Читать книгу A Sister's Power - Cydney Rax - Страница 9

Chapter 2

Racing Toward Freedom

Burgundy picked up her daughters from Coco’s, then decided to make a stop at Super Target. Her destination was the lingerie section.

When they reached the aisle where the intimate apparel was located, Natalia loudly asked, “What size bra are you looking for?”

“Um, what?” Burgundy said.

“I heard you talking to Dru on the phone yesterday. And you said you needed some new bras. I want to help you find some. What size?”

“Um, I wear a thirty-six, B cup.”

“Ok, you want black or white? Or you like pink or blue?”

“Uh, um. Black will do. Other colors are fine too. T-thanks, Nat.”

Natalia spun around to begin her search. She gazed at each rack that was low enough for her to view. She groped through a wide selection: pushup bras, sports, bustiers, and more. She mostly play-guessed at which ones to pick. And she instantly rejected those she thought her mother wouldn’t like.

Burgundy stood frozen in the aisle, startled with disbelief. In that moment, she felt like the kid and Natalia was the mother. “This is unreal,” she said out loud. “Things shouldn’t be this way. How’d they get this way?”

Natalia had always been the type of child who seemed wise beyond her years. At times she’d be silly and infantile, but other times she could grow keenly observant, outspoken, and developed an ability to repeat phrases that she’d often heard from adults. She could even mimic them as children were prone to do. Her behavior had become more noticeable ever since her father passed away.

Right then, as Burgundy debated if she should tell her daughter to knock it off and let her find her own bras, she felt a hard tap on her shoulder. Burgundy slowly turned around.

“Hey Sis,” Alita told her. “Let’s talk.”

She steered Burgundy further down the aisle.

“I heard what Natalia just said. She talks so loud I heard her before I saw her. And I know that child’s voice. And I—”

“Lita, please don’t start.” Burgundy tried to glance behind her but Alita cornered her. When she found Natalia gaping at them, Alita lead Burgundy a few feet down until they were safely tucked away from her daughter’s itching ears yet they were still within sight of Natalia.

“I know what you’re about to say,” Burgundy remarked. “But this Natalia thing that you heard or saw, well, let me tell you something. It’s been happening all week. Like, every single day. She blurts out whatever’s on her mind. A lot. And I’d rather she speak up and shock the hell out of me than to suppress everything she’s feeling.”

“But her talking to you like she’s on your level, it’s so odd.”

Burgundy sighed. “Yeah, it’s different. I don’t know what to make of my daughter sometimes but no matter what she does, I love her to death.”

“I know you love her, but you need to make sure that she doesn’t skip her childhood. And from what I just saw, she’s acting too grown, and I don’t like it.”

“I know, Sis. I think it’s because she’s still grieving. Natalia was her father’s little princess. She wants to have her say, and continue playing the role of the Queen of the Universe.”

Alita wanted to angrily scoff at Burgundy’s declaration, but she thought twice.

“Yeah, I know Nate loved her and spoiled her like she was that Meghan Markle chick or something. But,” Alita said and glanced behind her back, “This is the real world, not a movie. She’s not an adult. Please, B, don’t let Natalia get away with that. And if you can’t find the strength to do it just say the word and I will—”

“No, Lita. She’s my child and I’m the one who decides how to handle Natalia. Case closed.”

Seconds later Natalia fled to her mother’s side. “I heard you talking. You sounded upset. You good?”

“Natalia, how long have you been standing there?”

“I wasn’t snooping, Mommy. I was having fun shopping. But I heard my name. Is everything all right?”

“Everything’s fine, sweetheart.”

“Am I in trouble?”

“No, Nat! Go and run along, just a few more minutes okay?”

“Okay.” She abruptly raced into Burgundy’s arms. “I love you, Mommy. I just want to see you smile. I want to do a good job.” She held up one of the bras that she’d found.

“Um, no wire bras, sweetie. I hate those. Find push-up if you can.”

“Ok, I’ll do better, Mommy.”

