Читать книгу Come Home, Cowboy - Cathy Mcdavid - Страница 12
ОглавлениеJosh had no idea how much room was needed for two little kids. Eight hundred square feet? Two thousand? The apartment above the horse stable seemed small to him, what with its one bedroom, living room/dining room, kitchen and bath.
Raquel had been kind, offering him use of the apartment and helping him move in. Okay, technically the apartment, along with all of Dos Estrellas, was one-third his. But she had been the matriarch of the ranch for over twenty years, and he didn’t want to appear rude or ungrateful.
“If you ask me...” Raquel let the sentence drop.
“I am.” Josh carried a crib mattress under one arm and a merry-go-round lamp under the other.
The remainder of his kids’ furniture was in the stock trailer parked below, including a youth bed, dresser, changing table and toy chest. There was also a mobile, playpen, stroller, linens, nursery monitor and several dozen boxes yet to be unloaded. After six weeks in storage, everything was dusty and dirty.
“I’d put the crib and youth bed in the bedroom.” Raquel pointed down the short hall. “You could sleep in the living room. The couch converts to a bed.”
Josh expelled a long sigh. This, more than unpacking and cleaning, was exactly the help he needed. “Good idea.”
He’d been spoiled. Living half of the last fourteen years on the road, he’d relied first on his mother, then his ex-wife, then his mother again to keep his home in order.
Maybe Cole was right to doubt his parenting abilities. Josh had a lot of growing up to do, and quickly.
After carrying the crib mattress and lamp to the bedroom, he returned to find Gabe lifting two large boxes. For every load Josh had carried up from the trailer, Gabe had carried one down. In recent years, the apartment had become a dumping place for odds and ends. Raquel was overseeing the clearing out.
“Take this, too.” She added a shoe box to her son’s load, though, from the bulging sides, the box didn’t look to contain shoes.
Gabe peered around the stack in his arms. “Where do I put all this stuff?”
“The spare bedroom for now. I’ll figure out what to do with it later.”
As Josh watched Gabe and Raquel conversing, he was struck with a strange sense of surrealism. He’d often imagined having sole custody of his children, but never living with them in an apartment on his late father’s ranch. Nor had he imagined his half brother and his father’s longtime companion being the ones to help him clean and ready the apartment.
He blinked, but nothing changed. Raquel and Gabe continued to chat in the living room.
“What’s in these, anyway?” Gabe pretended to buckle, as if the boxes were heavy.
His mother smiled. “Old clothes, mostly. From the hall closet.”
“Feels more like bricks.”
Raquel patted Gabe’s arm as she sidled past him into the kitchen. “Be good, mijo.”
She called him the endearment a lot. It was always accompanied by an affectionate touch. The two of them were obviously close.
Josh couldn’t say the same thing about his own mother. She wasn’t affectionate with anyone, not even her family. But then, she wasn’t a happy person. She resented his late father to this day and had attempted to pass that resentment on to her sons. She’d succeeded with Cole, probably because he was younger and didn’t have as many happy memories of his father as Josh did.
Whatever anger Josh felt toward his father had been pushed out, thanks to his ex-wife and her addiction. His heart had only so much room for bitterness and disappointment.
“Hey. How’s it going?” Reese McGraw peeked inside, a smile on her face.
It was hard to tell who brightened more, Gabe or Raquel.
“Come in,” Raquel beckoned to Reese. “Don’t just stand there.”
“Wow, you’ve been busy.” She walked straight to Gabe and, standing on tiptoes, kissed his cheek. “Can I help?”
His eyes roved her face as if committing every detail to memory. “You already have.”
Josh was happy for the two of them. His marriage and that of his parents may have tanked, but that didn’t mean he’d lost faith in the institution. He liked to believe that with the right two people, anything was possible.
Unfortunately, his parents couldn’t have been more wrong for each other. According to his mother, Raquel was the reason his father had left her. Josh had bought the story hook, line and sinker—at first. He’d been eighteen when his grandmother had inadvertently let it slip that his parents’ marriage was in trouble long before his father had met and fallen in love with Raquel.
“The closet’s all yours.”
Raquel’s remark returned Josh to the present. Good. He was weary of traipsing down memory lane and welcomed the interruption. “Thanks.”
“If you don’t need me anymore,” Gabe said, “I’ll see you later.”
“Appreciate the hand,” Josh said.
“Anytime, brother.”
Brother? Another surreal moment. Who’d have guessed he and Gabe would ever act like normal siblings? They’d grown up apart, hating each other for different reasons, the product of their parents’ animosity. Reese was mostly responsible for the changes in Gabe. She’d encouraged him to love and forgive.
