Читать книгу A Daughter’s Sorrow - Cathy Sharp, Cathy Sharp - Страница 7

‘Harry Wright did what to you?’ Lainie stared at me in horror. ‘Did he hurt you, Bridget? He didn’t manage to … well, you know …?’

‘Careful,’ I warned, ‘I don’t want Tommy to hear. If he were to tell Jamie – you know what would happen. I don’t want Jamie in more trouble.’ I glanced at Tommy, who was playing with a cat in Bridie Macpherson’s back yard and eating an apple.

‘He would go after that bastard for sure,’ Lainie said. ‘He deserves a thrashing for what he did to you.’

‘But then Jamie would go to prison.’

‘Let that devil wait until I see him,’ she said. ‘I’ll have a thing or two to say to him. You should have told Sergeant Jones. He would have sorted him out for you.’

‘I couldn’t. It’s too embarrassing. Don’t let’s talk about it any more. I’m all right. My head was sore for a bit and it gave me a nasty feeling inside, but I’m over it now.’

‘Nothing bothers you for long, does it? If I’d been more like you maybe I wouldn’t have quarrelled with Mam so much.’

‘It was Mam’s fault not yours. Her temper is getting worse all the time.’

‘That’s the drink,’ Lainie said. ‘She guzzles too much of that rot gut stuff from the Feathers. It’s not like good whisky, Bridget. I’m after thinkin’ it’s turned her mind.’

‘You don’t mean that?’

‘It seems that way to me. She wasn’t this bad a few years back, but it’s been coming on for a while … since Da left.’

‘That made things hard for her, Lainie.’

‘She was better off than a good many. I’ve tried to work it out, but I’ve never understood why she’s so hard … so bitter.’

Mrs Macpherson had come into the yard to tell us there was a pot of tea and cakes waiting. ‘You can have your tea with your sister, Lainie,’ she said. ‘Then I need you in the kitchen. We’ve an extra guest this evening and he wants his dinner at six.’

‘I should be going soon anyway,’ I said. ‘It was good of you to let Lainie have time off to talk to us, Mrs Macpherson.’

People might say she was hard on her girls, but I thought Lainie was lucky. Mam would have me at it night and day if she could, and some nights I was so tired I could hardly wait to get my things off and go to bed.

‘Lainie’s a good worker,’ she said. ‘I was pleased to get her, but don’t expect to visit every week. Once a month will suit me, and Lainie gets a half-day every other week.’

We followed Mrs Macpherson into the hotel. She’d set a tray in the little back parlour and she’d been generous with slices of seed cake and treacle tart. Tommy fell on them with delight, wolfing down two slices of each.

‘Don’t make yourself sick,’ I warned, but Lainie smiled and ruffled his hair.

‘Let him enjoy himself, Bridget. Bridie won’t expect any left over. She’s always generous with food, even if she does drive us girls hard.’

‘Is it all right here, Lainie?’

‘It’s better than being at home with Mam after me all the time. And I shall go with Hans as soon as he gets back.’

‘When will that be, Lainie?’

‘He said it would be a short voyage this time. He always stays here and he’ll be surprised to find me waiting for him.’

‘I hope he comes soon,’ I said and felt an odd chill that I couldn’t explain at the back of my neck. ‘I want you to be happy.’

‘Don’t worry about me …’ She paused, wrinkling her nose. ‘I’m going to talk to Hans about you and Tommy. When we’re settled – I might send for you both.’

‘Do you mean it? Would Hans let us? You don’t want to spoil things for yourself.’

‘You don’t know Hans if you think that,’ she said confidently. ‘He’s so good to me, Bridget. I think he would give me the moon if he could …’

Mrs Macpherson was looking at us from the doorway. I jumped up and caught Tommy’s hand. ‘Thank you for the lovely tea,’ I said. ‘We’ll be going now.’

She nodded her approval, ruffling Tommy’s hair as we passed by. ‘You’ve got good manners, Bridget,’ she said. ‘If you ever want to leave home I could find work for you here.’

‘Thank you. It’s generous you are, Mrs Macpherson. I shan’t forget.’

It was cold outside and I shivered, pulling my shawl tighter around me as we passed a gentleman who was about to enter the hotel. He was carrying a large bunch of crimson chrysanthemums and something about his manner made me look at him and smile.

‘Someone is going to be lucky,’ I said. ‘Aren’t they lovely – really big heads and that sort always smells so good.’

