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Origins of Japanese Etiquette

The impetus for the development of Japan’s etiquette-oriented culture no doubt came from the native religion Shinto, which translates as “Way of the Gods” and is based on maintaining harmonious relationships between mankind, nature, and the cosmos.

Shinto is essentially a type of nature worship in which all things, including rivers, rocks, and trees, are considered to have spirits to whom a degree of reverence is due—philosophical and spiritual beliefs shared by the Hopi, Navajo, and other native American tribes.

The primary focus of Japanese worship was the pantheon of Shinto gods believed to control all the forces of nature as well as the welfare of the people, including the success of crops and human fertility.

Believing that their world was inhabited by innumerable spirits and gods, the Japanese developed a respectful attitude toward the seen as well as the unseen. This attitude was to shape their character from the beginning of their history and set the stage for the emergence of one of the world’s most mannered societies.

According to the creation myth of Japan, Izanagi (Ee-zahnah-ghee) and Izanami (Ee-zah-nah-me), a god and goddess, gave birth to the Japanese islands. They were so enchanted with the beauty of their handiwork that they descended from the heavens to live on the islands. The story goes on to say that the Japanese themselves were the descendants of lesser gods who also settled on the island chain.

The lineage of Japan’s earliest leaders, who combined the functions of high priest and sovereign, was traced directly to the divine ancestors in whose name they ruled. Thus, from the dawn of its history, Japanese society was structured according to religious tenets that required a very circumspect behavior and numerous formal ceremonies.

Another factor that was to play a crucial role in the development of etiquette in Japan was the sweeping importation beginning in the mid-sixth century of Korean and Chinese fashions, philosophies, and social customs.

Japan borrowed extensively from China in particular. By that time, China was already over three thousand years old and had a highly refined and stylized culture based on a concept familiar to the Japanese—a godlike emperor ruling over vassals and slaves and supported by a hierarchy of powerful underlings whose stations also entitled them to reverential treatment.

China’s contributions to Japanese civilization included its writing system, styles and techniques of art and architecture, technology, medicine, and religious, philosophical, and legal systems. The heart of the Chinese system of etiquette was the culture of the Imperial Court in the Chinese capital, and this became the model for the Japanese.

The Role of Harmony

According to legend, Japan’s first imperial government dated from around 600 BC. It was based on the concept of kō chi kōmin (kohh-chee kohh-meen), in which all of the people literally belonged to the emperor, had no inherent freedoms, and could not own private property. This system lasted until the eighth century AD.

The foundation of the social system during this period was harmony, or wa (wah) in Japanese. This was a hierarchical harmony that required each individual, regardless of his or her place in the vertical structure, to do exactly what was expected in the exact manner prescribed. The absolutes in system were peace and a minutely detailed respect—all within the context of the superior-inferior structure of the society.

The cultural “glue” that was designed to uphold Japanese-style harmony eventually came to be subsumed in the word amae (ah-my), which I define as “indulgent love.” In this framework, all relationships should be based on a kind of “love” that indulges people’s needs as well as their idiosyncrasies, even when it is disadvantageous to do so. The amae factor in Japanese relationships was rooted in the desire to avoid disharmony and became a key element in the etiquette of the Japanese, protecting and sustaining their kao (kah-oh) or “face”—their sense of honor and their reputation—by making it possible for them to maintain wa.

The concern with face in Japanese society gave rise to another important element in Japan’s system of etiquette— enryo (inn-rio), which literally means “considering from a distance” but in practical usage means holding back, not being aggressive. The avoidance of confrontation and aggression is still very much in evidence today, especially during business meetings, lectures, and other situations where most Americans or Europeans would feel free to speak up with questions or criticisms.

In the system of etiquette that evolved around these cultural imperatives, wa was of ultimate importance. All behavior and all relationships—personal, public, and professional—were controlled by a carefully prescribed etiquette that was designed to maintain harmony and often took precedence over both human feelings and practical reasoning.

To hear many older Japanese tell it, wa remains the basic building block of Japanese society and has been responsible for much of its economic success. Many Japanese cultural traits, including decision-making by consensus, groupism, shared responsibility, and even ongoing resistance and criticism of the inroads being made by foreign cultures, are predicated on the need and desire for purely Japanese-style harmony.