Josh and Cole could benefit from some encouragement. They’d made considerable progress these past few months, learning to be a family with Gabe, but they still had a long way to go.
“Bye, Josh.” Reese waved, then hurried behind Gabe, warning him to watch his step.
Raquel sighed with contentment, her hand resting on her heart as she watched the happy couple leave.
“Children are such a blessing,” she said to no one in particular.
“Why didn’t you have more?” Josh should have been heading downstairs. There was a lot left to unload and carry up. Something made him hesitate.
“It wasn’t in God’s plan.” She turned a lovely smile on him.
For a fleeting moment, Josh saw a beautiful young woman, the one who must have captivated his father.
“I was lucky to have Gabe. And Cara.”
“You and her mother were friends?”
“More than friends. Leena was like a sister to me. After her husband died in that terrible car crash, she and Cara stayed with us for a while.”
Josh thought it interesting that he and Cara had both lost their fathers. Though, in her case, a beloved father.
“There was never a question where Cara would live when she and Javier’s father separated,” Raquel continued. “Or that she would remain after Javier’s death.”
“I can see why she’s attached to the place.”
“More than attached. Dos Estrellas is her home.”
If Raquel was trying to make a point, she was succeeding. “I don’t want her to leave,” he said.
“Then why are you trying to take away her purpose?” she asked.
“Is the sanctuary really that important to her?”
Raquel drew herself up as if affronted. “If you have to ask, you can’t possibly understand how she feels.”
“Then help me understand.”
She studied him for a moment, then resumed unpacking a box. “She and Manuel didn’t divorce right away. They saw a marriage counselor twice a week up until Javier died. After that, Cara saw a grief counselor.”
Josh hadn’t heard this part of the story before. “Did Javier die in the apartment?”
“No, no!” Raquel crossed herself. “There is no reason for you to be afraid of living here. You and your children are safe.”
“I’m not afraid.”
“They were at her old house. Manuel stayed there during the separation, and Cara took Javier for a visit. Javier was climbing the shelving unit when he fell and hit his head. He never woke up and died four days later in the hospital.”
“I’m sorry.” Josh couldn’t imagine something so horrible.
“Such a lovely little boy. My pain is nothing compared to Cara’s. I had many wonderful years with your father. Her time with Javier was cut short.”
Josh had been through a lot, between his ex-wife’s addiction, their divorce and bitter custody battle. His two children were alive and healthy, however. He had much to be thankful for.
The closest he’d come to understanding Cara’s loss was when his ex had taken off with the children. Those weeks of not knowing their whereabouts, if they were all right or lying dead on the side of the road, had been unbearable.
“It will be good for us, having children again.” Raquel wiped at her eyes. “I am so excited to meet your little ones.”
Josh was excited to see his kids, too. He’d seen very little of them recently. As much as he’d hated not being with them over the holidays, he knew he’d done the right thing by his former in-laws and his ex.
Josh didn’t hate Trista despite the hell she’d put him through. But he didn’t trust her, either. Running off with the children had been bad. Coming home and finding her in a drug-induced stupor, the children filthy, hungry, crying and neglected, had been too much.
He accepted some of the blame. He’d been gone a lot, competing. That wasn’t going to happen again. He would be the best parent possible, better than he’d been so far. Better than his father had been to him.
“I’m excited,” he admitted. “I’m told Kimberly is almost walking and Nathan can ride a tricycle.”
Raquel’s expression melted. “They sound like angels.”
“Kimberly doesn’t sleep through the night yet. Nathan does. Probably because he spends all day getting into trouble and tires himself out.”
“Just like a boy.”
He pulled out his cell phone. Raquel had asked to see pictures of the kids before, so he didn’t think he’d annoy her by sharing the latest batch his former in-laws had sent.
She gasped with delight. “They’re adorable. You are truly blessed. If you ever need a babysitter, you simply have to ask.”
“I don’t want to impose.”
“If you don’t ask me, I will be hurt.” When he laughed, she insisted, “I am serious.”
He had no doubt of it. “I am fortunate you built this apartment. Not sure what else I would have done or where I would have gone.”
Her smiled dimmed. “Your father and I, we had hoped my parents would stay here during their visits. That is why we built it.”
“They didn’t?”
“No.” She methodically wiped dry the baby bottles she’d just washed. “They preferred the inn in town.”
Josh was admittedly curious and would have asked more questions, but footsteps sounded on the outside stairs. He expected Gabe and Reese might be returning or perhaps Cole, checking out the new digs. Instead, Cara entered the apartment, a look of horror on her face.
“What are you doing?” she demanded.
“Unpacking.” Josh was unsure what to make of her reaction.
