Читать книгу Hello Helen; It's Michael - DH Steppler - Страница 3

As I was answering the phone, I knew who the caller was even before he identified himself.

“Hello Helen; it’s Michael.”

The connection hibernating within me jumped at the chance to reconnect. The soft warmth was welcomed but unexpected. I had assumed that it would take a long time for me to be able to reconnect. But, what did I know? Pushing away the fear of the pain and need had been paramount in my life because I was pretty sure there was no way that I could endure the loss again. The conflict within me would end with me embracing the connection no matter what might later befall me because of that decision. Maybe it was like a drug that no matter how long the abstinence the need would always accept the fix.

Yes, it was Michael and his voice brought tears to my eyes and an intense longing that kind of pissed me off. I mean why would his draw be so strong when I knew it was impossible and that it was wrong? Why was life so cruel to me? Then a second later all I could feel was the calm and softness; my fear-wrapped body relaxed and I sighed. Michael sighed, too.

We both inhaled deeply a few more times in unison and my next ragged words were of gratitude.

“Thank you baby.”

I whimpered.

“Are you ok baby,” Michael wanted to know.

“Yeah, I’m fine; I was just surprised by the suddenness of the reconnect and how the longing showed up before the balance.”

My conversational and sometimes clinical voice came back, all part of the calm.

“So,” I continued. “What’s up?”

“I’m in a cab; we just passed the Civic Center; thought I’d call to let you know that I’m coming to see you. Is it ok?”

“Of course, please, yes, come, I’m here.”

There was something in his voice that made the hair stand on the back of my neck. Even within our calm I knew there was something to worry about. Staying present and alert for any kind of danger to Michael was nearly second nature to me. My need to be there for him in any way had not waned.

After I’d issued my invitation, of sorts, I waited and listened to his breathing, slow and even, like mine. The sound of him bathed me in the amazing bliss of the reconnect. The worry set aside and the grace of the moment allowed to blossom while the idea of his nearness increased my heart-rate. I worked to be present for him and if that happened to assuage my need as well, then so be it.

“Thanks Helen; I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

He ended the conversation and the loss of the reconnect felt like an uncomfortable premonition.

Making more coffee and recalling the short conversation that I’d just had with Michael, I reminded myself not to project any concerns that weren’t totally warranted. Don’t forget that my imagination is a force to be reckoned with. The problem was that I didn’t control those concerns. As with everything else in my life they presented themselves to me in some innate fashion and I found them floating in my thoughts. Of course if Michael was in the middle of those concerns I’d pay close attention.

The sound of the coffee maker was comforting and reminded me in a gentle way, much like my garden, that my house was a place of safety and I was pleased that Michael would soon be wrapped in the peacefulness of my home.

The house still smelled of baked persimmon cookies from the baking I’d done that very morning for the Neighborhood Maintenance Committee meeting. Glad that I’d held a few over to have with coffee after Sunday dinner; a small serving plate was filled and added to the tray; waiting for the mugs and the coffee. The cookies were a delightfully bright orange food that was one of my mother’s recipes and delicious. I’d traded my lemons and some late tomatoes that were absolutely prize worthy for the persimmons. The exchange worked for both of us to fill in the gaps and to build on the civil community around us.

Preparing for Michael’s arrival was a pleasure that I watched and savored with every move I made. Feeling the still raw separation from the brief reconnect manifest itself in low intensity anxiety I concentrated on the task at hand. When the coffee was complete, I started to pour myself a fresh cup; fingers of the reconnect reached out for me. I dropped the mug onto the counter and sprinted to the front door.

As I opened the door Michael was reaching for the door bell. We stood looking at each other for a few seconds before my eyes searched for Lu. Then my arms were around his neck and I buried my face in him and inhaled like I hadn’t breathed in a very long time. His scent was life itself.

The sound of his bag as it hit the floor of the porch served as a reminder that his arms were free to hold me. Before the thought had barely formed the action was taken and his strong embrace was a fact. He took me into his senses in like manner. ‘Oh my God,’ I thought, ‘he needs me, too’.

His chest heaved as he sobbed into my neck, “Oh Helen, you smell so good; thank you.”

Whispering into his ear I said, “You too baby, nothing’s changed for me. I’m glad you’re here.” And I kissed him on the neck as it felt as natural as breathing to do so.

To my amazement, Michael picked me up and carried me into the house, closed the door, and left his bag on the porch where he’d dropped it. Looking into my eyes, he said, “I’d like to try something, an experiment; that ok with you?”

Now when did I ever say ‘no’ to Michael? I smiled a smile I’m sure he recognized because he continued the journey and took me straight into my bedroom and set me in the middle of my giant bed. Breathing deeply I watched and allowed for his lead.

Drawn into the clutch of his eyes, we were inches apart, his breath sweet and warm, he said, “Missed you.” Just like old times our lips joined like magnets and I surrendered completely to the need that had been waiting so impatiently to be met. His lips clung to mine with possessive fervor and need. For only a second we were allowed to taste each other. While gently suckling his tongue the wave rolled into us as a severe gush of heat that radiated from our very core. The fight or flight response kicked-in and I was ready to take on any foe and hold onto Michael for all I was worth. That’s exactly what we did; we held on like it was a muscle memory. The continual gushes of heat pulsated through us, back and forth and then morphed into a nearly unbearable softness and the heat adjusted to soothing warmth. We each quivered quietly and laid still knowing that the wave was not far from returning and any movement would encourage its re-ignition.

Michael, ever the bold one, was not through with his experiment. Inches apart and staring into each others eyes we felt the eye-contact-reconnect ever so slightly. He said, “The heat is new.”

Waiting for his next move, I just took in the moments and stored them in my recall knowing that I would need them later on down the line when I was left alone again. My happiness must have showed because Michael smiled at me revealing his own. We were together and for me, that’s all that mattered in those moments.

Moving my hair away from my eyes and sandwiching his hands around my face, Michael brought our lips together again. He was in control for only a few seconds and for those few seconds his lips were soft on mine. Never wanting to be a sideliner, I wrapped my arms around his neck and put my own hands into action to contribute to the ‘experiment’.

Again the wave came at us in the form of radiating heat pulses that vibrated to our finger tips and toes. Michael rested his entire body on top of mine and we held on again, crushing our bodies together to reinforce our alliance and unity. During that episode we each cried out a couple of times either expressing surprise or fear. Always accepting the comfort of each other as part of the joined experience; I wanted more and Michael’s moves expressed the same.

