Читать книгу Mind Body Bowl: Think, move and eat your way to a more balanced life - Annie Clarke - Страница 13

Mind

— 01

Like most of us, you probably go through each day without really noticing what you are thinking about.

Recently ‘mindfulness’ has become a bit of a buzzword and there are all sorts of programmes, apps and concepts that enable us to become more efficient in the workplace, develop a positive mentality and generally become happier. This can all seem a little strange if you didn’t feel as though anything was ‘wrong’ in the first place. But no matter how comfortable you already are in your mind and thought processes, mindfulness can benefit all aspects of your life.

Your mind is a wonderfully complex thing, and each of our minds works in an individual way, making understanding others and ourselves a life-long adventure. For a lot of people the mind ticks away without them really giving it any attention. Others may choose to try to understand a little more about how it works, how it influences their actions and how it is connected to the physical body, through practices such as yoga and meditation.

Put simply, being mindful means being aware of the present moment and having a conscious understanding and acceptance of the way you feel. I guess the thing to realize is that a mindfulness practice doesn’t necessarily mean the same thing to each person. While some people consciously commit to a specific exercise to connect with themselves in a certain way, others may have a subconscious mindfulness practice that they include in their daily habits without even realizing or planning it.

As I shifted towards my current lifestyle and left old habits behind, I made a decision to accept that I can’t predict where life will take me and I began to think more deeply about what I really wanted. I came to the conclusion that I wanted to be two things – healthy and happy – to give myself the best chance of coping with and enjoying the twists and turns of the future. So what did I need to do to equip myself to deal with whatever might come my way? What did being truly happy mean? What constituted health? Did that include my mental health as well as healthy attitudes? Suddenly there were a million things to consider and it all seemed fairly complicated.

As these thoughts developed, I asked myself what really makes me happy. I realized that, like many people, I often associated happiness with something that I didn’t have. Most of us probably set goals in our lives such as promotions, aesthetic triumphs or other personal and professional achievements, and we tell ourselves that when we’ve reached them we’ll be happy. In reality, it seems to be that when we do reach a goal, we have already found something else to focus on, shifting the goalposts again. It is so easy to end up in a cycle of chasing happiness, but never allowing ourselves to reach it. I’ve seen it in myself. I guess it’s a little like the saying ‘the grass is always greener’ – if we condition happiness on a future state, there is always going to be something else to achieve, meaning that happiness is indefinitely out of reach.

For many people, setting goals is a tool for self-development – but you have to be wary about resting your happiness on achieving goals. If you constantly chase an end goal, you lose out on so many days of feeling fulfilled by where you are right now. You have to reframe your thinking in order to find happiness on the way towards your goals. It is also necessary to appreciate that you are not in total control: sometimes you can have your heart set on something that is, due to external factors, simply unachievable.

Being Present

You know when you are having a conversation with someone and they are there physically but they’re not really ‘there’? They’re reading something or watching something, or they’re otherwise focused so they can hear what you are saying, and may even be responding, but they’re not actually listening. I always notice this and try hard not to take offence. I remind myself that I should try never to do this to someone else. However, in truth, I know that sometimes I can be that person, too.

Think how often you are sitting with a friend and your phone beeps on the table in front of you. You distract yourself for a moment by looking at your phone and suddenly you are caught up in a totally different conversation. You might still be engaging with the person you are with, but are you really being present? How much of your attention are you really giving that person?

I remember vowing to commit fully to the company I’m in as much as possible after a friend once commented on my lack of attention on one particular occasion. It stuck with me, and while there are, of course, still times when I don’t manage to keep it up totally, I have come up with a few things that I find make it easier to give my attention more fully to the physical (as opposed to virtual) company I’m in.

It is OK to be busy. If you are meeting a friend and an email needs to be sent in order to prevent your mind from wandering mid-conversation, try saying something like, ‘Bear with me just two minutes and then you have my full attention,’ and really mean it. Everyone deserves undivided attention, but especially after politely waiting for you to get whatever needs to be addressed out of the way in order to follow through with your statement of commitment.

If you are in the above situation and there is a call that you really cannot miss or delay, then make that known to the person you are with from the beginning. If you tell them that you are expecting an important call and ask if they mind if you slip away to answer it, then at least you have shown them some consideration.

Most of us spend so much time with our phones glued to our hands. All it takes is a flick of the eyes towards your screen mid-meeting and you can lose your train of thought, and you appear disinterested in your immediate company. Whenever you are in the presence of another person (socially, for work or otherwise), keeping your phone away from the table is a really easy way to avoid distraction.

