Читать книгу Anne Bennett 3-Book Collection: A Sister’s Promise, A Daughter’s Secret, A Mother’s Spirit - Anne Bennett - Страница 14

First thing on Monday morning, Molly had to tackle the washing. All the time her mother had been ill and then in hospital, Molly had helped Hilda, who had done the bulk of the Maguire wash until she had been banished by Biddy. Molly had found the load a heavy one when placed totally on her shoulders, despite the big gas boiler and wringer above it, not to mention running water and big sinks.

Molly gazed at the mass of things to be washed that first morning in dismay, and Biddy watched her in almost gleeful satisfaction. She told her there was more washing than usual because while she had been away, Tom had just swilled out things as he needed them and she had better get on with it, and quickly. Nothing would get done by staring at it.

Tom had already filled three buckets of water, which he tipped into the big pot hanging above the fire while Molly put all the clothes into the pot with the soap powder, before joining her uncle in the cowshed.

Once the milking and breakfast was over, Molly had to ladle the water from the pot to the maiding tub, pounding the poss stick up and down like she had done at home, with stubborn stains rubbed against the washboard. Then the tub had to be emptied panful by panful until it was light enough for her to push to the doorway and let it drain into the gutter in front of the cottage, before filling it up again with the clean water for rinsing. Tom was in the fields by this time, so Molly had to fetch the water from the well herself. She found this a back-breaking enough job at the best of times, and however carefully she carried the water, some of it always slopped out and soaked the side of her dungarees.

The collars and cuffs on Tom’s shirts for Mass were detachable and had to be starched in a basin and then strung out with the rest of the mangled wash on the line that stretched across the yard. Then Molly, who felt as if she had done a full week’s work, emptied the tub again and replaced it and the mangle back in the barn and fetched another pail of water from the well as Biddy was roaring at her to wash the potatoes for the dinner.

Tom noticed Molly’s face glistening with sweat and the damp curls around her face at dinner, but said nothing about it, for it would achieve no purpose and could make his mother even more vindictive. But when Biddy told Molly to hurry up with her dinner because she had the beds to make up yet and the bedrooms to clean before she tackled the ironing, Tom said, ‘Give the milking a miss this evening, Molly. You have enough to do.’

‘She will not give the milking a miss,’ Biddy said. ‘And she had better not dawdle either, because she has the supper to make after it.’

Tom opened his mouth to protest, but Molly forestalled him. She would not beg, or even show weakness before this woman whom she was beginning to despise, and besides, she enjoyed the milking. It would be great to be able to sit down, even if it was only on a three-legged stool and lean her aching head against a cow’s flank. And her uncle, she was finding, was such an easy man to be with.

‘It is far too much for you,’ he said that evening as they began.

Molly ached everywhere it was possible to ache and was too bone weary to dispute this. ‘I’ll likely get used to it.’

‘You shouldn’t have to,’ Tom burst out. ‘Almighty Christ, there is nothing to you and you are not full grown yet by any means.’

‘Well, I am not going to ask for favours that she will take pleasure in refusing,’ Molly said. ‘And another thing: I know in a way that she is making me pay for my mother’s so-called mistakes and the indulgent way she brought her up – she even said as much – but I reckon that she’d be more or less like that anyway. I mean, how harsh was your upbringing? According to you and what my mother said, she was the only one spoiled. I bet you were made to work hard when you were young.’

Tom remembered back to the time that he had tilled the fields when, because of his tender years, even an empty spade was a strain to lift. ‘You’re right,’ he said. ‘We all had precious little childhood, even Finn, though he was much younger than us. In fact, that was one of the reasons he joined up, if the truth be told. He told me straight he was going somewhere where he would be given a measure of respect and a wage for the job he did, and that a trench in France could be no worse than an Irish one, and if he popped off a few Germans along the way so much the better. Course, he never knew what he was letting himself in for. None of us did at the time, not really, and when people did realise, there was an uprising and the beginnings of the Troubles in Ireland.’

‘Mom told me that was one of the reasons that she was allowed to go to England with her employers,’ Molly said.

‘Aye,’ Tom replied. ‘They had a big house just outside Derry. Protestants, of course, virtually the only ones to have big houses in Ireland at that time – or in Donegal, at any rate. Nuala had worked there as nursemaid since she was fourteen, and the children knew her and loved her, but if Ireland had been a more stable place there would have been no question of her going with them to England. But it wasn’t and so our parents let her go. I wasn’t to know that from the day she climbed on the train at Derry station I would never see her again.’

‘Sad, isn’t it?’