Michael put our bodies through some pretty tough paces as he kissed me time and time again. At each sacred kiss we were blessed with more machinations of the wave. Delighted and frightened at the same time, I wondered if Michael was thinking about a double suicide. At each onslaught our hearts beat faster but it didn’t matter to me if I died of a heart attack. Dying in Michael’s arms would be the best way to go. I encouraged his ‘experiment’ because I was nearly dead without him anyway.

Sometime during Michael’s ‘experiment’ I began to be concerned for Michael and for his continued living. I was afraid that I might actually hear his heart stop beating. That concern aided me in putting a kibosh on Michael’s death march. With nearly unbelievable effort I wrapped my legs and arms around him and tucked my face in the corner of his neck, held on tight and then didn’t move. That decompression move was not unknown to Michael and he followed suit by gaining the greatest amount of purchase possible and didn’t move.

Our bodies were saturated with sweat and it took a few minutes to get our breathing under control and our hearts to return to some semblance of normal. Plastered against each other without movement gave us the peace and balance. Eventually we took our joined sighs and were able to separate without reigniting the wave.

Michael was the first to speak.

“That was something that I probably should’ve warned you about. We allowed the wave to hit us ten times during that ‘experiment’.”

He stopped talking and looked at me.

“Any comments?”

“Baby, I have about a gazillion questions but this was your experiment, what do you want from me. You know that you can have anything you want, I’ll give you anything I can?” I nearly sobbed.

“The last day that we were together I lied to you.” Michael confessed.

“I told you and Lu that the sexual draw was gone. It wasn’t gone altogether and I knew that it wasn’t gone for you. I could feel your need for me. I could feel you trying to suppress it for Lu. I hated myself for leaving you like that but I got what I wanted – that connection to Lu”

Michael lifted himself onto his elbow and looked into my eyes to register my reaction to his confession.

“You already knew, didn’t you?”

The realization hit him in that moment that I could always read his tells.

“Yeah baby, you can’t really lie to me. I can see the truth when I need to. The truth is that all I really needed was for you to be happy. I can always deal with any pain if I know you’re doin’ ok.”

Michael’s frown revealed a touch of anger. I placed my fingers on the wrinkle above his nose to smooth out his face and take the anger away.

“You were always in the back of my mind and I could see your face as you bravely sent us on our way without getting your needs met. I knew you’d be facing pain and I am ashamed to say that I allowed you to suffer so that I could get what I wanted.”

He watched my expression but wasn’t finished with his need to purge himself of his unconscionable behavior.

“Baby, I am so sorry that we left you and we need to make amends. Lu would be here with me to tell you that she’s also sorry but she had to work.”

Patient for him to say what he needed to say, I listened and felt his love for me in his need to make things ‘right’.

“Michael.”

I said his name for the first time and it felt like a gift.

“I love you. No amount of pain would stop me from giving you what you want. I think I would even die in the effort, if that’s what it took. Baby, that’s just the way it is for me.”

My words were wrapped in quiet tears – tears of resignation and acceptance of the way ‘the connect’, the connection between Michael and me, had worked out for me.

The frown was back and my fingers automatically reached to smooth out the wrinkle the frown had placed above his nose again.

“You are the bravest and most lovely person I’ve ever known. How can you love me so freely and unconditionally?” Michael wanted to know.

The answer to his question was so obvious that I wondered if we had even shared that experience.

“Michael, baby.”

I got his attention and continued.

“It’s my burden of the connect. Hell, I accept all of the gifts from the connect why shouldn’t I also be subject to the pain it takes for you to get what you need or want.”

“What do you mean, by that?” Michael needed clarity.

“Michael…”

Saying his name felt so good that I decided that I’d use it as often as possible plus I knew that it gave him pleasure to hear me say it.

“I sing like an angel, I can play the piano like a seasoned pro, I can dance like a teenager, my garden has never been better – these are gifts from the connect, I’m just sure of it. There’s always a trade off. Don’t forget that I don’t usually get what I want, so not getting what I want is never a surprise.”

“Are you terribly disappointed in me?”

Michael’s concern for what I thought of him was a bit of a surprise to me.

“Michael…”

I said, again using his name to add comfort to the conversation and envelop him with love and the power of the connect.

“Do you still have a need to please me like I do for you, even in the slightest way?”

“That’s why I’m here. The connect has been reminding me of our connection by insinuating itself into my every thought as of late. Lu is experiencing the same thing. We have discussed it and recognize that the connect is pointing out that we’ve neglected you. We’ve also neglected our need for you. We’re so out of balance that we both get angry at the drop of a hat. As a matter of fact, this is the first time in quite sometime that I’ve had any kind of peace.”

He continued and I listened.

“Remember when we were in Sandy’s pool and I said that the magic is you, not the ship but you? Well, I forgot that fact. Without you everything falls apart. Lu and I left just concerned for ourselves. We were so absorbed into our connection that we didn’t know that we were killing the ‘golden goose’ so to speak by leaving you behind. Flashes of memory of our time together have plagued me and reminded me of things that I said – Like that I didn’t want you to be with anyone else but Lu and me and then we took us away from you.”

Michael wasn’t finished with his confession.

“Shame for neglecting you is not the only thing that brings me here, I’m saddened to say but I’m here out of my own need for you and my need to make amends. Baby, can you forgive me?”

His face, only inches from mine, was so sincere and sweet that it would take a monster not to forgive him. Having him near me was all I wanted and as that was then available to me, I was sated. The peace and balance were all that I needed and he was the only one who could bring them to me.

To answer his question, I went for round number eleven and brought my lips to his in an initially quiet kiss that eventually brought us ragged breathing and tortured moans and whimpers. How else could I show him that I would always forgive him and that my love was truly unconditional?

Michael joined my non-verbal acceptance of his apology and we allowed the wave to assault us a few more times before fear of death made us use our decompression move and hold on.

“I know I don’t deserve it but I can’t believe how good I feel right now in your arms.”

Michael was happy again, allowing for my own happiness plus feeling his body on top of me was pretty heady.

Curious about what he and Lu had been going through I asked, “This can’t be anything like what you and Lu have together, can it?”

I had secretly a few times dreamt of being in Lu’s position and being able to accept Michael into me but I didn’t do it often because the very idea brought on painful longing that I knew could not be assuaged.

“I’ve more to confess,” Michael said.

“We’re losing the connection between us but my connection with you is as strong as ever.”

“Do you need us to copy my connection to Lu again? I say copy because it’s obvious that I was unable to transfer it to her.”