He glanced at me, surprised at first and then he replied with an answering smile, ‘They are rather special, aren’t they? I bought them for a friend.’

‘Did you get them from Maisie?’ I asked, chattering on because he seemed such a pleasant man. His clothes told me he didn’t belong in the area; they were too smart – too expensive. I thought he must be gentry, perhaps a country gentleman in town on business and calling on a friend. ‘She had some on her stall yesterday.’

‘What an observant young lady you are,’ he said. ‘Yes, I bought them from Maisie. I usually visit her whenever I’m this way.’

‘On business I suppose?’

I wondered at myself even as I spoke. Normally, I wouldn’t have asked a stranger questions, but I was curious about him. He didn’t look as if he were one of Mrs Macpherson’s regular guests, but he was clearly about to go inside.

‘Business and pleasure,’ he replied looking amused. ‘Bridie is a friend of mine – the flowers are for her. I visit her now and then … When I’m here on business, as you said.’

‘Oh …’ I flushed as I realized that he was laughing at me. ‘I shouldn’t have asked …’

‘I don’t mind.’ He offered me his hand. ‘I am Philip Maitland – and who do I have the honour of addressing?’

‘Bridget O’Rourke,’ I said, suddenly shy as I felt the warm clasp of his hand about mine. ‘My sister Lainie is working for Mrs Macpherson and Tommy and me have been visiting – and I talk too much!’

‘Ah – Miss Bridget O’Rourke,’ he said and nodded. ‘So that’s the source of that delightful accent … just a trace of Irish and very attractive if I may be permitted to say so. Perhaps we shall meet again one day?’

‘Yes, perhaps.’ I was beginning to feel embarrassed. ‘I have to go now.’

‘In that case I must not delay you.’

‘Did you know him?’ Tommy asked when we were out of earshot. ‘Mam will belt you if she knows you were makin’ up to a toff, Bridget.’

‘He was a gentleman. And Mam won’t know, because I shan’t tell her – and you mustn’t either.’

‘You know I wouldn’t tell on you,’ Tommy said giving me a reproachful look. ‘But Tilly Cullen went past while you were laughin’ with him, and you know what she’s like.’

‘Well, we’ll just have to hope she doesn’t tell Mam. Besides, we weren’t doing anything wrong – just talking.’

But I crossed my fingers and hoped Mam wouldn’t hear anything.

She was in an unusually mellow mood when we got in. She grumbled at me and asked where I’d been, but accepted it when I said we’d been to visit Lainie.

‘Mrs Macpherson gave us tea,’ I told her. ‘She says we can visit again next month if we want.’

‘If that slut of a sister of yours is still there. But at least you’ve had your tea so you can get on with cleaning the bedrooms. Mr Phillips has gone on a visit of his own, but he’s paid his rent in full for next week – so we shan’t have to feed him. And he bought me a present.’ She stroked almost lovingly the bottle of good Irish whisky standing on the table in front of her. ‘Well, what are you waiting for?’

‘Do I have to do his room tonight, Mam? If he’s away the week … All right, but I only polished it through two days ago.’

‘Well, you can do it again – and less of your cheek, miss. Or you’ll feel the back of me hand.’

She took a swipe at me as I went past her, but her heart wasn’t in it for once and I was able to avoid the blow. She was pouring herself a glass of whisky as I collected my polishing rags and went through to the parlour. Tommy came clattering up the stairs after me. His face had lost the bright look it had worn all afternoon and I could see that he was close to tears.

‘What’s the matter, me darlin’?’

‘Mam told me to get out of her way. What’s wrong with her, Bridget? Maggie Ryan gets cross with Billy sometimes, but she’s not like Mam.’

I took hold of his hand, leading him into my bedroom and we sat on the bed. He had a little coughing fit, so I waited for him to finish.

‘I don’t know why she’s the way she is, Tommy. I don’t mind her getting at me, but I wish she would be kinder to you.’

‘I wish we could run away together. When I’m grown up I’m going to America to make my fortune and then you can come and live with me. I’ll take care of you, Bridget. Mam won’t shout at you then.’

‘I don’t mind her grumbling,’ I told him and kissed the top of his head. ‘Why don’t you slip next door with Billy and Maggie? I’ll come and fetch you when it’s time for bed.’

He nodded, clearly still troubled, and rubbed at his chest as if it hurt him. ‘Do you ever wish she would die, Bridget?’

