Читать книгу The Funeral Celebrant's Handbook - Barry H Young - Страница 8

It is now widely accepted that the need for religious ceremonies at both weddings and funerals is a thing of the past. Today the number of weddings conducted by a qualified civil celebrant have reached a staggering high in Australia. Likewise, the demand for funeral services prepared by a funeral celebrant, in collaboration with family members and friends of the deceased, is ever increasing.

There is a deep human need to encompass and surround important events in life with rituals, symbolism and expressions of beliefs. Both religious and non-religious people have the same right to, and need for, meaningful cultural rituals and celebration. However, with an increasing number of people not practising religious ceremonies on a regular basis, there is a need for funerals that are not bound by the doctrines of any specific religious creed. The need has arisen for funeral celebrants to step into the void, and to develop and present services in harmony with the deceased’s own beliefs.

Life-centred funerals

Today’s need is for an individually prepared ceremony with appropriate wording based on the life of the person who has died, with emphasis on celebrating the life rather than focusing on death. A life-centred or personal funeral is one that primarily recognises and pays tribute to the departed, and records and remembers the life that has been lived. It allows mourners to let go of their emotions, to experience them and to face the reality of death.

Most mourners do not come to a funeral to hear a sermon about sin or to philosophise about death. They come to grieve, to share with others, and to reflect on the life of their lost one and what is meaningful in life. They come to be comforted and uplifted in their time of need.

The advantage that a funeral celebrant’s service has over a traditional religious service is that it is not restricted by the old rituals of the church, which are not always in harmony with the beliefs of the bereaved and the deceased. People are now free to experiment with a wide range of beliefs, and to express a wide range of meaningful rituals as part of a tailored service.

Planning tailored services

A non-religious or personal service must be planned with great attention to detail, and delivered with care and sensitivity. Naturally, if the advantage of the funeral celebrant is to be able to tailor each service to what is meaningful for the bereaved, then each service must be planned from scratch with a great deal of care.

The true advantage of using funeral celebrants to conduct a funeral is that celebrants can plan the service to the family’s requirements. The family of the deceased should have the service they want and not have any rituals imposed upon them. This freedom of choice gives those who are grieving a chance to be part of the process of organising the funeral service for their loved one.

A person’s life deserves the finest of celebrations and ceremonies possible, both through the written word and the presentation of the service. It is therefore the celebrant’s role to select the best of literature, ritual, music and symbolism. It may also be our role to write a creative eulogy to reflect on the life and achievements of the deceased if requested by the family. Thus, the service should help the bereaved to live through their feelings, recognise the meaning and reality of death, and hopefully help those grieving people to accept the loss of their loved one and to resume their lives without the presence of that person.

As a celebrant you should not be afraid to make suggestions. Good funeral celebrants should discuss every possibility when they talk over their service details. After meeting with the family and friends of the deceased, the celebrant will be able to develop an empathy with the deceased and, if the meeting has been properly conducted, this will allow the funeral celebrant to conduct a meaningful and memorable service.

Assisting the grieving process

The pain of grief is great, and it is the celebrant’s duty to prepare a service that is accurate, authentic and appropriate, turning a distressing event into a beautiful, meaningful memory.

The grieving process is a painful and complex event in the lives of the bereaved — and the funeral service is the single most important part of expressing grief. It is also the first stage of the healing process, as it allows the bereaved the opportunity to express their grief. Thus, it is the duty of the celebrant to conduct a reverent and dignified salute to the deceased and a comforting and meaningful event for the survivors.

Spiritual services

I strongly believe that even a non-religious service has spiritual elements. Some of my readings, personally written, have a spiritual meaning, and in choosing a civil service rather than a religious service the bereaved need not ignore higher meaning and religious beliefs. Not surprisingly, prayers and readings with a spiritual element are often requested by mourners.

Sharing my experience

The aim of this book is to help existing celebrants who are licensed to officiate at funerals and those who are aspiring to become funeral celebrants. I have endeavoured to set out—in basic language—the format of a funeral service and the practical measures that need to be taken. Those who are new to this topic will find many aspects of a funeral service they won’t have even imagined, and that are not mentioned in the academic courses that celebrants are now required to complete to become qualified. While written in the context of Australian funeral procedure, the information in this book can be adapted to any country in the world.

This book is written from the heart and is based on the down-to-earth, hard-won experience that I hope to share with you. When I began there was no such thing as a course for funeral celebrants. My only resource was Dally Messenger, the pioneer and the master. His book, Ceremonies for Today, was more relevant for marriage celebrants than funeral celebrants, but we all used it—and still do. The vision and scholarship of Dally Messenger has made my career and this book possible.

Those of my era learnt the hard way and, with all due respect to the courses now in existence, you won’t find many of the important things I share with you in their curricula. This is what makes this handbook so important for our difficult, unsung profession.

Writing from my experience of conducting funerals for all types of people—the elderly, the middle-aged, children, babies, tragic accidents, suicides and murders—I will tell it as I think it should be told, and help you write and conduct a responsible, caring and meaningful service.

This handbook covers every aspect of a service, beginning at the time of initial contact with family or friends of the deceased and the first meeting with the bereaved, up to the conclusion of the funeral service.

There are no firm rules on how to conduct a service. Every service is different and should be tailored tastefully to meet the wishes of the family or friends and the personality of the person who has passed. However, while we are obliged to tailor each service we are not left to start from scratch every time. With experience you soon develop a collection of readings, rituals, verses, sayings and songs that you can interweave with ideas expressed by the bereaved to create a new and unique service for each life you are asked to celebrate.

The highest rewards

Whether it is a funeral service to celebrate a human life that has ended, in the case of the elderly, or to officiate at a tragic event, the purpose is the same—to provide mutual support and comfort to the living. It’s a task that I never take lightly and one that should be considered a great honour.

The greatest reward that I can ever be given is when mourners have asked me after a service whether I was a personal friend of the deceased. Others have complimented me on getting the tone of the service ‘just right’. It’s then you know you have really made an important contribution to a very significant and spiritual day in many people’s lives.

The task that a celebrant must undertake is to juggle the multiple roles of interviewer, listener, biographer, creative writer, psychologist and entertainer. It’s a difficult job but an important and rewarding one.

It has been a privilege to be a part of the sacred, spiritual rituals of so many families and friends who have said goodbye to loved ones at my services over the years. It’s also a great honour to be able to share my many years of experience with you in this handbook.

I hope that you will find the ideas and explanations in these pages to be a valuable guiding hand as you create your own services for your own communities, and I will be thrilled to think that I have played some small role in spreading the practice of quality, tailored funeral celebrations.

May you find your path as rewarding as I have found mine in bringing comfort and strength to those in their time of need.

Barry H. Young