Michael’s eyes teared up as he realized that I had spoken the truth about my love for him.

“You really do love me but your concern for me and my happiness is misplaced. Being near you has reminded me that I love you and need for you to be happy, too. Our lack of concern for you in the past has probably been the major reason we are in the imbalanced mess that we’re in. Again, I know it isn’t fair to come to you to fix our issues but I need you, we need you.”

“A couple of days ago we both realized that we were hurting you by doing the one thing that would hurt you, we left you out. We were so selfish that we didn’t see it until it affected us. The worse part is that it took some doing before we even figured it out. We were dumb founded as to how we could have neglected you so badly and that thinking of you should have been our first response to the need.”

“Lu is flying into SFO tomorrow night and she’ll join us for the weekend, is that ok with you?”

“Of course, I can’t wait to see her.” I wanted Michael to know that I’d be happy for her to be with us.

“We’ll fix the problem and get everyone back on track again. Baby, don’t worry.”

I saw his quiet introspection and his sadness that concerned me.

“I know I’ve said this before but, Helen how can you amaze me so much? How can you be that good person all of the time? Why don’t you rage at me for being the bastard that I am?”

“Oh stop,” I demanded.

“We are who we are and I accept that. And don’t forget that I still carry the connection with you and I love you, actually I love Lu as well. Maybe I don’t love Lu in the same way but I still need for her to be happy.”

It was obvious to me that Michael thought that I had been in pain all of the time we‘d been separated and I needed to take that guilt away from him.

“Michael, I developed a way to put the connect into a hibernating state while you were away from me. By doing so I was able to keep the pain at bay – the trade off was that I lost my drive and my love of life. So actually, I’ve been in a state of limbo and suspension but the reconnect grabbed me back through the phone as soon as I picked up the receiver. You are my connection to living and breathing with any kind of peace.”

Michael squeezed me into him.

I continued because I wanted to get all of the crap out of the way.

“Now can we lay all of this shit to rest about guilt and get on with being together and in the NOW?”

We’d been wrapped up in each others arms for a couple of hours and I didn’t ever want that to change but I heard his stomach growl for need of food. That was something that I could fix. I brought my lips to his ear and whispered. “How about a ‘Marvelous Coupling’ for lunch?”

“Sounds good,” he said. “In a minute.”

Then he claimed my lips with his and wrapped his body tighter around mine to prepare for the onslaught of the wave. I never felt closer to him than I did right then. The machinations of the wave were so delightful and took on yet another dimension as we loved each other and we saw shades of our time in Sandy’s pool together again in that orgasm, crazy at times and also tender and soft.

When I could speak I wanted him to know just how delighted I was that he was there with me.

“Wow, Michael that was so nice, it begs for me to cry for joy. I love you.”

Again he squeezed me to him and we clung to each other, breathing in each other’s scent and feeling content.

Bringing my lips to his ear again, I said, “Baby, let’s go make some lunch. I kind of want to see if I can walk, my body feels like rubber.”

“You don’t feel like rubber to me.”

Michael said as he gripped both of my butt cheeks one in each hand and squeezed while pulling me tighter to him.

I was barely able to get the words out of my mouth as the passion began to mount.

“I’m going to make you fuck me if you don’t stop igniting the reconnect and you know what that will do to my principles.”

Michael held me tight and we decompressed. When he could, he couldn’t help himself but he had to make fun of me.

“So you’re going to make me fuck you, are you?” He said as he laughed.

“You know it wouldn’t take much encouragement. I’m ready right now.”

“Yes, I can feel your readiness and I like it.” I said shamelessly.

“Now, would you relax a moment so that we can go see to lunch, ok?”

“I don’t think I can; I’m a bit too far gone,” Michael said.

“Oh, isn’t that nice,” I said and separated my legs to allow him greater access and a greater simulation of the real thing as he fit swimmingly cradled between my thighs. Then I brazenly moved my hips into him as I covered his mouth with my lips, slipping my tongue in to taste him in the same movement. His taste made me groan for the need of him and his reaction was every bit as intense and needy.

“Oh Christ,” he cried out as the wave hit us first with the heat and then the sparks started popping. The pressure on my skin brought me again to our day in Sandy’s pool just as another wave rose from our genitals to meet the opening pores and sparks as they joined the party going on inside. The explosions tiny but intense circulated in each of us and around us and through us and somehow reignited on their own enough times that to know the actual count was impossible. We’d have to talk about that episode; it left us each completely sated and relaxed, well after a pretty long decompression time.

When words were available to us we discussed the episode and I confessed to him.

“I’d walk on hot coals everyday for the rest of my life if I could count on having that experience every now and again. Truly, there’s no pain I couldn’t endure. Again I thank you, my love.”

Michael held me tenderly, kissed my forehead but said nothing.

On the way to the kitchen and our much anticipated hot sandwiches we stopped in the ‘Pinky bank’ to pack a bowl to have either before or after lunch.

Preparing lunch was comfortable, easy, and enjoyable. Michael’s odd humor was back entertaining me and showing me love. We were a superb team in the kitchen as we were every where else. I felt golden around him. We enjoyed our lunch in the dining room sitting facing each other. Drinking him in with my eyes was more important to me than satisfying my need for food and sitting opposite him allowed me to do both and receive a bit of the reconnect on a minute by minute basis, to boot.

We had much to discuss as it turned out, something Michael was more aware of than me, as a matter of fact; I wasn’t aware of anything that needed discussing unless it had something to do with making him happy. I was totally in the ‘appreciation and gratitude’ mode of our relationship and that’s exactly where I wanted to stay – yes because it also met my own need – we did have a symbiotic relationship, after all. I was satisfied and happy while wrapped in the reconnect. It was all good, again.

Sipping on the reheated coffee, I’d had enough to eat and took pleasure in watching Michael enjoy the Monte Cristo. Before he reached for the portion of sandwich that I left on my plate, Michael was maybe a bit annoyed.

“Instead of staring at me you could tell me some stuff.”

“Does it bother you for me to look at you?”

God, I hoped that wasn’t the case.

“Nobody likes to be watched while they eat,” he said, flatly.

“If it gave you this much pleasure to watch me eat, I’d be all about it; you can be sure.”

Like I mentioned I was deep in the ‘appreciation and gratitude’ mode of our relationship.

“But, of course, if it bothers you; what stuff would you like me to talk about?”

“Hum, let’s see.”

Michael mumbled with his mouth partially full. Before he spoke, he took the time to chew and swallow.

