Читать книгу The Tales of Uncle Remus / Сказки дядюшки Римуса. Книга для чтения на английском языке - Джоэль Чендлер Харрис - Страница 8

About a week later Brer Rabbit decided to visit with Miz Meadows and the girls. Don’t come asking me who Miz Meadows and her girls were. I don’t know, but then again, ain’t no reason I got to know. Miz Meadows and the girls were in the tale when it was handed to me, and they gon’ be in it when I hand it to you. And that’s the way the rain falls on that one.

Brer Rabbit was sitting on the porch with Miz Meadows and the girls, and Miz Meadows said that Brer Fox was going through the community telling how he’d tricked Brer Rabbit with the Tar Baby. Miz Meadows and the girls thought that was about the funniest thing they’d ever heard and they just laughed and laughed.

Brer Rabbit was as cool as Joshua when he blew on the trumpet ’round the walls of Jericho. Just rocked in the rocking chair as if the girls were admiring his good looks.

When they got done with their giggling[34], he looked at them and winked his eye real slow. “Ladies, Brer Fox was my daddy’s riding horse for thirty years. Might’ve been thirty-five or forty, but thirty, for sure.” He got up, tipped his hat, said, “Good day, ladies,” and walked on off up the road like he was the Easter Parade.

Next day Brer Fox came by to see Miz Meadows and the girls. No sooner had he tipped his hat than they told him what Brer Rabbit had said. Brer Fox got so hot[35] it was all he could do to keep from biting through his tongue.

“Ladies, I’m going to make Brer Rabbit eat his words and spit’em out where you can see’em!”

Brer Fox took off down the road, through the woods, down the valley, up the hill, down the hill, round the bend, through the creek, and past the shopping mall, until he came to Brer Rabbit’s house.

(Wasn’t no shopping mall there. I just put that in to see if you was listening.)

Brer Rabbit saw him coming. He ran in the house and shut the door tight as midnight. Brer Fox knocked on the door. BAM! BAM! BAM! No answer. BAM! BAM! BAM! Still no answer. BLAMMITY BLAM BLAM BLAM!

From inside came this weak voice. “Is that you, Brer Fox? If it is, please run and get the doctor. I ate some parsley this morning, and it ain’t setting too well on my stomach. Please, Brer Fox. Run and get the doctor.”

“I’m sho’ sorry to hear that, Brer Rabbit. Miz Meadows asked me to come tell you that she and the girls are having a party today. They said it wouldn’t be a party worth a dead leaf[36] if you weren’t there. They sent me to come get you.”

Brer Rabbit allowed as to how he was too sick, and Brer Fox said he couldn’t be too sick to go partying. (God knows, that’s the truth! I ain’t never been too sick to party. Even when I’m dead, I’ll get up out of the grave to party. And when I get sick, the blues are the best doctor God put on earth. The blues can cure athlete’s foot, hangnail, and the heartbreak of psoriasis.)

Well, Brer Rabbit and Brer Fox got to arguing back and forth and forth and back about whether he was too sick to come to the party. Finally, Brer Rabbit said, “Well, all right, Brer Fox. I don’t want to hurt nobody’s feelings by not coming to the party, but I can’t walk.”

Brer Fox said, “That’s all right. I’ll carry you in my arms.”

“I’m afraid you’ll drop me.”

“I wouldn’t do a thing like that, Brer Rabbit. I’m stronger than bad breath.”

“I wouldn’t argue with you there, but I’m still afraid. I’ll go if you carry me on your back.”

“Well, all right,” Brer Fox said reluctantly.

“But I can’t ride without a saddle.”

“I’ll get the saddle.”

“But I can’t get in the saddle without a bridle.”

Brer Fox was getting a little tired of this, but he agreed to get a bridle.

“And I can’t keep my balance unless you got some blinders on. How I know you won’t try to throw me off?”

That’s just what Brer Fox was planning on doing, but he said he’d put the blinders on.

Brer Fox went off to get all the riding gear[37], and Brer Rabbit combed his hair, greased his mustache, put on his best suit (the purple one with the yellow vest), shined his toenails, and fluffed out his cottontail[38]. He was definitely ready to party!

He went outside and Brer Fox had the saddle, bridle, and blinders on and was down on all fours. Brer Rabbit got on and away they went. They hadn’t gone far when Brer Fox felt Brer Rabbit raise his foot.

“What you doing, Brer Rabbit?”

“Shortening up the left stirrup.”

Brer Rabbit raised the other foot.

“What you doing now?” Brer Fox wanted to know.

“Shortening up the right stirrup.”

What Brer Rabbit was really doing was putting on spurs. When they got close to Miz Meadows’s house, Brer Rabbit stuck them spurs into Brer Fox’s flanks and Brer Fox took off buckity-buckity-buckity[39]!

Miz Meadows and the girls were sitting on the porch when Brer Rabbit come riding by like he was carrying mail on the Pony Express. He galloped up the road until he was almost out of sight, turned Brer Fox around and came back by the house a-whooping and a-hollering like he’d just discovered gold.

