Читать книгу My Husband’s Lies: An unputdownable read, perfect for book group reading - Caroline England, Caroline England - Страница 21

Penny

The therapist is sitting patiently, the clipboard on her knee.

‘Let’s talk about you and Will,’ she says.

Like insects on her skin, the alarm is immediate. ‘Why?’

‘Well, he’s your partner, of course. It’s usual to ask at the outset, but last time we got sidetracked.’ The woman cocks her head. ‘Is that OK?’

Penny looks at her hands. ‘Of course. What do you want to know?’

‘How is your marriage? Any issues or problems?’

She thinks of Will’s curious change of mood. So tense and silent since the wedding, but much chirpier this week, talkative, bright, back to the usual quips. But that’s good, really good.

Isn’t it?

Trying to hide the breathless shudder, she uses her best mask-smile. ‘No, none at all. Well, apart from this, of course. We’re very close.’

The woman gazes for a moment too long. ‘Any children?’ she asks.

‘No.’

‘And your other family?’

This feels more comfortable, she can talk about them. ‘Mum and Dad and a brother.’

‘OK.’ The woman looks at her notes. ‘You described the incident at the wedding as a panic attack,’ she says. ‘Have you experienced them before?’

‘No.’

‘OK. Can you describe how it felt?’

Thrown by the change, Penny frowns. She’s no keener on talking than she was last time, but knows she must go through the motions for Will. Show Will that she’s fine. Not crazy at all. ‘I was anxious.’

‘Anxious how?’

She thinks. Where to start? Would complete honesty help? She doubts it. And anyway, she knows it was paranoia, just stupid delusion. ‘Just anxious in general. But right then I had to change my dress. It was stained. It felt important that I change it.’

‘You felt you should change your dress. Why?’

She almost laughs at the question. ‘You can’t wear something dirty in public!’

‘Who says?’

‘Well, my mum for starters …’

The woman smiles. ‘Ah, mums, eh? How’s your relationship with yours?’

Ha! She’s prepared for this one; it’s what she told Will. The grains of truth; a perfect reason why. He’s no idea she knows. But what does she know? Nothing, Penny. Nothing!

‘With Mum? Not brilliant, really.’

‘Why is that?’

‘Just the usual mum and daughter stuff.’ It feels disloyal to her mum, but it’s true in some ways.

The woman remains silent. Debbie, she’s called Debbie. Come on Penny, you need to say more. Blame mother, poor mother. ‘It’s my fault really. I try, but I never quite …’

‘Never quite what?’

‘Meet Mum’s standards.’ She catches Debbie’s gaze. ‘When I really should. Dad’s high up in the police, but Mum’s the achiever. Pretty much superwoman. She’s on the church committee, a Justice of the Peace, local school governor, Girl Guide coordinator …’

‘You feel you don’t meet your mum’s standards. How does that make you feel?’

The graduation photos on Facebook back then. Smiles, champagne, mortarboards, proud parents. She can give an honest answer to this one. ‘It makes me feel under pressure.’

‘What do you mean by pressure?’ the woman asks.

Anxiety, anxiety, crippling anxiety. Not to lose Will; to be the perfect wife. And fear. Fear of discovery; fear of Will lying.

She tries for a smile. ‘Like most women, I suppose. A need to get everything right.’

Will used to think she was perfect. She feels the tears breaking through for the first time since the wedding, but she sniffs them away. She has to get her Will back. She’ll do whatever it takes.