“Tell me about the family and whatever you have going in your life, ok?”

“Ok,” I said, “I’ll start with the kids.”

I sighed to gather my thoughts and to inhale the scent of him which I knew would assist me in being articulate.

“Ollie is going to finish his degrees in New York; he only has another semester and then he’ll finish his dissertation to get his masters. He’s getting a place with Mattie so they can share expenses and their lives. Their decisions lay ahead of them and I’m sure they’ll make some surprising ones.”

“Kevin and Kathy are planning a backpacking trip through Europe and have filled me with facts and statistics about each of their planned destinations and more useless information that could only be of value to a ‘Jeopardy’ contestant. But watching their excitement grow has been a sweet gift of pride for what fine individuals they’ve turned out to be.”

“Margaret fixed up the cottage that sits in the south three acres of this property and is going to school. She’s majoring in ‘Journalism’. Sometimes she joins me for dinner, so maybe we’ll see her this evening. For sure she’ll be here for Sunday dinner so you’ll get to see how radiantly happy she is.”

“Henry has turned his back on me completely though I hear about him from the kids sometimes. I lost the struggle with the Catholic Church to keep our family house and believe it or not, the IRS came after me for his back taxes. I think I have it all straightened out now. The entire experience wasn’t good but there is light at the end of the tunnel.”

Michael stopped before he ate the last bites of the sandwich to ask.

“Baby, do your kids hate me for not coming around?”

“No,” I said.

“Why would they hate you?”

“You did tell them about us?”

He wanted to know what I’d told them about him.

“No, Michael, my love for you is for you and me only and I covet it with the deepest of privacy, no Michael.”

It was incredulous to me that he didn’t know me better.

Michael put his hands up after cleaning them with his napkin to halt me from saying anything more.

“Baby, you continue to amaze me. You’re not like any other person I’ve ever known.”

It was somehow quite sweet to impress him but I’d prefer that he knew me better and expected better of me.

Clearing the table in less than a minute, Michael picked up his coffee in one hand and pulled me to my feet with his other.

“Let’s have our coffee and conversation in the garden.”

He suggested but didn’t wait for my response and pulled me along with him as he made his way through the porch and down the steps and on the path that led to my beloved growing buddies. He stopped at the table in the middle of the garden that was nearly obscured because of the size of those once little buddies. But like a ‘homing pigeon’ he found his way.

He knew me well enough to know that that was my favorite place in the world besides on a balcony of a cruise ship in the middle of the ocean.

As we sat in the same seats we’d shared before and were blessed with the warmth of the reconnect, we breathed together in quiet for sometime, just taking in the freshly created oxygen and feeding the plants with our exhale. We were greeted with the lovely softness of an invitation from Ricky as we both caught a glimpse of a red spark leap from her to mingle with the particles that created the invitation.

“What was that,” Michael wanted to know.

“Well, um, honestly, I haven’t figured it out yet.”

I answered. I wasn’t concerned, I was intrigued.

“That wasn’t the first time that’s happened?” He nearly demanded.

“No,” I said. “It’s happened many times. I haven’t figured it out yet. Maybe we’ll figure it out together. Right now, let me finish telling you about the family.”

He nodded and I continued.

“Actually, I just wanted to tell you about Denice. She comes up often but usually stays at Sam’s in the city though we have had a couple of marathon design sessions working on her wedding dress and my dress as her attendant. She has grasped an entirely new dimension in understanding design and how it relates to texture and color. Luckily for me as part of our ‘Two Women’ design business her acute understanding has rubbed off onto me. She inspires me every time we’re together. I tell ya, Michael she literally glows with creativity. Anyway and as a side bar because she’s such the great advocate for our joint venture, I’m going to get to quietly design for a lot of people.”

Finishing up the ‘family category’ was the question of whether we would see Denice and Sam on Sunday at dinner brought the unhappy news that they weren’t available due to being in Monterey for the weekend with friends.

The garden nearly begged for quiet. With my eyes closed I reminded the place of its healing powers and asked for indulgence for a while longer.

“Allow us these moments right now; we’ll all benefit. Talking increases our breathing which in turn assists you in your effort to fulfill your destiny.”

The begging ceased, replaced with support and a measure more nurturing comfort. They all knew that deep down I had their best interests at heart and to reach their fullest destiny was my wish and effort for each of them. So, the change was easy for ‘em.

“More, of your weirdness,” Michael asked.

“Sorry, I thought you already knew about my connection to this garden.”

“Yes, I know you have a connection to the garden but when you spoke you were responding, not initiating the conversation. Helen, do they speak to you?”

A straight up question deserved a straight up answer.

“No, but they communicate. The way they communicate with me has taken me a very long time to learn. Their communication is so subtle that it’s a wonder that I ever got it at all. As a collective we use ‘Ricky’ to assist in our communication. Ricky and her inviting particles enhance my ability to focus on scents, flavors, oils, and drifts and whiffs of yet unknown entities moving in the wind on air waves. Once I stopped trying to separate it from universal travel the process turned from a frantic chore to something as basic as Morse code. It’s become so easy for me that sometimes, it seems as though they’re talking to me.”

Michael smiled at me a teasing smile.

“Do you still sing to them?”

It would be my guess that Michael felt it as did I, the garden’s visible rise to attention when he asked the question.

“They don’t think I sing often enough but yes I do still sing to them. We’re a team and my singing encourages them to reach their fullest potential. They are as magnificent as they are not just because of the right water and nutrients and sunlight and warmth but because of our bond and commitment to each other. I often sing in honor of that familial bond; they like it. Maybe I do make ‘em wait for it but that’s something I learned from you. ‘Leave them wanting more’. And when I return I don’t even have to try to read them. They drench me in their adoration. I can close my eyes and feel their love for me. I wish you could feel it, too and you know; I wish only the best for you.”

As I thought it, I granted me my wish by taking Michael’s hand. The reconnect was lovely and as we both took our giant united sighs, Michael was granted my own perception and the ability to see and feel what I saw and felt.

The entire yard greeted him with delightful fluttering movements and scents that deciphered into welcomes. I giggled at my friends and how sweet their alliance with Michael would soon be. No, correction was already, instantly.

His eyes remained closed almost as though he had to concentrate to understand but maybe he kept them closed from the bliss of their communication. For a few minutes I closed my eyes and tried to become part of their conversation but soon was demoted to a quiet watcher. Feeling them fawn all over him with their collective gratitude for making me happy at first kind of freaked me out but then I accepted it for the endearing and caring show of love that it was.

