Читать книгу Weddings from the Heart - Daphne Rose Kingma - Страница 14

The people who “stand up” with you at your wedding are a representation of you, and because they will play a very important role in your wedding ceremony, they should be chosen with care. Among other things, they are your “high witnesses”; that is, they stand close to you and, by their proximate presence, agree to recognize now and remember always what transpired on the occasion of your marriage.

If you really want a heartfelt wedding, this isn't the time for fulfilling political, business, or social obligations. Instead, choose people who have shared your life with you, individuals who live in your heart and share your dreams for a life of love and happiness. They may or may not be members of your family. They may be good friends, little children, or a very old person. Be truthful. And daring. Don't stoop to obligation or succumb to convention. Allow the people you choose to bring something of value to your wedding. Pick the friend you haven't seen for years but who was there the fourteen times you broke up in college and can finally celebrate with you. Or include the neighbor who befriended you when you had all but given up on finding love. Choose the brother who always believed in your relationship when your parents pooh-poohed it, or the four-year-old nephew who loves you more than anyone else. Whomever you choose, make it someone who loves you, someone you love.

In making your decision, ask yourself: Why am I asking this person to stand up with me at my wedding? What part of my life has he shared? What aspect of my history will she be representing at my wedding? How do I feel about his or her reactions to the words, values, and ideas that are going to be expressed in the ceremony? When I see this person in the future, will it be a positive reminder of what was expressed?

Will I be happy (or irritated) by this person's presence? Will his personality foibles be an asset or a liability? Would I rather have her among the guests than standing beside me? Would I be sad—would my wedding be less than my dream of it—if he or she weren't there?

Remember, if you include attendants, one or more of them may have the duty of handing you the wedding rings, helping you with your dress, or holding your bouquet. Will they behave in the way you'd like them to; that is, will they be relaxed and dignified enough to suit you, vibrant or serious enough to create the mood you're after? Will they be willing to help graciously with mundane matters—cutting the ribbons on your bouquet, straightening your dress, or running out to buy extra hat pins for a marooned boutonniere?

Don't be afraid to do what your heart tells you. A male friend of mine had four women as his attendants, and a woman I know selected her best male friend to be hers. Maybe your beloved is the only person you want to stand beside you. If that's the case, don't be afraid to scrap tradition and stand at the altar together, in your own loving recognizance, with the officiant. In breaking with tradition you create tradition, tradition that moves from what's “proper” and expected to what truly springs from the heart.