Читать книгу Funk Toast and the Pan-Galactic Prom Show - Craig Nybo - Страница 17

Chapter 7

Meanwhile, Somewhere in the Collundrome Asteroid City...

Decompression before debarking the space bus took nearly an hour. Butch, Twana, Mindee Lee, and Bieber underwent a series of tests and procedures. InterTran knew about every single complication that could arise from acclimation to alien atmospheres. They planned for every contingency, partially for the safety of their passengers, partially to avoid InterTran lawsuits and out-of-court settlements.

After the InterTran clinicians had finished working them over with rigorous health checklists, given them a series of shots, and left them with bags of pills and instructions to avoid a litany of alien-born viruses, Twana and the others made their way to the debarking ramp.

As they exited the space bus, a wash of sensory overload hit them. The hangar bustled with activity. Creatures of many alien races worked the space station, driving vehicles from task to task, refueling and repairing spacecraft, unloading cargo, directing small and large ships to parking berths.

A creature with four arms and a face so white that Twana thought she might be a mime stood at the bottom of the ramp, both sets of arms crossed over her chest and belly. As the first of the space bus passengers reached her, she flicked a small device attached to her throat and spoke up. She used an alien language, but the little box translated her speech.

“Greetings, visitors to the Collundrome. We welcome you with open arms.” She spread all four of her arms expressively. “We expect sixty-thousand guests for this year’s event so it is important, for your safety, that you all register with the admissions office where you will receive a packet that will outline the many sights and wonders you will experience while visiting the Collundrome. As you know, due to tragic events of late on planet Earth, we have had to replace the headlining act with a new rock sensation. We are excited to present Funk Toast1 at their Pan-Gallactic Prom Show debut.”

A few Funk Toast fans shouted out their approval.

A crew of Bieber fans hissed out their disappointment.

“Now, if you will follow me, I will get you to admissions. Once you have watched a brief instruction video and picked up your packets, you will be free to walk about our little, underground city.

The four armed alien led the space bus passengers across the hangar through a large door. She conducted them down a hallway into an enormous elevator. Nobody made eye contact as they descended deep into the asteroid space venue.

The elevator door opened to a hustling center of commerce and activity. Shops and restaurants festooned the streets. Everything shined. The Collundrome management spared no expense when it came to the cleanliness and presentation of their little fabricated city, bored out of an asteroid.

The four-armed alien raised a hand and spoke up loud so everyone could hear. “This is the Collundrome’s main terminal. Here you will find a variety of activities, food, and other amusements. We invite you to explore our shops and other establishments during your stay. Now follow me.”

The four armed alien led the group out onto the street. The InterTran travelers, mostly Earthlings, gawked as they took in the expanse of the place, the diversity of alien races, the mixture of sights and sounds, the music, the lights, the draw of shops and amusement hot spots.

They walked to an administration building set up like a four-star hotel. A pair of one-eyed gorilla-sized aliens stood on either side of the voluminous entrance. The goons wore purple uniforms. Twana didn’t know if their job was to act as bellboys or security guards, probably a little of both. She waved sheepishly at one of them. The big alien sneered at her. She lowered her hand and followed the rest of the group into the building.

The four-armed alien led them to an assembly hall where the group split up into alphabetical order to pick up their packets--bright red plastic cases full of samples, gifts, brochures, and schedules.

An announcer’s voice screeched over an unseen PA system, asking them to move into the main assembly hall.

Twana, Bieber, Mindee Lee, and Butch stuck together as they shuffled along with the rest of the wave into an enormous chamber. A series of rails marked aisles and rows where creatures could stand and look up at large screens.

Since leaving the space bus, Twana had noticed several people wearing matching, black tee-shirts that read, I will always have Bieber Fever. A black and white half tone image of Bieber’s face had been screened next to the letters. She noticed more than one Bieber fan looking the clone up and down as he made his way through the crowd. Even with his hat, glasses and scarf, Bieber was a dead ringer for the real thing.

The enormous screens blinked to life. The Collundrome’s logo appeared, an abstracted asteroid, glittering with effects and trails of flash and stars. A sensual voice said, “Welcome, guests, to the most celebrated arena in the galaxy, the Collundrome, where dreams and reality meet at the same party. And now to introduce you to the wonders of our little asteroid city, we present Slink Arrowheart, Pan-Galactic Prom Show concert promoter.”

The video cut to a slurpy creature, more octopus than man. He stood in the center of a lavish office, decorated with artifacts from the furthest reaches of space and technology and art from the bleeding edge of fashion and function. Slink wore a silver, shiny suit and an ascot. He wore a pair of tri-lensed sunglasses.

He smiled with both of his mouths as he raised a quartet of tentacles in a welcoming gesture.

“What is that?” Twana asked.

“He’s a Slorrack,” Butch said. “I’ve heard about him, he’s a slippery one.”

“I personally welcome you to my home, the Collundrome. Here you will find everything you could ever want at your convenience and for a modest price. I am honored to be the promoter of the one-hundred-sixty-third annual Pan-Galactic Prom Show. And I personally guarantee, my friends, that what you will see on that stage will absolutely blow your minds.

“This year, I welcome some very special guests from Earth, the new space rock sensation, Funk Toast.”

A large faction of Bieber fans hissed and booed. Someone threw an empty bottle at one of the screens. It smacked the silver surface and crashed to the floor.

“On behalf of the staff here at the Collundrome, I would like to offer my deepest condolences to the friends, family, and fans of our dearly departed, Bieber. His memory lives on and I am sure he will be with us in spirit.”

Both Mindee Lee and Twana looked up at Bieber.

He smiled at them both in turn.

Slink went on. “You will find all of the information you need in your welcome packets. We are committed to making your stay at the Collundrome pleasant and full of joy. And so to all of you, I say, peace and let the adventures begin.”

Slink crossed two sets of tentacles over his chest and smiled with both of his mouths. The video dissolved to the Collundrome logo. Music faded up, energetic and percussive. The video blinked out and the lights faded up.

“Guests of the Collundrome,” the sensual announcer said over the PA system. “If you would please exit in an orderly manner through the ports to your right or left, we have another group standing by for the welcome presentation. You will find all of the necessary information in your welcome packets. Should you have any questions, please stop at one of our information desks where we have Collundrome representatives standing by to assist you. Enjoy your stay. Peace and let the adventures begin.”

Banks of doors on both sides of the assembly hall flew open. The crowd split in the middle and began to exit.

“We need to see Arrowheart,” Twana said to Butch as they moved toward one of the exits.

“That isn’t going to be easy,” Butch said.

Twana pouted.

As the four of them made their way to the exit, Butch stopped one of the Collundrome ushers, a creature with red skin. “Can you tell me where I can find a clothing store?” Butch asked.

“Head out the front doors of the building, take a right and walk three blocks. You’ll find HeartBeeps, our finest department store,” the creature said.

“What was that all about?” Twana asked as they finally reached the exit and went out into the lobby.

“Just follow me. I have an idea,” Butch said.

They found the front exit of the hotel, moved out onto the sidewalk, and followed the red usher’s directions.

1

Craig Nybo sings and plays bass guitar in the Funk Toast Band. Read his full biography at the end of this chapter.