‘No, of course not – and nor must you. It would be a mortal sin and you know what Father Brannigan would have to say about that, don’t you?’ The priest was his teacher at the Catholic school he attended, and Tommy respected him. He nodded but looked miserable as I continued: ‘I know Mam has a terrible temper, darlin’, but I don’t wish her harm. One day you and me will go away together.’

‘You should marry Ernie Cole,’ Tommy said and grinned as I pulled a face. ‘He’s sweet on you, our Bridget. You’re a real looker with them green eyes o’ yours. Ernie would come courting if you gave him half a chance.’

‘Get off next door, you cheeky monkey. I’ve work to do!’

I smiled to myself as he laughed and ran out, thinking about what he had said for a moment, but I sneaked a look at myself in the mirror. I supposed I wasn’t bad looking, my hair had reddish tints sometimes and my eyes were a bit green. I knew Ernie liked me, but I doubted he had any thoughts of marriage. I’d seen him off to the pub on Friday and Saturday nights, and the company he chose told me that he wasn’t thinking of settling yet.

I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to be taken out by Ernie – or anyone else come to that. I supposed that I might think of marriage one day, though I was a bit wary of getting trapped into the kind of marriages that some of my neighbours endured.

Anyway, there wasn’t much chance of my getting married, I didn’t have time to go courting.

Tommy’s cough was getting worse again. I wrapped a scarf I’d knitted around his neck as I sent him off to school.

‘Don’t stand about in the cold wind,’ I told him. ‘And ask Father Brannigan if you can stay in at break. Tell him I told you to ask.’

‘I’m all right,’ Tommy said, but he looked pale and he’d been awake half the night with his cough. ‘Can we visit Lainie tomorrow?’

‘Yes, I should think so. I spoke to Mrs Macpherson as I was walking home last night from the brewery. She said she was expecting us and I was to be sure to bring you, as she would have a special treat for you.’

Tommy’s face lit up and he gave me a quick hug, then ran off to call for Billy Ryan. Mam was still in her room; she’d grumbled about having a headache and told me to cook the lodger’s breakfast when I’d gone to call her earlier. I was still at the sink washing the dishes when Maggie Ryan opened the door and asked if she could come in.

‘O’ course you can.’ I dried my hands on a bit of towel. ‘I’ve done now, but I’ve time for a cuppa before I go to work if you fancy one? I could take one up to Mam – she’s feeling a bit under the weather the mornin’.’

‘Don’t you bother for me, Bridget love,’ Maggie said. She hesitated uncertainly for a moment. ‘It was your Tommy I came about, Bridget. He’s been after coughin’ again all night. Tell me to mind my own business if you like, but shouldn’t you be thinkin’ of takin’ him to the doctor?’

‘Do you think I ought, Maggie?’ Her words had echoed thoughts I had been trying to keep at bay. ‘Does he seem poorly to you? I asked Mam but she said it was just a chill, told me she’d no money to waste on visits to doctors.’

‘I’ve been wondering if I should tell you,’ Maggie said and again she was hesitant. ‘Our Billy says he was coughin’ up blood the other day in the playground.’

‘Blood? Maggie, no! Do you think he’s got …’

I couldn’t bring myself to say the word. Consumption was such a terrible illness. Children in the slum areas caught all kinds of nasty diseases, such as rickets and worms and a hundred and one other things, but consumption was contagious and they usually sent people in the final stages to the isolation infirmary, which was a horrible place.

‘Ah, don’t take on so, Bridget. Mick said as I shouldn’t say anything – you’ve troubles enough so you have – but it’s been on my mind.’

‘I’m glad you told me. I shall have to speak to Lainie – see what she thinks. We’re visiting her tomorrow. Tommy is looking forward to it.’

I glanced up at the ceiling as I heard a thumping noise upstairs. ‘It sounds as though Mam’s getting up. She had a headache this mornin’. Are you sure you won’t stay for a cup of tea, Maggie?’

‘No, I’m off to the market.’ She paused, then: ‘If there’s anythin’ I can do at any time, Bridget. I know it must be hard for you … the way things are with your mam.’

‘Thank you, Maggie. I shall have to run now or I’ll be late for work.’

‘I’ll call upstairs to your mam,’ Maggie said. ‘You get off, love. You’re in more of a hurry than me.’

‘Bless you, Maggie.’

I grabbed my shawl from the hook behind the door. Mrs Dawson had been quite sharp with me recently. She wouldn’t be happy if I was late again.

