Читать книгу Opening King David - Brad Davis - Страница 7
Book One
ОглавлениеBlessed is he who meditates day and night.
Psalm 1:1–2
Ashre
This time the collision wasn’t fatal;
I knocked the doe off the road and backed up
to check. In my low beams, her head high,
those giant black eyes blinked slowly, confused.
Difficult this morning to concentrate
on the psalmic text—Happy is the man
whose delight is in the law of the Lord—
which feels irrelevant to everything
that has been flailing at my heart these days.
But how else to learn an answer for how
the tyranny of bleak appearances
drains the soul of all will to persevere?
He is a tree whose leaf does not wither.
I am like chaff that the wind blows away.
Be warned, you rulers of the earth.
Psalm 2:10
Hard Times
We wait out this blizzard at the far edge
of whatever suffering it may pile on
the less well kept. Easy for us to love
the bride-white beauty through our air-tight
windows or even brave the elements
one well-plowed mile for two-dollar coffees
at our favorite Zagat-rated café.
Never without a log for the fireplace,
we are thankful for our comforts, though we
sign contracts for these benefits insured
by policies that conspire against all
for whom there remains no room in the inn.
Easy to feel the innkeeper’s bind
with the wind chill pushing twenty below.
May your blessing be on your people.
Psalm 3:8
Among the Living
We lie down and sleep; and we wake again.
Like dying, or the way I wish it were.
The Lord gives to his beloved sleep, but
few care. Those who do I tend to welcome
as I do your eyes morning to morning.
Evening to evening, the pace picking up,
we lie down and sleep; we wake again,
our field of vision—blink—stroboscopic.
Blink again—we are surrounded by foes
who loathe our sloth, regard my love
to laze beside you of no benefit
to the commonweal. Which is true. So I
may quit my day job. What will they say then?
We lie down and sleep—and wake again.
How long, O men, will you love delusions and seek false Gods?
Psalm 4:2
Against Solipsism
Is it unacceptably romantic
to say aloud that urban poetry
reads as if it needs to get out more, needs
more than a holiday in the country
to curb its solipsistic tendencies?
Most of the universe is—pause—nature.
Imagine hip-hop referring to plums
or an Ashbery knockoff ascending
into the euphony of coherence.
What makes sense of anything that happens
behind locked doors is that which has no need
of a door, real or metaphorical,
to upset one’s cognitive apple cart.
Say, the slightest breeze beneath a doorjamb.
Their throat is an open grave.
Psalm 5:9
Moto at Broadway and Hewes
Brooklyn, NYC
Whatsoever is vulgar—sub-
standard housing, most packaged goods,
souls lacking virtuous aspiration,
anything ignoble or half-assed—will,
when the splendor appears, be swept up,
collected like so much rubbish, burned.
Imagine earth’s spirit clarified,
the good body set free from corruption.
Until then, there is music
for voice and double bass in cafés
where—think temples of refuge—
fugitive hope may find sanctuary.
When the splendor appears, who
will not see it? Whose knee will not bow?
My bones are in agony.
Psalm 6:2
Desire
I want to live
where no one lies
to the suffering child who asks
How long?
Deceive a child
and she dies a little—
a little death, a little death
then gone.
He who is pregnant with evil gives birth to disillusionment.
Psalm 7:14
Narcissus poeticus
unlike the heady air of paperwhites,
my slow, odoriferous return
to dust. We are full of what? Shit occurs
to me. And the Spirit would concur.
True, it is said when we pray, our words
are, to God, as incense. But how is this?
For they are rank with resistance
to the holy and with lust, their language
reeking with vengeance toward our enemies.
Deliver us, good Lord, from awful praying.
May the rhetorically repulsive be
removed to an air-tight composter.
Not so my blooming paperwhites. I enter
the apartment, inhale—and remember:
You have set your glory above the heavens.
Psalm 8:1
Instructions, with a Question
On a clear dry night, assign the bright stars
proximity, the dim ones the greater
distances; give your sight time to adjust,
and the heavens will assume relative
dimension, seem to deepen.
Tell your high-minded scientific friends
to lighten up, get the picture: Milton’s
winged Satan, hungry, descending from sphere
to sphere, eyeing the sparrow-brained and blind.
