely surprised.

Sam had taken a mouthful of his dinner and chewed as hard on his answer as he did his food. ‘I keep trying to convince myself it’s too soon to tell if the attraction is simply superficial. We’ve been seeing each other for less than two months and we barely know each other.’

‘There’s one way of solving that, Sam: talk to her. Tell her about your feelings. Tell her about you.’

Sam reverted to playing with his food again. ‘No,’ he said firmly. If he had reached one conclusion during his run it was that he shouldn’t be encouraging Anna any more than he already had. ‘I’m not even sure I should keep on seeing her. She’s young and she needs to be with someone she can build a life with. That isn’t me, you know that.’

‘You’re a good catch, Sam, and she’d have to be a fool not to want a future with you. The only fool I can see right now is you. What if she could make you happy?’

‘But I don’t want her kind of happy!’ said Sam as he stabbed at a carrot and immediately turned it to mush. ‘I’m not sure I want happy at all. And yes, I am a fool; a fool for getting involved with her in the first place. It would have been better if I’d just been left in peace.’

Selina had been nibbling at her dinner as if oblivious to Sam’s growing agitation, but when she looked up there was a glint in her eye. ‘You’ve got no chance of that, I’m afraid.’

The comment made Sam smile. ‘Ah, but I can always close my door and ignore you,’ he said but then reconsidered his answer. ‘Actually, no I can’t do that either, can I? But you’re different, Selina. You don’t want anything from me. OK, that’s wrong too.’ Sam was almost laughing now. ‘Yes, you play on my good nature, use my body for your own purposes—’

‘And don’t forget my friends.’

‘Yes, let’s not forget the services I provide to half the octogenarians in Liverpool!’

‘Pat’s only seventy-five,’ she protested.

Exasperated, Sam held aloft his knife and fork in submission. ‘Look, I am willing to accept that we’ve become the weirdest couple in Liverpool but we still live alone, Selina. You’ve chosen your way of life and I’ve chosen mine. I thought going out with Anna was the right thing to do, proving to myself that I’ve still got a pulse, but I never wanted to give up my old way of life completely. The problem is, it’s all about satisfying my needs, not Anna’s. I should have thought about her and what she might want – what she does want from our relationship.’

‘For the record, I didn’t choose my lifestyle,’ Selina reminded him.

Sam dropped his head in shame. Of course it hadn’t been Selina’s choice to live what would have been an otherwise lonely existence for the last fifty years if it weren’t for the good friends around her. She certainly hadn’t chosen to be involved in a car accident that would see her lose both her husband and her unborn child. At only thirty-one she had buried them both, along with her ability to ever carry another child. ‘Sorry, that was a stupid thing to say.’

‘I’m not going to be around forever, Sam, and whilst I have a long list of friends who would happily take my place in your life, that isn’t the answer either. You may think you can go it alone, but you can’t. It isn’t in your nature.’

‘You’re not going anywhere and neither am I,’ Sam said.

Selina folded her arms as she faced Sam’s stubbornness head on. ‘Do you like Anna?’

‘Yes, of course.’

‘If you weren’t so worried about not being able to live up to her expectations, would you still want to carry on seeing her?’

‘Yes, but—’

‘That’s settled then. If you can’t have Anna on your conscience, then put her on mine. I’m telling you to carry on seeing her, Sam. And that’s an order,’ she said and before he could continue the argument, added, ‘Now, is that it or is there anything else playing on your mind?’

Shocked at the swift resolution of his relationship woes, in Selina’s mind at least, Sam was too stunned to reply.

‘What else, Sam?’

He shrugged. There was something, or to be precise someone; a little girl who had sneaked into his heart. ‘Remember the trouble my Wishing Tree got me into?’ he said. ‘Well, I think I’ve managed to grant one wee girl her wish.’

‘Not the one who wanted a job for her dad?’

Sam laughed. ‘Well, I haven’t been handing out PlayStations, if that’s what you were thinking!’

At last he was starting to relax and tucked into his dinner with an appetite he had thought was beyond him. By the time he cleared his plate, he had explained to Selina all about meeting Finn and how he had already put in a good word with Jack.

Stretching back against his chair to give his expanded girth some room, Sam picked up a paper napkin from the table. It was crisp white tissue paper and perfectly square, ideal for origami and his fingers worked their magic with barely a conscious thought. ‘I’ll give Jack another ring tomorrow just to make sure he hasn’t forgotten,’ he explained. ‘He was a little bit worse for wear when I mentioned it, but he seemed keen enough to take my recommendation.’

