Читать книгу Right Where We Belong - Brenda Novak - Страница 12

5

Gavin was exhausted when he turned down the narrow road leading to his house. No Good Pete’s had been rowdy, and the crowd hadn’t left until the bar closed. Normally, he liked playing for a packed house. All musicians dreamed of being well received. But his mind hadn’t been on his music tonight. He’d been thinking about his new neighbor—about how pretty she was and about the fact that she’d been married to a rapist. How did something like that happen to a woman like her? And how had it affected her and her children?

He’d also been making a mental list of all the things she would need over the next few weeks in order to make her house a home, and he was so preoccupied with what he could do to help that he didn’t notice until he was ready to pull into his own drive that there was a Toyota Pathfinder in the way.

He recognized that SUV instantly. It belonged to Heather Fox, his on-again, off-again girlfriend for the past few years, who was now with Scott Mullins, a guy Gavin had known almost since he moved to Silver Springs at fourteen.

“There you are,” she said as he got out. “Your gig must’ve gone late.”

Her statement struck him as odd. “You knew I had a gig?”

“Yeah, I saw it on your website. I like what you’ve done there, by the way—how people can book online.”

He’d forgotten about the website. “It’s been convenient. I still go over all requests to make sure they’re not too far away and negotiate if they want longer hours or more than one show, but it handles a lot of the initial inquiries, since people can see my rates and whether I’m off on certain days or already booked.”

“It’s cool that your music career is taking off. You deserve it. You’re so talented.”

She’d always encouraged him when it came to his music. She’d been flattering in other ways, too. That was probably why he fell back into a relationship with her every once in a while even though he wasn’t in love. “Thank you.”

“So you were in Santa Barbara tonight?”

She must’ve gotten that from the website, too, because he hadn’t talked to her since seeing her at the Blue Suede Shoe three weeks ago, when she’d been with Scott. “Yeah. No Good Pete’s.”

“Oh. I’ve never seen you play there. I’ll have to go next time.”

With or without her current boyfriend? he wondered, but didn’t ask. “They’re having me come back next Saturday.”

“Perfect. Santa Barbara’s not that far. But...why are you home so late? Don’t most bars close at two?”

He could hear the jealousy in her voice. She suspected he’d been with someone. She hadn’t been happy the last time he—yet again—broke it off. “This bar did, too, but it took me a while to pack up.” He grabbed his guitar from the back seat. “What are you doing here? Did I miss a text?”

“No.” She gave him an enticing smile as she came toward him. “I thought I’d surprise you.”

Why? “It’s late. Really late.”

“Is that a problem? I figured you might be lonely all the way out here. The last time we were together, you were still in your apartment, remember?”

This was generally how things started with Heather. She’d hit him up and he’d succumb simply because he was a little lonely, she was comfortable, he missed the physical intimacy and it was hard to tell her no. He didn’t like disappointing her, and after he’d had some space, he tended to remember only the good things about her, which then made him wonder if he shouldn’t give the relationship another shot. She’d been fixated on him for so long he wished he could return her love. But wishing never seemed to make it possible.

He stopped before she could walk into his arms. “Does Scott know you’re here, Heather? Because the last I remember, you two were seeing each other.” And Scott wouldn’t be happy to learn she’d shown up at her old boyfriend’s place. He was threatened by Gavin—as evidenced by the dirty looks Gavin received whenever they happened across each other in town.

A sheepish expression claimed her face. “It’s none of his business.”

“Because...”

“We broke up tonight.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. I thought it might be serious for you two.”

“Oh, come on,” she said. “You know my heart has never really belonged to him. You’re the only man I’ve ever truly loved.”

Gavin began to feel a little uncomfortable. He didn’t want this to go the way it usually did, where he wound up in a relationship he was eager to get out of. “Heather, I hope I’m not the reason you broke up.”

“Of course you’re the reason! I don’t know what to say. I can’t get over you.”

Shit. She’d seemed happy. Having Scott in the picture had taken so much pressure off him. “I care about you,” he said. “I hope you know that. But...I don’t want to get back together.”

He hated having to be so blunt, but he didn’t want her to ruin her relationship with Scott, with whom he’d thought she finally had something, because of false hope.