Humankind, that is. Lunch meat. Look again:
the moon and planets, stars and, it would seem,
nothing else. Good thing, bad thing? Nothing
we can do about it. Any number
of futures left wholly to us. And that glory!
Let the nations know they are but men.
Psalm 9:20
Forget God
“It is natural to fight,” he says, leaning
against the water cooler, the counselor’s
room tight with boys with suntanned chests.
His name is Jorge. He is from Mexico.
Later that night, he will also tell us
we do not know how to treat a woman.
This is not a movie. It is Tuesday.
We are all sixteen years old and looking
for a truth to try on like a boxer’s robe.
(What is summer camp good for, if not this?)
Jorge’s truth is pure silk—“Hermanos,
nature compels our defense of high ground”—
and we believe everything he says,
beginning, that night, with his eyes and grin.
His enemies are crushed, they collapse.
Psalm 10:10
The Wicked Man
Opening King David, the reader may
resist initially the heavy ink
against “the wicked man,” dismiss the pitch
as rhetorically transparent, the cant
of every royal house, their fear showing.
This reader may also own a horse farm,
manage a hedge fund. Other readers—
think poor and disenfranchised, the wards
of insolvent nation-states—are without
hope in this heavy world, except one: God
will break the arms of all who hold themselves
beyond account. The wicked man
is no mere figure of speech.
Ask the miserable.
When the foundations are being destroyed, what can the righteous do?
Psalm 11:3
Snapshot
Psalm Eleven, here’s the picture: of a god
who hates all purveyors of violence
and answers their mere bows and arrows with
an apocalyptic maelstrom. What I see:
a comedy—no laughing matter—where
the villains receive what they’ve intended
for their victims, who then inherit all
the thugs had planned for themselves. Think Esther.
But who gives a damn for any of this
or cares what it may mean? See there, outside
the window, the faithfulness of daybreak
slanting orange through a scrim of new snow.
We own our lips—who is our master?
Psalm 12:4
Reasons I Write
Those who assume they have no one
to whom they must account for their words—
like politicians, bankers, older brothers,
theologians, poets, headmasters—
they are wrong. Every knee will bow, every
tongue confess. So I do not use words
like “shit” or “Sovereign Lord” unaware.
Berryman, after Hopkins, wrote truly:
that line about Christ being the only
just critic. I write because it takes little
to spark my rage, and Saint Paul said we must
toil with our hands for the end of anger
is murder, and if any would be saved,
they must, with fear and trembling, work it out.
I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.
Psalm 13:6
Among Luminous Things
In this ocean of ordinary light,
we are reef dwellers. Whether brain coral
or parrot fish or moray, we all do
our bit, then die. The ocean teems entire,
a whole we believe by faith, wrestling
with the darkness and sorrow in our hearts.
I will never regard as wise the fool
who would have me slap a muzzle on
the voice within, small and still, inspiring
praise of whoever it may be who holds
all this in brilliant fullness. I say
let fly with adoration, thanks, and more,
for if this is not the deeper reason
we are here, then there is no reason.
God is present.
Psalm 14:5
Shortsighted
for Bill, believer and photographer
You shoot the glorious—a crimson leaf
clinging to a bare branch, a snow-gray sky—
yet hanker for glory, that pure essence
of the uncreated Father of lights.
Though not one to say there is no God,
I am stuck on the quip about the bird
in hand being better than any two
that may be futzing about in the bush.
No doubt heaven’s great, but this here’s amazing.
Go ahead, call me shortsighted. It’s true:
I’m happy camping in light’s gallery
and praising the hard, full-spectrum effects
of here—now—ahead of me, a red fox
on the pond trail taking her own sweet time.
Lord, who may dwell in your sanctuary?
Psalm 15:1
Eucharist
Never have I felt a natural draw
to work anywhere close to an altar,
though, with this loose pile of sticks laid neatly
on a bare patch of earth, the ambition
to live quietly, minding my business,
becomes oblation, an ordinary
work of hands in service to grace. No priest
required, no victim, knife, or temple tax.
To this ground may a sweet, heavenly fire
descend. Here, where air sickens with the stench
of war and the perfunctory smoke
of religious ceremony, I turn—
keep us safe, O Lord our God—
to collect windfall for the coming night.
The sorrows of those will increase who run after other gods.