Having been conditioned over the centuries to a codified system of behavior that took on the color and force of a religion, the Japanese became so accustomed to a specific “Japanese way” of doing things that they developed an extreme sensitivity to any deviation from the norm. Unexpected or nonstandard behavior not only disrupted the cultural imperative of harmony, it was extremely stressful and could be dangerous to the individuals concerned.

Japanese today are still extraordinarily sensitive to non-Japanese behavior. This sensitivity and ensuing stress were partially responsible for the general resistance to foreign companies and foreign workers coming into the country that existed until recent times, and also affected Japanese travel abroad. During the 1950s and 1960s some Japanese who traveled for business were so unprepared to handle the kind of casual, chaotic behavior that Westerners took for granted that they became nervous wrecks after only a short period of time. Many of them holed up in their hotel rooms for several days and then returned home. (Also key was that their hosts often insisted on serving them frequent and large helpings of meat, to which they were not accustomed and which typically made them ill.)

Another important aspect of harmonized behavior in Japan was that it made life predictable. Japanese people could anticipate one another’s attitudes and reactions to the point that verbal communication was often unnecessary. The Japanese eventually came to pride themselves on this “telepathic” ability, pointing to it as one of the cultural characteristics that made them different from other people—and made their culture superior in many respects.

Since Japan’s cultural telepathy is generally etiquette-based, it is incomprehensible or even unrecognizable to anyone not intimately familiar with Japanese behavior. Anyone—visitor or resident businessperson—who wants to truly understand and communicate with the Japanese must learn to appreciate many aspects of their etiquette.

The Vertical Society

Early Japanese society was divided into distinct classes that were arranged in descending order of power and privilege. At the top of the pyramid was, of course, the emperor, followed by members of the royal family, court officials, Shinto priests and Buddhist monks, members of the military, scholars, artisans, farmers, and merchants.

The social system was a vertically arranged hierarchy of superiors and inferiors in which very specific kinds of behavior were required to demonstrate and maintain social differences and to cater to the vanity of those on higher levels of the pyramid. The common people had few rights and were subject to the wishes and whims of the ruling classes.

Rural commoners were required to behave in a submissive and obedient manner toward their clan lords and their lords’ samurai retainers. Townspeople were expected to be equally subservient to the town magistrates and their samurai police.

This hierarchical structure meant that members of the upper classes had virtually absolute power over members of the lower classes. Access to an impartial authority higher than a samurai warrior or local warlord was rare, with the result that the common people became resigned to their lot and obedient to those in authority.

As in most feudalistic societies, classes in Japan became hereditary and were eventually fixed by law. The last legal sanctions involving divisions by class, rank, or other criteria were abolished during the first months of the American military occupation of Japan after World War II, but some of the customs were so deeply rooted in the Japanese psyche that they continued.

Strict hierarchies are still a fundamental part of virtually every Japanese organization today, and are sometimes credited with Japan’s many successes over the past fifty years. The existence of these hierarchies generally helps to maintain a team approach that is indeed a source of strength— even though many in the internationalized younger generation chafe under such restraints.

Samurai Legacies

European countries had their age of knights and professional warriors by other names, but no country in the world was more influenced by the ethics and etiquette of its warrior class than Japan. The famed samurai came to power in AD 1192 with the establishment of a shogunate form of government—essentially a military dictatorship—that was to reign supreme for more than six hundred years.

Japan’s central government during this time was ruled over by a series of shoguns who were supported by an army of samurai warriors, as were each of the more than two hundred provincial clan lords around the country. The only citizens permitted to carry weapons and hold office, the samurai followed a code of behavior and belief based on Confucian concepts and Zen principles. They developed a lifestyle centered on the use of the sword, total loyalty to their masters, and a system of formal etiquette that was prescribed down to the slightest bodily movement.

So powerful was the samurai class that their style of living and exquisitely choreographed etiquette became the role model for all Japan. Over the generations, the culture they developed came to impact every aspect of the lives of the Japanese people—their philosophical and spiritual beliefs, their etiquette, their family life, their dress, their work, their aesthetic sense, and even their recreation. This samurai code also had a profound influence on Japanese crafts, literature, poetry, and other artistic and intellectual pursuits that made up the common culture.

The influence of the elite samurai class was even to outlast the shogunate form of government, which was overthrown in 1867 by a group of samurai from distant provinces who were convinced that it was not capable of protecting the country from rising European powers. These ex-samurai rebels took the lead in converting the country from a feudalistic agricultural state into what by the early decades of the twentieth century would be one of the world’s foremost industrial powerhouses.