Be Kind – Starting with Yourself

We need to get out of the negative mindset where we tell ourselves we aren’t good enough, don’t look or feel good enough, don’t try hard enough, and so on. People are often a lot more cruel to themselves than they would ever dream of being to other people. We spend so much time criticizing ourselves, and this can really intensify negative subconscious thought processes.

If you think about the pep talks you give your friends when they have their confidence knocked, or all the lovely things you might say to someone else – well, you deserve to hear those things, too. It is a huge step for a lot of people, but if you can find a way to be kinder to yourself, it can make a huge difference to how you see and cope with certain situations.

Of course, there are many ways you can show yourself kindness, and how we look after our bodies and minds is a big part of this.

Tools such as yoga and meditation can be a really great way not only to take care of yourself but also to delve a little deeper into understanding what you can do for yourself.

For example, there are two sets of ethical values in yoga, known as the Yamas and the Niyamas, which offer moral codes to live by. The first of the Yamas is Ahimsa, or non-violence. Yoga is a non-violent practice but sometimes we try to push ourselves or get frustrated within our practice. Letting go of expectation and judgement of ourselves and approaching our practice with kindness and compassion is learning to adopt the concept of Ahimsa.

This is something that we can then apply to other areas of our lives. It seems so obvious to practise non-violence towards other people or beings, but how often do we include ourselves in this?

‘It is so incredibly freeing to let go of expectation and judgement towards yourself and to truly accept every part of your being.’

As soon as you start being kinder to yourself, you can alleviate some of the negativity that can so easily dampen your true nature. It is incredibly freeing to let go of expectation and judgement towards yourself and to truly accept every part of your being. I imagine there are few people who can say they have detached entirely from personal criticism. But it isn’t about being perfect; it is much more about taking steps towards acceptance in order to help us to grow as individuals.

Comparing ourselves to others is the root of so much social anxiety. One of the things I am learning is that the world of social media really is a crazy one. On the one hand, it gives us the opportunity to connect with a broad number of people from all over the world, and opens us up to new ideas and sources of inspiration. On the other hand, we are then exposed to all of these people whose profiles aren’t necessarily a true reflection of reality. It is inevitable that we then have feelings of insecurity or dissatisfaction with our own lives, when compared to enhanced versions of other people.

The best person to compare yourself to is surely yourself. Rather than trying to match up to someone else, being the best version of you is such a wonderful way to focus your energy. Accepting who you are and focusing on that rather than on comparing yourself to others can be a healthy and positive thing to work on.

Learning to Look Out for Number One

Many of us spend our whole lives worrying about others, trying to fix their problems and even taking responsibility for the happiness of friends and family. However, taking the weight of others on your shoulders can cause you to overlook taking care of yourself.

We are all responsible for our own happiness and we have to find it within ourselves, rather than constantly search for it in external sources. In the same way, while you can have a positive impact on other people you cannot take responsibility for someone else’s happiness. They hold that responsibility themselves. So in a sense you have to learn to become a little bit selfish and ensure that you get enough of what you need to be content in your life.

The question arises, then, of what it is that you want. And that’s where tuning in with yourself is crucial, because there is so much to learn about ourselves that we can only find out by connecting with who we really are.

The Reality of it All

For most people, a lifestyle that revolves entirely around a passion may not be totally feasible. With greater responsibility generally comes less flexibility, and any risk becomes much greater. Whatever you’ve committed to that is preventing you from taking a leap now, there are still so many ways in which you can adapt your lifestyle to find a better balance.

For some people, their job is their passion. For others it might just be a means to an end. Most of us spend such a big part of our lives working, so being able to find the positive in each day can go a long way towards making us happy. Of course, we can’t all run off and do what we would love to do all day every day – and even those who love what they do have their ups and downs – but if you can find a way to do as much of what you love as possible, you allow yourself the opportunity to live a more fulfilling, happier lifestyle.

‘If you can find a way to do as much of what you love as possible, you allow yourself the opportunity to live a more fulfilling, happier lifestyle.’

We all take pleasure from different things. Some people are motivated to earn a good salary, perhaps so that they can take more expensive holidays, for example; others might be more inclined to live a simpler life if it means they have more time to enjoy the things they love. Someone with expensive hobbies may be happy to work longer hours, so they can afford to do the things they enjoy more in their time off. Some people like to feel amazing all the time, and so commit to a healthy, wholesome lifestyle; others may prefer to dip in and out of healthy choices, choosing to party or do the things they really enjoy without concern of whether or not it is good for them because it makes them feel good in other ways. Different things make each of us tick, and the best thing you can do for yourself is to indulge in whatever you enjoy whenever you can (within reason) and find your balance.