‘I’ll tell you what I think is worse,’ Tom said, almost bitterly. ‘And that is the fact that it was my own fault that I didn’t see her. When the letter came and Daddy died with it still in his hand, Mammy said that, as far as she was concerned, Nuala was no longer a daughter of hers and that was that. I can scarcely believe now that Joe and I just went along with it.

‘I mean, what Mammy said was probably when she was in a state of shock, and though I know neither of us could have gone at the time, with her so upset and all, never once in the intervening years did I try to keep in touch with my wee sister, get to know her husband and children, or even try to help Mammy cope with her loss and deal with her stiff-necked resentment.

‘You coming here has shown up my shortcomings all right. The tragedy of losing your parents might still have happened, but by then you might have known me better, maybe already have been here on holiday. Mammy isn’t too great with children anyway, and never has been, but without really trying she could have given you a far warmer welcome than she has so far.’

‘Yeah,’ Molly said. ‘I agree with everything you say and, knowing the kind of woman your mother is, how are you going to get my grandmother to allow me to go to Cathy McEvoy’s on Sunday? If I thought it was actually going to happen then I would be excited, for all it’s days away, but every time I think of it my stomach curls up in knots because I know she will try to spoil it.’

Tom smiled. ‘Leave Mammy to me and you get just as excited as you want to be.’

‘That, of course, is if I survive till then,’ Molly said grimly, handing her uncle another bucket of milk.

‘There is that to consider too,’ Tom commented laconically.

When Molly opened her eyes the next morning, she thought her survival might be in doubt, for there wasn’t one bit of her that didn’t hurt in some way. When she got to her feet her taut muscles throbbed in protest but she suppressed the groan she would have liked to give voice to, lest her grandmother hear it. She dressed with difficulty and then went stiffly from the room to see to the fire.

When the milking was done and the breakfast eaten and tidied away, Biddy said, ‘Now I hope that you are feeling good and strong, Molly, for you have to churn for butter today.’

Molly just stared at her and so did Tom. The butter was churned on Thursdays. Molly’s arms still ached from the washing and ironing of the day before, and her body recoiled at the thought of more pain to come. However, when she looked into the old woman’s eyes and saw that she was enjoying her discomfort, she straightened her aching back, met her gaze levelly and silenced Tom, about to protest, with a small shake of her head.

Within minutes of starting the churning, the stabbing pains began, running from both shoulders to her fingertips. The ache between her shoulder blades grew in intensity, as did the one in her back, until even her legs were trembling with the effort of keeping going, up and down, up and down. Molly wanted to lie on the floor and weep, but she bit her lip to prevent any cry escaping her.

Biddy watched her, expecting that any minute she would say that she couldn’t go on, beg to be excused. Then she would really make her suffer.

Molly herself didn’t know what kept her upright and her arms moving as if of their own volition, but she went on and on, like some sort of machine.

When, in the end, Biddy tried to take the paddle from Molly she had to almost wrest it from her fists closed over it, and then Molly’s pain-glazed eyes met those of her grandmother before she sank to the floor in a faint, just as Tom came in the door.

Concern for his niece threw caution to the wind as he fixed his mother with a glare, demanding, ‘What have you done with her now, you malicious old witch?’ He crossed the room as he spoke and lifted Molly into his arms with ease.

‘Kindly don’t speak to me in that way,’ Biddy said. ‘And for your information, I did nothing to her. I had just taken the paddle from her when she collapsed.’

‘When you tried to work her half to death, you mean?’ Tom said contemptuously, kicking open Molly’s bedroom door as he spoke. He laid her unconscious form on the bed, where he took her small, limp hands between his own, rough and calloused though they were, and rubbed at them solicitously as he said, ‘Well, there is to be no more of it – not today at least, and not at all until she is fully recovered.’

‘And who, pray, is to do all the jobs around here?’

‘I should imagine the same one who did them before,’ Tom said. ‘Tell me, Mammy, when did you lose the power of your arms and legs, because since Molly first came here you have scarcely lifted a finger?’

‘I can’t do everything. I’m not as young as I was,’ Biddy said.

‘I know that,’ Tom said. ‘And I’m sure Molly would help you, but not this way, working her into the ground.’

Biddy was incensed, but at that moment Molly eyelids fluttered open. She was at first alarmed to find herself in bed in the middle of the day and her uncle and grandmother standing over her. She cast her mind back to the events of that morning, but could only remember the interminable churning.

‘What happened?’

‘You fainted,’ Tom told her. ‘From exhaustion, I would think, and so I want you to stay in bed today at least.’