“You’re doing a great job, little lady. Keep it up.”

At the surprise compliment that made her little heart feel empowered, Natalia took her sweet time walking away, looking back at Alita as if to mock her.

“That one there . . . is a piece of work,” Alita told Burgundy.

“And that ‘piece of work’ is my baby girl. Don’t you see that she’s trying her best to show me love?”

“I don’t know about all that.”

“Alita, I’m done with this conversation. No matter how much you disagree with how Natalia’s acting, she’s my business way more than yours.”

Alita quieted down for a minute. Since her own mother, Greta Reeves, was the one who raised Elyse, she honestly had no clue of how it felt to parent a little girl. Maybe she could listen more and talk less.

Burgundy spoke up. “Lita, I’m not trying to be hard on you. I’m glad you’re concerned. We just need to give it some time. The psychiatrist said that—”

“Wait, hold up. Are you going to a shrink or are you sending Natalia?”

“Not a shrink. He’s a grief counselor. We both go. It feels good to talk to someone who understands.”

“Oh yeah?”

“I-I can’t always talk to family. Sometimes I can. But other times, it feels safer to admit all these weird, awful emotions that I have to a complete stranger. Someone who won’t judge me as harshly as family. Not you, of course, Alita. You know I’m not talking about you.”

“Hey, I caught that. And I apologize for sounding too harsh. But if you believe that Natalia is just trying to love you and help you in her own way, then hear me out and trust that I want to do the same thing. I care about y’all even if I have a hard time showing it.”

Burgundy gave a tired smile that allowed her to overlook her sister’s plainspoken nature. “I know what you say comes from a good place, Lita. But what you’ve got to remember is that we’re treading on unfamiliar territory. You have no idea how I suffer from guilt, so much guilt, on some days.”

“I heard that. I guess I should believe you, seeing as though I never had a spouse die on me, even though Leonard’s wack ass should have croaked a long time ago.”

“Please, Sis. Don’t even joke like that. Being suddenly single when you never planned for it is nothing to laugh about. Things aren’t always as they seem.”

“School me on it then.”

“Alita Washington. You’re divorced. You’ve bumped heads with your ex. But you’ve met a great new guy since the divorce from Leonard. It’s apparent that Shade Wilkins is good for you, good to you, and I’m glad you all are hitting it off. And although you think Leonard is ‘wack,’ it seems like you’re finally getting over him. Nothing’s perfect. But life is much better than it was. Do you agree?”

“You pretty much nailed it, B.”

“Good. You’re transitioning.”

“Hold up! What a minute.”

“Stop playing. I’m trying to say that you’re transitioning from what used to be to what’s going to be. You’ve survived the worst parts of your life of trying to be the best single mom to your son. And I think you’ve done a good job.”

“Why thank you, Sis.” Alita was startled by Burgundy’s compliment.

“But it didn’t happen overnight, right?”

“Right.”

“It took you time to get to this new place in life.”

“True that.”

“So if it took you some time to make these important changes, you need to cut my child some slack, and let us take time to get to our new place in life.”

For a rare, humble moment, Alita was speechless. Burgundy was right and arguing seemed pointless.

“I think you’re enjoying your new happiness so much, Lita, that you’ve forgotten how it feels for a woman to suddenly face new, frightening challenges that she never ever expected to experience. And trust me, I haven’t read a handbook on how to deal with every miserable thing I’ve personally gone through the past six months.”

Burgundy then noticed a man walk nearby. His facial features and body type reminded her of Nate. With one arm he pushed the shopping cart. The other arm was wrapped around a woman who probably was his wife. They looked comfortable and happy. And suddenly, Burgundy’s bottom lip began to tremble. She and Nate used to shop together when they had free time. And now she knew that simple human experience that she frequently took for granted when Nate was alive would never happen between them again.

“Lita, my having to become a mother and a father to two children and handle every responsibility by myself is a real adjustment. I can’t bounce ideas off their father anymore. I am their father. It feels like a bad dream. And every night when I go to bed, I wish I can wake up and none of this be true.”

