Читать книгу The Alcohol Experiment: 30 days to take control, cut down or give up for good - Annie Grace, Annie Grace - Страница 14
ОглавлениеKnowledge renders belief obsolete.
—NANA JANE
I’ve found there are two kinds of cravings you have to contend with at different times: physical cravings and emotional cravings. Physical symptoms such as anxiety, restlessness, and the inability to sleep show up while the alcohol is still in your system. We know they’re cravings because they go away if you give in and have a drink. It can take up to a week for alcohol to completely leave your system, so that’s about how long you can expect those physical cravings to last. After that point, you’re most likely looking at mental or emotional cravings. (Fortunately, you probably know exactly the last time you had a drink. When people try to get over a sugar addiction, they sometimes consume sugar without even knowing it because it’s hidden in so many food products!)
Psychological or emotional cravings can be much harder to handle simply because they are triggered by certain circumstances that your subconscious knows (from experience) may be helped by having a drink. You’ve reached the point in your relationship with alcohol that it’s taking more than it’s giving, and you feel like you want to cut back or stop. That’s a conscious decision you’ve made. But if your subconscious mind still believes that alcohol is key to relaxation and that you have to drink to have a good time with your friends, then those psychological cravings will creep in—sometimes years after you’ve had any alcohol. Your desires originate from your subconscious mind. And a craving is a desire.
CRAVINGS AND STRESS
For example, if you used to handle work stress by drinking, like I did, then every time you experience work stress, you’ll likely trigger a psychological craving for alcohol. You’ve already wired your brain to do this. It’s a learned response. Your subconscious believes drinking reduces stress, even though science has proven that alcohol actually increases stress over time. And even though you’ve made the conscious decision not to drink, your subconscious didn’t get the memo. So it sends up a desire—a craving.
If your cravings are triggered by stress, you have to find another way to reduce that stress. Studies have shown over and over that exercise is a great way to do that. Once those endorphins get released, the stress and cravings subside. Mindfulness and meditation are other great ways to reduce stress. Don’t worry, you don’t have to shave your head and move to Tibet. There are all kinds of forms of meditation—all you’re really doing is exercising your brain.
The Internal Battle
So you have this battle going on inside you. Your conscious and subconscious are fighting it out over whether you want a drink. It’s frustrating. It’s confusing. And it’s tempting to try to ignore the craving or exert your willpower over it. But that rarely works. Science tells us that the more we try to repress a thought or ignore something, the harder it is to escape. It’s much better to be completely present and mindful during a craving. Notice how you feel and what thoughts are running through your head when you separate yourself and become an observer watching this weird battle between your conscious and subconscious. Detach yourself from the outcome and you’re less likely to give in.
I like to visualize my subconscious mind as a child riding in the backseat of a car. Suddenly the child decides he or she wants an ice cream cone and won’t let it go. Children are the best salespeople in the world because they don’t give up. They don’t take no for an answer. They’ll keep attacking the problem in a different way over and over until they get what they want.
“Can I have an ice cream, Mom?”
“That ice cream sure looks good!”
“Look! A gas station. Don’t you need gas, Mom? I bet they have ice cream inside.”
“What’s your favorite ice cream, Mom? I like chocolate!”
“So, when are we getting ice cream? Now or after dinner?”
“You know what would make Dad happy? A surprise ice cream!”
If children think there’s even the slightest chance that they’ll get what they desire, they will keep pestering you. Even if you don’t have kids, you’ve been a kid. So you know what I’m talking about, right? The only way to get children to give up is to get rid of the desire, which means either distracting them or making them understand that there is NO WAY they are getting an ice cream.
Distraction
This is how you deal with cravings, too. You can distract yourself with a book, a walk, or a dinner date. You can also substitute something that will satisfy the desire without giving in to the craving. If you need to hold a glass in your hand at a networking event, fill it with tonic water or soda. Often that’s enough to satisfy your subconscious child.
But what if distraction doesn’t work and you still have that craving? That means your little darling believes there’s a chance you’ll give in. We all know how that works with kids and ice cream, right? If you give in once, the next time they’ll be even MORE relentless. It will be even harder to get them to stop nagging you. All the kid cares about is getting the ice cream, and they won’t stop until they truly believe there’s no way it’s going to happen. Relying on willpower to resist a craving is like arguing with a child using grown-up logic.
“Sorry, honey, we don’t have time to stop for ice cream . . .”
“It will spoil your dinner . . .”
“We don’t have the money . . .”
“You don’t need an ice cream . . .”
What kid is going to fall for that stuff? They’ll come up with a counterargument every time. And they will outlast you! Eventually, they’ll wear you down.
Here’s something cool about your subconscious—it can produce strong desires, but it can’t make you take action. It’s your conscious mind that decides whether to give in.
You Have a Choice!
The more times you don’t give in to your subconscious, the faster it will get the message next time. No means no. Be the parent. When your subconscious understands that you don’t go back on your word, then it will believe you when you say, “Not today, honey. Maybe next week we’ll get an ice cream, but for today we’re going to skip it.”
A good friend of mine told me about using a key phrase that got her kids to stop nagging. She said she would go into “duck mode,” which meant she let whatever the child was saying roll off her like water off a duck’s back. When she said, “duck mode,” her kids knew there was no way they were going to get what they wanted. This is because she had never once gone into duck mode and then given in. She had taught them that duck mode meant business and that there was simply no point in arguing any longer. Because of her dedication to the tool, her kids truly believed that once she had gone into duck mode, it was in their best interest to be quiet. They knew there was no longer anything they could say that would make a difference. And so peace was restored. In my analogy of the child in the backseat of a car, the driver (your conscious mind) is in control, and the child (your subconscious mind) believes it. You can come up with a key phrase of your own—whatever works for you.
TODAY, anytime you start to crave a drink, visualize your craving as an incessant child. And then instead of getting angry or frustrated, use whatever technique gets the child to believe you’re serious about your commitment. Distraction or duck mode—whatever works is great!
Day 5 Reflections from alcoholexperiment.com
“Last night my husband had a bottle of wine in the fridge. Told him to go ahead, I didn’t want any. . . . There was no craving, no thoughts of missing out.”
—TAMMY
“I am feeling very accomplished. I went to a Mexican restaurant today and I did not order a beer or a margarita. . . . What?! That’s huge for me! Most of my poor drinking habits are triggered in social situations, and so this was a small victory for me. I love going to see live music, and there is a concert coming up in less than a month and the idea of not having a drink there is daunting. I wonder . . . will I even have fun? OMG, I feel so ridiculous for even thinking this . . . but it’s the truth. I am no longer going to lie or try to cover up my thoughts around drinking. I am just going to keep shining a light on them so that eventually they will have nowhere to hide and there will be nothing left for me to be afraid of.”
