Читать книгу NORMAL Doesn't Live Here Anymore - Barb BSL Owen - Страница 8

One January, four of us began having dinner together every month. It was finally our time. All of our kids were grown, living productive lives and no longer needed our daily interaction. The future had arrived and we could actually concentrate on the lives we’d always dreamed about. None of us were quite sure what might happen next, but we instinctively knew one thing; we needed to cultivate good friends.

As we enjoyed our monthly meals, we talked about our occupations, hobbies and families as well as our physical changes, and compared the way our mothers’ bodies had begun to emerge in our own reflections. Month by month a closeness beyond description knitted our hearts together as Soul-Sisters.

After several years, the unthinkable happened. One of us became ill. Several months later we heard the diagnosis—cancer. Friendship evolved into activity, assisting her family in any way we could—meals, transportation to chemo treatments, thinking up ways to positively distract our friend’s attention, going with her to select her new wig, sewing special hats—and anything else we could think of to put a smile on her face while trying to avoid what appeared to be the inevitable. In spite of our best efforts, cancer stole her from all of us.

It was nearly unbearable.… our first meal together as we faced the empty chair where our fourth Soul-Sister was supposed to be sitting… Ignoring the vacancy and the deafening silence was impossible. Instead, the tears welled up in our eyes, not only for the profound loss of our friend, but also for each love-filled journey and loss we had endured over a five year stretch. Those years bonded us for life as we bore witness to the loss of eight people, including our parents and in-laws, as well as our dear friend.

One by one, circumstances beyond our control caused each of us to become a caregiver. Accepting the new responsibility, without any preparation, meant leaning heavily on each other as each of us had been given the primary responsibility for our loved ones. None of us had experience being caregivers. None of us knew what to do first. None of us knew about the necessity of self-care.

We were the epitome of deer caught in the headlights when “caregiver” became synonymous with each of our names. Barb was the first in our group to experience the loss of a family member. One by one, our losses followed closely behind hers.

Through our shared experiences, we discovered how emotions ebbed, flowed, and at times, even disappeared. We encouraged each other to feel what we felt without judgment. Sometimes it made no sense to feel sad, angry, grief-stricken, or guilty. And, the over-arching feeling that superseded everything was a longing to get back to a normal life. Every time we met as soul-sisters, we brushed the edges of normal. Every time we shared a meal together, we felt almost normal again. Each time one of us said, “I understand,” and meant it , the crazy one felt a little less crazy.

Time has passed. Our lives changed forever. And yes, we each found normal again - a new normal - a new balance - a richer life as “caregiver” was etched into a facet of our personalities. Oh how we wish we’d had this book to assist us with the journeys that none of us really understood at the time. The insights in Normal Doesn’t Live Here Anymore would have made our individual experiences less confusing and overwhelming.

Brew a pot of tea, curl up in your favorite chair and embrace the words that come from years of one caregiver’s experience. Barb allows you to walk with her—step by step—through her caregiving journey as she weaves her story along with her hindsight, questions you need to ask, information you will need, and the emphatic necessity for Me Time.

Someone once said, “Friends are the family we would have chosen for ourselves.” We hope you will follow our example and create your own special family. Wholeheartedly we can say, “You need your friends!” There is a bond that connects caregivers everywhere. As you read this book we’re sure that you will feel that circle expand to include you. Starting right now, we embrace you. Welcome to the circle!

As friends who have “been there and done it” we salute you. We honor you. We wish you clarity and peace on your journey.

Now, grab that cup of tea and a few minutes, take a few deep breaths and join Barb on a journey of love, compassion, sorrow, and encouragement.

— With love, The Soul-Sisters

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