Читать книгу Weddings from the Heart - Daphne Rose Kingma - Страница 15

The “community” of your wedding is your guests—the people you've invited to share in the intimate moments in which you make your love public and state your lifetime intentions to each other.

In the past, the guests at a wedding served a variety of purposes. Sometimes it was to demonstrate the power of two families coming together, others times to display of the status of the bride's or groom's parents—to say nothing of being an opportunity for parents to show off the beauty or achievements of their children. We've all heard the expression that he or she “made a good marriage,” meaning that he or she improved his or her financial or social status. And we've heard about “important” weddings, which means that all the “right” people were there.

Such expressions may hold importance in the world of politics, society, and commerce, but a wedding of the heart is a binding of the spirits of all who have gathered to shore up, celebrate, acknowledge, and encourage the two people creating a new life together.

Thus the guests at your wedding are your body of witness. To witness means to pledge, to make material, to bring into form. So when you choose a group of people to share the occasion, you are really asking them to ensure that in the future you will enact what you have publicly avowed through the vehicle of your wedding ceremony.

Viewed in this fashion, the guests at your wedding are not the largest number of people you know, the ones who will bring the best presents, or even all your distant relatives. They're the people who mean the most to you, those who have shared your life, who've provided for and protected you, who have nourished your spirit and sorted out your emotions, who've been there to help you through the hard times. They're the ones who have loved you through thick and thin, who've watched you grow up, celebrated your every transformation, believed in you, encouraged you, and shared the significant aspects of your life.

So to create a true wedding community, invite the people you love, those whose paths have crossed yours and tugged on your heartstrings along the way. In planning your guest list, ask yourself the following questions: Who are the ten people above all whom I'd like to be there, the ones I'd be absolutely heartbroken if they didn't attend? If I could ask everyone I'd like to, who would be on the list?

Now, working from both ends of that spectrum, who are the people between the extremes (taking into account the accommodations, of course) that you'd really want to share in your special day? What is the common thread that ties all these people together? The role they've played in your lives? The love you have for them and they for you? The social or business life you share? How will they “gel”—in spite of their differences and diversity—to become the community that will send you off into the joy of marriage?

Is there anyone you automatically included whom in your heart of hearts you'd rather not invite? An obligatory friend? A political concession to one of your parents? A colleague you really don't like? If there is such a person or persons, feel free to say, “It was a very small and private wedding; I'm sorry, but we couldn't include everyone.”

In some instances, for difficult emotional reasons, people prefer not to have their parents at their wedding. If you have some painful unfinished business that you've been unable to resolve, don't spoil your wedding by “inviting them anyway.” Instead, respect your need to celebrate and move forward in your life without their participation at this time; and for their sakes, have the courtesy to conduct your wedding in private. Perhaps the blessings of your marriage may also, someday, include a mending of this rift.