Molly knew, though, who wielded the power in that house and so her eyes sought her grandmother’s, who after a nudge from her son, said grudgingly, ‘I suppose the one day would do no harm, as long as you don’t make a habit of it.’

Inside, Biddy’s mind was saying something entirely different. It was not to be borne, her son telling her what to do and criticising the way she was bringing up her granddaughter, when all she was doing was stopping her going the same way as her mother.

Molly felt quite strange when she woke the next morning and more rested than she had ever been since she had arrived at the house. She slipped quickly out of bed. Tom had already gone out to attend to the cows and, unusually, her grandmother was up. Immediately Molly felt flutters of nervousness begin in her stomach.

‘So,’ said Biddy sarcastically, ‘you have decided to arise from your bed today, have you?’

‘As you can see,’ Molly said, and saw Biddy nip her lip in annoyance at the way she had spoken to her.

‘Don’t think that you can get away with that tack every few days either,’ Biddy said. ‘I will not have you slacking.’

Molly stood up from the fire she had been poking into life and feeding with turf and said, ‘I have seldom had a free moment since I stepped over the threshold of this house. I do my share and more.’

The blow knocked her against the fireplace and this was followed by a hefty slap across her face as Biddy hissed, ‘You watch how you talk to me, girl. Your uncle is not here to fight your corner now, and I will knock that temper out of you if it is the last thing I do.’

Without a word, Molly hung the kettle above the fire and walked across the room. Once there, she looked back at her grandmother and said, ‘Pity the same thing wasn’t done to you,’ before escaping to the cowshed.

Her grandmother didn’t follow her and Molly imagined that was partly because Tom would be there. She knew, though, that Biddy wouldn’t forget and that she herself would probably pay dearly for that last remark. But she didn’t care. It had been worth it to see the look on her grandmother’s face.

She knew too that she couldn’t go running to Tom with a list of complaints every five minutes. For one thing, he would hate it, and for another, she could guess then her grandmother’s punishment, when Tom wasn’t around, would probably be worse, for she would be hitting out at him too, through her. So she said nothing about the altercation that morning and was glad the cowshed was dim enough to hide her cheek, which was stinging so much she knew it would be scarlet.

Molly’s assessment was right: the more Tom attempted to stick up for her, the greater was Biddy’s anger and subsequent retribution when they were alone.

But by Friday evening something else was playing on Molly’s mind, and that was the fact that she had had no reply to either of the letters she had sent. She never saw the postman for he always came when she and Tom were in the cowshed and sometimes when they went in for breakfast the post would be there on the table. It was mainly catalogues for feed stuffs or farm equipment, and Molly had also seen a letter from Joe in America.

‘I just can’t understand it,’ she said to Tom as they were at the evening milking. ‘I mean, they’d know I would be anxious for news of them. I expected an answer by return.’

Tom agreed. ‘I did think they would have written back by now,’ he said. ‘I caught the post last Saturday so, all things being equal, they would have received the letters on Monday, Tuesday at the latest. But then maybe we are being too hasty. Maybe they will come tomorrow, or early next week. Have you asked Mammy if any post has come for you?’

‘I speak to your mother as little as possible, Uncle Tom. You know that,’ Molly said. ‘Anyway, if she had any letters for me, wouldn’t she have told me, given them to me?’

The silence was telling and Molly burst out, ‘You think she might have kept them from me, don’t you? Is she really capable of that?’

‘You can bet that if my mother has withheld your letters she will have convinced herself it was for your own good,’ Tom said. ‘The only way to clear it up is to ask her.’

Molly decided that she had to bite the bullet, so to speak, so as soon as they were in the door she said to her grandmother, ‘Has there been any letters come for me?’

Biddy remembered the two letters she had thrown into the fire the day before, but still said, ‘Why should there be letters for you?’

Molly stared at her. ‘Well, because I thought Granddad at least would want to know how I am. Anyway, I asked him questions in my letter about Kevin.’

‘Your letter,’ Biddy repeated. It was obvious that she hadn’t known about this, but Molly hadn’t been secretive on purpose. It was just that she had as little to do with Biddy as possible and she hadn’t thought to mention it. ‘When, pray, did you write a letter?’ Biddy demanded.

‘Nearly a week ago,’ Molly said. She thought her grandmother was looking at her strangely, but then she often did. Tom, however, had seen that expression before. He knew Molly was heading straight into trouble, and there was not a thing he could do about it. Molly went blithely on, ‘Granddad packed the paper and envelopes and all in my case.’

‘And how did you post it?’

‘Oh, Uncle Tom did that for me.’