It was also the legacy of the samurai spirit that made it possible for tiny, resource-poor Japan to grow into the world’s second largest economy less than 30 years after the disastrous Pacific War (1941–1945) resulted in the distruction of most of its industrial infrastructure.

The samurai and their code of ethics imbued the Japanese people with a range of lasting national traits that included the abilities to use both the emotional and intellectual sides of their brains, to work diligently as teams for the benefit of the group, to focus on ambitious goals with laser-like intensity, to persevere in the face of seemingly insurmountable challenges, and to create arts and crafts that have emotional and sensual appeal as well as practical applications.

The influence of the samurai has diminished today, but is still visible in the stylized behavior of the Japanese and in the dedication of artists, crafts people, and ordinary workers in Japan. The samurai code of ethics and etiquette still sets the standard that many Japanese strive to attain. And today there is a growing nostalgia in Japan for the discipline and manners that characterized the lives of the samurai.

Language in Japanese Etiquette

The importance of etiquette in the Japanese worldview had a fundamental influence on the development and use of the Japanese language. The sensitivity of the Japanese to superior-inferior relationships, to the imperative that they pay calculated respect and obsequiousness to superiors in word as well as deed, made them obsessively sensitive to language.

Over the centuries, special words, special word endings, and several different “levels” of the Japanese language emerged as part of the overall etiquette system.

A highly stylized level of language was used at the imperial court, and a lower level was used at the courts of the shogun and the provincial lords. There was also a formal level used when addressing superiors and a distinctive form used in speechmaking, formal writing, and news reporting, as well as levels for addressing equals and inferiors.

These levels of the Japanese language are still in use today and are sufficiently distinct to be considered quasi-dialects. Although the average Japanese person can understand most of these “dialects” fairly well simply from exposure to them from childhood, skill in using them does not come automatically. Each of them has its own vocabulary and style and requires substantial study and practice to master.

In addition, the residents of several regions have their own true dialects of the Japanese language. Special groups and classes of people—including Japan’s professional gangster class, the yakuza (yah-kuu-zah)—also have their own jargon. Some of these dialects and jargons are so different from standard Japanese that an outsider cannot understand them.

Another important aspect of language etiquette in Japan is the constant use of aizuchi (aye-zoo-chee), or what can be loosely translated as “agreement interjections.” This refers to the Japanese custom of regularly and systematically agreeing with or acknowledging other people’s speech by nodding or saying things such as hai (high, meaning “Yes”), sō desu ka? (soh dess kah, meaning “Is that right?”), and ah sō? (ah soh, meaning “Really!”).

These aizuchi interjections are expected and needed by the Japanese. If they are not forthcoming, the speaker knows immediately that something is wrong and that the person to whom they are speaking is angry or disagrees to the extent that he or she is deliberately breaking a sanctified custom. Japanese-speaking foreigners unfamiliar with the importance of aizuchi may send unintended messages if they fail to follow through with the appropriate interjections.

All told, the role of language in Japan’s system of etiquette is central to proper behavior and is the key to getting “inside” the culture. Included in the back of this book are institutionalized Japanese words and phrases pertaining to various situations covered in this guide. By learning when and how to use them, you can greatly improve your ability to communicate successfully with the Japanese.

The Use of Names

All family and given names in Japan consist of two or more of the syllables listed at the beginning of this book. When written in kanji, each of the words or syllables in a name has its own ideogram.

Two of the primary characteristics of Japan’s traditional etiquette system were its formality and the important role it played when dealing with officialdom. This gave rise to the custom of restricting the use of given names and instead using last names in a formal manner, even in casual and intimate situations. Even today, this custom is usually followed by adults.

Parents address their children by their first names, and children and young people who are close friends use first names and nicknames among themselves. Teenagers, who generally make their own rules wherever they live, may call one another by abbreviated first names, nicknames, or family names, depending on the nature of their relationships.

Although they may have referred to each other using their first names as children, as people grow older they usually begin to use last names when they address each other. Even today adults who are unrelated habitually call each other by their last names no matter how long they may have been acquaintances or friends.

Nowadays dating couples generally use each other’s first names or, more correctly, diminutives of their first names.

