Читать книгу The Baby Emergency - Carol Marinelli, Carol Marinelli - Страница 6

THERE were two very good reasons Shelly didn’t want to be there.

For one thing, the barrage of sympathetic stares and awkward greetings that were sure to greet her she could certainly do without.

And as to the other…

Darting into the changing room, she rather unceremoniously dumped the mud cake she had bought on the bench, before checking her reflection in the full-length mirror.

The pregnancy books had been right about one thing at least—the mid-trimester glow they had promised as a reward for the constant nausea and mood swings had finally appeared.

Glowing was the only word that would describe her.

Even Shelly, with her eternally self-critical eye, acknowledged that for once in her thirty years her skin was smooth and clear with not a blemish in sight. Even her long auburn curls seemed to be behaving for the first time in memory, falling in heavy silky tendrils instead of their usual chaotic frizz, and her vivid green eyes were definitely sparkling.

Funny she should look so good when everything around her was falling apart.

Closing her eyes, Shelly took a deep cleansing breath, trying to settle the flurry of butterflies dancing in her stomach. Even the baby seemed to sense her nervousness, wriggling and kicking, little feet or hands making certain they were felt.

‘It’s OK, baby.’ Shelly put a protective hand to her stomach and spoke softly, hoping her falsely calm voice might somehow soothe the child within. ‘We’re going to face this together.’

Touching up her lipstick, Shelly fiddled with her top for a moment, the flimsy powder-blue top softening the ripe bulge of her stomach. She even indulged for a tiny moment the still surprising sight of a cleavage on her increasingly unfamiliar body.

This should be such a happy time. The words buzzed around in her head. How she wanted it to be happy, how she wanted to enjoy the changes that were overwhelming her, to be afforded again the luxury of revelling in what had been a very much planned and wanted baby.

Still wanted.

A fresh batch of tears was adding to the sparkle in her eyes and, blowing her nose loudly, Shelly practised a forced smile in the mirror and picked up the cake. Looking down at her bump, her free hand went back for a final comforting stroke of the baby within. ‘Come on, little one, let’s get this over with.’

‘Shelly!’ Her name seemed to be coming at her from all directions as her colleagues welcomed her warmly, welcoming her straight into the click of things, but despite the smiles and casual chit-chat, not one of them managed to look her in the eye.

Not one of them asked how her pregnancy was progressing.

Except Melissa.

The playroom on the children’s ward was for once void of patients and anxious parents, filled instead with staff, some in uniform, some like Shelly in regular clothes, all clutching cups and paper plates, all there to say goodbye to a certain doctor who in his six-month rotation had brought more vitality and energy to the ward than most did in their whole careers.

Like a radar homing in, Shelly made her way over to her staunchly loyal colleague, grateful in advance for the quiet support Melissa in her own unique way would impart. ‘Quite a spread,’ Shelly said, handing Melissa her cake. ‘Anyone would think it was one of the consultants leaving, not a temporary intern.’

‘I know,’ Melissa sighed. ‘Ross can’t believe it himself. I think he expected a cake and a couple of bottles of warm cola, but just look at the turn-out! People like Ross don’t come along everyday, though. We’re all going to miss him.’

And there was Shelly’s second reason.

She didn’t want to say goodbye.

Again.

Didn’t want Ross Bodey, who’d breezed into her life at various intervals over the years, to breeze out again. Didn’t want the smile that had brightened her day, the funny chats and sometimes serious insights to end.

It wasn’t as if she was alone. Not one person in this room wanted him to go. Ross in his own easygoing, light-hearted way had turned the ward around. Even Tania, the rigid unit manager, had somehow loosened up under his good-natured teasing. Everyone here today was going to miss him.

Especially Shelly.

Over the years they’d grown close.

Very close.

Oh, nothing to be ashamed about. They’d been friends for ages. Shelly had met him first when she’d been doing her midwifery training and Ross had been but a lowly second-year medical student.

The occasional coffee in the canteen had been a welcome interlude, listening as Ross had planned his travels, determined to fit the most into his summer semester break, happy too to let Shelly chatter on as she’d planned her engagement party.

Friends, nothing else.

The five-year age gap between them seemingly unfillable. Ross ready to party, Shelly ready to settle down.