As I hurried through the lane to the brewery, my thoughts were with my brother. What would happen to Tommy if he had consumption? I knew that sometimes people went away to places where the air was better to get over it, but that was bound to cost money. We couldn’t afford to send Tommy to the mountains for a cure in some fancy hospital in Switzerland. Even the cost of a visit to the doctor was going to stretch my slim resources, but somehow I would find the money.

I thought of Tommy’s pale face as I’d sent him off to school that morning, and my heart caught with pain. What would I do if anything happened to him?

Lainie was looking pleased with herself when I saw her that Saturday afternoon. I asked if she’d heard from Hans, but she shook her head, a little smile on her mouth.

‘Why are you smiling like the cat that got the cream then?’

‘Am I?’ She touched something at her throat and I saw that she was wearing a heavy gold cross and chain. ‘I wonder why …’

‘Where did you get that? I’ve never seen you wear it before.’

‘A friend gave it to me …’ She laughed huskily, a sly look in her eyes. ‘Don’t look at me like that, Bridget. It was a gift, that’s all. I didn’t do anything for it – nothing wrong anyway.’

‘What will Hans say if he sees you wearing it?’

‘I can’t help it if men find me attractive,’ she said, looking sulky. ‘Hans said he would be back before now. If he’d come when he promised I wouldn’t have met … someone else.’

‘I thought you said you loved Hans?’

‘I do … in a way,’ she said and there was guilt in her eyes. ‘But … this other person … well, he treats me as if I were special.’

‘Hans wants to marry you,’ I reminded her.

‘I shall marry him when he comes back,’ she said, sounding cross. ‘I’m just having a little fun, Bridget. Besides, what has it got to do with you? You’re not my keeper. You’re nearly as bad as Mam.’

‘If that’s the way you feel I might as well go …’ I got up to leave but she caught at my hand.

‘Ah no,’ she said, giving me a shamefaced look. ‘Don’t go, me darlin’. I don’t want to quarrel with you.’

‘No, we shan’t quarrel over it,’ I said and sat down again. ‘But be careful, Lainie. You’ve always told me that Hans was a good man. Don’t throw his love away for a necklace.’

She smiled and tucked the cross inside her dress and I knew she wasn’t listening. ‘Forget it,’ she said. ‘I shall probably never see the other one again …’ She frowned as she heard Tommy coughing. ‘He doesn’t seem to get any better.’

‘Maggie said her Billy saw him coughing up blood in the playground.’

‘Oh, Bridget! You’d better take him to the doctor. Here –’ she felt in her pocket and brought out three florins – ‘this should cover a visit, but send word if you need more and I’ll get some for you.’

‘Are you sure? Will it leave you short?’

‘I can manage. Tommy is the important one. You take him to the doctor, but don’t let Mam take that money off you. She’ll only spend it on the drink.’

‘I know …’ I sighed. ‘Every morning she says she’s got the headache. She doesn’t get out of bed until I go to work and she hardly lifts a finger in the house.’

‘You mean she lets you do everything? She’s a lazy slut, Bridget. It would serve her right if you upped and left her.’

‘I sometimes wish I could walk out like you did,’ I said. ‘But there’s no sense in wishing for the moon. Tommy and me couldn’t manage on our own – not until I’m earning more.’

Lainie nodded, a brief flash of guilt passing across her face. ‘I know what I promised, Bridget, and as soon as Hans comes I’ll talk to him. I can’t understand why he hasn’t come before this. He’s usually only gone for two to three weeks.’

‘Perhaps the ship was delayed.’

‘Yes, that’s probably it. They’ve had to wait for a cargo.’

‘What about this other feller – you aren’t serious about him?’

‘O’ course not, darlin’. He was just passin’ the time o’ day, and he gave me a cross because I happened to say I’d always wanted a nice one. He’s a nice man, Bridget, and always polite. It made me think about another kind of life, away from the docks and all this, but I’ll settle for Hans. Don’t you worry …’

Lainie had told me not to worry about her, but I’d seen the sparkle in her eyes when she’d shown me the gold cross and chain, and I knew she was more taken with this other man than she would admit. I hoped she wouldn’t be foolish over him – whoever he was – and not just because Lainie was my only hope of getting away from Mam.

I fingered the three florins in my pocket, thinking about where best to hide them. If Mam found them she wouldn’t hesitate to take them for herself and I needed them for Tommy.

‘And how are you this afternoon, Bridget?’