The use of diminutives is in fact common among close friends and family members in Japan, because many Japanese first names consist of two or more syllables that are awkward or bothersome to pronounce. This is especially true of male names, which may be made up of unusual combinations of four to eight syllables. Some common male given names are Nobuyuki, Mutsuo, Mizumoto, Katsuhiko, Takayoshi, and Hirokazu.

Female given names, on the other hand, have traditionally been easier to say and remember. Among the more common names are Mariko, Sachiko, Kimiko, Teruko, and Minako. In recent decades, parents have begun to give their daughters more distinctive names, without the common “ko” at the end, such as Kazue, Miya, Maya, and Fujie.

Diminutives are nonetheless common among family or close friends of both genders. They may be attached to the first syllable or two of first names only along with the word chan (chahn). Adding chan is the Japanese equivalent of changing Robert to Bobbie or Rebecca to Becky.

Here are some examples of common first names and their diminutives:

Kiyoshi—Ki-chan (kee-chahn)

Yasunori—Yasu-chan or Ya-chan (yah-chahn)

Tomoko—Tomo-chan (toe-moe-chahn)

Minoru—Mi-chan (me-chahn)

The word chan may be appended to first names by parents and other adults when speaking to children, and by children when speaking to their parents, grandparents, older brothers and sisters, and others who are close to them, including friends their own age. As a foreigner in Japan, you may address babies and young children using their first names and the word chan.

Diminutives for referring to people by their titles also make use of chan, as in the following examples.

Father—O-Tō-chan (Oh-toh-chahn)

Mother—O-Kā-chan (Oh-kaah-chahn)

Grandmother—O-Bā-chan (Oh-baah-chahn)

Grandfather—O-Jii-chan (Oh-jeee-chahn)

Titles have historically been important replacements for first names, even in marital relationships. In the past Japanese husbands called their wives o-mae (oh-my) or kimi (kee-me), both of which are forms of “you.” After they had children, they referred to their wives as o-kā-san (oh-kaahsahn), meaning “mother” or “mama.” In turn, wives did not use their husbands’ first names. Instead, they called them anata (ah-nah-tah), which in this case is similar to “dear.” After having children, wives called their husbands o-tō-san (oh-toe-sahn), which translates as “father” or “papa.”

These aspects of etiquette in Japan have changed over the past few decades. It is now common for younger husbands and wives to use first names in addressing each other. Once they have children, however, they are still likely to refer to each other as “mother” and “father,” just as Westerners do when talking to their children.

As in the United States and elsewhere, many unrelated people share family names in Japan. Among the most common of these names are Sato (Sah-toh), Suzuki (Suu-zookee), Takahashi (Tah-kah-hah-she), Tanaka (Tah-nah-kah), and Watanabe (Wah-tah-nah-bay).

Another characteristic of Japanese family names is their frequent incorporation of words such as yama (“mountain”), ta (“rice field”), shima (“island”), mura (“village”), hashi (“bridge”), naka (“between”), shita (“below”), and kawa (“river”).

Although the use of names in Japan is being gradually Americanized and more and more Japanese are beginning to use the first names of new and old foreign friends, last names are always used in formal situations and by people who don’t know each other well. In the world of business, it is still unusual for a middle-aged or older Japanese businessperson to call a Japanese colleague by his or her first name, as Westerners commonly do.

Foreign visitors should exercise caution in addressing older Japanese people by their first names unless specifically asked to do so, or the Japanese person has adopted a Western first name and uses it when introducing him- or herself to you. (Generally, Japanese people with foreign names have taken them specifically for use by their foreign friends and acquaintances.)

In business settings, it is always wise to use last names when other Japanese people are present, even if speaking to someone who has a Western first name. In a group situation referring to an individual businessperson with a foreign first name is likely to be interpreted as showing a degree of familiarity or intimacy that is not appropriate.

Among adults in the business world, the honorific san (sahn) is invariably attached to whatever name is used when referring to or addressing someone. It is added to names and titles to show respect, almost like the Japanese equivalent of Mr., Mrs., or Miss. It is used when talking to both men and women.

This honorific is also used in written business communications, unless you are writing to someone you know very well.

Visitors to Japan are advised to add san to the first names as well as the last names of older children and adult Japanese they address. It is now little more than a politeness, but nevertheless important.

Using Titles

A key factor in the vertically arranged Japanese society is the importance of titles, which were used to rank people within the hierarchy of their group and to designate the classification or category of their work or profession.

