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Prologue: Lost and Found

It is 5 o'clock in the afternoon and the sun beats down on the Portuguese mountains and my bare shoulders. My throat is dry and sore, parched from thirst and my futile screams for help. A few minutes ago, I turned my right ankle sharply when I scrambled down the slope, searching in vain for the trail I'd started out on two hours ago. The pain is irrelevant at this point. What started out as a 30-minute run in the Portuguese mountains that I've done many times before has gone horribly wrong and I'm lost lost lost …

I'm aware that my breathing is jagged and panicky, and I force myself to exhale slowly, trying in vain to take control of my body. Cursing myself for not having told anyone back at the yoga retreat that I was going for a run. No one saw me leave. I have no phone, no torch. Just me in my running kit with a watch. Dinner is at 7 p.m. Will anyone notice I'm not there? Will my friend raise the alarm? Will they send a search party for me? Can I sleep out here in the mountains? What about wild animals? Will I survive? What will happen to my daughter? Will I ever see her again? Panic mounts and I give up the battle to deepen my breath.

An hour later the sun dips down behind the mountains. Nature is oblivious to my terror and a golden-red glow spreads across the sky. I see butterflies of every colour flirting with flowers, a herd of wild boar gaze at me with disinterest, a leggy fawn spots me and darts into the undergrowth. I'm a nature girl but I'm in no mood to appreciate. Right now, I'd give anything to be on a packed commuter train in the middle of a concrete jungle. Thirst leads me down to the depths of the valley and, fighting my way through wild grasses and thorny bushes, I lie on my belly and drink gratefully from a gushing spring. The sky darkens and night falls. I've never felt so lonely. In desperation I bargain and pray – dear God please help me. Show me the way back. I promise I'll be a better mother, daughter, sister, friend, human being … No response.

Night time falls and I'm walking, stumbling along by the light of the stars and moon sliver. I abandon an attempt to shelter in a deserted barn. What is that rustling noise? Are those snakes or rats I hear? I had thought I could stay here until sunrise when I might have a better view of the valley but I can't do it; I have to keep moving. By now I'm freezing and I fashion a makeshift cloak from a torn plastic bag lying amongst the rubble in the barn.

As the light levels drops, strangely, so does my panic. I have less choice now as I can hardly even see my feet. At times I have no idea whether I'm still on the trail but all I can do is keep going. As I walk, something approaching a sense of calm settles over me. Maybe I'm too exhausted to be afraid – by now I've been on my feet for more than five hours. It's not that I've given up but that somehow the voice in my head has changed. It's become quieter and steadier. It tells me to keep walking, just keep putting one foot in front of the other. My focus seems to have shifted from looking out there and trying to find the way to ‘in here'… I seem to be tuning in to an inner satellite navigation system that I didn't even know I had. As I do so, a deep sense of safety spreads through my body and I know without a doubt that I'm going to be absolutely fine. An hour later and I find myself on a wide road that takes me back to the retreat. I've found my way home.

Over to You …

Dear Reader, have you ever been so lost, so stuck in a situation that you've wondered how you might leave it or even survive? You've felt overwhelmed, fearful, sick with worry. But somehow you came through it? Or maybe you haven't. Maybe you're in there right now, feeling afraid and alone.

I know this feeling only too well as I've felt unsafe and lost so many times in my life. Until I learned how to find my way back. What happened to me in the mountains was terrifying – sure I screamed and hollered, panicked and bargained – but I found within me a deep state of trust and inner safety. At some point, I knew I'd find my way back and this happened even before I'd arrived back at the retreat …

It hasn't always been this way. I've travelled a magical journey and learnt a great deal. I've learnt how to find safety even in the messiest and most traumatic of circumstances. Throughout grief, loss, and devastation … I've learnt how to find deep safety within myself and then move from this place of trust and inner knowing. I eventually found this place when I was lost in the mountains and, from this inner compass, I found my way back home.

At the heart of it, this is what I talk about when I talk about feeling safe. It is about finding within a place of profound inner stillness from which you can deal with whatever turmoil is around you. It is an inner place from which you relate to life especially when it is tough, confusing, heart-breaking.

We need this in today's world which has become so fast-paced and chaotic. Sometimes there's so much sensory input coming at us and we just don't know which way to turn – all around us are clamouring voices saying ‘This way! That way!’

How do we discern in such uncertainty? How do we choose from a place of grounded steadiness and calm? Not from a place of adrenalized fear and panic? We find within us a place of inner safety – it's in all of us, not just me. It really does reside in all of us and I don't mean this in a fluffy, esoteric way; each one of us is wired physiologically with access to this place of inner deep knowing and safety. Many people go through their lives never finding it but I'm going to show you how to find it in this book.

The thing about feeling safe is that when we've found it, truly found it, we can respond to life differently. We can take risks, open our hearts to love, leave toxic relationships, stop doing work that is burning us out day after day. We can truly thrive.

What I have learnt is amazing but at the same time so simple and I have been privileged to be able to share these learnings or ‘tools’ in my books, workshops, on stage, TV, and radio for over 20 years and in a way that has made a profound difference for thousands of people.

I am looking forward to sharing with you too.

Nerina Ramlakhan, May 2021