Even when Ross had breezed back this time, ready to resume their friendship, Shelly hadn’t had a qualm of guilt. There was nothing in their friendship that threatened her marriage. There was a bond between them, that was all: something special that gelled them. They didn’t keep in touch or anything, their friendship only extended to the workplace, but it was their unique bond that made Ross call for her when he needed a hand, that made Shelly ring him first if there was a sick child she wanted seen. OK, maybe she did check the doctors’ roster with more than a faint interest these days, and maybe she had put up her hand for a couple of extra shifts when Ross had been on, but there was no harm in that, there was nothing wrong in a man and woman being friends.

Ross was twenty-five years old, for goodness’ sake, into nightclubs and trendy clothes. A world away from Shelly’s contented suburban existence: happily married, excitingly anticipating the birth of her first child.

Till now.

‘Fancy coming out for a drink at the weekend?’ Melissa’s invitation was casual enough but it was loaded with caring and Shelly bit back the sting of tears.

‘I might just take you up on that.’

Dear Melissa. For all Shelly’s friends, for all the colleagues who had squealed with delight when they had found out she was pregnant, who had beguiled her with horror stories of their own pregnancies and labour, Melissa, fifty, single and childless, had been the only one to call her up again and again when she had been permanently greeted by the answering-machine. The only one who had ignored Shelly’s frosty response and had pressed on regardless.

When friends were being doled out, Melissa had been a treasured find.

‘Shelly!’

Finally a pair of eyes were actually managing to look at her.

Very blue eyes, almost navy in fact; the dark lashes that framed them a contrast to the blond hair flopping perfectly and no doubt intentionally onto his good-looking face.

‘Hi, Ross.’ The forced smile was still in place and Shelly widened it an inch. ‘Given that it’s your last day, are you going to finally admit that you do dye your hair?’

‘Never.’ Ross grinned. ‘How would I find the time for all that palaver with roots and regrowth? You’re just going to have to accept that I’m naturally good-looking, isn’t that right, Melissa?’

‘No comment.’ Melissa shrugged good-naturedly then she let out a deep throaty laugh. ‘Who am I trying to kid? You’re stunning, Dr Bodey, you know it and so does everyone else. Just don’t let it get to your head.’

Waddling off, she left an open-mouthed Shelly gaping in her wake. ‘I do believe Melissa was flirting.’

‘Terrifying, wasn’t it?’ Ross winked.

The smile she had been forcing was coming more naturally now and Shelly took the plastic cup he’d brought over for her and took a quick sip of some very questionable cola.

‘Thanks for coming, by the way. I know you’re on days off.’

‘As if I wouldn’t have said goodbye. What are you doing tonight, having a big family send-off?’

‘Hardly.’ He gave a quick shrug and for the tiniest instant Shelly could have sworn she registered the beginning of a frown, but it soon faded, the nonchalant smile she was so used to soon back in place. ‘They’re used to me wandering off by now. It’ll just be a case of too many beers with a few choice friends. Come if you want.’

In Shelly’s present mood, Ross’s invitation didn’t even merit a response and Shelly didn’t bother to try.

‘Come on,’ Ross pushed. ‘I’ll even shout you a cola, with ice,’ he added, grimacing as he took another sip.

‘It’s better I don’t, I’m not exactly in the mood for a party. Anyway, we’re going to the tennis tonight.’

‘You lucky thing,’ Ross exclaimed. ‘It’s the quarterfinals too. I’ve been trying to get tickets all week—how did you manage to swing that?’

‘I didn’t,’ Shelly sighed. ‘We’re going with Neil’s work, another boring night making small-talk. Still, at least I can distract myself looking at the players. Who knows? Maybe one of them will see me sitting there in the stands and fall head over heels then whisk me away from all this.’ She caught his quick grin. ‘I’m allowed to fantasise, aren’t I?’

‘Of course,’ Ross said, that quick grin splitting his face now. ‘But given that it’s the women’s quarterfinals tonight, Shelly, that particular fantasy of yours is doing terrible things to my blood pressure!’

‘Ross!’ Shelly exclaimed, the first laugh she had expended in days spilling out of her lips as she blushed a rather unbecoming shade of claret and quickly changed the subject. ‘So, are you all packed?’

‘No.’ He shrugged as Shelly’s eyes widened.

‘But you’re going tomorrow.’

‘So? I’ll pack in the morning. I don’t think I’ll need much in the middle of the outback, a few shorts and T-shirts, a pair of boots. No doubt you’d have had checklists as long as your arm, trying to cram everything into ten suitcases.’

‘Probably,’ Shelly admitted with a begrudging smile. ‘I just like to be—’

‘Prepared,’ Ross finished with a laugh. ‘Super Nurse Shelly Weaver, prepared for any eventuality.’

