Читать книгу A Backblocker's Pleasure Trip - Edward S Sorenson - Страница 8

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We picked up a squattage overseer at Wonnaminta, which was another celebrated waterhole, and before we had been long in his company we wished that he had died too.

Learning that we were bound south and east, he asked: "Going to see the Duke?"

Our acquaintances all down the road had asked us that question. We had been told the pedigree and history of the whole royal family before we started; and we were rather tired of the Duke. Besides, this person was a Londoner, loyally enthusiastic, and we scented a long harangue on the subject. No one was more weary of it than John Jovius Muggs, and it was John Jovius who took up the cudgels on behalf of the company.

"Is that what they call him?" asked Mr. Muggs.

"Of course! What else would you call him?"

"Dunno. Mostly heard them called Jumbo."

"Why—what are you talking about?"

"The new elephant."

The overseer roared. He thought that a great joke.

"My dear fellow," he said, in a superior condescending sort of manner, "I'm speaking of the Duke of York."

"Racehorse?"

The overseer laughed again, but not so much. John Jovius never relaxed a muscle.

"The Prince of Wales' son," the overseer explained. "Haven't you heard of his visit."

"Where's he from?"

"From England! Where in the name of heaven are you from?"

The overseer was getting exasperated. John Jovius kept an unwavering eye on him all the time.

"Relation of yours?"

"Relation be dashed! Don't I say—"

"Well, what are you going down to see him for?"

"Ain't everybody going to see him! Why, they're paying £20 for a balcony view of the show—the procession!"

"Is he a freak?"

Oh, d---- it! . . . .He was becoming apopletic. "God bless my soul—what could put that silly notion into your head?"

"You say they're showing him at £20 a balcony?"

The overseer collapsed. He was red, perspiring, and choking, and when we laughed he thrust his head through the window and studied the scenery. But we hadn't heard the last of the overseer yet. We got on to a bit of heavy road where a recent storm had passed, and this reminded John Jovius of an incident on the Richmond River.

"A storm caught me in the bush, and I was riding along in heavy rain when I came upon a man sitting on a log, stark naked, and holding a horse with no saddle on it. 'What are you up to?' I says, to him. 'Havin' a shower bath.' he says, grinning. 'Where's your clothes?' He tapped the log. 'In there.' 'What did you put them in there for.' 'Cause there wasn't room for me to get in, an' it's only a fool's game, gettin' 'em wet in a shower; so I peeled off. See.' When the rain was over he dressed and saddled up, and rode away as dry as a bone. I was drenched to the skin."

This revived the overseer. He could cap that yarn. He opened his shoulders at once, and narrated:

"I was out horse hunting one day, when a storm came on, and I crawled into a hollow log for shelter. My cattle-pup came after me, and coiled up on my legs. The storm lasted a good while, and I fell asleep. While I was that way a carpet snake came in and swallowed the pup. In searching for a warm place for a nap it took a couple of coils round my legs. At this point there came in a wet and dripping bandicoot. The snake promptly seized and swallowed him, too. Now, these animals made a considerable bulge at each end of that snake, and as the intervening portion of its body was round my legs; it could go neither forward nor backward, and the effort to get the bandicoot down to the pup resulted in my legs being bound tightly together. In this predicament I woke, and though I risked being bitten, I was too tightly jambed by the coil and the protuberances to force a way out. Not having a knife if seemed evident that I must lie there until either the pup or the bandicoot digested.

"But I hadn't seen the worst of things yet. Towards noon a goanna crawled in and swallowed my right foot and part of the leg; and by-and-bye its mate came along and swallowed the other foot and leg. Having strong boots on, the only inconvenience I experienced was a feeling of tightness. But the question presented itself: Would my feet digest in the goannas before the pup or bandicoot was assimilated in the snake?

"I was debating that point when there came a sound of chopping, and half an hour later a big tree soused down on the head end of my log, splitting it from end to end. I escaped with sundry bruises, several small cuts, and much shock. Two axemen stood by the stump. When they saw me suddenly arise from the debris, girdled with a bulged snake and goanna extremities, they belted for their lives. I shook the snake off without any trouble: but to get free of the goannas I had to tie their tails to a sapling and run backwards."

There was a dead silence for live minutes after the overseer concluded. Then a quiet man, who had been dozing in a corner, sat up and remarked drily that the yarn wasn't rounded off properly. The overseer looked at him disapprovingly.

"Those goannas should have untied themselves and swallowed the snake, one from each end," said the quiet man; "and when they met in the middle they should have had a fight and swallowed each other. That would have been a clean finish." The overseer turned to the window again, and became absorbed in the grey embankments of a huge excavated tank.