“No wonder you love this place, thank you baby for sharing. They are, as you say, magnificent.” I could only agree.

Our conversation was wrapped in the comfort and love of that special garden. We covered other topics and I’m sure my pleasure showed when we talked about the ‘web business’ and the ‘catch objects’ I designed and the official catch object that I planned to endorse. I’d created the original for Michael and named it ‘Partner’. All the others that followed were named ‘Garner’ for all of the love that the little object could ‘garner’ for its owner. In my opinion it was the perfect texture and weight for a good ‘catch’. Since I was the inventor of two adult catch games, ‘Two-Person Catch’ and ‘Group Catch’, both of them copy written under ‘Helen’s Catch’, my endorsement carried some weight.

Before we left the garden for a catch, Michael turned to me and started singing.

“All you have to do is touch my hand.”

I joined him immediately for the benefit of the inhabitants of the garden. We sang all of ‘Some Kind of Wonderful’ with our combined voice and were delighted that we still carried a unique and beautiful sound together. The garden was not shy in their praise and it was lovely to decipher their united ‘ahs’.

As we walked, hand in hand, to the porch for our ‘catch’, I asked Michael.

“Do you and Lu have a regular ‘catch’?

“Not for a while, now; somehow we’ve allowed much of the joy to evaporate from our relationship because we’re both so busy and don’t spend any time focusing on us.”

“It’s a good thing you’re here now. My goal will be to see those same two loving people together like the last time we were all together.”

Michael turned me to him and wrapped his arms around me. Squeezing me tight, he whispered.

“How could I forget how great it is to be with you? What a good person you are.”

Michael took his chair for the catch to the other side of the porch. We sat facing each other and before Michael said his honors he requested that I take it easy on him because he hadn’t played for awhile and that it might take some time before his muscle memory kicked in.

I took ‘Hebly’ from my pocket. ‘Hebly’ was one of many ‘catch objects’ that I’d designed. Hebly was special because it carried two faces, Michael’s cartoon face and my cartoon face. The little character sported Michael’s big feet in the form of little dangling things from the bottom of the air-fill miniature body and manicured hands represented me. I believe it was the cutest object in existence. There was no shame in the fact that I carried it with me every moment since Michael called. That object still gave me a tiny touch of the reconnect while kissing its little faces. I was reluctant to use it in a ‘catch’ because I didn’t want it to be away from me, ever. But Michael having ‘Hebly’ was ok.

After tossing the precious ‘Hebly’ into the air a few times to remind my muscles what to do with it, I lobbed it over to Michael.

Michael slowly examined ‘Hebly’ like he was seeing the object for the first time – odd, because there was only one other ‘Hebly’ created – the one I made for and gave to Michael. The original ‘two-headed’ object that carried our cartoon faces was named ‘Arec’, pronounced Eric which stood for ‘a reconnect’. I created it for Lu so that she could reconnect when we were not around to give her the real thing. Michael wanted it so I made him one of his own but I named it ‘Hebly’ – a combination of the names of our customized catch objects. His is named ‘Bubbly’ and mine is named ‘Hellie’.

Michael gave honor to me as the ‘Greater Player’ and praised my ability at the catch before he made the initial pitch. Little ‘Hebly’ came to me in sort of a lob that wobbled as it slowly reached me. Impatient, I grabbed it out of the air and sent it back to him in a fast side-arm wanting to pick up the pace. He trapped ‘Hebly’ in a ‘bread-basket’ catch and sent the object back to me without much speed. Again, I impatiently grabbed ‘Hebly’ from the air and returned it to Michael with some real pepper and spin using the side-arm again. Michael caught it but not without drama and barely held on by one of Hebly’s Michael feet, in other words, by barely a hair. Michael’s return was embarrassing with how ‘girlie’ it was. I was no longer impatient; I was beginning to get irritated.

Sending the object back to him with ‘attitude’ and more speed, I tried to engage his competitive nature and entice him into playing the way I knew he could, or at the very least make him angry. When he sent it to me again in a child-like throw, I nearly lost it and decided to try a little teasing.

“You must be Michael’s little sister because, you are for sure an imposter. The Michael I know and love knows how to play my kind of catch. Who the fuck are you?”

Michael caught the fast over-hand that I’d sent but held on to the object while he spoke.

“You scare me woman, slow down and give me a chance to get up to speed.”

Then he sent ‘Hebly’ to me in another girlie throw that worried me.

Slowing down was not in the plan and to prove it I sent little ‘Hebly’ end over end, feet and hands flying to him at a speed greater than any so far. Actually my plan was to gradually increase the velocity of my pitches until Michael got ‘up to speed’, as he put it. Again he caught the object with drama, the actions were so far from what I knew Michael to be capable of that I suddenly thought that Michael could be using that child-like behavior as a distraction building to eventually unseating me as ‘The Greater Player’. Could he be that devious? I continued with the plan to increase the speed and type of pitches for him to catch.

As I used speed and change ups to challenge him I could see him improving and creating less drama with his catches. His pitches were worse than terrible and I watched, caught the terrible pitch and returned it to him with a greater challenge than the catch before. That, lack-luster catch went on for maybe 15 minutes before I could take it no more for want of the old Michael.

“Michael I’m going to do something drastic if you don’t put your good pitches into this catch. Please challenge me, baby.”

To mirror what I wanted him to do seemed right so I pitched him an over-head fast pitch that was, even by my standards, very fast. He caught that fast pitch by accident or because I aimed for his bread-basket – I still wanted him to catch it. The object came back to me by way of a bobbled nothing pitch, I sighed deeply again for want of the old Michael, the challenging Michael, the fun Michael, then I whipped ‘Hebly’ to him in a near blur. As I let go of the object I caught the ‘tell’ in Michael’s eyes and my heart jumped for joy. He caught the blur and sent it back to me via his sweet round-house pitch that used the speed of the object to help propel it into an even faster return pitch.

I whooped for joy as I caught Michael’s lightning round-house and returned it via a spinning side-arm. Catching that pitch wasn’t easy as it rolled around in his lap until he corralled it and sent it back to me in a straight on, over-head fast pitch. The speed was impressive and I told him so but I still challenged him, that time with a slow slider to the mid-section. His return wasn’t very controlled and I had to leap to my feet to save it from hitting the opposite wall and ending the catch, God forbid. From then on I had fun like we used too. We played the catch the way the game was supposed to be played, fast and challenging.

