Читать книгу The Cancer Directory - Dr. Daniel Rosy - Страница 45

Everyone is different. Initial reactions to a diagnosis of cancer can range from extremely strong emotions to total numbness, and any degree in between. Your state can also vary profoundly from one hour to the next, so that you may find yourself suddenly in a highly emotional state, unexpectedly feeling out of control.

If you need to withdraw, withdraw. If you need to scream, shout and rage, then scream, shout and rage. If you need to weep, please allow yourself to let go completely and grieve over your situation. There is no need to keep up a brave face. This will not ultimately serve you, and will definitely delay the process of your being able to get your feet back on the ground, able to make clearly thought-out decisions about the way forward. Take all the time you need to go through your reactions. Do not be afraid to cancel work and social engagements if you need to. You have effectively been bereaved, and everything will go much better if you allow yourself the proper space and time to begin to come to terms with what you are experiencing.

There is often a sense of intense disbelief and the recurring question of ‘Why me?’. Many people go straight into fear, or even terror, and this can be felt both mentally and physically. Such extreme fear can cause a racing heart, sweatiness, a feeling of weakness and sometimes diarrhoea. The mental anguish can make it impossible to concentrate, perform normal tasks, keep up a social front or sleep properly. Over time, this all-pervasive fear can become focused into more specific fears, such as fear of pain, disability, disfigurement, hospitals and doctors. But underneath it all, it is usually the having to come face to face with one’s fear of death and the deep uncertainty caused by the diagnosis that causes such a strong reaction.

Often, the next feeling experienced is grief. This may be grief at the thought that you might die and leave others behind, or grief for yourself and the loss of your sense of a certain future. Often, relatives, too, will go into anticipatory grief. This can sometimes be so extreme that you find people treating you as if you had gone already! Combined with the withdrawal of friends or colleagues who are too embarrassed to talk to you about what is happening, you may be left feeling abandoned and isolated – as if you have passed through an invisible glass wall and are no longer part of the ordinary world around you.

You may find yourself experiencing a mixture of feelings, such as jealousy, resentment or even anger, towards those who are still healthy. You may dread the thought of becoming dependent on people with whom you do not wish to have that degree of intimacy, or even feel guilt at the thought of not being able to fulfil your ordinary functions. Of course, this will be tempered by the enormous love, closeness and gratitude you will feel towards those who stick with you through this crisis, with whom your relationship will deepen and grow immeasurably.

There can then be the other side of the story. You may, as already mentioned, have been expecting something like this to come along. You may even welcome the illness, feeling that the whistle has finally been blown on what has been an unhappy or unproductive state of affairs in your life. You may even find yourself feeling excited by the challenge of cancer, experiencing it as a much-needed wake-up call. Some may even welcome the possible imminence of death.

Do not think it is odd if you feel this way. Many people feel this way, especially if life has been really tough.

You may have beliefs or even a deep ‘soul memory’ that dying is not so much an ending as a transition into a far freer state of being and, thus, actually look forward to making the transition. Or it may be that life has been so hard for you that dying seems like a blessed relief. But, on a more pragmatic level, it could be that the diagnosis and possibility of death make every moment of life seem extremely precious and exciting and that, in one fell swoop, any sense of boredom or depression with life evaporates.

There is also another phenomenon that people often experience – which is a sense of being almost unnaturally calm. It is as if you are at the still point, within the ‘eye’ of a hurricane. While relatives and friends are being thrown into chaos by the new development, you may find yourself strangely quiet and ‘present’ with the ultimate truth and reality of your situation. It is as if there is a spiritual acceptance of the truth of what is happening to you and, from somewhere deep inside, you are being given the inner strength to deal with it.

If you have received bad news, take all the time and space you need to go through your reaction before making treatment decisions.

Ask yourself:

• What am I feeling now about my diagnosis?

• How am I reacting to my diagnosis?

• What help do I need at this time?