“Raquel?” She turned to the other woman, who swallowed guiltily.
“I offered Josh the apartment,” Raquel said. “For his children. I was going to tell you...”
“When?”
“Wait a minute.” Josh stepped between them. “Raquel hasn’t done anything wrong. In fact, she’s been very helpful.”
“That’s right.” Cara directed her anger at him. “You’re one of the owners. If you want to move into the apartment, no one can stop you.”
“Why would you?” Josh genuinely wanted to know. “You aren’t living here now.”
Cara brushed at her damp eyes, then fled the apartment.
“I should have told her.” Raquel tossed aside the dish towel. “I was going to. Then I didn’t.”
“This isn’t your fault,” Josh reiterated.
“She has so many memories of this place. Too many for her to continue living here after Javier died.”
“She had to assume someone would move in eventually.”
“Perhaps she chose not to think about it.”
That was possible, he supposed. Then again, he specifically could be the cause of Cara’s objections.
“I’m going after her,” Raquel announced.
Josh didn’t stop her. Better she speak to Cara than him. Whatever he said was bound to upset Cara, and no amount of wanting to change that would make a difference.
* * *
“IS IT POSSIBLE you overreacted?”
Cara studied her friend Summer Goodwyn, seeing only concern and not criticism in her eyes. “Maybe. A little,” she admitted. “I was surprised. Raquel should have told me. Or Josh. Someone.”
“Josh? Seriously?”
“Okay, not him.”
“He might not have known you used to live in the apartment.”
“I doubt that.”
“You can’t always think the worst of him just because you want to.”
That was the thing about Summer—she didn’t mince words. They’d been friends since after Javier’s death. Cara had joined a support group that met at the Mustang Valley Community Church. Summer belonged to another support group, one for parents of children with special needs.
After talking several times in the hall between groups, they’d gone for coffee. Then, lunch. Eventually, they began meeting up at least once a week. Summer was one of Cara’s biggest supporters, championing the sanctuary and volunteering with fund-raising.
“I wish I’d known,” Cara murmured.
“Would it have made a difference?”
“I’d have been prepared. Not blindsided.”
They stood inside the round pen, the late-afternoon sun warming them on what would otherwise be a chilly day. The ranch was relatively quiet, as most everyone was involved with the semiannual equipment maintenance. Except for Josh. He’d gone to San Jose to retrieve his kids.
Summer’s eight-year-old son, Teddy, was in the pen along with Cara, Summer and Hurry Up. The boy usually loved animals. For some unknown reason, he hadn’t taken to the gentle horse.
“I think it’s a good idea,” Summer said, her gaze straying to Teddy, whose autism often caused him to behave unpredictably. “Someone moving into the apartment. It’s been like a tomb these last two years.”
The words hurt, but that didn’t change the fact Summer was right. Cara had no claim to the apartment simply because she’d lived there for six months with Javier.
In many ways, those were the worst months of her life. The separation from Manuel. Their constant fighting. The lonely nights. And in some ways, they were the best months. Whoever said children were at their worst during their twos hadn’t met Javier. He’d been a delight. The absolute light of her life.
Cara took a deep breath. “Having someone live in the apartment won’t make me suddenly stop grieving.”
“I didn’t say it would.” Summer put an arm around Cara’s shoulders. “We can’t halt time. We can only move forward.”
Cara sniffed and bit down, her emotions dangerously close to the surface.
An odd strangled sound spurred Summer into action. Teddy crouched on the ground, his back pressed against the round pen railing. He stared wide-eyed as if confronted by demons.
“Teddy! It’s okay.” Summer knelt in front of him and tried to get him to look at her by putting her face directly in his line of vision. She didn’t touch him, however. Teddy didn’t like to be touched, especially when he was agitated. “It’s all right, baby. The horse won’t hurt you.”
Teddy continued to stare at Hurry Up, who stood placidly by the gate, his nose to the ground, his breath blowing dust into the air and not the least bit interested in any of the humans.
“Garh, garh.” Teddy waved an angry hand at Hurry Up in an attempt to shoo the horse away.
Cara unlatched the gate. “I’ll get Hurry Up.”
Whatever the horse had done—looked directly at Teddy, nuzzled his arm, snorted, swished his tail—had set the boy off. Best to just return Hurry Up to his stall.
Experiment a total failure, Cara thought as she led Hurry Up to the horse stable. Before she would agree to let Josh have the horse—make that sponsor the horse—she’d decided to see if Teddy wanted him. Obviously, he didn’t.
Teddy’s screeching reached Cara’s ears even at this distance. She felt terrible for her friend. At the same time, she envied Summer. Her son was alive.