Instead of the hurt and anger he expected, a tentative smile curved her lips. “Come on. I treat you right, don’t I? Have I ever said no to you?”

She hadn’t. That was part of the problem. He lived in a small town, which meant as a single person he went long stretches without sex. By the time she cycled back to hit him up, the physical intimacy she offered usually tempted him beyond his ability to refuse.

But he wasn’t going to succumb tonight. He’d met someone else, someone he thought he might really be interested in. He knew getting to know Savanna, in order to make sure, wouldn’t be easy. She’d been through a lot, and it was all so recent. But he’d felt an honest attraction when he was with her—one he didn’t have to force—and he wasn’t going to ruin his chances by sleeping with an old flame he couldn’t seem to get rid of. “I’ve never said you didn’t treat me right.”

“Good! Because after what you experienced as a child—”

He lifted a hand to stop her. He didn’t want to go into that. But she waved him off.

“I know you won’t talk about the past. You’ve told me next to nothing. But the whole town knows you were left at a park when you were a kid. It isn’t a secret. I’m only saying that you’ve been on your own for a long time. Aren’t you ready to have someone to love?”

He raked his fingers through his hair. He was ready. But he had to find the right person, and he knew it wasn’t Heather. He’d tried with her—several times. “It’ll happen when it happens.”

She grabbed his arm. “How do you know that? Maybe you have to act.”

“Heather—”

“Wait. Before you say anything else, I—I need to tell you something.”

He didn’t see how he could refuse to listen. She had tears in her eyes. “Go on...”

“I’m pregnant, Gavin.”

His heart began to pound against his chest.

“I found out a week ago,” she added.

He swallowed against a tight, dry throat. “You’re not saying... I mean, we haven’t been together in...in a while. Two months at least. So...this must be Scott’s child, right?”

She wiped away the tears that were starting to fall.

“Right?” he repeated when she didn’t answer.

“I don’t know.” Her words came out a frightened whisper.

Gavin closed his eyes. This couldn’t be happening. “Is that why you and Scott broke up?” he asked when he looked at her again. “You told him about the baby, and he thinks you might be pregnant with my child?”

“Yes. I believe it is yours. In any case, I hope it is, because you’re the one I love.”

When Gavin’s knees threatened to give out on him, he set his guitar down and reached for the door frame. “You were on the pill,” he said, keeping his voice measured and calm despite his panic.

She wrung her hands. “I was. But my doctor told me that certain medications can make the pill ineffective. And I was on antibiotics our last week together.”

Gavin let his head fall against the door frame above his hand.

“You’re not going to say anything?” she asked when he didn’t respond.

“I don’t know what to say.” He knew how religious her family was. Although she didn’t buy in completely, an abortion would be out of the question. He wasn’t sure he’d suggest terminating a pregnancy in the first place. So...what other options did they have?

“When can we find out?” he asked. No doubt Scott wanted to learn the child’s paternity as badly as he did...

“Not until the baby’s born.”

He straightened in surprise. “That’s nine months!”

“Seven months,” she corrected. “I’m about nine weeks along—or that’s what we think. I’ve never been good at keeping track of my cycle.”

“Seven months is an eternity. Surely, there’s got to be a way to find out sooner.”

“We could do a prenatal paternity test, but it’d be safer—better for the baby—to wait. My doctor told me he wouldn’t recommend it.”

He felt sick. She was right. He had begun to want a family, but not with her. With someone he could truly love.

“Gavin? Are you okay?”

He struggled to voice a few words. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

“You’re just standing there, looking dazed.”

He was screaming inside, but he didn’t want to make this any harder on her. The fact that she was crying told him she hadn’t planned the pregnancy. “What can I do to help?” he managed to say.

“There’s nothing anyone can do at this point. But I’m hoping you’ll be open to giving us another chance. For the sake of the baby. I mean...maybe the universe is trying to tell us something.”

Gavin didn’t believe the universe had anything to do with it. As far as he was concerned, it was plain bad luck. “It’ll be okay,” he said, but that was a lie. At least, it was for him. “We’ll get through it somehow.”

She gave him a funny look. Could she tell he was only going through the motions? That his heart wasn’t in those words?

“Is that a yes?” she asked. “You’re willing to try again?”