Biddy’s cold and accusing eyes slid towards Tom and it was when he said in a bumbling apologetic voice, ‘Ah, Mammy, sure I saw no harm in it,’ that Molly felt the first feelings of unease.’

‘No harm in the child writing to heathens?’

‘Heathens!’ Molly cried. ‘Who are you calling heathens?’

‘Don’t you take that tone with me, my girl,’ Biddy snapped. ‘You shouldn’t have to ask who the heathen is? Your grandfather, for one.’

Molly was incensed. ‘Don’t be stupid!’ she cried. ‘My granddad is not a heathen.’

The slap knocked her off her feet and Biddy said to Tom, ‘Fetch the stick.’

‘Ah, no, Mammy,’ Tom said. ‘Sure, Molly didn’t mean to say you were stupid.’

Molly’s blood was up, however, and she was too angry to be in any way conciliatory. ‘Oh yes I did mean it,’ she cried. ‘I meant every bloody word.’

Biddy hauled her to her feet and shook her as if she was a rag doll, then dragged her across to the fireplace where the stick was. Molly was writhing and screaming like a stuck pig, especially when the stick sliced through the air and made contact with her skin. She braced herself for another blow, but it didn’t happen, for Tom not only wrenched the stick from his mother’s hand, he also broke it in two and threw the pieces into the fire.

‘I had more than enough of that bloody thing when I was growing up,’ he growled out. ‘It’s past time it was burned.’

Biddy was incensed, but she said sneeringly, ‘I can always get another. Besides,’ she added, ‘there is more than one way of killing a cat than by drowning it.’

‘Mammy, for heaven’s sake …’

‘I will not tolerate the way Molly spoke to me,’ Biddy declared.

Tom had pulled Molly away from his mother and she faced her, anger overriding any fear she might have as she said, ‘Well, I won’t tolerate you saying horrible things about my family. My father and grandfather and even Hilda have more kindness and goodness in their little fingers than you have in your entire body, and as for my mother—’

‘Don’t dare speak your mother’s name.’

‘I will if I like because she was wonderful, and I am glad I had thirteen years of her love before she died, and I will say so to anyone who asks me,’ Molly said firmly, adding goadingly, ‘So what are you going to do about that? Cut out my tongue?’

‘You see,’ Biddy said to Tom. ‘To spare the rod is to spoil the child, and this wayward streak Molly has in her is the result of too little chastisement in her formative years.’

Tom didn’t answer his mother. He had spent a lifetime studying her and scrutinising her face and now he suddenly knew that letters had arrived for Molly. He said, ‘All this anger has come about because Molly asked you a simple question. I think letters did come for Molly and I want you to tell me what you did with them.’

‘Yes, they came all right,’ Biddy said defiantly, ‘and they went on the fire. And if any more come, they will receive the same treatment.’

Molly stared at her, almost refusing to believe that the woman in front of her had done such an horrendously cruel thing. She yearned for news of those she had left behind and tears rained down her cheeks as she burst out, ‘How dare you burn letters addressed to me? You have no right.’

‘You forget,’ Biddy said. ‘I have every right.’

‘Mammy, surely to God you will see—’ Tom began.

‘Your opinion wasn’t asked for and is not needed,’ Biddy snapped. ‘Kindly keep out of this altogether.’

‘But, Mammy—’

‘Is your hearing affected, Tom?’ Biddy said, her words as brittle and cold as drops of ice. ‘I said this is not your concern and that is exactly what I meant.’

Molly saw her uncle almost flinch and fall silent, beaten by his mother’s iron will, which had dominated him since he was a child, and knew that she was on her own. She brushed the tears from her cheeks with her fingers and willed her voice not to shake as she faced her grandmother. ‘You must allow me to write and receive letters. These are the people that are dearest in the whole world to me.’

Biddy looked at her implacably and said, ‘That makes them even more dangerous.’

‘Dangerous!’

‘These are the people whose influence I removed you from,’ Biddy said. ‘For the good of your immortal soul I cannot allow you to communicate with them.’

‘D’you think they might contaminate me or something?’ Molly remarked sarcastically.

Biddy nodded her head sagely. ‘We cannot run that risk. However,’ she went on, ‘I don’t think we will have many more letters arriving, for I have written to your grandfather and that neighbour you seem so fond of, telling them there is to be no further correspondence with you. I have the letters already written for posting tomorrow.’

Molly thought how comforted she would have been by reading her grandfather’s words, reaching across the Irish Sea to the granddaughter he had had to relinquish. Maybe she might even get the odd wee note from Kevin when he had been at school a little longer, and she was in great need of the homespun wisdom and humour of Hilda. She knew that now her life would be harder and lonelier than ever.