Psalm 16:4
Rush Hour
I saw troops patrolling Grand Central,
teams of police boarding trains to
and from the universe. In the name of
Code Orange we station gun-bearers
wherever, whenever we feel exposed.
On the train ride out, I draw attention
to a piece of luggage by itself.
The porter assured me the owner
asked to put it there, but I worry
the foreign-born porter was lying.
Is no one, nowhere safe? Hours later
turning onto campus, I wave to Sarge
in his pickup keeping watch by night.
Not even the faithful. . .
As for the deeds of men—
Psalm 17:4
She Said
Let the Spirit write the poems through you.
Yet the Spirit I know works in us as we
work on things like love—putting out the trash
without having to be reminded—which
I am very far from getting right. Poems
may serve love, but it would not be God’s way
to bypass our humanity to make
texts pleasing to him. Otherwise they might
emerge in meadows like rocks urged up through
topsoil by freeze and thaw. To hell with poems.
What matters: some help with love, for we who
frame laws and build flimsy arguments
resist at every turn the Spirit’s work
and shut our hearts against the gentle friend.
He brought me out into a spacious place.
Psalm 18:19
Seth’s Pond, West Tisbury
All things hold together. Colossians 1:17
Two lady’s-slippers up along the path,
a kingfisher, the indifferent moon
still hanging in a brilliant, mid-spring sky,
my son in a sweater in a rowboat—
thank you. I choose to believe
the universe not merely big, but chock-full
with presence. Yet may the pessimist be
right about us—pitiable flecks of dust?
With terror in the air, the NBA
shifting into All-Star mode, and ninety
e-mails to clear by Monday, what is true?
(Why, O my soul, do you prattle on thus?)
A tall reed gives slightly in the cool breeze,
nearly buckles when a redwing alights.
Their voice goes out into all the earth.
Psalm 19:4
So
If all created things speak wordlessly
of their creator—a turkey’s wattle?—
then what do tax loopholes say about us?
Or bombed-out cities? The gossip of blue
highways—quaint, inaudible buzz—is it
praise or lamentation? Could even these
restless streams make glad the heart of God?
Old Madeline (Wind in the Door) L’Engle
says all true art, looking death in the face
and rising into light, feeds “the River.”
O, to be able to hear, unfiltered,
the riotous vertical tongues of trees
and see beneath their cowled humility
the fire that burns yet will not consume them.
May the Lord send help from Zion.
Psalm 20:1–2
Answer Me
Bill’s a friend, homeowner, married man—says
their small lakeside place has begun to feel
too much for them—can’t seem to keep up with
what’s breaking down—and back on campus
“well done” has become a moving target
he quit trying to hit months ago. No
surprise his wish to remain here has quit
on him—Donna starts round eight of chemo
next week. This morning my wife surprised me:
“If Bill decides to leave, we should leave, too.”
What’s left to keep us staying anywhere
when, despite faith, hope, love, we keep losing
ground to discouragement, the suspicion
that no amount of work will ever be enough?
Root out their seed from among the children of men.
Psalm 21:10
Shock and Awe
Little words build, become fighting words,
and before you know it, some enemy
has us believing our cause is righteous.
Which is when our poets, like prophets
or sorely agitated roosters, take
courage and launch preemptory psalms,
smart bombs aimed at the heads of the wicked.
Pretty ugly stuff.
Today, as I prayed
in a local wildlife sanctuary,
two kestrels rose from the meadow, hovered
like the Spirit above the primal sea,
and clarified my way forward. Holding
to beauty, I must leave the rest to others
who may not hear the word of April wings.
I am a worm and not a man.
Psalm 22:6
In Fact
Show me an absolutely placid mind,
and I’ll show you a corpse or one as good
as dead: one in denial of the swill—
the lies of desire—I keep falling for.
Try as we may, we cannot lift ourselves
from ourselves rabbit-from-hat-like and live
to tell of it, though liars make bundles
claiming otherwise. We are a mess, yet
it pleases Him—and let us quit whining
about the gender of divinity—
to be numbered among the conflicted.
So here, among yappy dogs, snorting bulls,
bone-thin cows, let us offer God our praise:
Damn, you’re beautiful; and your handiwork.
The Lord is my shepherd.
Psalm 23:1
23
Roger loathes being likened to a sheep,
struggles with self-esteem, takes the figure
as an affront to his intelligence.
