Читать книгу Two for tragedy. Volume 1 - Анна Морион - Страница 9

Cedric Morgan's behaviour discouraged me. Well, how could one understand this strange guy? One minute he is insulting, the next he is apologising! Then he is cold and angry, calling me a coward, accusing me of cowardice, and suddenly he seeks to meet me! He even apologised twice, and, as if to make amends for his rudeness, shared something very personal with me. When Cédric talked about Charles Baudelaire, I felt a kindred spirit in him. I was inexpressibly pleased by Morgan's reasoning, for I had reasoned the same way myself. He put into words what I felt when I read the gloomy works of this great French poet.

What a pity that I do not speak French, so that, like Cédric, I could feel the true beauty and original thoughts of Baudelaire, not distorted by the Czech translation! But, even in a very distorted form, his poems remained beautiful.

Cedric is a romantic. It can't be otherwise. He who favours Goethe, Petrarch and Baudelaire cannot be a mere detached connoisseur without experiencing the force and power of the genius of these authors. They can only be understood by one in whose soul there is romance. When I saw how engrossed Cedric was in our conversation about poetry and literature, I realised that he was seriously interested in it. But while we were almost unanimous on poetry, our tastes in literature were monumentally different: Cedric liked serious, heavy literature, while I preferred the light and captivating genre of vampire novels.

"Well, now he thinks I'm thoughtless… Who cares what he thinks, though?" I thought with distaste. – I thought grudgingly, but in my heart I admitted to myself that it was important to know what he thought. What could I hope for, though? In Cedric's eyes, I looked stupid, or even shallow. But, God, he's so strange. And he's so persuasive. I was determined to refuse his help, and I had already said goodbye to him, but tomorrow I'm meeting him in the library!

That's absurd. Just a short conversation that cleared up so much.

I spent the rest of the day thinking, but it faded along with a presentation for a seminar on Czech history. The presentation took me a long time: I had to describe the biography and the influence of a historical figure on the development of the Czech Republic in a fairly short and accessible way. My choice was a national hero – Jan Hus. I didn't like to do things with my sleeves rolled up, so the presentation was very good. To stretch my back and legs, I occasionally took a break from the laptop monitor and wandered around the room, or went to the kitchen to make coffee. By evening, I had no energy left. After editing the last slide, I closed the laptop, looked at my watch and was surprised at my stamina: six hours! It had gone by quickly, like one minute!

It had long since gone dark outside the window, and only a lone streetlight dimly illuminated the street and a piece of the neighbourhood.

Like an oxygen-deprived dolphin, I needed a breath of fresh air: my head felt like it was cast in bronze. So, putting on my coat and boots, I went down to the courtyard. The evening was quiet and cool. Everything breathed freshness. I put my hands in my pockets and began to wind round the lantern. After the long hours I had spent in the stuffy flat, I was glad to feel the freedom and clarity of my tired mind again. The evening air seemed to bring me out of my lethargic sleep. Glancing at the windows of my flat, I regretted that I would have to go back there. But suddenly, out of nowhere, a stubborn desire to walk around evening Prague was born in me.

Evening Prague is not safe for lonely girls, but that fact never scared me, so I headed to the Nusle Bridge. It was quite a long walk to my favourite bridge, but I spent this time thinking and contemplating the gloomy beauty of the Gothic churches and the old, unique Prague architecture, as fascinating in its mystery as Baudelaire's poetry. Besides, there were always a lot of tourists in Prague, so I felt completely safe.

Half an hour later I was on the bridge, and as usual, leaning on the railing, surrounded by protective bars, I admired the evening Prague. Its lights shone in the darkness, filling the evening with joy and grandeur. Prague. My beautiful favourite city! My favourite country! How lucky I am to be born in the Czech Republic and to be part of this beautiful culture!

The noise of passing cars did not disturb me: I was deeply immersed in my thoughts and stood like that for about an hour, not taking my eyes off the lights of the city. Occasionally, noisy teenagers passed by me, but I just smiled, thinking that once I was not a quiet person either.

Suddenly, some animal instinct made me feel someone's gaze on me. I glanced cautiously to my right.

Not far from me stood Cedric Morgan. He was watching me.

I was immediately confused.

"What is he doing here? Why is he here? In Nusla?" – I wondered.

Cedric headed in my direction.

"He's coming to me?!" – A terrifying thought pierced my brain. I felt embarrassed and awkward, and my feet felt like they were stuck to the pavement. I prudently kept my eyes fixed on the Nusle neighbourhood under the bridge, pretending not to be embarrassed at all, and only glanced at Cedric when he came very close.

– Good evening," he said in a slightly surprised tone, stopping beside me.

– Good evening," I replied politely, having no idea how to behave in this unexpected situation.

