Читать книгу Girl Alone: Part 3 of 3: Joss came home from school to discover her father’s suicide. Angry and hurting, she’s out of control. - Cathy Glass, Cathy Glass - Страница 5

The clock on the mantelpiece showed it was 4 a.m. I quickly switched off the television and went down the hall to open the front door. Joss and her mother stood side by side, pale and drawn.

‘Come in,’ I said, opening the door wider.

‘I’m going to bed,’ Joss said as they stepped in. She was wearing the change of clothes we’d taken with us.

‘Do you need anything?’ Linda asked her.

‘No,’ Joss returned. I closed the front door.

‘I’ll see you, then,’ Linda called as Joss began upstairs.

‘Yes. Goodnight.’

‘Night, love,’ I said.

Linda and I watched Joss go upstairs until she’d turned the corner on the landing to go to her bedroom.

‘Do you want to come and sit for a while?’ I asked Linda.

‘I wouldn’t mind,’ she sighed. ‘I’m tired, but I’m not ready to go home yet and explain all of this to Eric.’

We went through to the living room. ‘Can I get you a drink?’ I asked.

‘No, thanks. I had one at the police station. They were very kind.’

We sat down. Linda took the sofa, and I one of the chairs. She looked shattered, and I too felt the weight of all that had happened that evening.

‘I don’t know, Cathy,’ she sighed, shaking her head in despair. ‘Joss made a statement, but I’m not sure if it’s strong enough to have them convicted. She was very confused and kept changing her mind. Ann and her colleague were very patient, but they had to keep stopping Joss to clarify points. I hope I’m wrong, but I felt it didn’t look good on Joss.’

‘Did she tell them all they needed to know?’ I asked.

‘In the end, but she was reluctant to say how she first met Zach and Carl, which they wanted to know. Apparently it was at Chelsea’s flat. I think Joss was trying to protect them all. As if they’ve done her any favours! I gather that flat is a right mess and has been raided by the police for drink and drug offences. The police seemed to know it.’

‘I wasn’t aware of that, but when I first went there I reported my concerns to the social services. I’m sorry I didn’t do more to stop Joss from going there.’ I felt even guiltier now.

‘It’s not your fault,’ Linda said quietly. ‘Joss can be very strong-willed when she wants to be. I wish she hadn’t changed her story, though. First she told the police she’d been at the flat all evening and that Zach and Carl had offered her a lift home, but then she admitted she’d been out with them all evening.’

‘That’s what Joss told me,’ I said. ‘I think she thought it might reflect badly on her if she admitted she’d been out drinking with them.’

Linda nodded sadly. ‘I hope the police realized Joss was still in shock and couldn’t think straight.’

‘I’m sure they did,’ I said, trying to reassure her.

‘When Ann asked Joss which bars they’d been to, how much they’d had to drink and who had bought the drinks, she kept saying she didn’t know. Ann asked if she was frightened of what Zach and Carl might do to her if she told the truth and she admitted she was. It took a lot of reassurance before she was able to give them the details of the rape – or rather, attempted rape. It seems from Joss’s description that – to use the term the police used – “full penetration” didn’t take place.’ Linda’s eyes immediately filled and she pulled a tissue from her pocket.

I went over and sat beside her on the sofa; I lightly rubbed her arm as she wiped her eyes.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘But the things I’ve had to listen to tonight. It was dreadful.’

‘I can appreciate that. But the more details the police have, the more likely they are to be able to prosecute.’

‘That’s what they said. They asked Joss to describe Zach’s underwear, and if he’d been circumcised and if he had an erection. I mean, Cathy,’ Linda said, turning to me, her brow creasing again, ‘Joss is thirteen. She may have seen her little brother in the bath, but she’s never seen an adult male naked. And we’ve never really talked about that sort of thing. I was going to leave it until she was older.’

Linda began to cry openly so I put my arm around her and comforted her as best I could. My thoughts turned to Lucy and Paula, of similar ages to Joss, and how absolutely horrendous it would be for them if they had found themselves in Joss’s situation. It didn’t bear thinking about.

After a while Linda wiped her eyes and continued. ‘From what Joss told the police, it seems Zach had had so much to drink that he couldn’t “enter her”, as the police put it. That’s when Carl said he wanted to have a go. Those were his words, Cathy: “Let me have a go and see if I can do it.” They were laughing. But when Carl began climbing over from the front seat to get in the back of the car, Zach loosened his grip on Joss and she managed to knee him in the crotch and get out. She ran into town and then caught the bus here.’