Michael relaxed into it and began to have some fun himself. When he started adding his commentary to the pitches I knew that he was back. There was no one in the world who could make me laugh like Michael besides my sister. When Michael laughed I felt it in every fiber of my being, it was like a coddle to my soul. I wanted to go on hearing him laugh for as long as possible. We played until a bathroom break was necessary. The catch ended like so many, without fanfare or any fabulous touch just a stubbed finger and the catch was over.

The ‘jump and stand move’ was called for and before I could make the move, Michael was on his feet to claim the floor. I’d seen Michael make that move before and in doing it, he always made me laugh. I smiled anticipating what he would come up with.

“I make the ‘jump and stand’ move because I have an urgent need, a bathroom break, that qualifies, do you accept this move?”

Michael asked in his funny official voice.

“I accept.” I said, short and sweet.

As Michael got close to me I could see that he was sweating as profusely as I and also had not gotten control of his breathing. He took my hand and pulled me to my feet for a full body reconnect. Oh holy sweet reconnect, that was so good. I retrieved ‘Hebly’ and put it in my pocket; we joined hands and headed inside. Michael went to the guest room and I went into my bathroom.

“Holy-moly woman,” I said as I looked into the mirror at a woman glowing with happiness but quite tussled. After brushing my teeth and combing my hair and in general freshening up I took another look in the mirror to see what I would be presenting for Michael to look at. Once I saw Michael’s eyes still looking back at me, I decided that that was me; Michael would see me.

When I left the bathroom, Michael was standing at the door waiting for me. I wasn’t surprised to see him there as the fingers of the reconnect seem to be signaling me at a much greater distance than before, a little observation I’d bring back for more clarity later, also something to talk to Michael about if he ever got into his analytical bent, the great research guy.

We wrapped up tightly for a minute, in a heart-beat our breathing matched; we sighed our joined sighs and headed for the ‘Pinky bank’ to smoke the bowl packed earlier. I sat on the loveseat facing the door and Michael scooted me over and sat right next to me.

“Green,” I said as I handed him the pipe and lighter. He accepted and we went about the ritual until we were both mellow and comfortable. We made eye contact and I smiled.

Michael made the ‘stretch and yawn arm move’ in order to wrap his arm around me. I curled my body into the curve of his abdomen and enjoyed the upgrade in the reconnect and snuggled in close. In a very smooth move, Michael turned my body slightly and then was cradling me with my lower back in his lap in one gesture as though it were a practiced move. The kiss wasn’t a surprise but it was a delight to be held in such a tender and loving and personal way, the wave stimulating but also a bit frightening, and finally decompression and always wanting more.

I looked up from my position in Michael’s lap to see his face directly in front of me. Without judgment or any kind of blame I questionsed.

“What brought that on?”

“You,” he said.

No, it wasn’t a word of blame but merely the shortest unclear explanation in the history of answers.

“Me?” I questioned.

“Yes, you,” Michael said.

“You flashed me that ‘hold and kiss me’ smile so I was gladly following your silent orders.”

If he could in fact read all of my silent orders, I’d be in his arms for the rest of my life.

“Are you treating me as though you’re not married?”

I blatantly asked forgetting to soften the bluntness that usually comes from my mouth.

“No Baby, I hope I’m recognizing and honoring our connection by giving in to it, learning more, and trying to understand it.”

“Oh, ok.”

I smiled as multiple ways to honor our connection came to mind at the same time. Just thinking of truly giving in to the direction of his pull made me giggle like a stupid school girl.

We sat in quiet stillness for a time maybe a half an hour. In that time we moved only minimally, once to hold hands and once to lace our fingers. Our breathing matched and our contentment was evident in our joined sighs. It was easy to wile away the hours while we worked at continually reconnecting. The feelings were so good it was impossible to say that we’d had enough. I for one couldn’t seem to get enough.

Michael looked at me.

“I was wondering have you heard from David since the tour?”

“No,” I said.

Michael made a call to David and left a message.

“Hi David, its Michael, please call me back as soon as you get this message I need to talk to you regarding Helen and what’s going on.”

Still sitting within each other’s embrace after Michael closed the phone we snuggled in tight. I thought of nothing except the feel of Michael next to me and the scent of him in that moment, wild honeysuckle and musk. Without thought of the future or the past but only being in that moment I was happy; I was as happy as was possible for any human being to be. No matter what I had to endure, it would never be as bad as the good I felt then.

The time for fixing our dinner meal had come and gone but I didn’t want to leave our sweet cocoon. No, I didn’t want to leave and I wanted more kisses. Michael must have felt my desire because he lifted my face to his and gently put his soft lips on mine. We tightened our hold and rode out the fabulous undulating heat. The need to rip off my clothing was new and I worked at ignoring it but I couldn’t stop myself as my shirt came off in one smooth and nearly unseen move. More of my skin was available to sear against his. Michael increased his hold by wrapping his arms entirely around my waist and pressing me to him with force I’d not felt before.

When we could move again without instigating another rapture Michael picked me up and carried me into my bedroom and placed me on the big bed again. After that we took turns giving each other kisses and igniting our passions and inviting the wave. When our bodies were finally limp after all the excessive stimulation we just laid in each other’s arms talking quietly about each episode and how marvelous it all felt.

When our stomachs growled in unison and left no doubt that it was time to fix a meal, I went into action.

“I hear your belly call for food; do you have a preference, or would you just like me to surprise you with some good grub?” I asked.

“Let’s fix it together, whatever it is, ok?” He didn’t want to be far from me.

“Yeah, sounds good.”

Dinner came together with ease. We made a salad and a couple of grilled cheese sandwiches and ate at the breakfast bar over some easy conversation. Music accompanied our meal and dialogue.

After the food was consumed and we cleaned up the kitchen I caught Michael shaking his head and laughing at me but I hadn’t said anything funny.

“What’s so funny?” I asked, wanting to be in on the joke.

Without saying a word, Michael reached over to me and touched my right breast with the end of his pointer finger. I watched it happen but whatever he was pointing out was not registering in my brain and I stood there watching him in confusion. Seeing that I didn’t get it, he tried another move. That time he put the same pointer finger under one of my bra straps and snapped it against my skin; then he waited for me to catch on.

It took another minute but I did finally realize that I was still without my shirt. Awareness about things like that in regard to me had always been missing. I had to add to my routine the process of examining myself in the mirror before I left the house or there was no telling what I’d be putting out there for the world to see. For whatever reason, I never gave myself a thought.