– I didn't expect to see you here.

– Actually, I come here quite often, so I could say the same about you. – I shrugged my shoulders.

Cedric smiled. He was irresistible in the lantern light.

– It's strange. I come here almost every day, but this is the first time I've seen you here.

– It must be because I'm always on this side of the bridge," I suggested cautiously. – Which side do you usually come from?

– That side. – Cedric waved his hand in the opposite direction.

– Just as I thought.

– How far away from here do you live? – He suddenly asked.

The question surprised me. Why would he want to know?

– I think it's about half an hour's walk from here to my house.

– You walk here?

– Yes. Do you think thirty minutes is too long?

– I don't. It's just that I don't walk much and I mostly get around by car.

"No doubt you don't know what a tram is!" – I thought, and I couldn't help smiling at the thought that Cedric probably never took public transport.

– I live in the country," Cedric explained in a cool tone, obviously misinterpreting my smile.

– I didn't mean to offend you," I said, embarrassed. – I just thought you'd probably never taken a city tram before.

– Yes. I'll admit it," Cedric grinned.

There was silence. I didn't know him, he didn't know me, and we were just mutually silent.

– Could we reschedule for Monday? – I suddenly blurted out. I desperately didn't want to face him tomorrow. I wasn't ready to confront him. – Don't think I'm getting cold feet again. I had some problems with my flat," I lied to make myself look convincing.

– Of course," Cedric said calmly.

I was relieved.

– It was great that we'd met so unexpectedly. I wouldn't have had a chance to warn you, and you'd have been sitting in the library for nothing. Perhaps it would have been a good idea to exchange phone numbers! – I said cheerfully.

Cedric didn't answer, and I thought I had offended him, but when I saw the good-natured expression on his face, I knew I was wrong. I wanted to leave; there was an awkward tension between us, and silence made it worse.

– Well… I'll be going," I said, tucking my hands into my pockets. – Good night.

– Good night," Cedric said indifferently.

I forced a smile out of myself and hurried away.

"Thank God he didn't ask to see me off!" – I thought with relief, imagining what would have been going through my mind if Cedric Morgan had been walking beside me. Even silently.

With a firm and fairly quick step I headed home, overjoyed at my unexpected reprieve. Now I had five days to think and try to understand Cedric. Though I don't think I could ever understand him.

I reached the edge of the bridge, but I heard footsteps behind me. A chill ran down my spine. The footsteps were getting closer, and as they got closer, my brain filled with stories of maniacs. Horrific gory scenes. After all, it couldn't be Cedric: he'd stayed standing on the bridge and couldn't have caught up with me so quickly.

Footsteps sounded just behind me. I took my hands out of my pockets, clenched my fists, and turned around.

– Shit! You scared me! – I exclaimed: it was Cedric.

I couldn't stop shaking with excitement and fear.

– I'm sorry, but I can't let you go alone," Cedric said with a slight smile. – By the way, you're holding your fist wrong: your thumb should always be up. – He grabbed my left hand, and I flinched a little; his palm was ice cold. – Relax your palm. That's it. Now make a fist properly. That's it. I'll walk you out.

I could tell by his tone that it wasn't a question or a suggestion. And I was getting cold feet. I hastily released my palm from Cedric's hand and tucked it into my pocket.

– But you have to go back to the bridge! To the car! – I said, not wanting him to see me off. No! That's the last thing I need!

– Evening air never hurt anyone. There's nothing better than a walk before bed," Cedric said in a flat tone.

I didn't know what to say, so I nodded silently.

We walked slowly down the road.

"He's a gentleman, isn't he?" I wondered, walking beside him. – I wondered, walking beside Cedric and staring at the pavement. After all, I was definitely safe now. With Cedric.

We were silent for a moment. Cedric walked on without looking at me, and I felt a sudden resentment that he'd chosen to walk me out of obligation.

– You know, I'm almost there; it's only a hundred metres," I lied, to spare Cedric my company and let him leave without remorse. – I'm almost home, so thank you for walking me home.

I stopped. He did too.

Cedric looked at me with an indifferent stare, and I waited silently for him to leave.

– Do you live here? – He asked.

– Yes," I lied confidently.

– Must be in that green house?

I turned round to look at the green house, but it was far away in the shadows, and I couldn't see it in the dark.

– Can you see it? – I asked, glancing at Cedric again.

– Yes. It's a beautiful building.

– Well, now that you're sure I'm there, you can go back to the bridge," I lied to convince him that I didn't need protection anymore.

Cedric smiled.

– I think it's really expensive to rent a flat there," he said suddenly.

– Yes, it's a little expensive," I said hesitantly, not sure what he was smiling about.

– But it's not a happy place: there are hardly any streetlights.

– There are pros and cons to everything.

– And the road needs immediate repair.