Arlys loves Roger, so when the preacher
went on for twenty minutes about sheep,
the Shepherd, and the sheep pen, Arlys winced
and prayed for Roger. Prayed he would not want
to walk home alone, cancel their outing
to the state park, return to the city.
Arlys loves God, believes Roger’s doubting
could be turned to confidence overnight.
If only he would hear the Shepherd’s voice,
she would sleep beside him in the fold, lack
nothing, anoint his head with oil.
Lift up your heads, O you gates; be lifted up, you ancient doors.
Psalm 24:7
Crossing the Williamsburg Bridge
Easter morning
Walt Whitman’s Brooklyn behind us, we are walking
to Manhattan and a late brunch in Chinatown:
steamed dumplings, rooster sauce, pan-fried sesame bread,
plastic bowls of spicy mushroom soup, oolong tea.
We walk above traffic, the river; beside the JMZ line,
share elevated pedestrian lanes with cyclists, Hassidim,
speed walkers, hippies, Latinos, arty types in all black.
You are here—a mantra learned from maps on kiosks
in suburban malls—plays in my head, and softly (to myself)
I offer up an Easter hymn under Jerusalem-blue skies.
All families will bow before him; he is the King of glory.
To the south, a thin column of cloud rises like altar smoke.
The earth is the Lord’s, and the fullness thereof.
In this light, even the jaded skyline stands transfigured.
He instructs sinners in his ways.
Psalm 25:8
With Bill At Bafflin Sanctuary
We walk woodland trails cut by volunteers
and kid about total depravity
which, pertaining to salvation, translates
even “the greatest geniuses are blind-
er than moles.” The path is soft underfoot,
the laurel late-blooming. Beside a pond
he unpacks his camera. Can a snapshot
reveal the affliction of our nature?
I take refuge under translucent leaves,
leave him to his patient compositions.
But what’s the point? His kind wife is dying,
and he has left the house to take pictures
of ferns uncurling. Do I hear myself?
Are they not—forgive me—portraits of her?
Test me, O Lord, and try me.
Psalm 26:2
General Confession
In each promise of faithfulness, traces
of countless betrayals: averted eyes,
a voice’s tremor. Like the air we breathe
or the glances we exchange with strangers
on strobe-lit dance floors, we test positive
for impurity. But do not expect
a list of lurid details in these lines;
I am neither Catholic nor Lowell nor Plath.
I am merely—how does the song go—“prone
to wander.” So have we any chance,
this side of heaven, at a constant heart?
Or even modest progress toward that end?
The word’s out: love covers a multitude
of sins. Is this the best we can hope for?
I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Psalm 27:13
To Self-Pity
What a force you are! Cyclonic, godlike,
irresistible as lust is irresistible, and thick
with generations of flung wreckage, blunt
as thugs. Who, coracled in mere feeling,
can stand against such compelling torque?
I confess: you are a familiar ride, a drug
of choice, a sluttish changeling, your blouse
half-unbuttoned, eyes fierce with loathing.
Where, in my soul’s fluid world, currents
meet, there, turning on the slightest axis
of an insecurity, you—siren vortex—
draw me into your sweet, insatiable self.
Old friend and nemesis, there, too, a Rock
of refuge may be found. To Him I cleave.
Be their shepherd and carry them forever.
Psalm 28:9
No Worries
for my tour guide at the interview
We take them as they come, ages twelve
to nineteen, dress them in blue blazers, and run
them ragged. We get away with it because
their parents worry, and the lawns are presidential.
If we do one thing well it is attending
to the millions of surfaces that present themselves
to a visitor’s eye at each turn along
the arcing, neatly bordered pathways. All this
beneath broad, heavy-leafed trees not native
to this corner of the state: copper beech,
ginkgo, weeping red maple. We are a world apart,
not entirely to ourselves, just safely to one side.
But it was not the brick dorms or landscaping,
the dress code or college list that drew me
twenty years ago to these lawns, this life decked
with adolescents. It was the canvas hammock
you said most visitors never see slung across
the stream—between two birches—behind the rink.
Fall and spring, you and your friends would go there
and one at a time climb into the heavy cotton, pull
the frayed sides up across your chests and swing,
companions pumping the ropes for you, and all the way
to the top you’d turn, face nothing but the water
beneath you, then over you’d go—again
and again—wrapped in the weathered chrysalis.
