Читать книгу Deep, Soulful Places - Elizabeth J Pierce - Страница 7

I had lunch with a long-time friend earlier this week, after having not seen her for months. Wonderfully, we picked up where we left off as though only days had passed. I love that, and I love that our relationship is typified by deep, meaningful connection. We’ve never had a superficial conversation in the entire time I have known her, 14 years and counting. We just get right down to what’s going on in our lives—the good, the bad and the ugly. I know only a handful of people like that, and I consider them gifts from God. Evidence of His love for me.

To have someone like that in my life causes me to reflect on what is at the root of relationships like this. Most of all, I believe it’s that I feel safe with her. I know she won’t judge me—in fact, even when presented with my failings, she always manages to find some way to encourage me. She never joins in my wallowing. She acknowledges my “warts,” but in a way that compels me to think differently and move forward. I could spend the whole time talking about me, and she wouldn’t bat an eye. She would make me feel like I was all that mattered. I’ve never worried about her talking behind my back, and I always know where I stand with her. All of that means I feel secure in my relationship with her. What a gift!

Safety in a relationship is unfortunately often not present. Growing up, I had relationships that were far from emotionally safe for me, where I felt picked on, made fun of, falsely accused or just plain misled. I was often talked about behind my back, and those elementary and early high school years were very painful as a result, although they helped me learn to be discerning about who would be allowed in my “inner circle” as I matured. They taught me what I wanted from the people around me. And at the heart, I needed to be able to answer “yes” to one simple question: Are they safe?

A secure relationship is safe—emotionally, physically and spiritually. Safety in relationships becomes the foundation on which you can trust, risk and grow.¹ Because it builds up rather than tears down. It draws you in and makes you want more. It does not make you feel “less than.” You can count on the other person to be there for you. There is never a question about where you stand.

That is what God offers us in relationship with Him—the most healthy of relationships. But unlike in human relationships, He is perfect, so He will never let us down. We make mistakes in our relationship with Him, but He will never return the favour. He will never react emotionally in the heat of the moment. Never ignore us. Never forget what matters to us. Never manipulate. Never condemn. Never make us feel responsible for His “issues.” Never lead us to believe something other than the truth. Never try to cover up His actions. Never behave selfishly. Never hurt us. Never leave us. Never. You will never have to worry about Him repeating one negative thing that has happened to you in a human relationship. Personalize this for yourself for a minute: whatever unhealthiness you’ve experienced in human relationships, you can rest assured He won’t ever do that.

That is safety and security—the way relationships should be. And it is here, for you, with Him. I’ve often said the only reason I don’t have an anxiety disorder is because of my relationship with God and how He meets my needs. My relationship with Him is where I can go with all my worries, fears, confusion, stress and hurt and know with certainty that not only will He not contribute to those feelings, He will also help me cope, at the very least. Because in relationship with God, you can expect perfect love and safety.

That doesn’t mean life is perfect and safe; it means He is perfect and safe, regardless of what is swirling around us. Sometimes we can get deceived into thinking that the promise of His love is some kind of guarantee we can cling to that life will be good or easy, or both. But His promises are about Him and us. Which means that because we live in a fallen world, life may still be hard. That doesn’t mean we aren’t loved.

I love Isaiah 49:15-16: “I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.” My less than emotionally safe experiences with “friends” in my youth made me feel insecure in relationships. Maybe that’s why the safety and security of God’s love matters so much to me. I know what it feels like to feel emotionally unsafe with someone. I hated the feeling of insecurity that would well up in me as I walked into the classroom to notice a group of girls rolling their eyes at me and hushing each other. (I still occasionally catch myself assuming someone is talking behind my back if I walk into a room and the talking stops.) I hated feeling on the outside looking in, not quite fitting in. Always wondering what others were thinking. It was horrible.

I love the feeling that washes over me when I read that He will never forget me. That feels so safe. I matter. I’m not on the outside with Him. And He has me—“Goody-Two-Shoes,” “Brainer,” eyes-rolled-at, barely-tolerated-by-the-cool-kids me—engraved into His palms. Not my name tattooed on His shoulder. Not my picture enclosed in a locket by His heart. No, He has me engraved on His hands…the hands He uses to comfort me, to hold me, to steady me, to lead me, to carry me. The hands that were nailed to the cross for me. Yes, I feel I belong, that I’m significant. I feel safe. And I feel more secure than I know how to express in words. Because He loves me. And He loves you that way too.