‘Not quite.’ The smile was fading now and Shelly took a sip of her drink, eternally grateful to Ross for bringing it over, glad for something to do with her hands.

‘Did you find out what the sex of the baby is, then? Or are you going to keep us all in suspense?’

‘Sorry?’ Shelly looked up, startled, sure she must have misheard him.

‘You said were going to find out what you were having when you had your scan. Come on, you can tell me. I’m leaving so it won’t get out.’ He was still smiling, his grin so broad and his face so innocent Shelly truly thought he couldn’t have heard the news.

‘I found out a bit more than the sex.’ Shelly took another long drink, wiping away her cola moustache with the back of her hand as Ross just stood there patiently waiting for her to explain. ‘The scan showed up some anomalies,’ Shelly continued, her voice faltering every now and then as she spoke. ‘And after further tests the upshot is that I’m going to have a Down’s syndrome baby, or a special needs child, or whatever the latest buzz word is for it at the moment.’ Her green eyes shot up to his and the tears that were always appallingly close these days sparkled as they brimmed, ready to splash onto her cheeks. The bitter note in her voice was so out of place in her normal sunny nature even Shelly looked shocked at the venom in her voice. ‘I’m surprised you hadn’t heard already. News normally spreads like wildfire around here.’

‘Melissa told me,’ Ross said simply. ‘I’m sorry for what you’re going through. How are you managing?’

‘Fine,’ Shelly said through gritted teeth. ‘It’s not as if I have any choice but to manage.’

‘And Neil?’ Ross probed, ignoring her obvious desire to end the conversation.

‘Not so fine.’ Suddenly her paper cup was coming under intense scrutiny as Shelly fiddled with it in her hands. ‘Neil likes to be in control, likes to have choices, a say in things. He’s having trouble taking in the fact that no amount of second opinions or dollar-waving is going to change the outcome of this pregnancy.’

‘But he’s supporting you?’

Shelly gave a very short, very brittle laugh. ‘Is that what you call it?’ As soon as the words were out Shelly wished she could somehow erase them. Moaning about Neil, no matter how merited, no matter what the circumstances, seemed wrong somehow, but Ross didn’t seem fazed by her outburst. Instead he pulled the shredded cup from her hand, his eyes never leaving her face.

‘I shouldn’t have said that,’ Shelly mumbled as Ross stood there patiently, waiting for her to elaborate.

‘Why not?’ Ross asked simply, when no explanation was given.

‘I just shouldn’t have said anything, that’s all.’ She was almost biting through her lip in an effort to keep the tears back, and had the exit door not been located on the other side of the room Shelly would have turned and left there and then. She hadn’t come here for this. A quick goodbye was all she’d intended, and now here she was on the verge of letting five days of tortured anxiety burst forth and blubbering like an idiot in front of everyone.

‘Oh, Shelly, I’m sorry.’ His voice was suddenly serious, the tone directly hitting the final straw of Shelly’s reserves. As one large tear rolled onto her cheek a strong arm pulled around her thickened waist as he gently led her out of the playroom and into a small annexe where they stood alone and for the first time in days Shelly felt free to let the emotions she had held in check so painfully finally flow as Ross’s gentle voice gently gave her permission to continue. ‘Talk to me, Shelly. I know I’m going, but it doesn’t mean I don’t care. I know there’s nothing I can say, but I can listen.’

‘There’s nothing anyone can say. I’m sick of seeing the pity in people’s eyes, sick of everyone adding up how many weeks pregnant I am in their heads and wondering if it’s too late for me to have a termination. It’s my baby.’ Tears were streaming unchecked now. ‘It’s my baby and I don’t want to get rid of him. So he’s not going to perfect! It doesn’t mean I don’t want him. I should still be allowed to love him.’

‘It’s a boy, then?’

His words were so calm it stilled her, and as she looked up Shelly saw that he was smiling.

‘Congratulations.’

‘You mean that?’

‘Of course I do, Shelly. You’re going to have a beautiful little boy and you’re going to be a fabulous mum. Yes, he’s going to have some problems, need some extra care, but if ever there was a woman who could give a child that then it’s you. It might all seem a jumble now, but you’ll work it out.’

‘Do you really think so?’

‘I don’t think so,’ Ross said emphatically. ‘I know so. You and Neil will deal with this.’

