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2 Getting Used to the World: The First Six Weeks

~ Times change – does the advice stay the same? ~

Childrearing, like cheap wine, does not travel well.

If we compare our Western culture to any other, throughout history or elsewhere in the world, we probably are the least baby-centred society ever to exist. Mothers give birth and are expected to get ‘back to normal’ in a matter of days. We ignore the fact that giving birth, even without complications or interventions, is the physical equivalent of running a marathon.

You Need Time

In most cultures, women are cared for by other women after birth for an average of 40 days. That’s how it should be. It’s a complete myth that some women give birth at the side of a field and then carry on with normal chores. ‘Lying-in’ after birth is the norm for most, and six weeks seems a sensible time to allow a mother to recover and to get to know her baby. It is a time for physical rest and for establishing a milk supply. A new mother needs a lot of support, love and care – she too, needs a lot of mothering.

Your Baby Needs Time

A newborn baby also needs time to get used to the world, to find out what is expected of her, and to get to grips with basic skills like feeding. Although there is a surprising amount that she can do for herself, she is still dependent on you and needs you to help her help herself. Take time to try the steps mentioned on page 8 before rushing in.

We are in such a rush to get on, get back to normal, get into a routine, get to the next stage … but babies take time, especially in these first six weeks. It takes time to build up a breastmilk supply, it takes time for your baby to learn to feed. Everything is slow – but don’t worry, it will speed up; in the meantime, consider this stage as a six-week baby-honeymoon or ‘babymoon’!

These first six weeks are also a time for you and your baby to get to know each other, and to spend time in close contact. Other mammals bond by ‘imprinting’ – goats and sheep, for instance, need to be in constant contact in the first few hours and days after birth to learn who is who and to bond. We humans, too, need time spent in contact to develop that close relationship.

One writer, Tine Thevenin, has an interesting theory about how we in the West raise children. We value independence above all, she claims, which is a male value. Women, she says, are less uncomfortable with dependency, but as we live in a male-dominated society, we push our babies towards independence sooner than we should. Hence the desire to get babies to sleep alone, to be put down in cribs rather than held close.¹

DID YOU KNOW?

– babies need contact!

In the 1940s, psychiatrist René Spitz compared two groups of disadvantaged babies; one group were reared in prison by their own mothers who gave them attention and affection, even though most of their time was spent in the prison nursery. Despite the deprivation of their surroundings, these babies developed normally.

The other group of babies were in an orphanage with one nurse for eight babies, and they were left in their cots, and only taken out for feeding and changing. The sides of the cots were draped with sheets to prevent the spread of infection. This meant the babies could not see out. Tragically, many of these babies did not live to two years of age, and those who did were physically stunted and severely retarded, emotionally and mentally. Few could walk or talk by age three, and they were withdrawn and apathetic.²

Step One: Feeding

In the first six weeks, your baby needs to feed a lot. Her tummy is only the size of a walnut, so it empties quickly. She is small and not yet practiced at feeding – it will take her some time to fill that tiny tummy. If she’s breastfeeding, she has to feed often to build up a milk supply, and she relies on you to hold her in the optimum position to do this; she will not be able to alter position by herself as she can when she’s older. Finally, if she is to survive, she needs to grow – she will double her weight in the first few months of life – never again will she need to grow so quickly.

At this stage, if your baby cries or seems to need something, try feeding first.

It may well feel, especially if you decide to breastfeed, that all you are doing is feeding your baby in these first six weeks. There is so much conflicting advice around feeding, but breastfeeding is really the best thing you can do for your baby and it is worth investing your time in these early weeks to learn how to do it.

If you do feel worried that your baby is breastfeeding a lot, have a look at the guide to positioning your baby at your breast in Step One entitled Feeding Your Newborn (pages 43–4); sometimes you can improve this a little so that your baby can feed more efficiently and therefore more quickly. You could also ring a breastfeeding counsellor for help; the NCT National Breastfeeding Line is open from 8 a.m. to 10 p.m. seven days a week, tel: 0870 444 8708.

The section on Step One also explains in more detail why it is important to breastfeed your baby whenever she seems hungry. Baby-led feeding, or feeding ‘on demand’, is vital at this stage. Routines can and will develop – but not yet. So sit back and relax; take the time to recover from the birth, and before you know it you will be at the next stage, when you can think about schedules, routines, bottles and everything else. By six months, feeding will be only a small part of your daily life together – and by the time she’s a toddler, you may find you have one of those children who is too busy with life to bother with such mundane things as meals!

Your baby will communicate her hunger by bringing her hands to her mouth and rooting – turning her head from side to side with her mouth open. It makes feeding easier if you can feed her before she cries – a crying baby is using up energy and does not always feed efficiently.

• Try feeding first at this stage – baby-led feeding means letting her decide at this stage – which will establish your milk supply.

Step Two: Comfort

In the early weeks your baby has an enormous amount of information to process; everything is new to her right now! Crying is her most effective communication tool at this stage, and she may fuss and cry far more at this age than at any other. As her world has changed so immensely, from being in the womb to being out in the world, perhaps this is to be expected. Your baby is often soothed by reminders of the womb: the sounds, regular movement, and by the sense of being held.

It’s good to hold and soothe your baby a lot at this stage; she may be comforted by being firmly wrapped in a cot blanket (swaddled), or by rocking or being carried, and by contact with other people. She might also enjoy background noise – her Mum’s voice, of course, but also ‘white noise’ like the washing machine, vacuum cleaner or car engine! There are lots of practical suggestions about this in the section on Step Two.

Some babies cry a huge amount, and may be labelled as having ‘colic’ – and we will look at this in more detail in Step Two.

• Don’t worry that your baby seems to need a lot of soothing at this stage. She will cry and fuss more now than at any other time. It will pass; in the meantime she will be comforted by contact – holding, rocking – do whatever you feel is right!

Step Three: Sleep

She will sleep far more, too, at this early age than at any other, but her sleep will be erratic, as she has not yet grasped the difference between day and night, and may still find it difficult to soothe herself back to sleep when she wakes.

In the first six weeks her patterns will develop; she will start to learn about day and night, and you can help her by emphasizing this difference. At night, for instance, you can keep the lights low when you feed, and keep noise and interaction to a minimum. You probably won’t change her nappy unless it is dirty.

As you get on top of things, you can start to introduce a bedtime routine – another part of helping her to sleep. The section on Step Three explains how sleep works, and looks at all the options for helping your baby to sleep. In the first six weeks, though, it is recommended that you share your room with your baby, and as she wakes several times in the night to feed, you may find it easiest to bedshare too.

• Sleep comes in short bursts; room-sharing is best, bed-sharing is easier, especially for night feeds. Emphasize the difference between day and night, and start to introduce a bedtime routine as soon as you can.

All this adds up to a lot of time spent just attending to your baby! But like every stage of parenting, it doesn’t last long, and it is vital that you do spend time just concentrating on your baby in these early weeks.

My daughter Charlotte had bad colic, or at least was very windy, and we found that the best method for getting the wind up was to pat her back in three stages. First patting the bottom, then the middle, then the top of her back, as if to help the wind come up.

– Elizabeth, mother to Charlotte

~ Times Change ~ Answer – 1999 ~

From Three in a Bed by Deborah Jackson (Bloomsbury, 1999)