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INTRODUCTION

This book is not for you if you are looking to find the answers to your questions...

By which I mean that each of us has the exact right answers to OUR own exact right questions. The tone, context, and language you use to ask your questions are personal to you and so are your interpretation and understanding of them – the same is true of the answers. The person who has all of the answers to your questions is you. I am a big fan of talking it out and a big fan of getting a different perspective than my own but ultimately, I am responsible for me, and you are responsible for you.

It is far more powerful to figure it out for yourself, and self-governance is in my opinion the key to it all. When I talk about self-governance, I mean learning to listen to yourself and govern yourself responsibly. Discovering self-awareness and self-acceptance is perhaps the absolute point of everything. In this book and in my work I intend to give you a set of principles, guidelines and theories which when applied to your life will enable you to uncover your reality and your truth for yourself.

At this point, it is also necessary to understand that I am making assumptions about you. I assume that you aren’t as happy or as satisfied as you would like to be. I am assuming that you have begun some sort of process of self awareness and self discovery and that you have moments (long ones or short ones) where you can’t see the fucking point in any of it.

Ouch.

I really know that. Trust me, I’ve been there.

I am also assuming that there are some bits of life that fascinate the hell out of you, and that you have touched or tasted or smelt some bliss or contentment and want to find more.

Think of this book as a handy way to remind yourself about what is important, and give us both some pointers on those days where the point has seemingly vanished.

You can start at the beginning and read through to the end – I would probably do that the first time – and then you can open it on any of the workbook chapters and read it as a standalone. The exercises and the questions are there to help you on your journey of self-discovery and awareness, and the lists and suggestions are not exhaustive or compulsory. I want for you to take what works and leave the rest. Walk to the beat of your own drum and be comfortable and confident doing so.

I am a fan of making notes as I read. I tend to write in books but if that’s not OK with you, get a notebook to accompany you on this journey as I will at times invite you to make notes or answer questions.

Why should I write it down and not just think about it?

Well, there are now plenty of studies which indicate that the physical act of writing really does boost learning and goal achievement. Dr Gail Matthews, a psychology professor at Dominican University of California, found that people who wrote down their goals, shared them with others, and maintained accountability were 33% more likely to achieve them, versus those who just formulated goals.1

Writing stimulates a bunch of cells at the base of the brain called the reticular activating system (RAS). The RAS acts as a filter for everything your brain needs to process, giving more importance to the stuff that you’re actively focusing on at the moment – something that the physical act of writing brings to the fore. As Anne Klauser2 says, ‘Writing triggers the RAS, which in turn sends a signal to the cerebral cortex. Once you write down a goal, your brain will be working overtime to see you get it, and will alert you to signs, signals and evidence to let you know that you are on track.’

That said, it’s just an invitation, you are the boss of you: do what you find works....

This book, like the work I do out in the world, is about living a 360-degree, self-governed life.

I’ve talked a little about what I mean by self-governed, so what do I mean by life? Well for the purposes of explanation I divide life into three main sections:

Work – the thing you do in the world, to solve a problem and make a living.

Ideally, this should be something you are good at and enjoy and people will pay for. Whatever this is for you, don’t let yourself do anything for money that you wouldn’t do for free, but don’t do it for free – charge the most you comfortably can, knowing that you are providing value.

Relationships – with clients, colleagues, friends, lovers, family – with everyone.

There is something that happens in our belly, a flicker of uncertainty, when someone else enters our space. Other people are our best teachers, our mirrors; we love them, they can be a source of great joy, and they challenge us immensely. People buy from people, so learning about attraction, being self aware and honouring boundaries brings great quality relationships and better business. As does giving yourself what you need rather than waiting for someone else to, and asking for what you need – learning to communicate effectively.

EGO / Enlightenment – this is about the relationship you have with your Self and your God. When I talk about Self I mean your reflection, your individuation, your mortality, this incarnation. It’s about how you value you, and that which is greater than you (than all of us). I am not here to talk about organised religion or one set of spiritual beliefs over another, I’m talking about how important I am in my own life and you are in yours. Things belong to you and are YOURS, this is your individuation. Then there is the fact that we are both just specks of stardust in the grand scheme of it all and nothing belongs to anyone; we are all one. For me this section of our lives is about combining the studies of quantum physics with our intuition, and other ‘feely’ magic. Whatever you believe, whether it be GOD, or The Divine, The Universe or just plain Physics, whatever words work for you; I’m talking about when you feel at home, like you belong in your own body and you get your relationship to ‘God’. If you don’t know what I am talking about, then maybe this is not the right book for you. If you are at all curious – then stick around with an open mind. If you have been internally nodding, then great, because we will explore this further. When you have this bit sorted, everything else falls into place.

This book is about the whole gamut of life: living it, learning it, playing it, surviving it, thriving it. It’s about how to enjoy experimenting, having fun and doing ‘good’...

This book is not your standard business book – because for you business isn’t just about making a living, it’s about making a life. This book has more drugs, sex and eating disorders than most business books I’ve read and far less business, but if it was just the mechanics of business that were important to you, you’d buy a different book. If you have or want to have your own way of making a living and a life, that is as extra-ordinary as you are, you are in the right place. For too long there has been a notion that to be spiritual means to give away your gifts and live a life without financial gain and material reward. I am proud to be living in an age that is redefining the status quo. It is your duty to make money and to create value and to recognise your own worth and the worth of others. It is your duty to look after yourself first and foremost and then to look after those who cannot look after themselves. We are in the midst of a paradigm shift, the new matrix is one of heart and love, or honesty and transparency, of value and information. The world of work is changing, relationships are changing – we are moving from an overtly masculine modality into one that marries both masculine and feminine energies and ways of being.

If I haven’t yet scared you off, I actively encourage you to tweet me with any questions you might have, or any gems that really resonate with you or even bits that you just don’t get. I love a conversation. Let’s chat.

Use #misfit2maven and @ebonieallard.

1. http://www.dominican.edu/dominicannews/study-backs-up-strategies-for-achieving-goals.html

2. Write It Down, Make It Happen, by Henriette Klauser http://www.henrietteklauser.com/_books/_writeitdown/index.htm