In feudalistic, samurai-dominated Japan it became the custom to refer to people by their titles instead of their names. This exalted the title instead of the individual and helped maintain the hierarchical relationship between the various classes and between the categories of activity within those classes.

Given the depersonalization of the individual in favor of the group, titles tended to take on an entity of their own and to take precedence over the individuals temporarily bearing them.

Even today, the use of titles—both personal and professional—remains one of Japan’s key social graces. Here are some of the most common everyday titles:

Bartender—Bā tenda (bah-tane-dah)

Buddhist monk—O-Bō-san (oh-boh-sahn)

Butcher—Nikuya-san (nee-kuu-yah-sahn), or “Mr. Meat Man”

Carpenter—Daiku-san (dike-sahn), or “Mr. Carpenter”

Cook—Kuuk san (cook sahn)

Customer, guest, or visitor—O-Kyaku-san (oh-kyacksahn), “Mr. Guest” or “Mr. Customer.” O-Kyaku-sama (oh-kyack-sah-mah) is an even more polite form of address. This title can be used when referring to both men and women.

Doctor—O-isha-san (oh-ee-shah-sahn), or “Mr. Doctor”

Driver (of a taxi or private car)—Untenshu-san (uun-ten-shoe-sahn), or “Mr. Driver”

Policeman—O-Mawari-san (oh-mah-wah-ree-sahn)

Postman—Yubinya san (Yuu-bean-yah-sahn)

School principal—KM chō sensei (kohh-chohh sen-say-e)

Senior (in school, work, and so on)—Senpai (sen-pie)

Shinto priest—Kannushi-san (kahn-nuu-she-sahn)

Train conductor—Shasho-san (shah-show-sahn)

Waiter—Weta (way-tah)

Waitress—Wetoresu (way-toe-ray-suu)

Young woman (single)—o-jō-san (oh-joe-sahn), or “Miss Young Lady”

Your husband—Go-shujin (go-shuu-jeen)

Your wife—Oku-san (oak-sahn)

Titles are especially important in Japan’s business world. The way Americans might refer to the president of their country as “Mr. President” is a good illustration of how the Japanese use titles in business and in the professions. Here are some examples of business titles.

Chairman of the board—Kaichō (kye-choe)

President—Shachō (shah-choe)

Vice president—Fuku-shachō (fuu-kuu-shah-choe)

Senior (executive) managing director—Senmu (sem-muu)

Executive managing director—Jōmu (joe-muu)

Department manager (general manager)—Būcho (buuchoe)

Deputy general manager of the department—Būcho dairi (buu-choe die-ree). When addressing a deputy manager, only use dairi.

Section manager—Kachō (kah-choe)

Deputy section manager—Kachō dairi (kah-choe die-ree)

Supervisor—Kakari-cho (kah-kah-ree-choe)

It is not essential that foreign visitors to Japan conform to the custom of using titles instead of names in business situations, but by doing so they demonstrate knowledge and appreciation of Japanese customs and are able to communicate more clearly. There is also the personal satisfaction of doing things the “right way,” not to mention that using titles often allows you to politely address someone directly and personally without knowing his or her name—or avoid misusing it if you can’t pronounce it properly.

When & How to Bow

The bow (o-jigi / oh-jee-ghee) is the traditional Japanese method of expressing greetings, saying farewell, paying respect, apologizing, showing humility, and indicating understanding and acceptance.

The custom of bowing, which is common to many societies, probably derived from the animalistic behavior of demonstrating submissiveness by lowering the head or dropping to the ground to avoid conflict with stronger adversaries. In any event, it became an institutionalized form of etiquette in religiously oriented societies where such behavior was considered proper when in the presence of deities and their earthly representatives.

As with so many other behavioral traits, the Japanese took the practice of bowing much further than most societies, developing it to a fine art and making it the only acceptable act in many different social situations. During feudal times, failing to bow at the expected time or bowing improperly to a samurai or lord could result in a death sentence, sometimes carried out on the spot.

Historically, training in bowing began before babies could walk; their mothers would push their heads and trunks down repeatedly on the numerous daily occasions when bowing was the proper protocol. By the time children reached school age, bowing was automatic, almost instinctive. The educational system and the maturing process honed bowing know-how, making it an integral part of the Japanese personality and character.

There are three specific types of bow: the light bow, the medium bow, and the deep bow.

