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Chapter 3

Daniel

Stamford

29^th December 2017, 3.41 p.m.

‘All strapped in tightly.’

‘Yes, Daddy.’

‘Great, shall we take you home, little man?’

Getting into the driver’s seat I looked at Thomas through the rear-view mirror, watching him smile at the other children who were now playing on the swings he had been. Content, I began the ten-minute drive back to Rachael’s house, the sound of the radio playing quietly above the hum of the car. I wanted to talk about Katie, it took me a few minutes to work out how. If I appeared too nonchalant he might think his view, or my feelings, didn’t matter, and they did, very much. If I went in too gung-ho it might freak him out. I took a deep breath.

‘Thomas?’

I waited for a response, one that was not forthcoming, as Thomas was so wrapped up in people-watching through the car window. So, I turned down the radio, which lifted him from his trance.

‘Thomas, I want to talk to you about Katie.’

‘What about her?’

‘Did you enjoy spending time alone with her today?’

‘Yes, she’s great.’

‘What else do you think about her?’

‘What do you mean, Daddy?’

Pausing for a moment I thought about the best way to answer.

‘I mean, well …’

‘What do you think about her, Daddy?’

Thomas’s question caught me off guard and knowing I needed to be honest I pulled over into a layby, put on the handbrake and turned to be eye to eye with my son.

‘I care about her a lot.’

‘You mean you love her?’

‘How would you feel if I did?’

‘Well, Mummy loves Sean.’

‘She does love Sean, very much.’

‘Then you should love Katie.’

‘Should I?’

‘Yes, Daddy. I don’t like thinking of you on your own when Mummy has Sean’

‘Thomas, you don’t ever have to worry about me, okay? I’m fine.’

I looked into his big green eyes. I could feel him really caring. He was such a bright, bright boy.

‘I’m more than fine,’ I said. ‘Are you really okay with the idea of Katie and me?’

‘Of course, Daddy. Can we go home now? I’m getting hungry’.’

I laughed. ‘Before we do, can I ask you a really big question, one I want you to answer as honestly as you can. And don’t worry about what I might feel, this question is about how you feel …’

‘Daddy, if you love her, you should marry her.’

I smiled at my wonderful, intelligent boy, who in that moment looked at me with a wisdom beyond his years. I could feel myself welling up with pride.

‘You’re a brilliant boy, you know that, right?’

‘Uh-huh, can we go now?’

‘Of course, darling. Let’s get you home.’

Turning to face the road again I started the car, turned the radio back up, and drove the rest of the way to Rachael’s in silence, like nothing had happened. When we arrived, Thomas unfastened his seatbelt, jumped out of the car and ran to his front door, ringing the bell repeatedly until Sean answered. Following behind with his coat, I shook Sean’s hand.

‘Hello, mate. Good week off?’

‘Yes thanks, Sean. Went far too quickly though.’

‘I hear that.’

Thomas ran down the hallway into the kitchen, shouting to the entire house. ‘Daddy is going to get married.’

‘Really?’ said Sean, trying to hide his surprise.

‘I haven’t asked her yet, just wanted to know how Thomas felt.’

‘Well, he seems fine with it. Congratulations in advance,’ he said, patting me on the shoulder. ‘Come in, mate. Rach would love to hear.’

I chuckled to myself. I hadn’t even picked up the ring I’d been eying up – a single stone in a clasp that allowed you to see the diamond from all angles.

‘Sure. As long as I’m not interrupting.’

‘Of course not.’

Stepping into the house I had to take off my coat; the central heating was on high as Rachael always liked. Sean shut the door and gestured for me to walk to the kitchen. As I stepped into the kitchen Rachael stood back from her long embrace with our boy and Thomas walked to the fridge, opened it and buried his head in there to search out something to eat. He emerged with a Frube yogurt, held it in the air to wait for the nod to say he could have it before running into the living room where Sean had gone, no doubt to give me and Rachael a moment. I ruffled Thomas’s hair as he passed me. Once we were alone, I leant on the counter and smiled at Rachael. She looked tired. I knew her well enough to know what that meant.