Tears streamed down Linda’s face again and she sobbed uncontrollably. I held her and soothed her until eventually her tears were spent and she couldn’t cry any more.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said, straightening. ‘I’ve had to be strong for Joss and it just built up inside me. I’ve always tried to be strong for her. I feel a bit better now, thank you.’ She leant forward and threw her tissue in the wastepaper basket.

‘Would you like a drink now? I can make a tea or coffee?’

‘No, thanks. You’ve been so kind. I’d better get back. Eric will be wondering where I am. Is it all right if I come round later this afternoon to see how Joss is?’

‘Yes, of course. Whenever you like. I’ll be here.’

‘Thank you. I’ll phone before I set off.’

‘Did the doctor examine Joss?’ I asked.

‘Yes. She also bagged up all of Joss’s clothes to take away for examination. Thanks for sending a change of clothes. I wouldn’t have thought of that.’

‘Jill told me, or I wouldn’t have known.’

‘She’s good, your Jill,’ Linda said, and then she stood, ready to leave.

It was nearly 5 a.m. I saw Linda out and closed and locked the front door. I switched off all the downstairs lights and went upstairs to bed for what was left of the night. Despite the turmoil of my thoughts, I was so tired I fell asleep quickly. When I woke my bedside clock showed 9 a.m. I didn’t feel refreshed, but at least I’d had some sleep, which would hopefully see me through the day. I could hear water running in the bathroom as Adrian showered, getting ready to go out with his father. Paula was being brought home by her friend’s parents at ten to join them, and Lucy would be returning a little later.

I hauled myself out of bed, put on my dressing gown and went round the landing to Joss’s room. I quietly opened the door and looked in. She was on her side and fast asleep, so I came out again. I went downstairs, fed Toscha and made a cup of coffee, which I drank while leaning against the work surface in the kitchen and gazing out of the window. The sky was grey and overcast, suggesting rain wasn’t far away, but the birds were busy at the bird feeder, which was always nice to watch. The bright golden marigolds and red geraniums were still flowering well, but I noticed the grass needed cutting – a job Adrian and I shared. Presently, I heard him cross the landing and go into his bedroom, having finished in the bathroom. I drained the last of my coffee, put the mug in the sink and went upstairs to bathe and dress.

At breakfast Adrian naturally asked after Joss and if she was hurt. I said she’d been badly assaulted and was obviously shaken, but I didn’t go into details. If Joss wanted to tell him, Lucy, Paula or anyone else more about it then that would be her decision.

Paula returned promptly at ten o’clock, tired from the sleepover but having had fun. She and Adrian were ready when John arrived shortly after 10.30, and I greeted him as I usually did with a polite good morning. Whenever Paula went out with her father she always wanted an extra hug and kiss goodbye from me. When she’d been very young and hadn’t understood the implications of divorce, she’d asked if I could go out with them, which had broken my heart and made me hate John even more for leaving us. Now time had passed and we’d all adjusted to the arrangements, so I gave her that extra hug and kiss and wished them a nice day out.

Once I’d seen them off, and while Joss slept, I set about some household chores. Just before midday Lucy telephoned and asked if she could stay a bit longer at her friend’s house, as her parents had invited her for lunch. They’d told her to check with me that it was all right and said they’d bring her home between three and four that afternoon. I said it was fine with me as long as it was all right with them, and reminded Lucy to thank them.

A few minutes later I heard Joss’s bedroom door open and I immediately went upstairs.

‘Are you all right, love?’ I asked, meeting her on the landing.

‘I’m going to have a long bath,’ she said.

‘That sounds good. Do you need anything?’

‘Could you bring me up a glass of water?’

‘Of course. Anything else? Are you hungry?’

‘Yes, but I’ll have my bath first.’

I thought it was a good sign that Joss was up and having a bath. I fetched the glass of water and then left her in the bathroom. She was in the bath for nearly an hour; I heard the water drain and then the bath refill. I understood she was probably trying to wash away the ‘dirt’ from yesterday and cleanse herself of the dreadful experience. It was a pity she couldn’t wash away the horrendous memory as well. While Joss was in the bath, Jill telephoned to see how she was. I told her she hadn’t got back until 4 a.m., had gone straight to bed and was now in the bath. I said that Linda had been very upset and was concerned about Joss’s statement.

‘Hopefully the police have enough to prosecute,’ Jill said. ‘Joss is going to need a lot of support.’

‘I know. Linda’s coming back later to see her.’

‘Good. I’ll speak to Amelia tomorrow, but if you have any concerns or need to speak to one of us today, call the usual number. I’m not on duty, but one of the team will help you.’

‘Thank you.’ I thought it was kind of Jill and a sign of her dedication as a support social worker that she’d telephoned on Sunday, her day off.

