Читать книгу The Lost Diaries - Craig Brown, Craig Brown - Страница 58

One reason that people used to vote Tory was that Tory MPs always wore lovely tweed suits. And they respected them for it. But nowadays they see them in off-the-peg grey or black suits, many of them two-piece and without watch-chains, and consequently they have no one to look up to. And we wonder why so many unmarried teenagers have triplets and nose-rings!

CHARLES MOORE

PM very buoyant. ‘The funny thing is that we are going to win the ’79 election by over 100 seats,’ he says. He adds that ‘ordinary people have no time for Mrs Thatcher. She just doesn’t understand them like we do. The last thing they want is to own their own homes, they much prefer them to be owned by us.’ He tells Cabinet that once the North Sea oil revenue starts coming in, we’ll be able to bury all those dead bodies everyone’s going on about.

Denis Healey pipes up that the corpses have only got themselves to blame. ‘Bloody layabouts,’ he says.

Tony Benn puts forward a major new plan he has drawn up to allow corpses to form a union of their own – ‘Something along the lines of The Union of the Recently Departed and Technically Deceased, or RDTD for short,’ he says. Cabinet agree that if we allowed them to feel a vital part of the wider Labour movement then when it came to making a fuss they wouldn’t have a leg to stand on.

The lovely Shirley Williams suggests that if the corpses are going to remain unburied, then it might be nice to decorate them, or wrap them in bright colours, so that ordinary, decent passers-by could feel better about themselves. The PM points out that Peter Jay thinks that corpses are good as a hedge against inflation. ‘And let’s face it, Peter’s dreadfully clever, they tell me he knows all about money.’

Lovely dinner at Mon Plaisir with Harold Lever who advises me to invest in the development of technology to turn unburied corpses into fuel. Finish with a lovely crème brûlée over which he kindly suggests that I might care to be the next but one Governor of the Bank of England (‘It would be very you, Bernard’), and taxi home by midnight.

BERNARD DONOUGHUE