Apparently, his response hadn’t been entirely appropriate. Or it wasn’t what she’d been looking for. But he was picking up only about every other word. With effort, he focused harder. “I’m sorry. What’d you say?”

“Will you give me another chance? I think we’re good together. You couldn’t find anyone who would love you more.”

He squeezed his forehead. “Let me think about it, okay? This is... This is a bit of a shock.”

She sniffed as she attempted a watery smile. “Okay. Yeah, of course.”

“Thank you,” he said politely, and went inside, where he set his guitar carefully to one side and slid down the door.

* * *

In elementary school, Gavin had been fascinated by the story of Hansel and Gretel. His first theft—at seven years old—had been a worn copy of it he’d stolen from the school library and hidden under his bed. He’d loved the happy ending—even though it made him sad, given his own situation—but hated the book, because he couldn’t understand how the father could miss the evil in Hansel and Gretel’s stepmother. None of the other kids who read the book or were told the story seemed to hold the father responsible, but Gavin knew the woodcutter had to have seen some sign of the stepmother’s unkindness, just as his father had witnessed the way Gavin’s stepmother, Diana, had mistreated him. Diana had claimed he was a behavioral problem, had complained about him constantly—and he had been a rambunctious boy—but he hadn’t been seriously delinquent until well after she was out of his life. That was when he’d acted out in earnest.

He should’ve been able to depend on his father to look out for him. Since his birth mother died of a heart defect when he was two, he’d had only his father to act as his protector. Had Miles cared enough, Gavin’s stepmother would never have been able to leave him at that park.

Gavin had been only six when she drove off, but he’d never forget coming out of the bathroom to find her gone. The sickening almost instant knowledge that she hadn’t left him by accident. The gut-ripping fear when the hours dragged on and she didn’t return. Or the whispering of the stranger who came across him and called the authorities.

Letting his head fall back on the door with a thud, Gavin cursed under his breath. He was still on the floor, hadn’t moved since Heather left, and it’d been almost an hour. The news she’d delivered had decimated him, opened him up to his past in a way nothing else could—probably because he was terrified of being responsible for someone else’s happiness, terrified of failing the way his father had failed with him. It required all his focus and energy just to stave off the memories that were assaulting him like machine-gun fire.

Squeezing his eyes closed, he hugged his knees to his chest and brought his head forward again. Don’t remember. That was another life, someone else’s decision. You’re an adult now, in charge of your own fate and your own happiness. That was what Aiyana had taught him. He’d been much happier after she’d come into his life. He’d quit stealing, quit getting in trouble with the law, and had eventually found an inner peace that had always eluded him before. He managed that by refusing to give a mental audience to anything that’d happened to him before the age of fourteen, which was when he started at New Horizons and was adopted a few months later by Aiyana. But now that he was finally hearing from his old man every once in a while, it was more difficult to keep those old memories bottled up. Just the sound of Miles’s voice—or that name on his caller ID—dredged up the pain.

The fact that he might be having a baby seemed to be doing the same thing. Heather seemed fairly convinced he was the father. Was she right? Or was she simply feeling as though she finally had something with which to force him to commit?

Gavin pulled the tie from his hair and let it fall. They wouldn’t know the baby’s paternity for seven months.

How would he ever wait that long?

Finally, he stopped fighting the urge and called Aiyana. He hadn’t wanted to wake her. It wasn’t the thoughtful thing to do. And he considered himself too old to need her, hadn’t had to make a call like this in years. But he knew, from experience, that she wouldn’t mind. She would do anything for him. Maybe that was why her love had had the power to redeem him, to pull him out of the darkness. “Mom?” he said as soon as he heard her sleepy hello.

“Gavin?” she replied, her voice instantly filling with fear. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I mean...I’m not hurt.”

There was a slight pause, after which she sounded more lucid. “So what is it? Did something happen in Santa Barbara? Do you need me to come get you?”

“No. I’m at home. Safe.”

“Then...you’re drunk?”

“No.” He’d never had a drinking problem, but he had enjoyed some wild nights, especially when he was younger. Apparently, getting a call like this had triggered Aiyana’s memory of those days. “Haven’t had a drop.”

“Then what?”

“I shouldn’t have called, I guess. I’ll talk to you in the morning.”

