Читать книгу Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus - Джон Грей - Страница 40

A man’s deepest fear is that he is not good enough or that he is incompetent. He compensates for this fear by focusing on increasing his power and competence. Success, achievement, and efficiency are foremost in his life. Before they discovered the Venusians, the Martians were so concerned with these qualities that they didn’t care about anything or anybody else. A man appears most uncaring when he is afraid.

A man’s deepest fear is that he is not good enough or that he is incompetent.

Just as women are afraid of receiving, men are afraid of giving. To extend himself in giving to others means to risk failure, correction, and disapproval. These consequences are most painful because deep inside his unconscious he holds an incorrect belief that he is not good enough. This belief was formed and reinforced in childhood every time he thought he was expected to do better. When his accomplishments went unnoticed or were unappreciated, deep in his unconscious he began forming the incorrect belief that he was not good enough.

Just as women are afraid of receiving, men are afraid of giving.

A man is particularly vulnerable to this incorrect belief. It generates within him the fear of failing. He wants to give but is afraid he will fail, so he doesn’t try. If his biggest fear is inadequacy, he naturally is going to avoid any unnecessary risks.

Ironically, when a man really cares a lot his fear of failure increases, and he gives less. To avoid failure he stops giving to the people he wants to give to the most.

When a man is insecure he may compensate by not caring about anybody except himself. His most automatic defensive response is to say “I don’t care.” For this reason, the Martians did not let themselves feel or care too much for others. By becoming successful and powerful they finally realized that they were good enough and that they could succeed in giving. They then discovered the Venusians.

Although they had always been good enough, the process of proving their power prepared them for the wisdom of selfesteem. Through becoming successful and then looking back, they realized that their every failure was necessary to achieve their later successes. Every mistake had taught them a very important lesson necessary to achieve their goals. Thus they realized they had always been good enough.