It can be hard to determine what these things really are, but there are fundamental questions you can ask yourself that might make things clearer. By taking the time to sit down and answer them honestly and fully, you can take stock of what you truly want from life.

When you are eighty or ninety years old and looking back on your life, what would you like to have seen, done and learned?

Does what you’re doing now, day to day, allow you to do those things?

If you were totally free from responsibility (financial or otherwise), how would you spend your time?

What makes you happy that already exists in your life?

What makes you unhappy?

When do you feel completely yourself?

What do you value?

Who do you value and why?

Why do you do the things that you do?

Why do you hold certain opinions and attitudes? Are they true to you and what you really believe?

It’s easy to look at these questions and come up with superficial answers, but when you take time to think a little more deeply it can be a very helpful exercise in developing an understanding of yourself and your values. Of course, this is not an exhaustive list of things to reflect upon, but it can serve as a first step towards creating a more balanced lifestyle. Most of us are creatures of habit and sometimes we have to actively examine – and even disrupt – our normal thought and behavioural patterns in order to recognize what we really want and need.

When you spend lots of time with someone who has a different accent to you, you might find that you pick up a little of their intonation or speech patterns. They are not your own, they are just adopted from the environment that you have been in. I’m particularly susceptible to acquiring accents – I’ve never known why, or if there is some sort of psychology behind it, but it has certainly caused a few giggles at my expense!

This applies to more than just how you speak. When you spend a lot of time with other people or in certain environments, sometimes their opinions, traits, habits and attitudes can make your own values a little hazy. Sometimes this will help you to develop your own values and sometimes there will be layers and layers of these ‘inherited’ behaviours and thoughts to remove in order to get back to being truly yourself.

What habits or opinions have you collected along the way? Being influenced by people around us helps to shape who we are, and often this can be for the better, but we need to examine these attitudes to make sure we are still being true to ourselves.

Learning to connect with yourself is probably not the sort of thing you can learn overnight. In fact, I don’t know if we ever can know ourselves entirely – or at least that is not yet within my own experience – but you can certainly do things to encourage the process, and it can be a wonderful and interesting journey.

Understanding Your Feelings

Emotions are something that we all experience in different ways. For some of us, showing our emotions comes more naturally than for others, and there is no right or wrong way to deal with the twists and turns of life. People talk about being ‘emotionally intelligent’; having the ability to understand both your own and other people’s emotional behaviour. We are all wired so differently that the way you react to a situation, or the way that something or someone makes you feel, shouldn’t be classed as right or wrong. What is important is to recognize these differences in order to connect with both yourself and other people.

Being mindful about our emotions allows us to alter the way we behave in future situations. There is a lesson to learn from everything, and all emotions serve a positive purpose. Sensitivity is wonderful if it means that you are able to read situations and evaluate responses. Providing other people with a map to read us helps them to understand how best to support us in our times of need. Of course, understanding yourself better allows you to rationalize your emotions, making life a little less turbulent than it might otherwise be.

No matter how you deal with things, it isn’t about good or bad, but just how you are. You need to accept the way in which you and those around you deal with things, embrace the highs and lows, learn from them and release any judgement and frustration that they may bring.

Managing the Mind

The difficulty with any sort of mindfulness practice or mind exercise is that the results aren’t tangible in the same way that other lifestyle changes are. There are no ‘before’ and ‘after’ photos, nor a number on the scales to go by, so it can be difficult to really understand what is and isn’t working for you.

Becoming ever more conscious of yourself and switching away from living on auto-pilot allows you to be more in touch with who you really are and know what you truly value, enabling you to take steps in the direction that serves you best.

As an adult I have become more and more aware of the number of people who experience symptoms of anxiety or depression to some degree or at certain periods in their lives. I don’t know if it is because people are becoming more open, life is becoming more stressful, or perhaps there are just more people who have the courage to identify themselves as having these struggles, but I find it interesting to consider what leads so many of us down this path, and if there is anything we can do or change to prevent it having such an impact on our minds.

I think many of us try to take responsibility for things that are beyond our control, and as a result experience guilt or other emotions that cause stress and anxiety to build up in our minds. I’m one of those people who takes the weight of everyone else’s problems on my shoulders as my own, without being asked, and I have begun to realize that I feel very guilty about things that are not in my power. So much is ultimately beyond our control and sometimes we just have to let go of that need or desire to solve problems. I have had to learn that I can still be a good friend without knowing all the answers, and that it is OK to put myself first at times.