With Hurry Up happily munching on an oat and bran mixture, Cara sought out Summer and Teddy. They were at Summer’s car, parked in front of the stable. Teddy sat in the rear seat, a quilt thrown over him and covering his face. Summer crouched inside the open car door, softly reciting a nursery rhyme.
Cara had seen this before. The weight of the quilt and the darkness, along with the sound of Summer’s voice, calmed Teddy. After a few moments, he stopped struggling and quieted. Summer slowly stood, strain showing on her face.
“Sorry about that.”
Cara dismissed her with a wave. “As if you have anything to apologize for.”
“He’ll be okay now.”
“What can I do to help?”
“Nothing.” Summer smiled weakly. “But thanks.”
“Here.” Cara tugged her friend around to the rear of the car. She also knew from experience that Teddy would remain where he was. “Relax. Breathe deep.”
“He’s been agitated more than usual lately.”
“Any reason in particular?”
“Hal came by earlier this week.”
“Oh.” Cara nodded.
“He hasn’t seen Teddy for months. Then, boom, he shows up out of the blue, deciding he’s going to be a father.” She pressed her hands to her cheeks. “I wish I’d never agreed to visitation.”
“You could go back to court.”
“No, thank you!” Summer lifted her chin, visibly composing herself, then promptly changed the subject. “At least Josh is trying to be a good father.”
Cara made a face. Couldn’t they talk about something else? “The man’s impossible.”
“He’s taking responsibility for his kids and giving them a secure home. That says a lot about a person.”
Cara waited until the pain in her chest subsided. “I hate it when you’re right.”
“Give him a chance. I get that it’s hard for you to think about someone else living in the apartment you shared with Javier. Someone with children. But it really is best for them.”
“I thought he’d keep the guest suite and his brother Cole would move out.”
“You hoped.”
“He wants Hurry Up for his children.”
“Aren’t they a little young to ride?”
“Yes.”
Summer smiled. “But you’re going to let him adopt the horse.”
Cara shrugged one shoulder. “Sponsor the horse. For a monthly stipend. If it doesn’t work out, I’ll take Hurry Up back.”
“Sounds like a good compromise.”
“He wants the black stallion, too. He didn’t tell me, but I overhead him talking to Cole. I’m less inclined to agree.”
“Because?”
Cara groaned in frustration.
“Let him sponsor the horses, Cara. You’re always looking for good homes. What better home is there than Dos Estrellas?”
Right again. This was getting old.
“Muh, muh,” Teddy called from inside the car.
Summer glanced over her shoulder. “I’d better go. He’s getting restless.”
At the driver side door, the two women hugged. Summer tucked a lock of Cara’s hair behind her ear in an affectionate gesture.
“You’re stronger than you think,” she said. “You can handle this.”
Maybe. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
Rather than return to the house, Cara walked through the horse stable. It wasn’t Hurry Up that drew her, but the apartment stairs. The next thing she knew, she stood on the landing.
Her hand reached for the knob and turned it. The door wasn’t locked, and she slowly entered, her bootsteps soft on the braided area rug. Josh and the children weren’t due for several hours.
Like a ghost, she silently walked across the small living room, down the hall and to the bedroom. Her heart lurched at the sight of the crib set up in one corner and the changing table beside it. She’d furnished the room similarly. The only difference was the youth bed in the opposite corner.
Summer had been wrong. Cara wasn’t strong at all.
She noticed the covers on the electrical outlets were still in place, as well as safety locks on the windows and doors. An inspection of the closet yielded a baby gate tucked in the back.
Josh would need that. Stairs were dangerous for toddlers, though that wasn’t where Javier had fallen. After all her worrying and diligent watchfulness, something as seemingly harmless as the laundry room was the site of his fatal accident.
She rested a trembling hand on the crib railing. “Oh, mijo. I miss you so much.”
Distant voices distracted her, and she quickly withdrew her hand. The voices were accompanied by the sound of someone climbing the stairs. Who was here? Her mind had barely asked the question when she heard the unmistakable sound of Josh’s voice.
“Come on, buddy. That’s it. Grab the railing.”
“I firsty, Daddy.”
“We’ll get you some water in a minute.”
Cara panicked and searched frantically for an escape route. There was none. Josh was going to catch her in the apartment. What would he think? What excuse could she offer?
She dashed toward the living room, preferring to be caught there than in the bedroom. Her mind emptied the moment Josh entered the apartment.
He held the hand of a young boy bundled in a warm jacket and knitted cap, and with the same striking blue eyes as his father. In his other hand, Josh held a baby carrier. From beneath the rainbow-colored blanket, a chubby face peeked out, rosy-cheeked and sucking on a pacifier.