When Joss came down after her bath, having also washed her hair, she did look a bit fresher. I told her that her mother was planning on coming over later and I asked her what she’d like to eat. She said her stomach was rumbling, as she hadn’t eaten since yesterday afternoon, so I set about making her a cooked breakfast – brunch, really – and then sat at the table with her to keep her company while she ate. But as I sipped my coffee and made light conversation, I could feel the horror of what had happened the day before sitting between us like an unacknowledged wall, until I couldn’t ignore it any longer.

‘Joss, I won’t keep mentioning what happened, but if you want to talk, any time, day or night, you know I’m here to listen, and I’ll do what I can to help.’

‘Yes, I know,’ she said. ‘There is one thing.’

‘Yes?’ I asked, and set down my coffee.

‘Will I get my clothes back from the police?’

‘I don’t know, but you’ve got plenty and we can always buy some more.’

‘But those were my best jeans,’ she said.

‘We’ll replace them,’ I said without hesitation. And I thought it was another good sign that the old Joss who loved her clothes was still in there somewhere.

Shortly after we’d finished at the table, when Joss was in her room, Linda telephoned and said she was planning to visit in about half an hour, if that was all right with me. I said it was, and told her that Joss was up and dressed and had had a bath and something to eat.

Linda said, ‘So it sounds like Joss is recovering quickly. See you soon.’

I went upstairs and told Joss her mother was on her way, but she pulled a face, the old hostility towards her mother returning.

‘What’s she coming here for?’ she grumbled. ‘There’s no need.’

‘Your mother is very worried about you,’ I said. ‘You were pleased to see her last night.’

‘That was different,’ Joss said.

I was disappointed. I had hoped that the bond I’d seen between Joss and her mother last night would continue, although I could see why it hadn’t. Last night, after that brutal attack, Joss was a scared and frightened child again, in need of her mother’s love and comfort. Now she was feeling a bit better, her guard was back up.

‘Be nice to your mother,’ I said. ‘She was very upset last night – we all were.’

‘Whatever,’ Joss said dismissively, and turned away.

I didn’t feel able to tell her off, given what she’d been through, so I said, ‘I’ll call you when she arrives,’ and came out.

Five minutes later the grey, overcast skies that had threatened rain finally delivered as promised, and it began to pour down. Toscha shot in through the cat flap, hating the feel of water on her fur, then sat in the living room staring out through the patio doors with her tail lashing, annoyed that she couldn’t go outside and catch more crane flies, which were abundant at this time of year. I wondered where John, Adrian and Paula would go in the rain; to the cinema or the leisure centre possibly – that’s where they often went when the weather was bad. By the time Linda arrived the storm was peaking; thunder crashed overhead and lightning flashed on the horizon.

‘What a day!’ she exclaimed, closing her umbrella and leaving it in the porch. ‘I could hardly see out of the windscreen.’

I thought Linda seemed much brighter now and far more composed.

‘Did you manage to get some sleep?’ I asked as she took off her coat and I hung it on the coat stand.

‘A little, and Eric and I have had a good chat, which helped a lot.’

‘That’s good. I’ll tell Joss you’re here. She’s in her bedroom.’

‘Cathy,’ Linda said, lowering her voice and placing her hand on my arm to stop me. ‘Could I speak with you first, please, alone? There’s something I need to tell you before I see Joss.’

‘Yes, of course,’ I said, wondering what it was. ‘Let’s go into the living room.’

I switched on the light, as the storm had made the room dark. Rain was sheeting against the window and Toscha was trying to dab the rivulets of water through the glass. Linda sat on the sofa and I took the chair, just as we had in the early hours, and I waited to hear what she wanted to tell me. After a moment she leaned forward slightly and looked at me carefully.

‘Eric and I have been talking, going over everything Joss claimed happened last night, and I’m sorry to say we’ve come to the conclusion that she’s made it all up.’

I stared at her, shocked. ‘No, that’s not possible. Not the attack?’

Linda nodded solemnly. ‘Yes, all of it.’

‘But why?’ I asked, amazed.

‘For attention,’ Linda said.

‘No. I’m sure you’re wrong. Joss wouldn’t do that.’

‘It wouldn’t have occurred to me either if Eric hadn’t said it, but then it made perfect sense. Think about it, Cathy. There are no witnesses. It’s only Joss’s word against theirs. Chelsea was conveniently ill. Joss has been doing all she can to get attention, but we’re not shocked any more by her bad behaviour, and you’ve been coping with it. So she needed to stage something really dramatic to get attention, and it doesn’t get more dramatic than crying rape.’

I stared at her, my mouth dry, my heart racing from shock. ‘But you saw how distraught Joss was last night after the attack. She couldn’t have made it up. And there were bruises on her face.’