Worry is another emotion that I find cripples a lot of people and prevents them enjoying the moment. When you worry about the future, you are encouraging your fears to manifest in reality. We can help ourselves by trying to shift away from that focus on the uncertainty of things to come.

You have the power to choose how you feel and react. Of course, emotions are natural and your initial response to a situation may seem beyond your control – but if you take a step back, you can recognize that you have the power to choose. If you can learn not to be at the mercy of circumstance, and instead find a positive in every situation in which you find yourself, you will lighten the load you carry.

Fitting positivity into your day doesn’t have to be time-consuming or challenging. There are simple things you can do to break negative thought patterns or reframe difficult parts of your day. Gratitude exercises can be really helpful, for example. Often it can feel easier to focus on the small proportion of negative instead of the large proportion of positive, so by starting a gratitude journal, you can begin to shift this balance.

‘Of course, it is much easier to come up with a list of things you are grateful for when you have had a great day and things feel as though they are going well, but it is even more valuable when the words don’t come quite so easily.’

Even if the concept of writing down the things you are thankful for sounds a little odd, making a note of a few things when you wake up or before you fall asleep allows you to step back and reflect on the day without being caught up in the immediate moment. Of course, it is much easier to come up with a list of things you are grateful for when you have had a great day and things feel as though they are going well, but it is even more valuable when the words don’t come quite so easily. It is those days when you have to reframe the way you are thinking that can prove most uplifting. Repeating the practice on a daily basis can really help to train the mind to think more positively and can change how you approach your day-to-day life.

A lot comes down to acceptance – acknowledging that not everything will always go just the way you’d hoped, but can still be appreciated for what it is, for the challenges it gives you. Gratitude allows you to navigate each day with a more positive mindset, which helps you to enjoy the journey rather than just anticipate the outcome.

Embrace Imperfection

Negative talk about yourself or other people can be totally emotionally draining. I realized while I was doing my yoga teacher-training how much of an impact it had on me when one of my peers persistently criticized various aspects of the training. It was really wearing me down, and I eventually asked the group if we could try to go for a day without judging or criticizing, and just accept that we all may like and dislike different things but that it was all part of the journey we were on. I was really surprised by how strongly my energy could be affected by the negative talk of others, and I realized that not participating in that sort of conversation, or taking myself out of that situation, could reduce that impact.

‘Finding a more positive way to think about who you are and what you do feeds a positive, creative energy that allows you to grow.’

In doing so I found such a positive relief, and I was able to maintain a more optimistic outlook and surrender to the full experience.

It can be invaluable to embrace every imperfection in your being and in the world around you. We will inevitably all have moments when we worry about what people think, when we criticize our progress, our bodies, our work, or doubt ourselves in any number of ways, but it is so freeing to accept that, firstly, it is OK not to be the finished article yet, and secondly, that imperfection is what makes us unique. Every quirk in our being is what makes us truly ourselves.

This all links back to the way that we talk to ourselves. Finding a more positive way to think about who you are and what you do feeds the positive, creative energy that allows you to grow. It’s not just about shifting away from or trying to change what you don’t like about yourself, but actually choosing to enjoy those imperfections as part of who you are, and accepting that they are a key part of you.

The same thinking can be applied to how situations play out in the world around you. Lots of us like to plan, idealize or predict how things might happen, but in reality our expectations may not be met or perhaps are exceeded. Rather than feeling disappointed, let down or overwhelmed by any outcome, you can choose how to react and make peace with a situation for just being what it is.

Stress Management

We live in a world surrounded by stress. I realized a little while ago that whenever I bumped into someone and we did that quick, ‘Oh hi, how are you? How is work?’, etc. that the answer I gave was always, ‘Busy. Good but busy,’ but what I really meant was ‘I’m feeling pretty stressed!’. And their response was normally the same. I was telling the truth and so were they, but the monotony of it all started to bother me. Being busy is a transient state (even if it feels never-ending at times), but it doesn’t define how we are as human beings.

Putting Off Tasks Just Prolongs Them

One of my worst habits is flagging emails, I will have every intention of replying but so often I read something, become distracted without replying and flag it for later so that my focus shifts away from my ever-expanding inbox. It isn’t productive or helpful; it is just setting myself up for a stressful time trying to clear it later.