Both children were incredibly beautiful, and Cara’s heart lurched anew.
“I, ah, didn’t mean to intrude,” she stammered and brushed self-consciously at her damp eyes.
Josh strode forward. “Actually, if you don’t mind, I could use some assistance.”
“From me?”
He smiled, and she wished he hadn’t. This was hard enough for her, and she didn’t need him being nice.
“Can you hold Kimberly for a minute? Nathan’s thirsty, and I promised him some water.”
Without waiting for her answer, Josh handed her the baby carrier.
Cara watched as her hand, acting on its own, grabbed the carrier. She stood frozen in place while Josh went to the refrigerator, removed a jug of water and poured some into a plastic sippy cup he’d produced from...she had no idea where.
“Here you go, buddy.”
The boy, Nathan, drank, never taking his eyes off Cara. She couldn’t meet his stare and instead gazed down at Kimberly, the baby’s face that of an angel.
Suddenly, Cara’s hand shook. Afraid she might drop the carrier, she set it down on the floor.
“Are you okay?” Josh asked.
She wasn’t sure and stumbled toward the couch. The cushions dipped as she sat. She’d forgotten how old and uncomfortable the couch was. Josh would probably have trouble sleeping on the pullout bed. She had.
“I haven’t been around little children much...lately.” She wrung her hands nervously. Why wasn’t she leaving?
Josh sat on the other end of the couch, balancing Nathan on his lap. “We’ll try to keep out of your way as much as possible.”
“You don’t have to do that.” It was her problem to handle, not his.
Nathan didn’t want to sit and scrambled off Josh’s lap. He walked over to his sleeping sister and set his sippy cup in the carrier at her feet.
That made no sense. Then again, he wasn’t three years old yet.
“Daddy, I hungry.”
“The kid eats like nothing I’ve ever seen.” Josh got off the couch and headed to the kitchen. “Raquel put some hot dogs in the fridge.”
“Hot dogs!” Nathan tumbled excitedly into the kitchen.
The boy grabbed the counter edge as Josh removed a perfectly good hot dog from the package, arranged it on a paper plate and put it in the microwave. Ninety seconds later, the pair of them stared dejectedly at a deformed hot dog.
“I guess I messed that up.” Josh shot the microwave a dirty look as if it were responsible.
Nathan started to cry.
Cara pushed to her feet, fully intending to leave. Except, she didn’t. Going into the kitchen, she automatically patted Nathan on the head before realizing her mistake. His hair was the texture of silk.
“Hot dogs take thirty seconds to heat,” she said, examining her hand before brushing it on her jeans.
Josh placed a second one on the paper plate. “I have a lot to learn.” He pressed buttons on the microwave. This time, when the buzzer sounded, the hot dog looked edible. He cut it into small pieces and then carried the plate to the table.
“Did you bring a booster seat?” Cara assured herself that the baby slept peacefully in her carrier on the floor. It was as good a place as any.
Josh shook his head. “I don’t know. My in-laws and Trista did most of the packing.”
“Daddy. Hungry!” Nathan complained impatiently.
“Wait.” Cara hurried to the hall closet. The extra pillows were there, just like before. Back at the table, she set the pillows on a chair, then instructed Nathan, “Sit here.”
He eagerly clambered into the chair, situated himself and began stuffing pieces of hot dog into his mouth.
Satisfied, she started for the door. “I’ll leave you to your dinner.”
“Before you go.” Josh intercepted her. “I have a deal to propose.”
Her suspicions flared. This must be about the horses. “What kind of deal?”
“Clearly, I need help with my kids.”
“I’m sure you’ll do fine.”
He smiled. “I could use a teacher. I was thinking of you.”
“No.” She jerked back so quickly, she bumped into the door.
“Hear me out first.” Josh continued speaking, ignorant of, or indifferent to, her distress. “You show me the ropes, and I’ll help you with the sanctuary. Anything you need. And I won’t pressure you to give up the land.”
Did he not realize how hard this would be for her?
She glanced at Nathan, smashing the last bite of hot dog into his plate rather than eating it. Kimberly had started stirring and would whimper any second. Most babies her age cried when they woke from a nap.
Cara wanted to run and not stop until she was a thousand miles away. She also wanted to hold Kimberly. The two longings waged a war inside her. Eventually, one prevailed.
Going to the carrier, she undid the straps and lifted the baby into her arms. A splendid feeling washed over her. Cara cradled the baby close as tears filled her eyes. She wondered if they were tears of sorrow or joy.
“All right,” she murmured and gently rocked the baby. “We have a deal.”
