Читать книгу The CommFlow System - Christian Horak - Страница 8

Community is the first of the 7 keys of the CommFlowSystem I would like to address. As a reminder, the 7 keys are Community, Intent, Coherence, Clarity, Feedback, Flexibility, and Influence.

At this point you are probably asking. Why 7 keys, and not 5 or 10? Why these names? The answer is fairly simple. I like the number 7. It’s not quite 10, but substantially more than 3. And it gives me enough wiggle room to put the main communication aspects into the most appropriate chapter. Just like a belt system in Karate, there is a finite number of belts (keys), but an infinite level of skill you can achieve once you have achieved the black belt certification which proves you have mastered all the basics. In the CommFlowSystem, the equivalent of a Black Belt is being able to use all 7 keys in a conscious and methodical manner to unlock the gates of understanding and agreement.

Why "Community"? I chose this term because it has a very related word root with Communication itself. What we need to establish "comm-u-nication", is Comm-Unity, which means a common basis upon which to communicate in the first place.

We often forget this and take things for granted. Once of the first mistakes we make in communication is the assumption that our communication partners (the audience), is like us. As a matter of fact, very many times the audience is entirely un-like us, and if we make too many assumptions about "like-ness", they will dis-like us.

We all have experienced situations where communication flows easily. This is very often the case in a group of people that know one-another well, that have a common language, a common cultural bias, that share a context such as an event and that have the ability to perceive the full range of communications including body language, pheromones, tone of voice, appearance etc. When these parameters line up, we often hear the term "rapport" as in, "they are having a good rapport with x or y". In the case of good acquaintances, this often even leads to a form of "mind reading" where one person is finishing the sentences of the other person.

In many cases where communication fails or partially breaks down, we have failed to establish rapport, and in extreme cases, we even treat the audience in a way that provides our social brain with ample proof that it should trigger a threat response and reject you and your communication. (Go back to chapter 2 to read up on the Social Brain and the SCARF principle)

Here is a checklist of things to do before you initiate any communication, verbal or written. Try this out, and see how it will improve your communication success. (Note: This chapter is written with a fairly western bias towards culture and behavior. I am fully aware there are vast differences in other cultures but I have chosen to keep things focused for purposes of brevity)

Here is the Comm-Unity Checklist for preparing your communication. Check as many as you can and try to make this your second nature over time to unlock this gate of understanding and agreement. Even if you are not speaking/communicating 1:1, think about the "average" aspect of your community.

( ) Try to put yourself into the shoes of your audience. What is their background, their cultural bias, their purpose of being in the place they are in, their current situation, etc.

( ) What do you have in common with your audience? (Same language, culture, school, background, degree, associations, home town, … )

( ) What is personality style of the audience? (Thinking/data oriented, feeling/emotion oriented, action/results oriented, outgoing, quiet)

( ) What do you know about the culture of your audience (Country, language, religion, traditions)

If you have a good knowledge of the above areas, think about how you want to structure your communication up front. If you are walking into a communication situation "blind", try to establish as much common ground as possible before you engage.

Here are some examples:

In a public speech: Understand the agenda (what content came before, what content comes after your contribution). Understand the audiences intent of being here and try to engage the audience in some form of dialog as the first thing you do. For example ask for a show of hands on questions like: "How many of you are from this town?"

In a 1:1 direct face-to-face communication: Understand what the person has just finished doing and will do after you are done with the talk/chat/interview. Ask questions up front, before you jump into the middle of the dialog. Watch for common language (abbreviations, jargon, technical terms) and try to match the pace and manner of their speech.

On the phone: Ask if this is a good time to speak. Ask if talking on the phone is appropriate or if another form of communication is more appropriate. Share what you know about the person, "I hear you are just back from vacation".,etc.

Try this out the next time you start a communication. Especially when you are in a time of conflict. If you do this preparation well, you will see amazing effects just from a few minutes of mentally "walking in the shoes" of your audience.