This kind of procrastination is so futile. Putting off smaller tasks leaves them hanging over you. Instead of flagging emails or leaving the chores that you don’t want to do until last, getting them done and ticking them off the list is such a simple step that can have a positive impact on the rest of your day. If there is something you really dislike or even dread, perhaps try to get it out of the way so that you no longer have to worry about it. You will immediately feel more accomplished. It sounds easy and, of course, is much more easily said than done – it can certainly take a lot of will-power, but it really is an incredibly positive habit to get into.

Letting Go

People used to tell me that I forgive too easily. I’ve never been able to hold a grudge. I can’t sleep on an unresolved disagreement or leave somewhere without making peace with whoever I’m leaving. I’d never really thought about it much, but I just don’t seem to have any need or desire for that sort of tension or animosity, as I end up riddled with an over-dramatic feeling of guilt. But everyone is wired differently and for some people it is a lot harder to let go of something that has upset or frustrated them.

A middle ground is perhaps a really good place to be. If you can’t forgive, you are holding on to anger, tension and emotions that can become toxic in your body and mind. So you are the one who ultimately suffers. Of course there’s a fine line, and someone who forgives easily runs the risk of being walked all over or losing out by taking the emotional hit from a situation, but as long as you learn to differentiate between the two, it can be so freeing to let go of negative emotions that weigh you down.

I truly believe that holding onto frustration, anger or a need to control ultimately only leaves us being the one who loses out.

Breathing and Pranayama

Breath work is one of the most powerful tools we have. It can be linked to emotion, energy, well-being and our state of mind. In yogic philosophy, the breath (or prana) is seen as the life-force, yet most of us rarely take a moment to consider it.

Breath control, known in yoga as pranayama, can be used to calm the mind and help shift the way you approach your life. It allows you to take the first step towards mindfulness and meditation practices, so it can be particularly useful for those intimidated by traditional meditation techniques.

Breath work alone can have a huge impact on how you feel. I have found it a very powerful tool in times of stress, anxiety or whenever I have felt overwhelmed by life in general. I’ve even read that it can even help to reduce things like stress-induced overeating, by providing an alternative, calming focal point.

There are many different pranayama exercises that you can practise, but the most simple is known as abdominal breathing and it is a great starting point. It’s an exercise that draws your awareness towards the breath. Focusing your attention on each inhalation and exhalation can help to still a busy mind, making this technique great for times of anxiety or just to help you relax at the end of a busy day.

I find it useful as a way to quieten my thoughts, reset my mind and find a more calm and rational approach to whatever challenge I am facing. It can also be used as a gentle energizer if I am feeling sluggish or sleepy. There is no need to have a ‘sacred’ space for this – in fact, it is good to practise non-attachment by trying different spaces for your yoga, meditation and pranayama, so just find a place where you can relax, sit comfortably and avoid distractions. It is generally not recommended to meditate lying down. Meditation allows you to enter a deeply relaxing state similar to sleep, so sitting up helps you to stay conscious.

Sit comfortably on the floor, or if you are in a chair then keep your legs uncrossed. Ensure that your spine is straight and your head is facing forward.

Begin by closing your eyes.

Take a few natural breaths here without trying to change anything at all. Just observe the breath within your body.

Become aware of each inhale and exhale, noticing if the breath is shallow or deep, and perhaps starting to tune in to any tightness or blockages within your body as the air passes in and out.

Closing your mouth, breathing only through your nose, consciously start to deepen each breath – inhale for a count of four, hold for one count, then exhale for a count of four. Hold for one count with empty lungs, then repeat. You can begin to lengthen the counts, perhaps to six or eight, and really try to draw your awareness to the sensation of the breath as it moves in and out of your body. If any thoughts come into your mind, just let them pass through without judgement or deliberation, allowing yourself to come back to the breath.

You can continue this practice for as long as you like, but five to ten minutes is a great length of time to work with.

Meditation

Breath-control exercises such as the one on the previous page are a wonderful way to start developing a meditation practice, if that is something that you want to try. Meditation can be an incredible tool for managing anxiety, depression, stress or just to help us generally in our day-to-day lives. At first I was a little nervous about the concept – as someone who spent the majority of my life unable to sit still for more than thirty seconds, I assumed it would never be for me. The idea of sitting on my own in silence was terrifying. For many of us it can be very difficult to control our minds and we have particular thought patterns that can be triggered by everyday events; for some of us this can contribute to stress and anxiety, or fluctuations in our moods. Even if we feel pretty happy most of the time, of course, some things can throw us occasionally.