Читать книгу Finding Our Happiness Flow - Dr. Robert Ph.D. Puff PhD - Страница 6

Are there only certain people that can be happy? In other words, is happiness limited to only a select few?

The great news is that any one of us can be happy, no matter our circumstances. It doesn’t matter what we start out with in this world; we all can end up living a happy and joyful life. However, there is one thing that we need in order to achieve this—a principle that works across the board in life in general and with happiness especially: success.

What is needed to succeed? In my private practice in Newport Beach, California, one of the most exclusive zip codes in the world, I see the answer to this question all the time. The people I work with in Newport Beach are all very successful at what they do. What is the key, unifying ingredient that I see when working with these people? It is that they work hard and are earnest about being successful. They want to be successful, they learn from their mistakes, and they keep going forward.

A lot of people work hard but aren’t necessarily successful. It’s not just about hard work; it’s also about working smart. Teachers, for example, can work really hard but aren’t necessarily recognized for their efforts. But, if a teacher develops her skills, learns from her mistakes, moves forward, and keeps improving, she may end up being recognized as Teacher of the Year. That teacher worked smart.

Interestingly, once you are successful at something, you tend to breed success, seeing it return to you again. For example, in 2011, we were mired in a pretty rough recession. My clients in Newport Beach felt the effects of the bad economy, but because they’re very gifted professionally, they adapted to the changes, moved forward, and continued to be successful.

As long as what you are pursuing is realistic, you can do it. However, if you want to achieve something outside the probable, such as become an Olympic athlete when you are past your prime and lack coordination, for example, this may not be feasible. Achieving something like this is possible, but you need more than hard work and earnestness. You also need the right physical attributes, special talents, and special circumstances. Since there’s a limited pool of people with the right combination of these factors, not everyone can achieve something specific like this.

But any of us can achieve general accomplishments, such as financial success, as long as we can adapt, learn, and grow. We can be very successful in many things in life as long as we apply this method. Any of us can be good at something if we apply the same skills of success.

When we pursue things like money, fame, success, or prestige, we are actually pursuing the deepest level of happiness. We all just want to be happy. That is the truth. Unfortunately, when we get on this path toward success, we think that if we reach our goals we’ll be happy. But reaching these end goals doesn’t automatically make us happy. When we reach our goals, we might say, “Wow! That actually didn’t make me as happy as I thought. Everyone loves me, I have a lot of money, but I’m not truly happy.”

We must remember that anything we can achieve can be taken away, even if we’re fantastically successful and a multi-billionaire. Our achievements are inherently impermanent, and this threat of losing them always lurks. Life brings change. When change hits, we often suffer. If we want to be happy, we have to be very earnest about success and we have to work very hard. We must also be honest and be flexible. For example, if we run a business and it collapses or doesn’t make us any money or doesn’t bring us joy, we must take appropriate action—close it down and move on to something else. Only then will we be truly happy.

Unfortunately, when it comes to happiness, we often delude ourselves through addiction. We think what we are aiming for—money, fame, love, whatever—is our key to happiness. But once we achieve it and the intensity of happiness quickly wears off, we then think we need more of the same to get that feeling back. We keep going, looking for that high, saying, “I’m happy when I’m on my drug, so don’t take my drug away.” But since it can be taken away, obviously addictions don’t work, and they cause us suffering.

Let me offer a different example. Perhaps we say to ourselves, “Right now, I really like what I’m doing. I’m in a loving relationship, and I have a couple of great kids. But sometimes I have these intense fears that kick in. I get very afraid when I hear stories about divorce, people losing their jobs, or someone’s kids getting sick or being in a serious accident.” If there is a threat to what we have right now, then ultimately we’re really not completely happy. True contentment must be unconditional and available 100 percent of the time for us to be truly happy. If our happiness depends upon certain circumstances, then it’s not really a true, lasting happiness.

Here’s an example you can probably understand. Many years ago when my children were very young, three children were killed in a car accident in Orange County. After the accident, moms in the area were fearful because of what had happened, imagining losing their kids like that. It was such a dark, scary thing, and they suffered in thinking about what could happen. Even though their own children were very happy and doing well, just the fear of such a tragic incident caused the mothers unhappiness.

We must be honest when these bumps in life come, and we must deal with them, address them, feel them, and heal. Are we ultimately in a constant state of happiness? If we answer no, then this is where earnestness comes in. We must keep learning tools and skills that help us maintain and improve our constant state of happiness. It is possible for life to go very, very well, but it takes work. As long as we’re not turning towards addictions, then we can find this constant state of happiness with earnestness. In turning towards addictions, people delude themselves into thinking they’re happy when they’re really not. We have to be honest, and addictions don’t allow us to be honest. When we’re truly feeling what we feel and we’re honest, then we’re going to keep working on finding ways to be in a regular state of happiness.

If we are rich or famous but unhappy, then we’ll probably not enjoy life, even though outwardly we may seem successful. We must realize that we should strive to be happy now, even though we are still on our journey toward whatever we may be pursuing; the end result of our journey must not be the factor in our happiness. I believe any of us can have a very happy life right now. It takes work and honesty, but it’s worth the effort.