Читать книгу Santa Assignment - Delores Fossen - Страница 14

“I made the right decision to come here,” Ashley mumbled under her breath.

Again.

And maybe if she repeated it often enough, she’d soon start to believe it.

Well, one could hope anyway.

“Did you say something?” the nurse asked.

Ashley shook her head, took off her coat and draped it over her forearm.

The nurse handed her a surgical mask. “Use this if you plan to make any physical contact with the patient.”

The cheery yellow mask was littered with happy faces. Definitely not a reflection of Ashley’s mood. She felt like one big raw nerve walking around on two-inch heels.

The five-hour trip from Springfield, Virginia, hadn’t done much to soothe her. In fact, it’d done the exact opposite. Since Brayden had seemingly turned mute on the flight and subsequent drive from the airport to the hospital, that’d left her with way too much thinking time on her hands. Yet, she still didn’t seem any closer to making a decision.

A baby, even a hypothetical one, was definitely a lot to think about.

She’d never even changed a diaper—a truly ridiculous thought. And that was the least ridiculous and stressful thought of all the what-if-I-really-do-this? thoughts zipping through her head.

For starters, a baby would require a pregnancy. Specifically her getting pregnant.

By Brayden, no less.

Even if they did the procedure through insemination, which was a certainty, it still had an intimacy to it. Then, there was the waiting and the praying that the baby’s bone marrow matched Colton’s. From the info Brayden had given her to read on the plane, they’d have to wait until the ninth week of pregnancy for the amnio to determine if the hypothetical baby was a donor match.

As if that weren’t enough, then there was the whole after the amnio part. The remaining seven months of pregnancy. The delivery.

And especially the part after that.

The part that was still one gigantic blur in her head even though those five hours had given her plenty of time to dwell on it.

Ashley decided to let it stay a blur for a while. It seemed a wussy response, but a blur was the most she could handle right now. She’d have to think about it tomorrow, especially since she was within moments of seeing her nephew.

“If you’ll come this way,” the nurse instructed, “I’ll take you to Colton’s room.”

Ashley followed her and glanced around the hall. “We aren’t waiting for Brayden?”

“He’s still in with the doctors. He said he’ll join you when he’s finished.”

Okay. So she hadn’t expected to do this alone. But in some ways, it might be easier. Of course, she could say that about a lot of things that involved Brayden. Being around him had a unique way of unnerving her.

The nurse pushed open the door and led Ashley inside. Not the drab gray interior she’d expected but one with a brightly colored jungle mural. Taped to the wall were childlike drawings of what appeared to be Santa and some rather lopsided gifts. A miniature Christmas tree was sitting on the table beneath the drawings.

Ashley spotted Brayden’s sister, Katelyn, in a chair in the corner, and they exchanged silent but amicable greetings before Ashley turned toward the hospital bed.

There were machines, their screens registering various data with thready almost frantic jolts of movement. One of them was making a soft pulsing sound. And in the center of that was her nephew. Dana’s son.

He was so small.

That was her first reaction. Followed by what felt like a heavyweight’s fist to her solar plexus. Ashley actually had to catch onto the nurse’s arm.

“Do you need a moment?” the nurse whispered.

Ashley waved her off and forced herself to let go of the woman. Colton certainly didn’t need a visit from a wimp.

She took a few short deep breaths, moistened her lips, pulled back her shoulders and approached him. At the sound of her heels clicking on the tile floor, Colton’s eyes fluttered open, zooming right in on her.

Ashley had seen those green eyes before. Brayden’s eyes. It stirred at least a dozen new emotions just seeing them on a child she loved completely and unconditionally.

Many of those doubts and blurs evaporated. And Ashley knew. She’d made the right decision to come here. No matter what else happened, this was the right thing to do.

“Are you one of Santa’s helpers?” Colton asked, his voice sleepy. He had a blue dog-eared bunny tucked in the crook of his arm.

