Читать книгу The Oscar for Life - Declan MiscellaneousLabor Loy - Страница 14

When Ethan made that decision to trust his inner voice, he could never have imagined the journey it would take him on. He had experienced so many highs, but also many lows. When he trusted his inner self, his ‘I’, completely, he experienced great results. But when he tried to achieve with the old version of himself the ‘Me’ it would end in disaster. Ethan didn’t know what was going on, it was as though part of him was struggling not to be left behind.

It was now December 2012 and Ethan was going through a tough time trusting this inner voice. It seemed as if the inner guide had left him six months earlier. Everything in his life felt wrong now, as though he was no longer connected to his inner voice.

“When you learn to trust and activate your inner voice, there’s no going back,” Ethan told himself. But at times he thought it might have been better if he’d never found out about the deeper part of himself.

“Maybe I should go back to sleep, and forget about this ‘I’ within me. Isn’t it true, that ninety-nine per cent of the population in the world never consider this part of themselves? So why should I? ” Ethan questioned himself.

When he was confused he would lash out at the ‘I’ and blame it for many of the ills in his life.

That Christmas, Ethan decided to take a day out to meditate and chose December 27, the day after St Stephen’s Day. He went to the top of a local mountain to a log cabin to relax and really get in touch with himself. Ethan had many questions but knew that, if he could relax and open himself up to his inner voice, then he would find the answers he needed. Past experience had taught him that if he asked his ‘I’, then he would get an answer, and that answer would always be correct. The answers would come in the following way: a ‘yes’ would be a strong feeling in his body, while a ‘no’ answer would be accompanied by no feeling at all.

But for the last six months, it felt as if his ‘I’ had deserted him, and he didn’t know why? He wasn’t sure why but he knew that he wanted to get it back more than anything. It was as if he’d lost his best friend. Up there, alone in the mountain cabin, he tried to get in touch with his ‘I’ but, however hard he tried, he failed.

Eventually, Ethan fell to the floor with exhaustion. The last six months had been a pure hell in which he had lost himself. He was overweight, fighting with the love of his life, doing badly in business and he had lost a lot of money in a number of deals that had gone wrong. No matter what he tried, everything was a struggle. As he lay on the floor of the cabin, he remembered a vision he’d been given six months previously by his inner self. The vision had been of a distant land, which he was told he must travel to. There he would undertake an adventure which would end with him uncovering a secret treasure. He’d dismissed the vision out of hand but now, lying there on the floor, he wondered if ignoring the vision was the source of his problem. Had his inner voice deserted him because he had ignored it? Certainly, it had seemed over the last few months that the more he resisted the vision asking him to search for the secret treasure the worse he felt. Was his inner voice trying to get his attention by inflicting such pain on him?

Ethan remembered a saying he’d once heard: “Pain pushes until vision pulls”. Was Ethan resisting this vision coming through him? He felt like Jesus during his final moments, calling out “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

His connection with his self was gone and, even up here in this cabin, he couldn’t get connected again. He sat back in the chair, exhausted and with tears in his eyes.

“Please God, show me the way,” he cried out. “I have done everything you have asked of me. Why have you left me alone?”

At that moment a feeling pulsated through his body, and knocked him sideways on the floor. “I have never left you,” said the voice with feeling. “It was you that left me.”