“You know, Michael, when Henry and I were first married, I’d forget that I didn’t have clothes on. Henry would find me in the kitchen cooking his breakfast naked, sometimes I’d have an apron on but mostly I was just there without my clothes. The first time it turned him on but after that he got irritated with me. He wasn’t irritated that I was naked but he was irritated because I was unaware that I was naked. The day that I put ‘the mirror check’ in my routine Henry called me ‘stupid’ for being unaware.”

“Baby, I don’t think that man knew how to embrace the differences between you and the rest of the world. It’s obvious to me that he didn’t recognize your value. Nakedness is what being married is all about, physically and emotionally. Hellie, you allow others to see you for who you really are and don’t even make an attempt to hide because you have nothing to be ashamed of.”

While I set up the coffee maker to produce our morning coffee, Michael left the room but returned before the coffee chore was completed. He’d gone to my closet and brought me a little red cardigan sweater; held it for me to put my arms into and then he buttoned the two middle buttons.

Watching him fuss over me while wrapped in the protective cocoon of our reconnect I let the moment absorb into my being; I was sure there could be no greater comfort. To prove me wrong, Michael took me into a gentle embrace, placing his hands just under the cardigan; his fingertips caressed the skin on my lower back causing my knees to buckle.

‘Oh, Michael, baby,’ I thought, ‘Don’t you see how vulnerable I am?’ Even without the connect to draw us together; I was first a woman, only one half a complete whole and like all ‘one-halfs’, I needed the other for fulfillment. He could never be that other, but I did allow him to comfort me and remind me of my woman-ness.

Michael was giving into the pull of the reconnect like he said but I could only go so far. There was a line I knew I’d not allow to be breached. So, with that line as a default, the enjoyment of his attention was welcomed and encouraged.

Making sure that I didn’t fall, Michael held me close until I gained my purchase with the floor; he then walked me over to the CD player to select some music for background, I thought. Before I knew it we were dancing around my living room and into the dinning room and a couple times into the kitchen. We waited for more music and danced more. We danced into and around every room in the house and even out onto the back porch. Finally Michael danced me into my bedroom and, knowing my routine, left me at the bathroom door.

It took me some time before I found sleeping clothes, a faded pair of silk pajamas. It seemed odd that when I put them on I felt a bit of the reconnect but then the thought was gone.

Once complete with my evening maintenance and preparing for the next day as is my routine, I headed for the computer to check my web business and was delighted that there were nearly a hundred new orders. Instantly calculating how much time it would take to process that many orders, even with the new automation I’d developed, I knew it would take me away from Michael for at least a couple of hours. Also instantly, I made the decision to wait until Michael was asleep to go to the lab to do my part and get things ready for the UPS guy in the morning.

Waiting at the computer for Michael to come back, I answered my emails and when Michael still wasn’t back, I made my routine walk through the house checking the doors and windows and watching for anything out of place or any mess that needed attention. When I checked the windows in the guest room, I saw Michael asleep on the bed. Pulling the extra quilt over him to ward off the chill of me not being there, I went off to the lab to process the new orders.

The estimation of a couple of hours was right on. Exactly two hours later I was headed for the kitchen looking for something to drink before I went to sleep for the night. To my delight, Michael was standing in the light of the open door of the refrigerator. He turned before he actually saw me.

Before our bodies collided I asked if he was interested in a glass of sherry before bed. No words, just a nodded head and a smile. The reconnect was sweet and soft and so, so, so good. Michael carried me in that full-body reconnect to the cupboard for the sherry.

We carried the tray with the sherry to the bedroom and into the ‘Pinky bank’ where we packed a bowl. Michael handed me the pipe and I took the premium hit to start the ritual. After we picked up our sherry glasses and, yes, Michael made a toast.

“To you, Helen, to honoring our connection, to answering the question of what the connect wants from us and for us, to always remembering what we have because we can’t lose it.”

Ending the toast, I quietly closed with “Cheers, thanks a lot, eh?”

For the next 20 or 30 minutes, we sipped on the sherry and reconnected across the small room via our eyes. Living and breathing was so easy with him so close to me. My lungs expanded with greater elasticity and my skin, too, responded to the freedom. The sighs of satisfaction from the two of us filled the ‘Pinky bank’ with an invisible fog like softness. Soon I was yawning and needing to sleep.

Even though I couldn’t say with complete certainty how I ended up in bed, there I was and Michael was spooning in behind me. An involuntary sob escaped my lips and I felt Michael pull me to him; he whispered in my ear.

“Do you want me to go?”

The sob jumped out again.

“No, please, I was afraid you’d go back to the guest room. Please, please Michael, stay with me.”

Yeah, I guess I made myself pretty clear with that begging.

His voice was low and sexy.

“Don’t worry Baby, I’m not going anywhere.”

With the sound of Michael’s voice in my ear and his arms around me, I fell asleep bathed in the warmth of our connection.

‘I got up, like every morning, to grayness, to nothingness, but that morning I was particularly sad as the night had given me a dream that was so real that one could only surmise that the gods were cruel indeed. Cruel beyond even my own strength and I was finally willing to give in and die of the terrible need. I began to purge myself of all the unshed tears, trying hard to empty myself of the anguish I felt.’

“I’m right here. Baby, I’m right here. Helen baby, it’s ok. I’m right here.”

Behind my tears and cries I heard Michael’s voice and then decided to go back to sleep and have more of my dream. His breath was sweet and soft on my neck. I brought his hands to my breasts and in turn put my hand behind me to grip his tush. When I leaned my head back I felt him kiss my neck and nibble on my ear. My eyes shot open and I regained true consciousness and needed proof that Michael was there for real. I turned to face him. There was concern in his eyes.

“You ok,” he wanted to know.

“I thought I’d dreamed you here and that the gods were playing their final cruel joke on me. It would be more than I could endure.”

Thinking of it made me shudder.

To proclaim his presence, he rolled his body on top of mine and again sandwiched my face in his hands before he kissed me. We got slammed by the wave a couple of times before I had to scramble to the bathroom to take care of my business.

Michael and I met up in the garden, each toting a mug of coffee. Like old times he made his morning toast.

“To making hay while the sun shines, cheers, thanks a lot, eh?”

My practice was always to clear away any new weeds that may have dared to grow in the previous 24 hours but lately my buddies had been taking it upon themselves to not allow any nutrient-stealing plants to invade their space. They had created even more ease in my work as I no longer had to search for the ripe fruit. I just communicated to them what I wanted and they gave it up. Picking up the produce where they guided me was all the work necessary.