Ashley glanced down at her garnet-red pants and sweater. The outfit definitely had a holiday look to it. She smiled. She didn’t have to force it, either, even though her facial muscles felt a little out of practice. It’d been a while since she had smiled.

Two years, seven months and four days.

Much too long.

He smiled, too. Wow! What a face. Pure innocence cut with just the right amount of mischief. It broke her heart and warmed it at the same time.

“Nope. I’m afraid I’m not Santa’s helper. Sorry.” She sat in the chair next to his bed. “I’m your Aunt Ashley.”

“I got another aunt. Aunt Katelyn. Are you a cop like her?” He held up the fake “rookie-in-training” badge he’d had tucked in the covers.

“Nope. I’m sort of a bad guy. I’m a lawyer.”

His eyes widened. “Like my mom was?”

Oh, mercy. That put a lump in her throat. “Yep. Like your mom.” Because she wasn’t supposed to get too close, Ashley resisted touching those soft golden-brown curls that lay tousled on his forehead. “So, you want to be a cop when you grow up?”

“Sure. Like my daddy.”

“Good choice. He’s the best of the best. And I should know. I used to have to cross-examine him in court. He could be a real pain in the…neck.”

Colton giggled, as if he’d known what she’d almost let slip. But the giggle faded when his attention drifted to the machines surrounding him. “Did you come to visit me ’cause I’m sick?”

“That’s one of the reasons.” That required another deep breath. “But you’ll get better.”

“Dad says that, too. So do Grandma and Grandpa. And Aunt Katelyn and Uncle Garrett.”

Garrett. Brayden’s brother. Another cop. And yet someone else she’d routinely clashed with during her power attorney days. She doubted she’d receive any warm nonverbal greetings from Garrett O’Malley the way she had from Katelyn. Still, Ashley wouldn’t let that put a damper on this moment.

Colton cupped his hand around his mouth and lowered his voice. “I don’t want to be in the hospital for Christmas. There’s no chimney, and Santa might not be able to find me here.”

That brought on more than a lump in her throat. It was an entire boulder. “Oh, Santa will find you all right,” Ashley said, speaking around that boulder. “I’m a lawyer, remember—I’ll subpoena him or something. Besides, it’s two weeks until Christmas, and you might be home by then.”

He shrugged, apparently not sure he believed that. Ashley silently cursed. Three years old was much too young to lose hope.

Maybe twenty-nine was, too.

For some reason, looking at Colton’s sweet innocent face gave her hope. Ironic since she hadn’t been able to find hope since Dana’s death.

“Santa will find you,” she promised. “I’ll make sure of it.”

She watched as he considered that with those now pensive green eyes. He gave a little satisfied nod. “Can you make it snow, too?”

Ashley laughed. “I’ll see what I can do, but since we’re in San Antonio, we might have to settle for the fake stuff. Is that okay?”

“Okay.” Colton shifted his gaze in the direction of the door. “Daddy,” he said, grinning.

Brayden was there, in the doorway. Watching them. Smiling at his son. Ashley had to hand it to him. Brayden looked a lot sturdier than she felt.

He’d removed his silver-gray tie. It was dangling from his jacket pocket. And he’d loosened the collar of his white button-down shirt. No more judgelike demeanor. Just a concerned father.

He strolled closer, gave his son a high five and then held a surgical mask over the lower portion of his face when he brushed a kiss on Colton’s cheek. “Are you feeling better?”

Colton stuck out his tongue in a yuck gesture. “I threw up again.”

“It means you’re getting well. All the bad junk’s leaving your body.”

A lie, no doubt. It was probably one of the side effects of the chemo.

Brayden glanced at her. “Are you ready to go?”

No. But Ashley knew she should go. The nurse had made it clear that she should keep her visit short because Colton needed his rest. “Sure.”

Brayden kissed Colton again. “I’ve got some things to do,” he whispered to his son. “But I’ll be back later to tuck you in.”

“Uncle Garrett’s coming, too?” Colton asked, excitement in his eyes and voice.