‘But you don’t even know this Finn person,’ Selina warned. ‘How can you recommend someone for a job when you have no idea if he’s a good worker or even a decent bloke for that matter?’

Anna had been voicing her doubts as well, but Sam couldn’t be dissuaded. ‘I’d like to think I’m a good judge of character and I wouldn’t have asked Jack if I thought I was landing him with a shirker. Besides, the work’s only general labour and it’s not even permanent but at least it’s a job.’

‘Which satisfies the wish.’

Selina had been the only other person to actually read Jasmine’s note and there was a look of delight on her face that removed any remaining doubt Sam might have had. ‘Sometimes all a person needs is a step on the first rung of the ladder. It’s for Finn to make of it what he can.’

‘Another one for your collection?’ Selina was looking at the crane Sam had brought to life from a simple paper napkin. ‘You must have hundreds of them by now.’

Sam folded its wings back up and slipped it into his pocket where it would remain until he returned back upstairs to add it to his collection. At the last count, there were six hundred of the things in the shoebox. ‘There’s an ancient Japanese myth that if you make a thousand then you’ll have your wish granted,’ he told her.

Selina had seen him make countless birds in her time, but he had never before explained himself and he wasn’t sure why he chose to do so now. He had told the same story to a young girl many years ago. She would have been a little older than Jasmine at the time and a lot less gullible, but if she had doubted him then she hadn’t let it show and they had started on the project of making one thousand cranes together. He felt compelled to carry on although he had no idea what he would do when he reached the magical number. ‘And before you say it, no I don’t have a wish. All the mumbo jumbo in the world couldn’t give me the one thing I want. What’s broken can’t be unbroken, and while there are many things I will never come to terms with, that’s not one of them.’

‘Fair enough,’ she said.

There was a lull in the conversation until Sam broke the spell. ‘So where’s this beer you promised?’

Selina produced two cans of Guinness from the fridge and poured them into glasses.

‘You’re pushing the boat out, aren’t you? Isn’t smart-price bitter good enough for you these days?’

‘I didn’t buy them. They’re off Pat.’

Sam caught the look Selina was trying to hide and asked, ‘What’s she after?’

Selina handed Sam his glass and then sat down purposefully. ‘Well, now you’ve asked,’ she said, ‘there is a little job she wouldn’t mind your help with. You know she’s bought a caravan?’

‘Is this the one she took you to in Wales?’

‘Yes, Pantymwyn,’ Selina replied. ‘It’s only about an hour’s drive away. It’s a lovely little site in the middle of some stunning countryside – it’s more like a little village, really. Everyone takes care of their own little patch of land and their gardens are their pride and joy.’

‘So what does she need doing in this pretty little place that’s only an hour’s drive away?’

Selina took a sip of beer that left a trail of foam on her upper lip then wiped it away with the back of her hand. ‘A bit of decking and a general tidy up, I think, in time for a family get-together over the August Bank Holiday. I’ve already told her she couldn’t expect you to do it in a day. “Pat,” I said, “that man hasn’t had a holiday in all the time I’ve known him. If you’re expecting miracles then let him have some time to relax too.” We were thinking a week would be enough.’

‘I don’t need a holiday,’ Sam warned, ‘not even a working one.’

‘Everyone needs a holiday.’

‘When was the last time you went on one? Oh, don’t tell me you’re planning on coming along too?’ He was laughing again and so was Selina.

‘As tempting as it is to go off to foreign climes, someone has to stay here to look after the house. No, I was thinking …’

Sam knew exactly what Selina was going to say. The scheme she had been conjuring up with her friend’s help was based on the same presumption everyone had made at the party the night before: that Anna had become a permanent appendage to Sam’s life. But that was before their recent heart to heart and now Selina knew better. He could tell her mind was whirring by the twitch in her eye.

‘I was thinking,’ she continued, ‘that you could go on your own. I don’t condone you spending the rest of your life in seclusion but you do need to recharge your batteries.’

‘When I’m not digging up Pat’s garden,’ Sam added, but Selina didn’t need to argue her case any more. ‘Actually, it’s not a half-bad idea. I could go for some long walks and clear away the cobwebs. Of course, I’d have to check out the job first to make sure I know what I’m letting myself in for, but yes, all right then. Tell her to give me a call and we can set something up.’

At last Selina had found a way to settle his mind, although possibly not in the way she had intended. He had gone out on a run because he was starting to feel that same urge to escape that had made him leave Edinburgh. He was trying to resist it because he didn’t want to run away again so perhaps a temporary break might give him the space he needed.