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PEYTON PLACE

A HAIKU SOAP OPERA

Episodes 32–65, released on DVD July 14, 2009

32

Betty’s still missing.

Carson comes home from prison.

Snow cloaks Peyton Place.

33

Phone call from Betty

cuts short the women’s highly

caloric breakfast.

34

Julie and Connie

side by side—a virtual

tsunami of hair.

35

How much did it cost

Fox to stage a snowball fight

on SoCal back lot?

36

Malone’s sweater’s so

full, she almost pokes O’Neal

in front of fireplace.

37

Drama is promised

and delivered: Allison’s

zipper gets unstuck.

38

I thought Connie’s taste

in art sucked. Wait till you see

Sharon’s bird painting.

39

Mother-daughter chat

completely upstaged by cool

sixties throw pillows.

40

Roy, Betty’s near-date

rapist, fears the whole building

will hear her (dubbed) cries.

41

All this talk about

existentialist despair.

Then there’s Norman’s jeans.

42

Quite a basket on

guy who ogles Allison.

Big college welcome.

43

At the annual

faculty art exhibit,

more horrors await.

44

They just keep talking.

I guess every episode

is nothing but talk.

45

The cameraman

certainly has a yen for

Norman’s tight trousers.

46

Last episode, Rod

gave Betty a nice hard slap.

Now it’s back to talk.

47

Crotch watcher says: Rod

shows up for annulment not

wearing underwear.

48

We’ve seen some strange things,

but nothing as bizarre as

Betty’s hand puppet.

49

Harrington brothers

in profile. Were they cast ’cause

they have the same nose?

50

What would a haiku

soap opera be without

an evil head nurse?

51

Am I wrong, or does

Dr. Morton don a dish

towel as a scarf?

52

Too perfect: Micky

Dolenz (future Monkee) slips

Norman a mickey.

53

Bullies tie up Norm

in town square, leave him to freeze.

Your standard hate crime.

54

Those ruffled kitchen

curtains: a Roy Lichtenstein

postcard I once sent.

55

The two hipsters who

strut through the hospital are

so on the wrong set.

56

We should all be paged

by a voice that comatose

at least once in life.

57

Didn’t hear a word.

Too busy revising last

episode’s haiku.

58

Preview: Shooting at the Harrington house. I hope it’s not Elliot.

59

Ambulance siren

wails in the night. They milk it,

so why shouldn’t I?

60

Ryan and Barbara

finally get star billing.

Elliot fights death.

61

I’m sorry, but they

mean to draw attention to

Norman’s endowment.

62

Through the picket fence,

at the end of the brick walk,

lurks the Big Secret.

63

Is Allison’s dream

world shattered by the truth or

by Hanley’s bad art?

64

As Elliot’s wheeled

out of surgery, the tide

(Connie’s hair) is high.

65

Much has been revealed.

But not the release date of

the next installment.

This is the continuing story of Peyton Place . . .