Читать книгу Birth Order & You - Dr. Ronald W. Richardson & Lois A. Richardson - Страница 29

Partly because they use their power to get their own way and partly because they tend to be undemonstrative and serious, oldest children find it difficult to make friends. They usually have just one close friend. They tend to be sensitive to personal slights. Though anxious to please those in authority, oldests are often less popular generally than those in other birth orders.

Although they appear to be independent, they need the approval of others and without it have a low self-esteem. Researcher Margarete Lautis found in her work with oldests that they were “adult-orientated...serious, sensitive...conscientious.” They may be “shy, even fearful or self-reliant, independent and undemonstrative.” Their difficulty with revealing their weaknesses inhibits the development of close, intimate friendships. They tend to “keep up appearances” even with close friends because they don’t want to lose the admiration of anyone.

Oldests have had the experience of always being the leader of the other children in the family and are used to being the best at everything and having the most power with siblings. Therefore, they are used to being able to say, even demand, what they want and will more often be confrontational than manipulative. Just as they ended up being loyal to their parents, they will be loyal to other people in their life and expect loyalty from others. Often, the merely independent actions of others seem like a betrayal to oldest children who may have been surprised and hurt by the rebellion of their younger siblings.