“Oh, B. I’m so sorry. I’m an asshole.”

“You can be, but I understand. You don’t mean any harm, Lita.”

“Girl, you know I don’t. I-I’ve always had a mouth on me. You know that.”

“Hold up, Sis, because I want to share something else with you. You’re not the only one who has strong opinions.”

“Okay. Who else out here acts like me?”

“Nobody!” Burgundy had to laugh. “But anyway, you know how I attend Solomon’s Temple? I’ve taught classes there for many years. Some of the members look up to me. But not long ago, when the rumors spread and the word got out about Nate being accused of sexual assault, some people looked at me as if I had Hep C. They whispered behind my back. Some didn’t even want me working in the bookstore anymore. They acted like I was responsible for Nate’s actions.”

“Well, if they did that, then they’re simple ass church folk.”

“I wouldn’t say all that, Lita. It’s just that, and here is the tough part. I got mad at them for getting mad at me. And I know that in the beginning I defended my husband because I couldn’t imagine him sexually assaulting anybody. And so I believed him.”

“Humph, and that was crazy.”

“Lita, I was just trying to be the best wife and mother that I could possibly be. But the people kept gossiping. Things got worse. And a couple of members confronted me in the church hallway. It got ugly.”

“Who did it? Who was it?”

“It doesn’t matter, Lita. But back then, I hated how they made me feel that what Nate did was all my fault. Like I should have known better and I should have controlled him.”

“People are stupid.”

“These people’s stupid, hateful ways got under my skin. And one night, I pretty much attacked Nate.”

“What?” Alita laughed. “You did? How? How’d you do it?”

“I rushed at him when he was in the kitchen and I beat him across his chest. I balled up my fist and punched him in his forehead as hard as I could.”

“Wow. What else? Did you kick him in his nuts?”

“No, Lita. I wanted to though. But the things I did do made me look nothing like a woman who goes to church every other Sunday.”

“You were mad, B. Your own husband did shady shit behind your back. He was acting like a perv and you got sick of it. God can’t blame you for that.”

“I wasn’t worried about God being mad at me. I was worried about why I kept defending someone who shouldn’t have been defended. I thought I was going crazy.”

“B, you weren’t crazy. You were facing a tough reality.”

“There you go, Lita. I had to stop burying family secrets under a rug. And I finally got to the point, thank God, where I couldn’t make any more excuses for Nate. And so yeah. I cursed him out and hit him across his face; they were hard punches, Sis. I only got in four or five hits before he stopped me. You know Nate is strong and his arms are muscular.”

“I hope he didn’t hit you back.”

“No. He knew better.” Burgundy’s eyes moistened and it felt quite liberating to be upfront with her sister . . . to admit the truth and not sugarcoat her seemingly perfect life anymore.

“Anyway, our fight ended. I calmed down. He could have had me arrested for assault and battery but he didn’t. We ignored each other for a couple of days. And then we talked. We made up. This happened right before I went out of town to that restaurant convention in Seattle. I don’t think I told you but back when our legal problems intensified, I begged my husband to get a room at a motel so he could be there instead of at the house. At first, he fought me on it but then he agreed it was the best decision. He moved out,” Burgundy sighed. “Things got better. I felt more peaceful. But sometimes I let Nate come home so he could see the girls and help me with certain tasks around the house. I was mad at him but I still let him be Mr. Taylor, be a good daddy to his girls and still act like a husband to his angry, disgusted wife.”

“Ha. You’re a better woman than I am. I don’t know if I should admire you or call you the words I usually call you. But I don’t want to insult you in Target so I will leave that one alone,”

“Thanks, Lita. You’re so kind,” she said jokingly. “I’m saying all this to say that all of us are just flawed human beings. I’ve done a few things I’m not proud of. And my kids might be guilty of the same. Stop being so hard on them, please. Because nothing’s normal right now. And there’s no telling when they will get back to normal. And that’s just Act I of my story right now, Ms. Alita Washington.”