‘They could have come from anywhere. Perhaps she fell over or got in a fight. Don’t kid yourself; Joss is very good at theatricals. She says she’d like to be an actress when she’s older. Look at all the lies she’s told us in the past. You, me, her social worker and teachers have all been taken in.’

‘But the police believe her,’ I said, my thoughts reeling. ‘They are taking it seriously. And Joss was examined by a doctor. That should help prove she’s telling the truth.’

‘The doctor couldn’t or wouldn’t tell me anything yesterday other than she’d taken some swabs and they’d be sent to the lab for testing. Eric and I are sure the results will come back negative or inconclusive, so there won’t be any evidence. The guys involved will deny it and back each other up, so there won’t be a prosecution. You wait and see. I bet we’re right.’

I was stunned. What Linda was saying was to some extent plausible, but I still couldn’t believe that Joss would make it all up. ‘So you really think Joss is lying?’ I asked incredulously.

‘Yes, we do,’ Linda said.

Joss must have been outside the door and heard what her mother had said, for she now burst into the room.

‘He would say that, wouldn’t he!’ she shouted, eyes blazing, advancing towards her mother. ‘You believe everything that fucking idiot tells you!’

For a moment I thought she was going to hit her mother, and I was on my feet. ‘Joss!’ I said firmly, taking her arm. ‘Calm down and sit down. We can talk.’

‘I’m done with talking to her,’ Joss yelled, jabbing a finger towards her mother. ‘She always takes his side. It’s his fucking fault it happened. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him!’

With her fists clenched and her face white with rage, Joss turned and stormed out of the room.

‘Joss!’ I called, going after her.

‘I’m going to my room,’ she yelled. ‘Tell me when she’s gone. They can both go to hell!’ She began upstairs.

At that moment the front door opened as Lucy let herself in, having returned from her friend’s sleepover. ‘Hi,’ she said, smiling. And then, seeing Joss, ‘Oh no. Not again,’ she sighed, her face clouding.

‘I’m sorry, love,’ I said. ‘Joss is upset and her mother is in the living room.’ Joss’s bedroom door slammed shut overhead.

‘We’ll catch up later,’ Lucy said. I would normally have spent time with her hearing about the sleepover. ‘I’ll unpack. Do you want me to look in on Joss?’

‘Yes, please. Thank you, love,’ I said gratefully.

As Lucy went upstairs I returned to the living room, thankful I had such an understanding family.

‘See what I mean?’ Linda said. ‘Joss loves a good scene.’

‘But I can understand why she’s upset,’ I said, sitting on the sofa. ‘The last time she saw you, you were sympathetic and supportive, and now you and Eric are accusing her of lying.’

‘Well, she is,’ Linda persisted. ‘And she’s angry with me because I’ve seen through her lies.’

I still wasn’t convinced. ‘You may be right,’ I said despondently. ‘But until the police prove differently I think we need to believe Joss. Can you imagine what it would do to her if she is telling the truth, and she’s had the courage to report the attack, and we didn’t believe her?’

This wasn’t what Linda wanted to hear. ‘Well, that’s up to you,’ she said tartly. ‘But I agree with Eric, and tomorrow we’re going to phone the social worker and the police and tell them the truth.’

‘But we don’t know what the truth is,’ I said. ‘There’s no real evidence to say Joss has made it all up.’

‘There’s no evidence to say she hasn’t,’ Linda said. ‘But when the police start investigating, Joss’s story won’t stack up.’

I didn’t want to antagonize her by disagreeing further, so I chose my words carefully. ‘I’ve been fostering for a long time and in my experience children usually tell the truth. I know some do make up allegations, but the majority do not. So until there is firm evidence to the contrary, I have to believe Joss and support her as best I can.’

‘That’s up to you,’ she said, and stood ready to leave.

‘If you stay a while longer, I could try to persuade Joss to come down and we could all talk about it,’ I said.

‘I don’t think that will help,’ Linda replied tersely, and she took a step towards the living-room door. ‘And to be honest, Cathy, I’ve had enough of all this. Joss and her lies. I’m exhausted and sick of it all.’

She went down the hall and pulled her coat from the stand. ‘Tell Joss I said goodbye,’ she said. ‘And for all our sakes, try to persuade her to tell the truth.’

I opened the front door and we said an awkward goodbye. The rain had stopped now, but the sky was inky black, suggesting that another downpour wasn’t far away. I closed the door. My heart was heavy and my thoughts were in chaos. While I could appreciate what Linda had said about Joss lying in the past and her theatrical outbursts, I couldn’t make the huge leap that she and Eric had to decide Joss was lying about this.