I cannot say exactly what it was about that
late April afternoon that won me over to the job,
but I will be ever grateful for the detour.
The God of glory thunders.
Psalm 29:3
Neighbor as Theologian
How can she talk about a “word from God”?
The weather, yes, or the fate of our hedge.
A snake or the shrinking odds of her spouse
beating cancer, sure. But a word from God?
As though God were an actual person,
albeit incomprehensibly vast.
Yet this is how she talks, the way I talk
about my son from whom I could never
hear too much or too often, who’s only
hours away in Brooklyn. Why, unless
my sin were envy, would I begrudge her
an assurance of contact? More likely,
I long for what she has, embarrassed, pained
by my lack of openness to mystery—
which, she has told me, is wholly present
in, with, and under the hedge between us.
When you hid your face, I was dismayed.
Psalm 30:7
As It Is
The face of God is hidden from me.
I see only old walls, the clutter
of familiar rooms, shelves of books, snapshots,
mix-and-match decor. Awake or asleep
and dreaming, no divine shook-foil glimmer
for my inmost eye. Rumors reach me
of others’ encounters—glimpses of His face—
but after devouring these, the want
remains. Is there some special training I need?
Last week a friend confided that for years
the Holy Ghost has shimmered inside her,
every moment beatific. My resolve:
to pretend my friend is not a liar
or schizophrenic—and to seek new friends.
He showed his wonderful love to me when I was in a besieged city.
Psalm 31:21
Putting a Name to the Face
In Madagascar or Peru, St. Kitts
or Tasmania, wherever children,
despite suffering, find games to play
or halt play to marvel at a column
of clouds collecting on some horizon;
wherever anyone takes care to make
ready a back room for a visitor—
sweep the floor for the ten-thousandth time,
place a fresh flower on the pillow—there
a glimpse, the face you know you know
in a crowd of strangers who disappears
before you get a fix on the distance
between you—
mercy!—
and that face.
Do not be like the horse or the mule which have no understanding.
Psalm 32:9
Brother Chronos
Radio-controlled and programmed to check
in every four hours with an atomic
device deep in some bunker in Denver,
my travel clock is more monk than truant
on probation, for it desires correction,
six times a day turns out toward the big
unseen—receives it—then turns back
to serving my fascination with time.
No trumpet sounds to signal the clock’s
connecting moment—a mute faithfulness
wholly independent of audience—
and I would be its disciple, pray the hours,
live contented, in step with the Spirit,
but my program is a prison named fear.
Still, how wonderful to know what time it is,
precise to within a millionth of a second.
From heaven the Lord looks down and sees all mankind.
Psalm 33:13
Report
I flavor my food with long suffering.
The clothes in my closet are unironed.
I have never spoken in another tongue.
Given the option, I would work alone
or in the tested company of friends.
I find nothing holy in national
holidays though love getting the hours
off, time being the skin I look forward
to shedding once I am done with my life.
Between Eden and the New Earth, only
wind, music, and diligence feel at all
familiar. Here, everywhere is exile.
I will continue to speak this language.
Every word, a stand against losing heart.
No one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.
Psalm 34:22
God
Are all theophobic? No one wants to
be reminded. No thought, sentence, or deed
can escape the chill of divine review.
Dread being a dark matter of the soul,
engines of suppression hum constantly
flooding the wakeful mind with distractions
grand as virtue, common as relatives.
(How else to prevent the unwanted Word’s
indelicate meaning from causing hurt?)
Judgment by one’s peers can be useful, but
keep at bay the cool scrutiny of God
lest “luv” lose its warm inclusivity,
“my truth” its fragile singularity.
No “truth,” though lovely, will be left standing
on the day Truth absolutely arrives.
Poor, middle class, rich; straight, gay—no one
questions the myth: autonomy, each one’s
rule a law. But those who fear the Lord and
seek Him lack nothing, their fear a spring-fed
tributary to perfect freedom where
unruly wills find rest in serving Him.
Voice-beyond-language (still, small, holy),
wickedness reveals itself resisting
(xenophobically) Thy sovereign wisdom.
Yesterday, today, tomorrow, folly’s
zero swallows her dreary children whole.
I will give thanks in the great assembly.
Psalm 35:18
Word Problem