Читать книгу Birth Order & You - Dr. Ronald W. Richardson & Lois A. Richardson - Страница 31

You can help your oldest child most by putting less pressure on him or her to succeed and openly giving more love and approval just for existing. Admit your own mistakes to your oldest to show that mistakes happen and no one is perfect. Avoid criticizing the accomplishments of your oldest or re-doing something he or she has done less than perfectly. Point out what’s right about the attempt, not what’s wrong. If your oldest bakes a cake, mention how good it tastes, not that it’s flat as a pancake. Praise the B on the report card rather than asking why it’s not an A. Your oldest is probably already too aware and concerned about not being the best.

Allow your oldest to decide how much he or she wants to help with the younger children; don’t force the oldest to babysit. Don’t expect your oldest to grow up too quickly; let the child be a child and childishly playful. If you don’t like something about your oldest child’s behavior, check your own; there may be a similar pattern.

After siblings have arrived, continue to spend time alone with your oldest child to help him or her feel important as an individual rather than just as a helper.

Oldest children, even as adults, respond well to pleasant surprises. Because they usually plan ahead and work so hard at preparing things, they often can’t enjoy themselves when, say, they are finally on vacation. But a surprise excursion planned by someone else for them can make them feel cared for.