He turned Brer Fox around again, slowed him to a trot and rode on up to Miz Meadows’s house, where he got off and tied Brer Fox to the hitching post. He sauntered up the steps, tipped his hat to the ladies, lit a cigar, and sat down in the rocking chair.

“Ladies, didn’t I tell you that Brer Fox was the riding horse for our family! Of course, he don’t keep his gait like he used to, but in a month or so he’ll have it back.”

Miz Meadows and the gals laughed so hard and so long, they liked to broke out of their underclothes.

Brer Rabbit must’ve stayed with Miz Meadows and the girls half the day. They had tea and cookies, and Brer Rabbit entertained them with some old-time barrelhouse piano. Finally it was time to go. He kissed the ladies’ hands, got on Brer Fox, and with a little nudge of the spurs, rode away.

Soon as they were out of sight, Brer Fox started rarin’ and buckin’[40] to get Brer Rabbit off. Every time he rared, Brer Rabbit jabbed him with the spurs, and every time he bucked, Brer Rabbit yanked hard on the bridle. Finally, brer Fox rolled over on the ground and that got Brer Rabbit off in a hurry.

Brer Rabbit didn’t waste no time getting through the underbrush, and Brer Fox was after him like the wet on water. Brer Rabbit saw a tree with a hole and ran in it just as the shadow of Brer Fox’s teeth was going up his back.

The hole was too little for Brer Fox to get into, so he lay down on the ground beside it to do some serious thinking.

He was lying there with his eyes closed (a fox always closes his eyes when he’s doing serious thinking), when Brer Buzzard came flopping along. He saw Brer Fox lying there like he was dead, and said, “Looks like supper has come to me.”

“No, it ain’t, fool!” said Brer Fox, opening his eyes. “I ain’t dead. I got Brer Rabbit trapped in this tree here, and I ain’t letting him get away this time if it takes me six Christmases.”

Brer Buzzard and Brer Fox talked over the situation for a while. Finally, Brer Buzzard said he’d watch the tree if Brer Fox wanted to go get his axe to chop the tree down.

Soon as Brer Fox was gone and everything was quiet, Brer Rabbit moved close to the hole and yelled, “Brer Fox! Brer Fox!”

Brer Rabbit acted like he was annoyed when Brer Fox didn’t answer. “I know you out there, Brer Fox. Can’t fool me. I just wanted to tell you how much I wish Brer Turkey Buzzard was here.”

Brer Buzzard’s ears got kind of sharp. He put on his best Brer Fox voice and said, “What you want with Brer Buzzard?”

“Oh, nothing, except there’s the fattest gray squirrel in here that I’ve ever seen. If Brer Buzzard was here, I’d drive the squirrel out the other side of the tree to him.”

“Well,” said Brer Buzzard, still trying to sound like Brer Fox and not doing too good a job[41], “you drive him out and I’ll catch him for Brer Buzzard.”

Brer Rabbit started making all kinds of noises like he was trying to drive the squirrel out and Brer Buzzard ran around to the other side of the tree. Quite naturally, Brer Rabbit ran out of the tree and headed straight for home.

Brer Buzzard was mighty embarrassed when he realized he’d been tricked[42]. Before he could think of what to tell Brer Fox, Brer Fox came marching up with his axe on his shoulder.

“How’s Brer Rabbit?” Brer Fox wanted to know.

“Oh, he doing fine, I reckon. He’s mighty quiet, but he’s in there.”

Brer Fox took his axe and – POW! – started in on the tree. He was swinging that axe so hard and so fast, the chips were piling up like snowflakes.

“He’s in there!” Brer Buzzard yelled. “He’s in there!” The sweat was pouring off Brer Fox like grease coming out of a Christmas goose what’s been in the oven all day. Finally, Brer Buzzard couldn’t hold it in any longer and he bust out laughing.

“What’s so doggone funny?” Brer Fox wanted to know, putting his axe down.

“He’s in there, Brer Fox! He’s in there!” Brer Buzzard exclaimed, still laughing.

Brer Fox was suspicious now. He stuck his head in the hole and didn’t see a thing. “It’s dark in there, Brer Buzzard. Your neck is longer than mine. You stick your head in. Maybe you can see where he’s at.”

Brer Buzzard didn’t want to do it, but he didn’t have no choice. He walked over real careful like, stuck his head in the hole, and soon as he did, Brer Fox grabbed his neck and pulled him out.

“Let me go, Brer Fox! I ain’t done nothing to you. I got to get home to my wife. She be worrying about me.”

“She don’t have to do that, ’cause you gon’ be dead if you don’t tell me where that rabbit is.”

Brer Buzzard told him what had happened and how sorry he was.

“Well, it don’t make no never mind,” said Brer Fox. “You’ll do just as good.[43] I’m gon’ throw you on a fire and burn you up.”

“If you do, I’ll fly away.”

“Well, if that’s the case, I better take care of you right here and now.”

Brer Fox grabbed Brer Buzzard by the tail to throw him on the ground and break his neck. Soon as he raised his arm, however, Brer Buzzard’s tail feathers came out and he flew away.

Po’ Brer Fox. If it wasn’t for bad luck, he wouldn’t have no luck at all.