“Wait,” she said. “I’m here whenever you need me. You know that.”

“I do. But now that I’m actually talking to you, I’m not sure I want to tell you what’s on my mind, so it’s a little crazy that I woke you up.”

“Say it, anyway,” she insisted. “We’ll work through it together, the way we always have.”

He couldn’t help smiling at how fast she came rushing to his rescue. She was an amazing woman, had saved so many lost boys. And he was extra lucky because he was one of the eight New Horizons students she’d officially adopted. “You remember Heather Fox?”

“Of course. You’ve brought her to many a Sunday dinner over here. But you told me she was with someone else now.”

“Scott Mullins.”

“That’s right. Is that what this is about? You haven’t been in a fight with him, have you? You told me you were glad Heather had moved on, that you were hoping she’d marry Scott. You—”

“I haven’t been in a fight.” He broke in to stop her before she could go any further down that road. “And I wasn’t lying when I said I was glad she’d moved on. That’s part of the problem.”

“So you’re not sad?”

“No.”

“Whew! Then what’s the rest of the problem?”

He didn’t see any way to break the news gently, so he blurted it out. “She’s pregnant.”

Silence. Then his mother said, “I see. But...what does that mean for you? Are you upset that she’s having a child with Scott?”

He could tell it was a leading statement. Aiyana was beginning to catch on to what this call was all about. “I’m upset that she might be having my child.”

“She told you it was yours?”

“She told me it might be. She doesn’t know for sure.”

“She slept with you both that close together?”

“She probably went straight to his house after I broke up with her. That next week, she tried hard to make me regret my decision, to evoke some jealousy. I saw them everywhere together.”

“I see. So...when will you be able to find out?”

He stared up at the ceiling. “Not until after she has the baby.”

Aiyana sighed deeply.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve run up against something that threatens my peace of mind like this,” he said, putting her sigh into words.

“You didn’t use any birth control?”

He could hear the disapproval in that statement. “Of course we used birth control, Mom. It didn’t work.” He didn’t mention why. He wasn’t going to blame Heather for what’d happened. He was fairly certain she’d believed they were safe.

“So what are you going to do? Is she still with Scott?”

“No. They broke up tonight. I can’t imagine he was happy to hear that she might be pregnant with my child.”

“I can’t, either.”

“Now she wants to get back together with me.”

“She told you that?”

“Yes. She was waiting for me here at the house when I got home from my gig tonight.”

“How do you feel about the idea?”

“Between you and me? I’m not excited about it.”

“Did you tell her that?”

“Of course not.”

She sighed again. “It’s going to be a long nine months.”

“Seven—she’s at two months already. Not knowing will be terrible. I keep hoping that all of this panic and concern will be for nothing. But if the baby is mine, I could use seven months—and then some—to prepare for such a big responsibility.”

“You’ll be a good father,” she said.

He drew a deep breath. Maybe that was what he’d needed to hear. Maybe that was why he’d called her. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

“You know your brother and Cora have been trying to have a baby, how excited and hopeful we’ve been for them.”

He did. But Elijah was married to the love of his life. Gavin’s situation would be entirely different.

“Damn it.” He’d thought he had his life all figured out. Sure, he battled a few demons late at night, especially if he drank too much, which was why he usually didn’t. But anyone who’d been left at a park at six and then raised by a family who’d only taken him in for the stipend they received from the state would have a few scars. If only he hadn’t gone back to Heather that last time, he would’ve escaped cleanly...

“Gavin...”

“What?”

“If it is your baby, you’re going to love him or her with all your heart. This isn’t the end of the world.”

“Right.” Just the world as he knew it. “Thanks, Mom,” he said. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Gavin...”

He could tell she was reluctant to let him go. “I’m fine. Just tired.” As he disconnected, he forced himself to get up. He needed sleep. But as he walked to his room, pulling off his clothes as he went, he thought of his new neighbor. He’d been excited to get to know her. Not only did he find her attractive, she seemed different from any of the other women he’d dated. Unusually pure-hearted. Wise for her age.

Tragedy had a way of tempering people. Maybe that was why he liked her. They’d both faced unusual challenges.

But with what was going on in his life now, he knew he’d be crazy to pursue her. She’d be much better off if he just left her alone.