‘Tough time at work?’

She laughed and lowered her head. ‘Am I that easy to read?’

I didn’t say anything but waited. Rachael wasn’t one to be pushed into talking. If she wanted to say, she’d say. If not, I’d not ask. A few seconds was usually the timeframe for us to either move on or discuss it further.

‘Just a patient of mine. Terminal. He blamed me for him dying today.’

‘He’s just …’

‘I know, I know, he’s angry. He’s afraid. I know he didn’t mean it. But it’s still hard to hear.’

‘I bet.’

‘I’m sure he will be calmer tomorrow. He’ll probably apologize and then we can focus on making sure his transition is as dignified as possible.’

‘I don’t know how you do it.’

‘Sometimes I don’t know either. Speaking of which; how is Katie’s dad?’

‘No change really.’

‘Is she okay?’

‘I think she’s coming to terms with it now. I guess that’s all anyone can do right?’

‘Yes. Anyway, Thomas has just told me. I hear congratulations are in order?’

I couldn’t help but laugh and feel embarrassed. I hadn’t planned it enough in my head for it to be said out loud. I needed to know what Thomas felt before I let myself go that far. She read my mind. She often did.

‘He’s clearly happy about it.’

‘It seems so.’

‘So, when?’

‘I haven’t worked that out yet, soon. Are you all right with this?’

‘Of course. I’m really happy, Daniel. You deserve someone lovely.’

Rachael stepped towards me and gave me a hug, warm and safe. A hug that had changed in context, but never affection.

‘Thanks, Rach. Are you all good though?’

‘Yeah, I’m fine. Like I said, tomorrow is another day.’

‘It is indeed. Well, I’d better be off.’

‘I’ll see you out.’

Leaving the kitchen, Rachael followed. I leant into the living room where Thomas sat watching the start of Pixar’s Planes with Sean.

‘Bye, Sean.’

‘See you soon, Daniel. Congratulations again, you know, for when it happens.’

‘Thanks, mate. Bye, Thomas.’

‘Bye, Daddy,’ he said, unable to take his eyes off the screen.

‘Thomas, come and give your daddy a hug,’ said Rachael from the doorway.

‘Okay.’ He got up and wrapped himself in my arms. His hugs being the best part of any day.

‘I love you, little man.’

‘Love you too, Daddy.’

Putting on my coat I opened the door and turned back to Rachael, who crossed her arms as the cold air flooded in.

‘I mean it, Daniel. I’m really happy for you.’

‘Thanks, Rachael, it means a lot.’

‘She’s lovely. You two are really good together.’

‘Can I call later, to say goodnight to him?’

‘Of course you can. Are you two still coming on Sunday?’

‘Yep, we’re looking forward to it. Is there anything you want us to bring?’

‘A bottle of wine wouldn’t go amiss.’

‘That goes without saying.’

‘Then no, just you and Katie. Sean is doing dinner. God help us!’

‘I heard that!’ Sean shouted from the lounge, feigning hurt.

‘I’m in trouble now!’

‘Well, worst case, I’ll order us a takeaway.’

‘I heard that too, Dan! Have a little faith you two. I’m like Gordon Ramsay.’

‘I don’t doubt it,’ I shouted into the lounge.

‘Do you and Katie want to come over for about eight? If he hasn’t burnt the house down, of course,’ she said in a conspiring whisper, but still loud enough for Sean to call back that we were both so charming.

‘Eight sounds perfect. And not a word to Katie about … you know.’

‘Of course. When are you going to pop the question?’

‘Some time in the new year.’

‘I’m really happy for you, Dan.’

‘Thanks. See you Sunday,’ I said before calling out, ‘Bye, Sean. Bye, Thomas.

‘See you, mate.’

‘Bye, Daddy.’

I kissed Rachael on the cheek and walked back to my car, shielding my eyes as the setting sun blinded me and gave everything a soft orange glow. As I drove away, Thomas waving at me from the window, I let myself picture the moment I got down on one knee, imagining the look on Katie’s face. I couldn’t wait. 2018 was going to be a good year for us, for all of us. I could feel it.