Читать книгу Freaks - Darren Craske - Страница 10

The first time she wore that hat was on her hen night. She was eighteen then. ‘You’re too young for marrying,’ her dad said to her. She’d only been seeing that one for a few weeks. ‘I’m pregnant Dad,’ she said. Her dad nodded because he understood. That night she took that pink Stetson out with her. She held it in one hand while she sipped lemonade through a stripy straw and watched all her mates having fun. ‘Put your hat on,’ some bloke said to her. She did. She put that Stetson on her head. That’s when time stopped. That’s the night that she snaked in and out of frozen people. Then she was tired and it was time for time to carry on.

The second time she wore that hat was when little Ruby was five months old. She wanted a bath. She wanted the screams to stop. She wanted her breasts to not be so leaky. That afternoon she put little Ruby on the bathroom floor and she climbed into that white bath. ‘Put your hat on,’ she said to herself. She did. And time stopped. That’s the afternoon where she got to lie in a bath till her hands looked like her dead granny’s. Then she missed little Ruby’s noise and it was time for time to carry on.

The third time was at her dad’s funeral. It was packed full of other people’s grief. She took her hat along because it was a secret between her and her dad. It was sitting next to her on the pew. People saw that hat, pointed and smiled at it. ‘Did William give you that?’ a bloke asked. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Put the hat on,’ some woman said. She did. She wore it for her dad. And time stopped. That’s when she sat for hours, maybe days, wishing that she could talk with her dad for one last time. His dying had been sudden. ‘If I’d known you were ill, Dad,’ she said, ‘I could have changed time.’ Then she felt hungry and it was time for time to carry on.

The fourth time she was in bed with her husband. ‘Let’s try for another Ruby,’ he said to her. She didn’t want another Ruby. That’s when she suggested the pink Stetson and her high heels. ‘You kinky cow,’ her husband said to her. She smiled. ‘Put the hat on,’ her husband said to her. She did. And time stopped. That’s when she climbed off her husband’s erection and went to take those pills that he didn’t know about. That’s when she sat on the bed for days and days, making sure that those pills were in her blood. Then she needed to be satisfied and it was time for time to carry on.

The fifth time was on the day Ruby started school. She wasn’t ready for that change. ‘I’ll miss you today,’ she said to Ruby. Ruby smiled and twirled around in her brand new school uniform. ‘Shall I wear my pink hat to take you to school?’ she asked Ruby. ‘Yes Mummy,’ Ruby said. She did. And time stopped. That’s when she pulled Ruby to her and held her stiff little body as close as she could. She savoured every minute. Days passed. Then she missed Ruby’s warmth and it was time for time to carry on.

Then there was that last time. That time when she was lying in bed with him. Her husband thought she was out with her mates, another hen night that needed her pink Stetson. She wasn’t. That night she was lying naked in his bed. She was twenty-four then. She was old enough to know that she was in love for the first time. ‘I love you,’ she said to him. ‘I know,’ he said to her. That’s when she realised that his eyes weren’t looking like they usually looked. That’s when he told her. He said, ‘This can’t go on.’ She didn’t speak. ‘I’ve met someone who doesn’t have a kid,’ he said to her. ‘She’s not you but she’ll do,’ he said to her. ‘It’s easier,’ he said to her. That’s when she reached for her pink Stetson, when she pulled it from his bedroom floor. ‘Put your hat on,’ he said to her. She did. She put that hat on.

And time stopped.