“You bet. And I won’t tell the doctors if he sneaks you in some candy again.”

Colton smiled in that oh-so-secretive way that only a child could manage. “Don’t tell ’em Aunt Katelyn did, too.”

“Hey, short stuff,” Katelyn quipped, looking up from the paperback she held. “Zipped lips, remember? Gummy bears are our little secret.”

The moment seemed well past being private. And much too intimate. Ashley murmured a goodbye to Colton, another to Katelyn and headed for the door. However, she barely had time to regain some semblance of composure before Brayden joined her in the hall.

“He’s a smart kid,” she said, because frankly she had no idea what else to say.

Brayden made a sound of agreement and started up the hall. “He’s had a rough time lately. He caught a stomach bug right after chemo. That’s why the masks are necessary. His immune system already has enough to deal with.”

So did Colton and Brayden.

So did she.

That didn’t mean they didn’t have to deal with more. And that was something Ashley couldn’t put off much longer. Not after what she’d just witnessed.

“Colton’s worried that he’ll be in the hospital for Christmas,” she let Brayden know.

“God, I hope not, but there’s always a chance of that happening. Still, the doctors think he’ll be home in a day or two.”

Home, but not for good. Probably only until the next round of chemo.

They went through the automatic exit doors and walked outside. The night air was cold. Not a Virginia kind of bitter cold, but it was enough of a chill that Ashley put on her coat and pulled it tightly around her.

As she always did when she stepped into a parking lot or even her own driveway, she looked around. Checking. Making sure no one was lurking. Because even after two and a half years, the fear was still there.

“Could you drop me off at a hotel?” she asked when they approached his car. She checked the time. Almost seven. “I don’t want to fly back to Virginia tonight.”

He nodded. “I inherited my grandparents’ house last year, and even though I still have a lot to renovate, the guest room is finished. You can stay there if you like.”

It sounded like an obligatory invitation. And a halfhearted one. Ashley considered letting it pass, but frankly she was tired of this. “Look, Brayden, I think it’s time we cleared the air. Don’t you?”

He didn’t look at her. What else was new? “This isn’t easy for either of us.”

He made his own sweeping glance around the parking lot, a cop’s glance, and opened the car doors so they could get inside. When he started the engine, Ashley was sure he’d just drive away and ignore the verbal gauntlet she’d tossed.

He didn’t.

“When I see you,” he said, his words clipped and precise. “I can’t help it. I think…”

“Of Dana,” she finished. “I know.”

“Of that night,” he added, getting right to the heart of the matter.

She nodded. Not that he saw her. He had his attention focused on the parking lot. “That night’s always with me, too.”

The night her sister was killed. Gunned down by an unknown assailant. Except most people suspected that unknown assailant was really Hyatt Chapman.

Ashley’s former friend.

Her former client.

Just hours before the shooting she’d helped him get the lightest possible sentence for an aggravated assault charge. Ashley had done that knowing full well that Hyatt was mentally unstable.

Situational ethics, some would say.

Doing her job, others would say.

Either way, she was wrong, and there was nothing she could do to change that. Her sister had paid for her mistake with her life. Though heaven knows, Ashley had tried to undo some of the damage by finding Dana’s killer. For two years, seven months and four days, she’d gone over every piece of evidence, every nuance of the case.

Two brothers. Trevor and Hyatt Chapman. They’d grown up with Dana and her. Along with the other player in the saga—Miles Granville—the man that Hyatt and Trevor had allegedly assaulted during a drunken rage because of a business deal gone bad. Miles was also her former boyfriend. Basically, those prior relationships made the case an ethical hornets’ nest and one she should never have taken.

And Ashley would regret her decision for the rest of her life.

“You can’t forget I withheld evidence about Hyatt Chapman’s psychological profile and indirectly allowed Dana to walk into ambush,” she reminded him.

“I can’t forgive it, either. I’m not even sure I’ve tried. Hell, I’m not sure I want to try. And you can’t forgive me for putting Dana in a place that made her feel as if she couldn’t come to me with the truth.”