‘What I said before, about Neil, I mean. I was just letting off a bit of steam. He’s upset, which is understandable. It’s hard for him too. All the dreams he had, we had, have just suddenly gone.’ She gave a small laugh, trying to lighten the loaded silence around them. ‘I think Neil had our baby pegged to be Prime Minister one day.’

‘What’s the population of Australia?’

Shelly had no idea where he was leading, no idea where he’d plucked that question from, but her mind whirred away from her problems for a millisecond as she struggled with her appalling general knowledge. ‘About twenty million, at least I think that’s what it is.’

‘The odds weren’t great, then.’

Shelly’s forehead creased as she tried to fathom where Ross was leading. ‘What on earth are you going on about?’

‘If you factor in the rising population, increased immigration, well, suffice it to say…’ His hand moved forward, gently reaching the soft swell of her stomach as Shelly stood smiling at his strange logic. ‘This baby was never going to be Prime Minster. But you can still have dreams for him, Shelly, still cherish his life.’ His hand was still there, she could feel the warmth spreading through her top. The baby was motionless, perhaps feeling the quiet confidence Ross so effortlessly imparted. If only over the awful past few days she had endured Neil could have said just one of the comforting words Ross had conveyed so easily,

‘You’d better get back.’ Her voice was strangely thick. All she wanted to do was lay her head on that chest, feel those strong arms around her, for just an ounce of his strength to somehow rub off on her. ‘And I’ve got to go.’

‘Not yet,’ Ross moaned. ‘I’ll get stuck with Tania. If you think Melissa was bad, just wait till you see how Tania’s behaving. I swear she’s wearing lipstick. I think she’s got a crush on me.’

‘She has.’ Shelly laughed. ‘So watch yourself.’ Pulling her bag over her shoulder, Shelly swallowed hard. ‘I really do have to go. I just popped in to say goodbye. I’ve got an appointment with Dr Forbes at two.’

‘I thought Dr Lim was your obstetrician.’

‘He is. This visit is for Neil. I know it’s not going to change anything, but he just wants another opinion.’

‘Come on, I’ll walk you out to your car and say hi to Neil. It would be nice for us both to put names to faces and maybe I can answer some of his questions. His mind must be working overtime.’

‘Neil’s at work.’ She saw a hint of a frown mar Ross’s near-perfect features and instantly jumped on the defensive. ‘He can’t take an afternoon off work every time I see a doctor, he’d never get anything done.’

‘Of course not.’

There was a tiny awkward moment as Shelly turned to go. What should she do, shake his hand? A casual wave as she got to the door? Ross answered the question before it had even formed in her mind. Pulling her towards him, he held her for a moment, her bump pressing against his toned abdomen, until he moved away just enough to place his hand on her swollen stomach. ‘Look after that mum of yours,’ Ross whispered to the babe beneath his hand. ‘She’s one in a million.’

A tiny kiss was aimed at her cheek but Shelly moved nervously, his lips grazing hers for less than a second, but it felt as if they were both moving in slow motion, every tiny movement magnified, the soft warmth of his mouth on hers as unexpected as it was welcome, and Shelley swallowed hard as he pulled away, biting back tears as he squeezed her shoulder in one final supportive gesture and then he was gone. Off to his party, off on his travels again, off to the outback to impart and absorb, a million miles away from Chisholm Hospital, from the beach and the world he’d become so much a part of in the six months he’d been back.

Her lips were burning from his briefest touch and Shelly shook her head as she walked, her speed increasing as she pushed the unwelcome stirrings from her mind.

Of course Ross Bodey was going to say the right thing, he was a doctor, for heaven’s sake! He’d just spent the last six months on a children’s ward, dealing with anxious parents and sick kids. Of course he knew how to handle her, that was his job. She was being unfair, comparing his reaction to Neil’s.

Neil was the one living it. Neil was the one whose life had changed for ever when they’d found out the news.

Still…

Starting her car, Shelly pulled off the handbrake and indicated to turn right, gliding into the afternoon traffic as she headed for her doctor’s appointment, for an afternoon of scans and blood tests, an afternoon of being prodded and poked in a futile attempt to obtain a different version. A little piece of news that might brighten Neil’s day. But no amounts of scans, no amount of technology or statistics were going to change the outcome. Their baby was handicapped, and no amount of wishing was going to change that fact.

But she could still have dreams for him.

Ross’s words washed over her, a soothing interlude in an awful day. And in the weeks and months that followed they comforted her with increasing regularity, a life raft to cling to in the turbulent times that followed.

She could still have dreams for her son.