Читать книгу Josh Billings, Hiz Sayings - Billings Josh - Страница 5

Ack Fust.– Enter a lap dorg, carrying a boarding skool miss in his arms, about 16 hands high – it makes the dorg puff – the dorg lays down the boarding skool miss, and orders mint juleks for 2, with the usual suckshun. The dorg begins tew loll, the boarding skool miss tells him "tew dri up," (in French,) and the dorg sez "he be darned if he will," (in Dorg.) [Grate sensashun among the awjence, with cries, "put him out!"] Finally a compromize iz affected, the boarding skool miss kisses the dorg, with tears in his eyes. Konlusion – Lap dorg diskovers a wicked flee at work on his tale – pursues him – round and round tha go – dorg a leettle ahead – sumbody hollers out, "mad dorg!" – boarding skool girl faints standing – the curtin drops.

Ack number 2.– Curtin highsts – sevral blind men in the distanse, looking thru a key whole – one ov them sez, "he don't see it!" A shanghi ruseter cums out, with epaulets on, and crows Yankee Doodle – musik bi the band. The shanghi lays an egg on the stage, about the size ov a wasps nest, and then limps oph, very much tired and redused. Curtin falls agin.

Ack number 3.– Curtin rizes sloly – big bolona sarsage on a tabel – bolona sarsage lifts up her hed, and begins tew bark – band plays "Old Dorg Tray." Cat cums in – cat's tail begins tew swell bad – bolona sarsage and cat haz a fite – tha fite 14 rounds – the stage iz covered with cats and dorgs. Konlusion – tha awl jine hands, and walk tew the foot lights – an old Bull Tarrier reads the President's call for "300, 000 more" – band plays "Go in Lemons!" – a bell rings, and the curtin drops.

Ack number 4.– A scene on the Eri kanall – a terribel storm rages – the kanall acks bad – sevral line botes go down hed fust, with awl their boarders on board – kant make a lee shore – tha drag their ankers – sum ov the kaptins tri tew pra, but moste ov them hav the best luck at swareing – the water iz strewd with pots and kittles – sevral ov the cook maids swim ashore, with their cook stoves in their teeth – tha hav tew draw oph the kanal tew stop the storm. Konlusion – men are seen along on the banks ov the kanall spearing ded hosses and eels – band plays "a life on the oshun wave." Amid tremduous applauze the curtin falls, and the awjence disperce, single file.