The last, called sai-keirei (sigh-kay-ray), or “highest form of salutation,” was commonly used during the feudal period but has grown increasingly unusual ever since. After the downfall of the last shogun it was for the most part used only toward the emperor. And with the democratization of Japan following World War II, the emperor renounced his divinity and the use of the sai-keirei to pay obeisance to him gradually declined. Except for traditionalists—who are usually elderly—the emperor is now treated like any other dignitary by most Japanese people. When greeting him a medium bow has come to be entirely proper.

In the medium or formal bow the arms are extended downward with the hands resting on the legs above the knees. The body is then bent to about a 45-degree angle. The longer the bow is held the more meaning it has. In a normal situation it is held for only two or three seconds.

During the light bow, the bow most often used today, the body is bent to an approximately 20-degree angle and the bow is held for only a second or so. The hands should be down at the sides when executing the light bow, but there are numerous occasions when this is impractical, such as when you are carrying something. The position of the hands has thus become more or less incidental, although it is polite to make an effort to bring them down to your sides.

Generally speaking, the medium bow is used when greeting dignitaries, when meeting those who are significantly senior to you and to whom you want to show a special degree of respect, and when expressing especially strong feelings of humility, sorrow, or apology to someone.

If you are in a situation where you encounter the same dignitaries or highly placed seniors several times in one day, you should greet them with a medium bow the first time you meet them that day and a light bow thereafter.

The influence of the bow in Japanese society is so powerful that foreign residents studying the language and associating frequently with Japanese are susceptible to picking up the custom by osmosis. I sometimes catch myself bowing when I am talking to a Japanese person on the telephone!

Years ago, young Japanese mothers virtually gave up the custom of teaching their children how and when to bow from their toddler days. Nowadays, children are required to bow in school and on numerous other social occasions, but the practice is not being instilled into their reflexes or psyche as it was in the past. Young people entering the work force after the 1980s, especially those entering the retail service industries, had to be taught to bow as part of their company training.

But the bow remains a vital part of daily life and work in Japan, and it is not likely to disappear within the foreseeable future even though the younger generations are assuming a much more casual attitude toward it. There is, in fact, a pronounced tendency among Japanese to gradually revert to traditional attitudes and forms of behavior as they age. They find many of the old customs more satisfying and fulfilling than practices copied from the West.

Most foreigners, particularly new arrivals, aren’t expected to bow, unless in the most formal situations. Even long-term foreign residents who have picked up many of the customs, still feel self-conscious bowing since getting it wrong is easy to do, and they know that the sight of a foreigner—particularly a Westerner—bowing will draw some degree of interest among the Japanese present. Many non-Japanese get around this by offering a nod, sustained for a couple of seconds, which is entirely acceptable, and it’s also a gesture the Japanese use themselves.

For a fully assimilated foreigner, meaning a very long-term resident who speaks the language flawlessly and is seen as an expert in the country, this probably won’t do. But as Tokyo becomes more of a center for global business, the most common type of foreign resident seems to be a kind of “tweener,” neither a neophyte nor a wizened master. He or she speaks decent Japanese, has an appreciation for most things Japanese, but is far from being assimilated, and probably never will be.

Customers at department stores and other public places are not expected to return all of the bows of store employees, but the bows of receptionists in company lobbies should be acknowledged with a slight nodding of the head. A casual nod of the head is also all that is usually called for in more traditional hotels and restaurants, places where the staff regularly bows to guests.

Keep in mind that deep, long bows are reserved for occasions when one demonstrates extraordinary appreciation, respect, humility, or sorrow. Again, older people, especially longtime friends who do not see each other often, will typically bow deep and long as a way of expressing deeply felt emotions. When such bows involve old friends, they are the Japanese equivalent of a warm embrace.

It is still common in many Japanese companies for man agers in sections and departments to make a variety of announcements or a short speech each morning to the assembled employees, at the end of which all perform the traditional cho-rei (cho-ray-ee), or “morning bow.”

Shaking Hands the Japanese Way

The Western custom of shaking hands has been widely accepted in Japan—but although done in virtually all segments of Japanese society, it has not replaced the traditional bow or reduced the bow’s overall importance.

Many Japanese use a smooth combination of bowing and shaking hands. There are, however, specific situations when the bow takes precedence over the handshake. These include formal events, especially those involving groups of people and dignitaries when shaking hands with each individual is not practical.

