Читать книгу Finding the Sun Through the Clouds - Dawnmarie Deshaies - Страница 7

Chapter 2

The Challenges of Being Different

I had a tough time learning and remembering things. Possibly because of the constant rotating medications being introduced into my system. Schoolwork was always a challenge for me, and I didn’t have the confidence like all the other children around me. I struggled with feeling alienated. I always had to ask for specialized help from my teachers on my classwork. This continued throughout my young formative years of schooling. As I was becoming a young teenager, I started to have a little more confidence in myself, growing older. These coming years were formulating to become some of the most tumultuous years of my life.

I found others like me, and we created our small circle of friendship. Unfortunately, cruelty and humiliation united us, because we were all made fun of for asking for extra help with our studies. What propelled the shame even further was my fear of speaking in front of the class. When I was asked to present, I would get so nervous and I would begin to shake that my voice shook and trembled as I spoke backward. The only thing I could hear was the endless laughter as I stood there defenseless.

Every day as lunchtime rolled around, my friends and I would all go out to the playground and the kids would make it a mission to come up to me and belittle me by calling me stupid, dumb, and brainless. I looked away in shame and cried a river, wondering how the world could be so cruel to a little girl trying just to live. Cruelty, as I have come to learn, is unfortunately inherent in the human psyche. Often, it is easier to give in and feed the beast, but turning away and showing your belittler compassion instead of hate will make the other hunger for the common ground.

With the constant humiliation and belittling, I forced myself to study harder and longer to prove that I am better, if not equal, to all the people chastening me. I had my favorite teachers who worked with me and helped me grow in my studies; they knew how hard it was for me to be in and out of the hospital all the time. Their sympathy and willingness to aid me helped me imagine that the world can be a better place to continue living in. The first spark of hope in a mad world.

One teacher, Mrs. Johnson, used to make me laugh no matter what emotional state I was in. I remember her saying to me one day, “Oh, don’t listen to them, Dawnmarie. One day you will be amazing, and then they will wonder why they were so mean to you.” She always helped me learn in a way that made sense to me. I really liked Mrs. Johnson’s work, and I could not help but admire her work with all the other kids struggling just like me. Thinking about my younger self now, I have made it a personal affirmation to use laughter and love to teach those around me.