Читать книгу Prison Puzzle Pieces 3 - Dave Basham - Страница 5

There was a chubby blonde officer working in the prison when I started. OK, she was closer to being a round ball than to being chubby. If she had a white beard, she could’ve been Santa Claus. She was rather loud and abrasive at times, but seemed to do her job.

We were in the break room one day when she put her hand on my leg. I just ignored it, made like it wasn’t there and kept focusing on the television show. She started moving her hand around on my leg. It did not produce wood, only the heebie jeebies. I wasn’t attracted to her, but even if I were, we were both a couple of chunks. Who was going to be on top?

She proceeded to ask me out. I have always proclaimed that I have ruled fear out of my life, but man, if this wasn’t fear; it had to be awfully damn close.

I’m not easily surprised either, but I was now. When you walk into a prison, you’re not thinking about getting a date. Well, some are, but I’m not.

I just ignored her and made like I was totally engrossed in the television show. She started laughing and stated that I was making like I didn’t hear her. She got that one right. She said she guessed that she got her answer. She got that one right too. She left, but the heebie jeebies hung on for awhile.

It wasn’t long after this that she wasn’t around anymore. I found out that she had been escorted out of the institution one day. Word around the prison was that she had been having sex with a homosexual inmate for the past two years.

You might think, why would a homosexual want to hook up with a woman. Well, there are plenty of supposedly straight guys in here hooking up with other supposedly straight guys. In here it doesn’t matter their persuasion, some of these guys just want someone to fiddle with their junk other than themselves.

The way this affair was discovered was by the usual method, a snitch. In this case, the snitch was a blackmailer. The snitch blackmailer was a black male. Not that that is relevant, but I liked the way it sounded. When he found out about their goings on, or comings on, whatever you want to call it, he saw opportunity.

He wanted some cigarettes. He thought that he could force her to bring them in for him by threatening to out her. He told her that if she didn’t smuggle in cigarettes for him that he would snitch her out. She didn’t succumb to his demands so he snitched off her snatch activity.

I know that’s not the greatest word to be using, but once again I liked the way it sounded and it made me laugh. If you are still reading now after all the other things you have read in this book, it shows that you are able to deal with life’s realities and darker sides. It shows you are as whacked as the rest of us working here. It shows that you could handle being a corrections officer.

Her having her jollies with that gay inmate for those two years just showed that I shouldn’t have been flattered when she asked me out. If she’s hard up enough to screw a gay inmate, she’d be hard up enough to screw me. Yes, that sounds real flattering doesn’t it? Once again my instincts saved me by delivering me those heebie jeebies at the right time.