“Reeves, baby girl. I’m always a Reeves.”

Burgundy allowed herself to show a genuine smile. “Geez, Ms. Reeves, I’ve talked so much that my daughter has probably placed fifteen bras in the shopping cart by now.”

“She’s so grown you’d better hope she’s not trying to find bras that will fit her own chest.”

“Ha. That would be funny. Thank God she doesn’t have to wear a training bra yet. But Natalia has definitely acted more grownish. I think she feels like she needs to mother . . . her mother.” Burgundy gave a wry smile. “It’s shocking, but at the same time Natalia’s behavior is admirable. I like that she’s concerned. It proves that my daughter isn’t as narcissistic as I feared.”

“Mmm hmmm,” Alita murmured. She heard what Burgundy told her but she only believed half of it. She truly adored both of her nieces but didn’t have patience when kids acted like ‘entitled people-in-training.’

“Anyway,” Burgundy said. “Change of subject. What are you doing in Super Target? Aren’t you more of a Walmart type of chick?”

“Ha-ha, I know right. I don’t know, girl. I needed something that my neighborhood store didn’t have, and since I was in your area, I decided to take a chance and come here. And look who I run into.”

“You were in my neighborhood? Really?”

Alita had briefly moved in with Shade but recently he helped her get her own place on the southwest side of town. An affordable efficiency that was good enough for the moment; and he also financially helped her with a few of her utility bills.

“Alita, you don’t stay anywhere near here. And if I didn’t know any better, I’d swear you were going out of your way to check up on me.”

“Yeah, and so what? I can’t check on my sister?”

“Of course, you can. To know that you care, that Natalia cares, that anybody out here cares about me, well, I’m all for it. I need it.”

Right then Natalia cautiously approached her mother, breaking apart the nearness that Burgundy and Alita shared as they quietly talked in the lingerie aisle.

“Mommy, I’m sorry to interrupt. But I found six different bras you can try on. Two black, two white, a lavender one, and a red sports bra. They didn’t have blue.”

“Why thank you so much for finding these for me,” Burgundy said. She winked at Alita. “You’re such a big girl. Your daddy would be so proud of you.”

Natalia acted like she didn’t hear her mother’s reference to Nate. She stared at the panties that her mother had found earlier which were now sitting in her shopping cart.

Natalia frowned as she delicately picked up one pair of ‘barely there’ bikinis.

“Mommy, I don’t like these at all. You’d better put this back. I’ll do it for you.” Natalia grimaced and proceeded to slide the sexy underwear back onto the clothing rack.

Stunned, Burgundy could only shake her head.

Things had certainly changed for her and her family. It was humbling to admit that life was not in her control. That even though she was a meticulous planner who knew what she wanted from life and had an idea of when she wanted those things to happen, she felt resentful when she realized that she had no power over any of her plans.

* * *

Thirty-three-year-old Burgundy Reeves Taylor had been married a little more than one decade when she became a widow.

She never could have imagined that twelve years after she walked down the church aisle to marry her best friend, that she’d be back in church with him for a different reason: Standing in front of the altar, surrounded by family members and friends, staring at the taut, plastic, macabre face of Nate while he rested in a pine box.

Last fall, during his funeral, she shook countless hands and accepted hug after sympathetic hug from all kinds of people. It seemed like the procession of mourners would never end. When she had a moment to take a break, she noticed two women standing around who she did not recognize. The younger woman’s leg kept jerking. She frequently gave Burgundy the once-over, then looked away. The lady next to her wore a pinched face, no smile. She seemed both hostile and annoyed. Finally the nervous woman approached Burgundy.

“Hi,” she said.

“Hello.”

“I wasn’t sure if I should come up to you or not but I just wanted to tell you that I’m so sorry about what happened.”