I was startled by the question, and turned round to see Fred Pearce just behind me. For once he wasn’t trundling his old cart, which was why I hadn’t been aware of his approach. Fred was usually to be seen collecting what other people left as rubbish in the streets, old bottles that he took back to the brewery for a few pence a load and other things he discovered on rubbish tips. The kids laughed and threw horse dung at him when they saw him, and most people turned the other way when he spoke to them, thinking him a dirty old tramp, but I had always found Fred pleasant to talk to. Sometimes he looked sad when we met, but he usually brightened up once we’d had a chat.

‘I’m all right, thank you,’ I said. ‘How are you, Mr Pearce?’

‘Well enough,’ he said and frowned as Tommy started coughing. ‘That’s a nasty cough, lad.’ He felt in his pocket and came out with two pennies, which he handed to Tommy. ‘Get yourself some sweets …’

‘Thanks, Mr Pearce …’

Tommy ran off towards the shop at the corner of our lane and I looked at the old man. ‘That was kind of you,’ I said, knowing that he worked hard for the coppers he earned from the brewery and the rag and bone yard. ‘He’s been coughing for a while now. I’m going to take him to the doctor this week, but he doesn’t know yet. He won’t like it much.’

‘You take him just the same,’ Fred said. ‘I don’t like the sound of that cough. You look after him, Bridget … before it’s too late.’

‘Yes, I will,’ I said and watched as he shuffled off down the lane.

Fred Pearce was a mystery. No one seemed to know much about him, except that he lived in a detached house right at the end of our lane. He seldom opened the door to anyone, but Maude Brown, who lived opposite, said it was like a junkyard inside. I had sometimes wondered how he managed alone, but he was fiercely independent and would never accept help from anyone, preferring to keep himself to himself.

I remembered that the man who had come to my rescue the night I was attacked by Harry Wright had said he was visiting Fred Pearce … and that was odd in itself. I hadn’t thought Fred encouraged visitors and Joe Robinson hadn’t been from around here. At least, I hadn’t seen him before or since that night, so I supposed he had come from away somewhere.

My mind returned to my own worries. I didn’t know what to do about Mam’s deterioration, which I believed was to do with her drinking, and now I had Tommy to think about – and that was much worse.

‘And where would you be getting money for doctor’s visits?’ Mam lunged at me, trying to grab me, but I dodged back, avoiding her and the blow I knew was coming. ‘If you’ve been down the docks with a man I’ll flay the skin off your back!’

‘Don’t be daft, Mam. I told Lainie Tommy was coughing up blood and she gave me some money.’

‘And we all know where that little tramp gets her money. She’s a slut and a whore,’ Mam said and grunted as she flopped down in her chair by the stove, clearly out of breath. She rubbed at her chest as though it hurt. ‘She’ll come to a bad end, your sister.’

‘Lainie earns her money working for Mrs Macpherson. Why do you say those things about her?’

‘I thought she was getting married? What’s happened to that feller she was after marryin’?’

‘Hans is still away. It’s a longer voyage this time. He’ll marry her when he gets home.’

‘That remains to be seen.’ Mam rubbed at her chest. ‘So what did the doctor say then?’

‘I’ve got to take Tommy back next week.’

‘And what’s that going to cost? I’ve trouble enough making ends meet as it is without paying for doctors.’

‘Lainie said she’ll give me the money.’ Mam rubbed at her chest again. ‘What’s wrong, Mam? Have you got a pain in your chest?’

‘It’s all the worry of you and your brother,’ she muttered. ‘I’ve warned you, Bridget O’Rourke, you’ll be the death of me yet. What if your brother turns out to have the consumption? Have you thought about that? They’ll likely want to send him away – where will Lainie get the money for that? You should’ve left things as they were. Tommy will get over it—’

‘Or he’ll just get worse and die. Is that what you’re thinking, Mam?’ I noticed the fine red lines about her nose and a certain puffiness in her face. She was changing fast and it had to be the drinking that was dragging her down. ‘Well, I’m not going to let that happen without a fight. I care about him even if you don’t.’

‘You little bitch!’ She clawed up out of her chair suddenly and launched herself at me in a fury. Taken by surprise, I didn’t move fast enough and she punched me hard in the face, splitting my lip and sending me crashing back against the stove. I knocked my arm on the kettle and felt the sting of hot water as it spilled on to my hand. ‘I’ll teach you to criticize me …’

‘Stop it, Mrs O’Rourke!’ The shocked voice from the doorway halted her as she was about to launch herself at me again. ‘That is enough! Can’t you see Bridget is hurt?’