Seemingly all Japanese people, including women, now automatically shake hands with foreigners. They may also combine a handshake with a bow when meeting foreigners for the first time, especially if they are interested in establishing a business relationship with them. In this case the bow serves to demonstrate additional politeness and sincerity. However, Japanese generally dispense with the bow altogether when meeting someone they know or during informal and casual occasions.

A major faux pas when meeting someone in Japan is to grab their hand, clamp it firmly and give it a good, vigorous shake. In the West, a firm handshake is a sign of friendliness and a positive attitude. This isn’t really the case in Japan, nor in the rest of Asia. The handshake is not indigenous to this part of the world, and so some people, particularly the older generation, continue to feel a bit uncomfortable with it. Many Japanese, usually the ones without a lot of overseas work experience, will offer a relatively weak handshake, which nonetheless should never be taken for aloofness or anything else negative.

The best approach when shaking hands is to “test the waters” in the first nanosecond or so of the engagement. In other words, just as your hands make contact, try to determine the firmness of your partner’s grip and then respond with similar pressure.

Of course, when someone offers his or her hand immediately, it is perfectly all right to take it. However, you should try to have the presence of mind to do it the Japanese way, instantly following the other person’s lead if he or she begins reaching for a name-card instead of extending a hand.

A growing number of Japanese in international business are totally familiar with Western behavior. They do not bow to foreigners or expect foreigners to bow to them. The behavior of these individuals is obvious enough that the question of whether or not to bow never comes up.

The Protocol of Seating

As already noted, Japanese society was traditionally arranged vertically, with superiors placed over inferiors in a hierarchy of ranks that extended from the emperor above to the lowest commoner below. Gradations were minutely defined and separations were meticulously maintained. The seating and line-up of people demonstrated such things as class, rank, age, and gender.

In any situation involving two or more people, the senior or ranking individual took, or was given, the seat of honor. This, of course, is a custom in virtually all societies, but as usual in Japan it was carried to an extraordinary length.

In any semiformal situation, from a photo session to a casual meeting in a coffee shop, restaurant, or company conference room, a Japanese group will typically sort itself out according to real or perceived rank and give the kami-za (kah-me-zah), or “seat of honor,” to the ranking person or guest. When there are foreign visitors in the group, one of the Japanese will invariably assume a leadership role and direct them to the seats regarded as appropriate for their rank and the occasion.

In any room, the place of honor is usually the seat (or desk or table) that is farthest from the entrance and located at what might be called the “head” of the room. In a room with a window or windows on only one side, that side is generally designated as the head of the room. The seats of honor should face the door or entrance.

There is also a position of honor in an elevator (in the center nearest the back wall), in a car (the backseat behind the driver), at a head table (in the center of the table away from and opposite the door), in a train coach (the window seat or the center seat), in the first-class cabin of an airplane (a window seat about mid-cabin, on the right side away from the door), when walking with a group (the center of the group), and so on.

When your hosts are Japanese, it is proper to let them designate where you should sit. It is very improper to take the initiative and seat yourself in the place of honor, as ignorant visitors sometimes inadvertently do. If you are the host, it is very important that you direct the ranking Japanese guest to the seat or place of honor and not accept any show of reluctance on his or her part, even if you have to use some degree of playful force.

In fast-food restaurants, chain coffee shops, or other casual spots, one practice sometimes considered selfish in the West but perfectly acceptable in Japan is to put a personal object on an available chair right after entering and before ordering, so that no one else can take your seat.

Dining Etiquette

Perhaps no other area in the lives of ordinary Japanese has been more carefully prescribed or ritualized than the simple process of eating. As a result of the overall cultural emphasis on defining, classifying, categorizing, and systemizing everything, the early Japanese turned the preparation, presentation, and consumption of food into a ritualized experience that was both aesthetic and culinary.

Meals at the imperial court, at the court of the shogun, in the castles of the provincial lords, in the homes of ranking samurai, in Buddhist temples, at traditional inns, and in the homes of well-to-do merchants were exquisite exercises in stylized service and beautiful blends of colors, textures, and tastes as carefully choreographed as a Kabuki play.

The beauty of the food, the artistic complement of the table-ware, the formal manner of the service, and the proper dining etiquette were considered among the highest levels of cultural expression, indicative of one’s character and refinement.

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