“Thank you.” Burgundy paused as she gazed at the woman. She had almond shaped eyes, sensual lips, a decent figure that included wide hips, and large, rounded breasts that were the first thing one would notice when they saw her. She looked to be thirty-one.

“You have my deepest sympathies, ma’am.”

“I appreciate that. But we’ve never met. Who are you and how did you know my husband?”

“Well, you know, I just knew him that’s all. We were cool like that.”

“What do you mean?”

The Annoyed Lady came over and tugged on the other woman’s arm. Nervous Chick pulled away and continued babbling. “I was shocked when he died. And to be honest, when it comes to me and Natey—”

“Natey?”

“Yeah,” she said with a shrug. “That’s what I liked to call him. I don’t know if he liked it or not, but I did it anyway every time I saw him.”

Peeved, Burgundy told her, “Go on.”

“We were pretty tight. He’d see me eating alone at one of the restaurants that you all owned. And he’d be very nice, a perfect gentleman. And he’d asked me how I liked the food and a few times he let me have a meal on the house. We’d talk every time I came in and eventually Natey tried to get things on and popping between us. And even though I thought he was sexy as hell, I knew that would not be cool in any type of way because he was already in a relationship, you know. I pushed back on Natey and we kept being cool with each other. I thought he was cute and smart and everything. But when I found out he passed away, I had to come here to this church and let you and God know that nothing ever happened between us. I mean nothing.” The woman stared straight ahead and refused to look Burgundy in the eyes during her confession.

“Good God, Torrie,” Annoyed Lady finally blurted. “You are so damned stupid. Did you really have to go to this woman and open up your damned mouth and tell her all that unnecessary shit? I told your ass not to come here. You should never go out your way to tell wives shit like this. Remember what happened last time? Use your brains. Let’s go.”

And just like that the two strangers left the building. Left Burgundy alone with a red-hot face. And that’s the moment when Burgundy realized that The Bridges of Madison County wasn’t just a popular movie. Many times it’s only after someone dies that their truth really gets revealed.

And as she watched the women flee from her presence and out of the church, Burgundy walked over to Alita and looked her square in the eye.

“That’s it.”

“What? You mean the funeral?”

“No. the marriage. When Nate died, my marriage died too.”

“No shit.”

“But it seems like our marriage gave out long before he died. I’m just now realizing it.”

“You feel like me, huh?” Alita asked. “Like you’re going through a divorce?”

“You stated it perfectly. I feel divorced. I know one thing. I was depressed the moment he died. But I will try my best not to let that sorrow to take over my heart anymore.”

“Wait a second. You’re a widow. Aren’t you supposed to stay depressed for like a year? Don’t date or make any big decisions?”

“Alita, after what I’ve been through and what I’m still finding out, I refuse to be bound anymore. Bound to a concept, or a fantasy that has made an utter fool out of me. God knows what else he was doing behind my back.”

“I know you’re angry but give it some time, B. I saw what happened. Why let these women come in here and get you shook? You don’t know them from Adam. They’re weak. You see how they said what they had to say and then sneaked off like two rats hotfooting down a dark alley.”

Maybe Alita had a good point.

“I guess I need to find out what to pay attention to,” Burgundy replied, “and what to ignore.”

“Ease up, Sis. Like the advice you gave me, allow yourself time to heal.”

“You’re right.”

“Even though he wasn’t perfect,” Alita continued, “Nate wasn’t the best husband in the world but he was still your husband. You have to respect what good things he did do without letting the bad things make you feel worse about yourself. Nobody deserves that. Especially after everything he took you through.”

Burgundy heard what Alita was saying but she felt like she’d been suddenly handcuffed and tossed into jail. Learning about the existence of Torrie was something Burgundy never would have predicted. The new knowledge felt like prison. Like something she could do nothing about. But it also felt like it was nearly time for her prison sentence to end. And Burgundy was counting down the days, the hours, the minutes until she could be free.

At that point, all Burgundy yearned to do was unshackle all the invisible chains from around her ankles; to turn around and run.

Run for her life.

Race toward her freedom.