‘It was her own fault,’ Mam muttered and slumped down in her chair again. ‘Ah, but she’s a hard girl that daughter of mine, Mr Phillips. You don’t know how she talks to her poor old mother.’ Tears of self-pity were filling her eyes. ‘She’s no feelings for me at all.’

Mr Phillips shot her a look of disgust. ‘Was that water boiling, Bridget?’ he asked. ‘Let me look at it for you.’

‘It’s all right,’ I said. ‘It was just the shock. I’ll put some cold water on it.’

‘You should rub a little grease on it afterwards,’ he advised, ‘and bind it up with a bit of clean linen. And look, your lip is bleeding.’

‘Don’t worry, it will be all right,’ I said. ‘Was there something you wanted, Mr Phillips?’

‘No, no, it doesn’t matter,’ he said. ‘I was meaning to talk to Mrs O’Rourke but it will keep.’ He turned and went out of the kitchen with a glance of disgust for Mam.

She started on at me the minute she heard the front door shut behind him. ‘If he leaves we shall end up in the workhouse,’ she said and glared at me. ‘And it will be all your fault, Bridget.’

I was at the sink, plunging my hand in a bowl of cold water. The sting was beginning to go and I realized that I had been lucky – the water in the kettle had been hot but not at boiling point. I turned to look at her as I dried my hand.

‘I do my best to help you, Mam,’ I said. ‘But Tommy comes first with me. I don’t care what you do or say to me, but the minute you lay a finger on him we’ll be out of this house and you can manage for yourself.’

‘Get yourself out of my sight. Find yourself some work to do.’

‘I never stop working,’ I said as rebellion flared. ‘I’m going next door to talk to Maggie.’

‘You come back here! You’ll feel the back of me hand, girl!’

I ignored her and went out without speaking again. As I emerged into the street I saw Fred Pearce trundling by with his cart. He smiled and waved at me. I waved back, holding on to the tears that threatened to overcome me.

It was a freezing cold night and there was only just over a week to Christmas now, but it would be much the same as any other day in our house. I had been saving a few pence to buy something for Tommy, but I wanted to make it special for him. Especially if it … The emotion rose up in my throat to choke me. I leaned against the wall outside Maggie’s house, weeping.

‘What’s wrong, lass?’ I hadn’t noticed Ernie Cole approaching, but as I glanced up I saw that he was offering me a red spotted handkerchief. ‘Go on, it’s clean,’ he said, giving me an uncertain look. ‘Ma washed and ironed it this mornin’.’

‘Thank you.’ I accepted it gratefully and blew my nose, gulping hard to stop myself crying. I gave him a watery smile. ‘It’s not clean now. I’d better keep it and wash it before I give it back to you.’

‘You do whatever yer want, Bridget,’ he said. ‘Ma will ring a peal over me ’ead for losin’ it, but I’ll keep me mouth shut. Is there somethin’ I can do to ’elp yer?’

His kindness and his broad cockney accent were comforting, as was the look of concern on his face. ‘There’s nothing you can do,’ I told him. ‘Tommy might be very ill – he might have to go away for a long time.’

‘I’d ’eard somethin’,’ Ernie said and looked sympathetic. ‘You mustn’t give up, Bridget. If ’e’s lucky he might get better at one of them places what they send ’em to sometimes.’

‘If he’s lucky. With our luck they’ll stick him in the infirmary and he’ll be dead within a year.’

The expression in Ernie’s eyes told me that that was his own true opinion. He took a step towards me. I moved back as he reached out for me, a thrill of fear shooting through me as I recalled the night Harry Wright had tried to rape me.

‘Don’t you dare touch me, Ernie Cole!’

The sharpness of my voice startled him. He looked surprised and then a little offended. ‘I wouldn’t hurt you,’ he said. ‘Surely you know that, Bridget? I’d cut off my right arm before I did wrong to you.’

‘I know …’ I hesitated, wanting to tell him I was sorry I had spoken so harshly, to explain what had been in my mind, but it was too shaming. ‘I am sorry, Ernie. I didn’t mean to offend you. Please leave me alone now. I have to see Maggie …’

I turned away in a fluster of embarrassment, wondering why it had disturbed me to see that hurt look in his eyes. I wasn’t going soft on him; I didn’t have time to think of courting anyone.