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FINDING PEACE OF MIND

After decades of working as a therapist and studying what brings human beings real happiness, I know that the words “peace of mind” can mean different things to different people. For some, it’s getting the approval of others. They believe that if everyone loves and thinks highly of them, they will be happy. Others equate peace of mind with possessing a lot of material things, like cars, expensive clothes, or a fabulous house.

What does peace of mind mean to you? Perhaps you feel that if you could land a high-power job; earn your college degree; find the perfect mate, get married and have children; retire with plenty of money in the bank; or…well, you fill in the blank…then you could enjoy self-satisfaction and, ultimately, peace of mind.

But if it’s true that external things could bring about peace of mind, then why are so many people who possess all or many of them still so unhappy? If I told you that everything you’re looking for, everything you need to live a truly wonderful life filled with peace and joy is something you have access to right now, would you believe me?

It’s true. But to achieve this kind of internal peace requires a few very easy changes. It’s literally all in your mind. Let me explain.

When we’re born, our minds are like a blank slate. Infants make no judgments about anything. They don’t evaluate what’s good or bad, and react only to what they need in the moment, like milk or a clean diaper. By about the age of two and a half, our minds become more aware of our surroundings. We begin to look at things and form likes and dislikes. We say to ourselves, “I want more of that.” Or, when something is unpleasant, we think of it as bad and attempt to push it away. The term I use for this kind of thought process is the “egoic mind,” which is another way of saying that our thoughts are in control.

It’s egoic thinking that causes us to suffer. I don’t mean the kind of suffering you experience when you burn your hand on a hot stove. What I’m talking about is mental suffering that’s created by internal thoughts. It’s the “if only I could have” kind of thinking that focuses on accumulating external things, like honors and accolades, or material possessions. It can also come from wanting internal things, like obtaining deep wisdom, self-confidence, or for some, reaching enlightenment.

Egoic thinking comes from trying to control or change things that are out of your hands, instead of accepting “what is.” It’s making mental commentaries about things that we think are good or bad. And it’s about finding discontentment in our lives, no matter how well off we really are.