Читать книгу Grumpy Old Men: New Year, Same Old Crap - David Quantick - Страница 59

It’s over. All the great shows that glided on the ocean of telly when the world was young have been cancelled. The basic idea of getting the groups in to mime and smile to their hits – a fantastic, art-school concept that if it had been thought of by a Slade (the art school, not the group) graduate would be winning prizes everywhere – has been superseded by not one but three rotten things.

1. The idea that television has to be real. So instead of having top bands pretend to perform what is, after all, the ideal version of their song – i.e. the one they spent eight squillion dollars and three years recording – they get them to perform it live. That is, out of tune and out of breath with rotten sound through cheap TV speakers.

2. The idea that just seeing people sing a song is not enough. So instead of seeing some people sing a song, we get some bad director’s rehash of either a film he saw when he was high on skunk, or some dancing women in their underwear smiling as the pop star walks out pretending to mumble.

3. Similar to point 1, but even more horrid, the televised live concert. Not only does this have the demerit of being out of tune, and so forth, but also it means that a) you get an audience singing along and waving their mobile phones at the camera (see MOBILE PHONES) and b) instead of seeing the band do their hit and shove off, you have to sit through all their other songs as well, which is no fun whatsoever. And – just to add injurious insult to insulting injury – they project their new video behind themselves so as to remind the younger set what they are enduring.