Yes. Because if Dana had thought Brayden would give Ashley’s recently escaped client—Hyatt—a chance to surrender, then Dana might not have gone to that meeting. She might have sent Brayden instead.

And Dana would be alive.

And Brayden and Ashley wouldn’t be here having this conversation.

Instead, Dana and he would be trying for another baby. Or perhaps they’d already have one. Either way, Ashley was partly responsible for Dana no longer being alive and that made her partly responsible for Colton’s fate. The only problem with being partly, however, was that in this case, it felt overwhelming.

The silence closed in around them, and Ashley blew out a long breath. “Sheez, that was a vanilla argument, considering our past. We spelled out our sins with no gnashing of teeth or yelling. That’s a far cry from that night when you told me I hope like hell I never see your face again.”

“Yes. A far cry from the night you told me that I’d all but put a bullet in my wife.”

Yes. Those were her words all right. Each bitter one of them.

“Far cries aside,” she murmured, “you still haven’t seen my face.”

It was a dare, another gauntlet. And this time, it worked. Brayden lifted his head, turned and nailed his gaze to hers. Unfortunately, his movement came at the same moment when she noticed the car creeping through the parking lot.

Ashley tried to ignore it. Tried and failed. Before she could stop herself, she began to make mental notes of the specifics. A dark green van. Texas plates. Nondescript, except for the fact it had heavily tinted windows. So heavily tinted that she couldn’t see the driver.

When it finally crawled by, she pulled her attention away from it and reaimed it at the man who was waiting for her to fulfill her part of the you still haven’t seen my face dare.

“Want me to run a check on those plates?” Brayden asked.

So, he’d noticed. Of course, he wouldn’t have been much of a cop if he hadn’t. “No thanks. Old habits, you know.”

And those old habits ruled her life. In fact, when Ashley got right down to it, to that elusive bottom line, one of those old habits was the thing that worried her most about becoming pregnant. Giving up her life in Virginia was only part of the problem. Getting past her unresolved issues with Brayden was another. But the worst part was facing a fear that so far she’d had zero success in facing.

She cursed herself.

And cursed Brayden, as well.

While she was at it, she cursed the medical community for not having a cure for her nephew.

“You know those scenes in horror movies where the people go into a scary-looking house?” Brayden asked.

Okay. That got her mind off her mental profanity. “Excuse me?”

“Those scenes where people go inside even though they’re scared spitless and there’s this creepy music playing?”

Now, he looked at her. And she looked at him. Even though the subject was intriguing, and somewhat confusing, Ashley got lost for in moment in those eyes.

Mercy, where had that come from?

“Those people are too stupid to live because they ignore all their instincts and do something, well, stupid,” he continued. “And the point is, you’re not stupid. So, that means I want you to accept my offer to stay in the guest room at my house. You might think I’m a couple of steps below navel lint, but I didn’t ask you to come here so you could get hurt.”

As one-sided conversations went, that one packed a wallop. Brayden didn’t dismiss her fears. Didn’t give her one of those icy coplike glances. It was one nearly perfect moment in what had been far from perfect between them.

And in that moment, Ashley knew exactly where this had to go. Maybe she’d always known but had needed this moment, this visit with Colton, for it to sink in. Now, she only hoped she could live with the decision she was about to make.

“I’ll do it,” she heard herself say.

Brayden nodded. “Good. It won’t take us long to get to the house. I’ve already upgraded the security system, and some officers have volunteered to drive by and keep an eye on the place. It’s as safe as I can make it.”

He put the car in gear, but she caught his hand to stop him from leaving.

“No, I mean…well, yes, to the guest room,” Ashley assured him. “Because you’re right—I’m not stupid.” Well, not about this anyway. “But yes to helping Colton, too.”

His gaze rifled to hers again. But he didn’t say a word. He just waited for her to finish.

Ashley did. After she gathered enough breath so she could speak.

“I’ll have your baby, Brayden.”