– Maybe… But I don't care: I don't have private transport.

– That's all very well, but you can't live there," Cedric said in a calm tone.

– I've been renting a flat in this building for three years now," I insisted. – Why is that so hard for you to believe?

– Because it's a bank.

Oh, my God.

I didn't know what to say. I felt terribly ashamed. My cheeks flamed, and I covered my eyes with my palm so that I couldn't see Cedric: I thought he was angry or offended with me.

"I should have got caught like that! Now he will think me ungrateful!" – I thought with despair.

– You can't lie," I heard his voice.

– Cedric…" I took my palm away from my face.

– Are you so uncomfortable with my company? – There was mockery in Cedric's voice.

– It's not what you think! – I said quietly, feeling how fair his reproach was!

He grinned, but remained silent.

– I did not lie because I detest your society! I don't mind it at all. It's just… I thought you'd have a long walk back…

– Is that all?

– No… I also thought that you didn't want to accompany me… That you were doing it out of a sense of duty," I finished quietly.

– What makes you think that?

– We are almost strangers, and you don't need to see me off, even as a matter of courtesy. Gentlemanliness is out of fashion these days," I explained, dropping my gaze to the pavement.

– I never do anything out of obligation," Cedric said in a calm tone.

I looked up and looked at his face with concern.

– But I feel bad that you have to go back to the bridge," I said quietly. – It's a whole half hour…

– Do you think half an hour is a long time? – Cedric asked suddenly.

I could only shake my head no.

– How long would it take you to walk home? Honestly.

– Five minutes… Or six.

– Then I'll leave you here, and I'll walk back, so you don't think I'm seeing you off out of obligation.

– Thank you. Just please don't take what I said seriously," I asked.

– Good night, Viper. – Was his answer.

– Good night. Be careful.

Cedric smiled slightly and turned around and walked towards the bridge.

I hurried home. But suddenly a thought flashed through my mind, causing me to stop abruptly and turn around.

– Cedric! – I shouted, hoping he would hear me.

– Yes?" came his voice, and five seconds later his dark cloaked figure appeared. He came towards me.

– I'd like to ask-" I started, feeling extremely awkward.

– Ask," he interrupted me.

– How did you manage to catch up with me so quickly?

– You know that men walk faster than women, don't you? – Cedric answered the question with a question.

– Yes, but…" I blushed deeply: his explanation was so clear and natural that I immediately felt angry at my curiosity.

– I followed you almost immediately. At first I thought there was someone waiting for you nearby, some friend or boyfriend.

– That's very nice of you. But how did you realise there was no-one waiting for me?

– I thought it would be a good idea to make sure you were safe.

My face was burning with shame.

– It was a stupid and tactless question on my part. I'm sorry I kept you! – I blurted out.

– I'm in no hurry," Cedric said.

– Well… Good night. I'm sure I will this time," I smiled embarrassedly.

– Good night. – Cedric walked in the opposite direction, and I continued on my way home, chuckling to myself and thinking about what Cedric had said that evening.

It wasn't until later that I realised the meaning of what he had said: "I never see girls off out of a sense of duty." What did that mean? Deep down I felt vainly proud that I had, against my will, forced Cedric Morgan to take a certain liking to me.

No, I should reflect soberly, not rejoice in a passing spark!

Cedric probably said that phrase to spare me the agony of conscience.

Silly me, and I was happy about something else!

I got home safely and without adventure, took off my coat and boots, and lay down on the couch, feeling tired and sleepy. But my mind refused to rest, and all the rest of the evening I thought of my unexpected meeting with Cedric on the bridge.

"Great! I have a seminar tomorrow, but my head is filled with some silly things! And these nonsense things make me uncomfortable, bring restless visions and foolish hopes. Hopes? Hopes of what? Abandon all hopes, Viper! See reality, not dreams!" – I fell asleep on the couch and woke up in the morning, horrified to realise that I'd already missed my first class at university.

I jumped up from the sofa, ran to the bathroom, washed my face, then had a quick snack of sandwiches without even drinking the traditional morning coffee. After brushing my teeth, I quickly packed my bag and ran into the hallway to put on my coat, brushing my tangled hair as I went. Since I didn't have time to change clothes, I went in the one I'd slept in all night.

It was the first time in all three years of school that I was late for class.

Fortunately, I didn't see even a glimpse of Cedric Morgan that day.

Julia, who hadn't had time to ask me about my "dealings" with Cedric, gave me a real interrogation. I told her honestly that Cedric had called me a coward and what he thought of me, but I concealed the fact that he had apologised twice and promised not to take his anger out on me again. I kept it to myself, not because I was proud, but so that Julia wouldn't be misled, because she was very hard on rejection, as she considered herself an expert on relationships with guys.