After the sun had risen we left to prepare breakfast using the specially selected bounty from my buddies. As we exited the garden we sang; I started the song because it popped into my head.

‘Down at an English fair one evening I was there

When I heard a showman shouting underneath the flair

I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts

There they are all standing in a row

Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head

Give them a twist a flick of the wrist

That’s what the showman said

I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts

Every ball you throw will make me rich

There stands my wife, the idol of me life

Singing roll a bowl a ball a penny a pitch

Roll a bowl a ball a penny a pitch

Roll a bowl a ball a penny a pitch

Roll a bowl a ball, roll a bowl a ball

Singing roll a bowl a ball a penny a pitch

I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts (they’re lovely)

There they are all standing in a row (one, two, three, four)

Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head (and bigger)

Give them a twist a flick of the wrist

That’s what the showman said

I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts

Every ball you throw will make me rich

There stands my wife, the idol of me life

Singing roll a bowl a ball a penny a pitch (all together now)

Roll a bowl a ball a penny a pitch (harmony)

Roll a bowl a ball a penny a pitch

Roll a bowl a ball, roll a bowl a ball

Singing roll a bowl a ball a penny a pitch’

We were laughing when the song came to an end. Not too many know that song anymore.

We made some yummy omelets and lingered over them while we made plans for the day. I had my regular Friday errands to run and Michael had some phone business that he needed to take care of. We decided to separate for the time it took for me to run my errands.

Just as I was leaving to take care of my Friday routine, Michael got a call from David.

Michael said but a few words but he listened and listened. The conversation from the caller was lengthy.

“I can’t do that,” he said and then he listened a long time, again.

“She’s on her way, supposed to arrive in SFO at 9.”

After that little statement he didn’t say anything for a long time.

“Never heard of ‘um, don’t know ‘um.”

There was more listening and then Michael looked over at me. We held eye contact while he listened some more.

“How much time can I have?”

Right about now you’re thinking that I am deciphering that ‘one-sided’ conversation but I learned long ago that assumptions, no matter how probable will lead to misunderstanding. It’s not that I’m patient because, Lordy, I’ve proven that I am not but I don’t like jumping the gun. Plus remember that I have a hard enough time figuring things out when I have all of the pieces.

“That’s bull-shit.”

He spit at the phone.

The sound of my name came from the phone, ‘Helen’. I strained to hear more but decided that it was silly to try.

As a gift, all was quiet for a couple of minutes. When I saw that the call was ending, I gestured that I’d like to say hello to David.

“David, Helen wants to say hello.”

Then he handed me the phone.

When I took the phone it went dead. I just handed it back to Michael and didn’t give it another thought.

Even though Michael could make about a zillion expressions and imitate everyone, he wore his concern right out there for the world to be privy to. Seeing that concern, created a response from me that was adrenaline driven. The accompanying fear would not be my guide; instead, I used the boost to direct my focus.

A number of minutes passed as I waited for Michael to puzzle something together in his head and clue me into what the danger was. When he made a move, he wrapped me up in his arms and kissed the top of my head. He took my hand and then led me to the table in the garden.

“Do you know someone name Rick Waller?” Michael asked.

“Yes,” I said.

“Tell me more,” Michael pressed.

“You know him, kind of. You saw him in LA on the last two days of the tour before the break. Remember? You also got all jealous of him when I went to dinner with him one night before I came up to Vancouver to see you before the Australia part of the tour; Remember?”

Michael made the connection mentally.

“Did something happen with the two of you?”

“After you and Lu were married, I went out with Rick another time. We went out with the ‘Red and White’ fleet to cruise the bay for the evening and had dinner aboard the boat. It was one of those magical evenings with every star in the night sky trying to outshine the next one. The air was warm and balmy; we danced under those same stars. It couldn’t have been more perfect and should’ve worked if anything could to bring me out of my passive state. I tried, for Rick’s sake, I tried. Whatever, it would take more than Rick to give me back any passion.”

“What happened?”

“Well, I made it through the evening and when Rick brought me home, I tried to explain that I was not a healthy person and that I was going through a bout of depression. He told me that he remembered that I didn’t like men who were disrespectful and then asked if he could kiss me. He said that he’d heard a good kiss could chase away the blues. I thought it rather a clever line so I agreed to a kiss. He kissed me in an adult like manner, pushed me against the door to the house and groped my breasts. He pinched and hurt me. You know me, I was instantly insulted and tried to shove him away from me but he had me pinned to the door. Without even a thought I reached down and grabbed his testicles; it didn’t take much torque to twist him into retreat and submission. We stood at a stand off until he was calm. Then I asked if I could kiss him without him trying to take over. He agreed, so I kissed him and allowed him to participate. It was nice. When it was over, I looked at him and I said, “That’s what you’re gonna miss. Good bye.”

He called a couple of times after that but I didn’t take his calls and I didn’t answer any of his messages.”

“Helen, this guy has a major hate on for you and to make it all worse, he is mega powerful in just about every industry there is.”

“No, I don’t think he hates me. Why would you say he hates me?”

“According to David this guy has instigated a boycott on you and anything or anyone related to you at least within the entertainment industry. All of the You Tube videos were pulled.”

All I could think of was that Rick was doing some pretty drastic stuff to get my attention. Ok, he got my attention, I’d see what he wanted but first it was probably necessary to protect Michael and Lu as their livelihood was within the entertainment industry.

“Until I get this straightened out, you’d better, and it hurts so much to say this but, you’d better get out of the state. I’ll keep you posted.”

Michael was greatly insulted by the very existence of anyone powerful enough to end a career with a word and voiced his vehement rage for a few minutes regarding the whole situation.

There was nothing he could do but I watched as he blustered about the place. The watching sparked a physical desire for him. Whether it was due to the muscles I could see under his shirt that were engorged due to the rage he was working to release, or his set jaw, or his gripping and re-gripping fingers, or of course, his thunder cloud eyes wild with passion and righteousness, whatever the reason, I could no more hold myself back than a single beaver could halt the mighty Mississippi.

After launching myself at Michael and gaining his attention by whispering in his ear that since we were going to have to part again soon that we should say our good byes in my room, on my bed.

Adrenaline still cursing through his veins, it took no effort to carry me from the garden to my room. If I could have, I’d have made the sweetest love with Michael but I settled for rocking his world with the machinations of the wave many times over as my good-bye.

When I returned from my errands Michael was gone. I’d hold on to the comfort he gave me for as long as it would last.